Your Dueling NFL Football Tilts Open Thread

Well, lookee here! They’re not the best games but at least we have a choice. (unless one is being hosted on the Alabama Outdoor Network or some other weird spot in the U.S.) I’m not going to look an early Christmas present in the mouth though.

Fallout:

-Everyone wants to make a point about Patty and Andy’s post-game interviews throwing the refs under the bus but the choice was that or throwing Toney there and I saw the wagons get circled. I don’t really care about Andy’s position that much but I think Mahomes is for the most part a standup guy that will most likely back down from his take. I’d also like to point out that Toney is a cancer but we have a bit of history there so I’ll shut it.

-They Shoot QB’s, Don’t They?: More guys go down again this week. Herbert may be playing some 8th dimensional chess, getting injured, likely missing a few games and ensuring that Staley gets fired.

-That Voodoo You Do: In case you were doubting Tomlin’s esoteric beliefs and their effect on the world/standings, the Steelers edged back into a playoff spot by not playing. That is one hell of a Bitch’s Brew our friend has concocted. He did get an assist from losses by the Texans and Colts.

-It’s not time to panic just yet but don’t tell that to an Eagles fan that has seen his team lose in the last two weeks by a combined score of 75-32. The league hasn’t “figured them out”, they just need to re-set and clean up some sloppy play.

to The Games!

Packers/Giants:

-“Tommy Cutlet” is going to weave some more magic and the whole of Jersey’s Italian community is behind him. I won’t be surprised if he ends up on the injury report, the first player ever to be listed as having “severely pinched cheeks”, after all, he’s such a good boy!

-Green Bay’s O currently ranks 17th but not over the last four weeks or so. It’s kinda weird that they’ve put up points in a fairly narrow range-20, 23, 23, 29 and 27.

-“Rashan Gary Eat Tonight!”: He’s leading the team in sacks and the Giants have given up 69 so far. DeVito’s pocket awareness is a work in progress and I think his understanding of the speed of the game needs some catching up as well.

-The Giants have a shot if they can continue gathering INT’s-although eight in the last three fixtures seems an anomaly to me.

Titans/Fins:

-King Henry does well in prime time games-he averages 94.7 under the limelight.

-Tyreek’s receiving prop tonight is an otherworldly 105.5! Has there ever been a higher one? I snickered when he said he was shooting for 2,000. I may have been the silly one. Oh, by the way, the Titans are dead last defending outside receivers.

-Achane’s running prop sits at a mere 56.5. When he touches the ball more than two times he averages 73 yards.

Bring it.

5 5 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
310 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Brick Meathook

The comedian and his father was terrible

Gumbygirl

He was a 4 in the morning guy on Jerry Lewis’ Labor Day Telethon.

Brocky

Hey man jerry Stiller wasn’t that bad

litre_cola

Of course someone named Braxxxxxton is number zero. I bet he has Ugg branded cleats.

Dunstan

Nate Bargatze’s dad doing magic tricks is really painfully bad tv.

Recovery Whiskey

It reminded me of inlaws or family insisting that I pay attention to them instead of the game. It was hilarious nostalgia on that level.

Recovery Whiskey

Bringing your dad on for card tricks is certainly something I wasn’t expecting

Brocky

I wanna say this is charming, but it isnt

Gatoraids

Lou Holtz nods

Brocky

So, if I can get super cereal here for a second…

I think I might be done with fantasy football. I know there’s a lot of that said every year, but damn. I’m tired of the bad luck.

I’m out of the playoffs despite being #4 in scoring, I’m send in the league in points against. I lost twice to the worst person in the league, their two highest scores were against me, I scored over 150 both times, and just… blah.

I never seem to get a high draft pick, I know it’s a first world problem, but damn. It seems like the only reason I’m playing is because I’m commissioner. I could join a different league but I wouldn’t know everyone the way my own league…. idk

Recovery Whiskey

Every year the first snow happens, the stores fill up with holiday decorations, and guys swear off Fantasy Football. *sniff* I love these traditions

litre_cola

Want to run Ligue 2 of DFO? We will have relegation from Freezer Vodka (RIP TWBS) and promotion from Ligue 2. We just can’t have the same commish

Game Time Decision

Can’t wait to get relegated to watch the league

litre_cola

Want to run Ligue 2 of DFO? We will have relegation from Freezer Vodka (RIP TWBS) and promotion from Ligue 2. We just can’t have the same commish

LemonJello

Is there any room in Ligue 2 for next season?

litre_cola

Once we get a commish there is all the room!

LemonJello

comment image

Mr. Ayo

As an added bonus I’m all but guaranteed to be relegated to this shit ass league.

litre_cola

No relegation this year! Thank jesus

LemonJello

If I were commish, I’d rename it to:

Lowratio’s Little League

litre_cola

Ok, so you are the commish. I will get your email, and we will set it up next year.

Gumbygirl

Remind me next season, I will be good for a laugh!

Recovery Whiskey

Tommy DeVito should ask Eli’s mom if he can come over and play Madden

fleshwound_NPG

tommy d is gonna teach eli how to sell stolen cigarettes to factory workers

Recovery Whiskey

My neighbor was like that. A drinker at 10 and dealing speed by 13. He was a bad influence on a lot of us.

He wound up going full Nazi racist, pulling a gun on the power company employee (POC) who was there to shut off his power for non-payment, he pulled a pistol on him, and got 3 years.

Dude’s mug shot was rough. Hadn’t been sleeping much it looked like.

The kid that gave me my first beer. Sucks it went that way for him.

Dunstan

The last time someone was as disappointed with a Chubb as I am right now, it was Deanna Favre

Game Time Decision

Banner

King Hippo

I am too fantasy fade-terrified to watch either fixture. Dr. Toboggan having a rough nite?

Gumbygirl

Gumby is up by over 30, he has a tight end playing tonight, other guy has nobody. He made the playoffs in his league, after losing his first 7 games. His league is all kinds of pissy about it!

King Hippo

Stoma Fuckers Utd. is hanging in so far

Doktor Zymm

What percentage of fantasy leagues is wisp of smoke owned in?

litre_cola

WOud have done better than me in the Memorial league

Recovery Whiskey

Petiton to rename Hard Rock Stadium to The Cove

Recovery Whiskey

Peyton lets Eli have the remote for a few mins

LemonJello

Did he switch it to Disney+ or Nickelodeon?

jjfozz

Hill looks like he found a bag of Mercury Morris’ “speed powder” in an old locker.

fleshwound_NPG

titans strategy (but replace whales with dolphins)comment image

Doktor Zymm
WCS

Gotta nuke something.

Gatoraids

Mannings doing Steiner math explaining the popcorn play

litre_cola

Wasn’t there a 3-nil game yesterday?

Recovery Whiskey

Lyon over Toulouse, Ligue 1

litre_cola

Yeah, Lyon a normal powerhouse is in the relgation zone!

Recovery Whiskey

Um guys .. games on

Gatoraids

Scott Hanson screaming at the Manning double cast I haven’t seen a bigger couple of fucking amateurs since the Pam and Tommy sex tape.

litre_cola

Evenin’ the internet is spotty in the arctic. Thinking of that, I haven’t seen one porno shop since I have been up there. What do they use? Their imagination?

Brocky

The term “Eskimo brothers” exists for a reason

Doktor Zymm

They just start downloads and hope they don’t freeze up before the naughty bits are revealed. Either that or dirty hand puppets

litre_cola

Limewire!

Gumbygirl

Check this out. Gumby went to the dispensary and got some prerolls. I’m willing to bet the Shield doesn’t know about this!

20231211_174018.jpg
LemonJello

Be honest: you sent him to the commissary for dinner rolls, and that’s what he came back with.

Brocky

comment image

Gumbygirl

I made him try to pronounce Tua’s last name. This cat would have a better shot at it, after smoking one of these Ramsrolls!

20231211_174121.jpg
Doktor Zymm

Oh, tha LA gRams, I’ve heard of them!

litre_cola

Metric Chef’s kiss for this

jjfozz

Joe Flacco celebrated his victory the normal way: buttermilk and prunes

LemonJello

Was he out of wintergreen ice milk?

jjfozz

That’s for special occasions, usually after clipping his toenails.

Doktor Zymm

Whoa, can he handle that level of partying at his age??

Dunstan

Happy Patriots Schadenfreude Day to all who celebrate!

fleshwound_NPG

it kinda was after beating the stillers. theyre now multiple games behind (ahead?) for the number one overall pick

Recovery Whiskey

Really early this year too. Just like old times

LemonJello

comment image

jjfozz

Levis, “I want to go home, think I’ll throw a shoulder at this goliath rumbling into the end zone.”

Recovery Whiskey

Barreled into the QB for funsies

Doktor Zymm

This is a silly game

Gatoraids

Both inside the 20s count as the red zone for the Tits

jjfozz

Miami Herald headline for Tuesday

“Jacksonville, Miami fans unite for yuletide cross burning in stadium parking lot.”

fleshwound_NPG

FAT MAN TD

Mr. Ayo

Next offseason, Tua needs to learn epee to teach him how to hold on to things.

Doktor Zymm

He could also challenge his toxic father to a duel!

LemonJello

Vrabel looking on the verge of a Kubiak on the sidelines.

jjfozz

My mother in law is giving my wife career advice.

It’s like Trump giving a class in etiquette.

Brick Meathook

Peyton & Eli commenting on two games simultaneously is . . . a thing.

Brocky

Not gonna lie, I kinda want to see that

Redshirt

(Since Star Wars was brought up)
Watching Two MNF Games at the Same Time (Artistic Interpretation) (warning for loud overlapping noises)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Olu4OdHw2lE&pp=ygUhYWxsIG5pbmUgc3RhciB3YXJzIG1vdmllcyBhdCBvbmNl

herodotus450

It’s like poetry, it rhymes

jjfozz

Waddle Injury Report: his brain stem is lodged in his pancreas.

Redshirt

Dolphins Medical Team: “What is with all these back injuries?!”

jjfozz

The BeardBrand owners, part of me admires their business, but the other part wants to put their heads in a vintage wine press and crank until my arms break off.

Doktor Zymm

THIS GAME I CALL IT THE JAPANESE FISHING FLEET BECAUSE IT’S EFFICIENTLY TAKING OUT A LOT OF DOLPHINS

fleshwound_NPG

this is the costliest first drive since barbarossa

jjfozz

Before every game, Vrabel cruises high schools, find a weak ass freshman, and crams him into a locker.

fleshwound_NPG

considering what silicon valley has done with everyday life, we need to bully nerds proper again

jjfozz

I can dust off some of my old moves. I went to an all boys Catholic school, and we were some vicious assholes to each other.

Brocky

……

I had to read that twice

Recovery Whiskey

I’ve heard Basketball Diaries was sugar coated

Dunstan

Now that I think about it, a “Revenge of the Jocks” film could be pretty funny.

Horatio Cornblower

Mark Chmura does the same, but for different reasons.

LemonJello

“Shotgun!”
-Mark Sanchez

Redshirt

+1s, then cancels it out after reading the entire comment – M. Gaetz

Brick Meathook

Peyton is getting that sweet Bud Light crisis money. Ka-Ching! (Take that, Eli)

Doktor Zymm

Looks like I’m watching Miami since that’s what’s on and I’m too lazy to change it this early. And a tuna net casualty already!

jjfozz

Client: “How did we miss this link that was sent to us?”
Old Fozz: “Because, you dumb sack of shit, you sent me the link.”
New Fozz (starting to feel the aneurysm burst) “I had checked the link and didn’t realize it was the wrong one.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Sigh. Let’s get this over with.”

a) John Roberts, as to whether the Supreme Court will consider the prospect of “presidential immunity”.

b) Brett Kavanaugh, facing the last round of hazing before he’s accepted into the Delta Omegas.

c) Amy Coney Barrett, on her wedding night.

LemonJello

d) Yes.

jjfozz

e) Emily Goes to Paris is made into a movie.

LemonJello

That’s got to be against the Geneva Convention.

litre_cola

*Geneve

fleshwound_NPG

i think acb actually slings dat ass. her crazy eyes dont lie

Brick Meathook

American Graffiti is George Lucas’s only good movie as a director and it is a work of art.

Yeas, he made Star Wars but the best of the franchise was directed by others, but he is certainly an amazing businessman.

American Graffiti proves he actually could make a great film when he wanted to, which was not often.

King Hippo

Star Wars is a really shitty kids movie. THERE. I said it.

Redshirt

It was an imaginative movie that occurred at the right time. Every other movie/series after has been trying to approach what it reached.

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, As someone who neither was alive when it came out, nor saw it as a child, if you don’t have to emotional/sentimental attachment it’s not particularly good nowadays

Gumbygirl

It was spectacular in the movie theater in 1977. There had been nothing remotely close to it before. It felt like The Future!
I was very high when I saw it, that may be why it seemed soooooo amazing!

Brick Meathook

I agree.

fleshwound_NPG

no, the final half of return of the jedi is a really shitty kids movie

jjfozz

How much coke do you have to do before you consider Ewoks a good idea?

fleshwound_NPG

well, considering it was indeed released in 1983…

Game Time Decision

Hold my beer
-Jar-Jar

Game Time Decision

It’s the first or second movie I saw in theatre

litre_cola

ONly time in your damn life the seats fit you.

jjfozz

I saw Star Wars when it came out. My dad took me. Walking out I asked him two questions:

  1. Is the Force real?
  2. Do you think they’ll have Star Wars toys?
Recovery Whiskey

The ILM tech was mind-blowing and generational. Ushered in the modern era of CGI. That’s his lasting contribution to film. Not his space-opera

BugEyedBoo

Original Star Wars was all miniatures and practical effects.

Brick Meathook

Haskell Wexler once told me a corny joke that James Wong Howe had told him.

Redshirt

He just couldn’t get out of his own way. Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman’s performances afterwards showed they had the acting chops to pull off their roles. It was just Lucas’s script and direction that led them astray.

Brick Meathook

Also, of the six films in the film franchise, my name is on two of them.

jjfozz

I have some weird cold. Slamming headache all day yesterday, woke up felt fine, then by 2 pm felt like I had been beaten with a bag of coconuts by the ghost of J. Edgar Hoover. Coughing now, feeling shitty.

King Hippo

You’re probably just dying, don’t fret. Borboun helps, ah hear tell.

Horatio Cornblower

Get a Covid test, and good luck.

fleshwound_NPG

although this is mega bullshit, we do get a YUUUGE replacement for bobby bonilla day, almost exactly at the same time as the final bobby bonilla day (July 1, 2034) https://www.cbssports.com/mlb/news/shohei-ohtani-contract-deferrals-drop-annual-salary-to-2-million-on-massive-700-million-dodgers-deal/

Recovery Whiskey

Looking forward to overstimulated Eli running around with a towel wrapped around him like a Superman cape

Gatoraids

comment image

Brick Meathook

Here’s me in front of Jackson Pollack’s masterpiece “One: Number 31, 1950″

MOMA, New York City

comment image

Brick Meathook

Waiting for the game, I’m listening to Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club album in its entirety. The Beatles were a British band back in the 60s.

Brick Meathook

George and his fucking Hari Krishnas

BugEyedBoo

ISKCON is putting a Krishna megaplex a couple of miles down the road, out in farm country. Be sure not to make change for a $20 for one, unless you want to have to practically resort to fisticuffs to get your money back.

Gatoraids

The 60s were 60 years ago…far out man

Doktor Zymm

Any relation to beetles?

Redshirt

Aw, no ManningCast. I was looking forward to Peyton dissecting two games and Eli hyper from two games worth of CountryTime Lemonade.

Redshirt

The Internet lied to me!

ballsofsteelandfury

That may be an Ohio thing. I’m getting the Manningcast here in sunny SoCal!

Redshirt

As an Ohioan, I completely understand.

Game Time Decision

Hopefully he’s not having that Panera lemonade of death

Don T

I smell carnage in Miami. Tyreek around 200 yds

Brick Meathook

I’m torn on which game to watch . . .

I think I’ll go for GB@NYG, just because it could be so bizarre.

TEN@MIA seems so conventional . . .

ballsofsteelandfury

ABC and ESPN are apparently our viewing options. OR, the Manningcast will be pulling a Redzone and monitoring both games.

I think we know what to do…

Redshirt

Hot sex?

Build a Trebuchet?

Drive to Mar-A-Lago and BURN THAT SON OF A BITCH TO THE GROUND!!!!

…or Concurrent ManningCast. That’ll be fun to I guess.

Game Time Decision

Build a trebuchet to fire molatov cocktails at Maralqgo whilst listening to the manning cast
/Redshirt was in the clubhouse the whole game

1 2 3