This would appear to be the day of hastily scribbled posts and this one is no different. I was actually thinking last Sunday, “Damn, it took me four hours to put all the game intros together, sometimes it doesn’t seem worth it.” Well, there are a lot more ones like this than there are multi-hour undertakings, that’s for sure. As seems fitting for my fantasy year, I’m playing in The Toilet Bowl without a QB because Herbert gone and Dobbs was benched. Nailed it!
Tidbits:
-The Room Temperature Express, Joe Flacco, is an official member of the Browns rather than a callup from the practice squad. He’ll get 75k per win and the love and adulation of milquetoasts across the nation.
-Remember Rolando McClain the linebacker that was the 8th overall pick in the 2010 draft (the Raiders, of course) who showed a proclivity for off-field shenanigans, drug suspensions and inferior play? Well, he received some good news today-his eight year suspension has been lifted! He’s 34. Way to twist the knife, Roger.
-So. Many. Flags.: It’s not just you that noticed. Teams have been averaging more penalties per game than at any time since the 2019 season. God, we were so young back then.
To The Game!
Chargers/Raiders:
-More hot backup qb action than you can (literally?) shake a stick at! The Battle of Who Sucks Less will be remembered down through the ages.
-Stick doesn’t have a Keenan Allen to bail him out so his #1 wr is going to be a gimpy Josh Palmer along with the likes of “Lead Hands” Johnson and Jalen “I Got One Target Last Week!” Guyton. (I’m going to start him in Toilet Bowl)
-Fantasy downer Ekeler has run for 50+ yards four times this year. One would think that his number might be called a little more often, given the circumstances.
-Hills and Valleys: O’Connell has posted QBR ratings of 88.6 and 82.1 alongside figures of 8.1 and 16.4.
-Will Jimmy G see the field? The guess here is no given that if he gets injured at any point in the season and can’t pass a physical next March, his 11.25 mil salary will be guaranteed for 2024. Silly contract vagaries.
Enjoy.
Largest halftime deficit in Clippers history.
RAIIIIII DUUUURRRRRSSSS were shutout four days ago.
Krusty They-Were-Due! .mp4
Lemonjello’s forecast of 84-0 is still on track!
I want to see this game go to 100-0
I wonder if there are prop bets in Vegas on the final score. I’m not sure if they’re allowed to take bets on games in progress, but that should be okay because the mob has been eradicated and Vegas is a completely clean town.
If they don’t have it in Vegas you can bet some of the UK sports books are doing fun things
In the UK, do fraudsters ‘boil’ the books?
Halfway to 84! Do the Chargers even come back out after the half?
Honest question: will Staley be fired at halftime?
He’ll get the Lane Kiffin treatment and be left at the airport.
Dean makes them drive themselves and submit mileage.
First Half Highlights (Abridged Version)
The Simpsons – Stop he’s already dead HD (youtube.com)
Congrats to all of you who started Trey Tucker and Aidan O’Connell in your playoffs!
consolation bracket wilding out
Aw, Charger sad face montage. It’s okay dudes, you can sneak out the back during halftime and go hit the casinos.
Sarah Mclachlan providing song for Chargers ticket hotline
Continued high interest rates finally taking their toll on the Chargers
Aiden O’Connell is a protestant minister in Las Vegas to do some hopeless missioning.
Truly, these are dark days for the rank and file of The Nation. Morale, I believe, will need to be the front office’s focus over these final weeks.
….
…
….
Week 18: Team rolls out jerseys with Chinese flags on the shoulders.
Staley promised the Chargers cake if they win the game.
The Chargers locker room:
What is this
Go buy Portal and Portal 2 off the Steam store. You are in for a treat.
I only understand the verbs in that.
It’s a sort of electronic game
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portal_(video_game)
It’s like Pong but with some other shit
You’re all very nice but no thank you.
(Mike Patton voice)
Raiders have 5 TDs and since I started Davante he has zero of them.
I think he’ll mention that and get one eventually.
Also, the Chargers are not good. This may say something really positive about Herbert.
Herbert better get his ass comfortable with that pine and find a HC who likes him for a career backup. He done.
Eh, I don’t see that at all.
But the Chargers need a new coach and maybe a new owner and possibly a new stadium and likely some defensive players.
That franchise gonna get a mid-first compensatory pick for this beatdown. I say trade that fucker up for Marvin2:BIGMARV, give him 51% control on his signing day, and I’ll personally rally let them share the Cardinals stadium while we find a new home for/murder the current occupants franchise owner and his (or his estate’s) team which shouldn’t be too hard since there’s 0 Lombardi Trophies to crate up.
They need to go back to San Diego or the curse will never be lifted. Saying some Sooth here, believe it!
Counterpoint: We’re only 52 points from 100.
They might need to invoke the Little League rule.
Losing team hits the showers with Coach Sandusky?
They aren’t going to be chugging beer with Buttermaker, that’s for sure.
We’ve replaced the Chargers with the Washington Generals, let’s see what happens!
How long have the Raiders been saving up their points? Do they all expire tonight if they don’t use them?
If they score 60 they can trade them in for a clock-radio!
+1 S&H greenstamp!
Wait til their players card 3X THURSDAYS bonus kicks in….
18 to -1 now!
Chargers players clearly fighting to save Staley’s jorb.
That’s Bidenomics!
Dean had an enormous MedAlert necklace on there in the visiting owners’ suite
He’s not paying for a 9-1-1 phone call.
Oh man. I’m home alone and that made me lol hard.
I’m not kdding. Serve that pairing at litre_colas; I’ve not laughed so hard in a while.
I love that Spanos has to wear a lanyard. Jerrah would never.
Dean likes it.
He likes when people say his name. He likes when he hears, “Dean…”.
Spanos: “Don’t you know who I am?”
Security: “Of course I do, but you’re a piece of shit and rules are rules.”
I rent Teslas all the time. They’re brilliant cars.
I don’t give a fuck who makes them, or even if they’re made by child slave labor. Hertz gave me one when the Charger I wanted wasn’t available. It took me a week to figure it out. After that, there’s no going back. Even the Hyundai/Kia and the BMW i4 EVs don’t match it.
You know who hates Teslas? Trump supporters. They see it as a political issue for some fucking inane reason.
. . .
Note: Everything I know about engines, motors, turbines, electricity, and good engineering practice I learned from this guy on one of those things:
The steam makes the spinny part go whirrrrr
You just earned a qual sig. 9,999 to go.
That sub looks like it’s racing to crush depth for some reason.
There is no crush depth. They are invincible.
-Meghan McCain’s Dildo Salesman
BOOSH
I’m fairly indifferent to the car, it’s a very visible segment of Tesla owners I have an issue with, and also Musk. I am really enjoying the Cybertruck saga
Oh, and some operational things about the company, but that’s really just an extension of issues with Musk
Asshole drivers are asshole drivers no matter what they’re in. I don’t give two shits about Elon Musk, or Steve Jobs or Henry Ford either. The Cybertruck is stupid, but the Tesla 3 is awesome.
Sure, but associating things that assholes like with assholes themselves is just part of the way the human brain works. It’s a useful heuristic for cursing in traffic.
Oh, and quite a few red states are getting on board with EVs in general since they’re getting manufacturing facilities. It’s almost like if the left pitched the economic benefits instead of making it a moral and environmental issue they would have more success. Gee.
That what it is. It is nonsensical. And you’re right about the left making things worse by being evangelical dickheads.
I forgot to sub Keenan Allen. Dammit! Also,
RAAAAIIIIII DUUUUUUUURS
RAAAAIIIIII DUUUUUUUURS
RAAAAIIIIII DUUUUUUUURS
Is Las Vegas fielding their fans or tourists? No way this is the same team from Sunday.
The empty stadium (since the Spanoi have no fans to serve as the normal road crowd) took some pressure off, I guess.
Also, everyone on the team apparently wants Staley fired.
At this point, blackmail photos have to be involved if he remains employed through the weekend.
You gotta have something REALLY bad to blackmail an owner, just look at the stuff they’re totally okay with being public
Exhibit A:
Not an owner anymore!
?impolicy=fcrop&w=800&h=533&q=medium
Vodka Raiders D/ST is up over the Spanoi 16-nil. WOO!!!
/we shan’t discuss money league
This ducal signet, I hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass for 2 years , Paul
If they can keep this pace, we’re looking at an 84-0 final score!
I’ll become a Chargers fan the day they build a larger Tesla coil than the current world’s largest and turn it on for every TD
Kroenke would never let the renters install that.
Spanos isn’t coughing up that kind of money for anything.
How long did he sit there? Just a few minutes or Faraday?
Time for a Thursday night version of Release The Kraken!
Raiders offense well rested
Yeah, we’ve all been sick here in the compound.
LOOGIT THAT GOOD BOI!
Did HI I’M MARK DAVIS promise the whole team their own TONIGHT GIRLFRIEND and two weeks at SPAGHETTI CAMP if they won?
Spaghetti Camp is what the brothel girls call visits from Raiders front office brass.
IT feels like someone poured epoxy, resin, and concrete into every inch of sinuses. They hurt so fucking bad my vision is blurred.
The cold I had was like that, but luckily only for one night
STOMP STOMP CLAP
What’s a “Trey Tucker”?
That’s someone who puts all the 3s in the deck up their sleeve
A man with three penises who tucks them into his pocket?
When Favre sings Goodbye Horses
Honestly, go looks like more of a Tey Trucker to me.
The Platonic ideal of an Ivy League fraternity president?
He barely got touched and he coughed up the ball. Pussy.
MOAR LIEK EASTON GASH
I was there when…
Easton Gash was born.
WOO HOO!
Gonna turn this off at a high point.
I swear to fuck, i’m mortgaging my house, having machine guns and a rocket launcher installed in my car and wiping out ever fuck Tesla driver on my way to work each morning.
“I call Shotgun!”
-LemonJello
I expect alot from my copilot: interesting conversation; a portable martini bar; pork rinds; cigars, and the ability to quickly load and clean various firearms.
Gotta step up my martini game then.
Sharkbait is here to help.
Lemonjello is a hard charging devil dog. He can kill you with a shoelace and a half-chewed piece of Hubba Bubba!
once a Marine, always a Marine!
I had a really good mental rant about Tesla the other day. Nikola Tesla was an antisocial yet apparently very nice guy with actual genius who died penniless because he couldn’t get adequate funding to see his inventions through to market viability, and it sucks that an asshole like Musk co-opted his name. Although if there’s a way to destroy teslas using a Tesla coil I’m all in on that.
You’ll have to wait until they get out of the garage. Didn’t they all get recalled the other day?
i hope no one got the message, and all those assholes are in their cars when they explode
They’re just adding alerts to make sure people pay attention when they have Autopilot on, so they have to take their car in to make it more annoying, which I’m fine with
After the update:
“Like you’re gonna pull that off with Baltimore Equity….”
–
With that TD, will we get a glimpse of TONIGHT GIRLFRIEND?
lookit all them thar FITBAW POINTZ!!
Even crappy football and a glass of wine is pretty nice after 2 hours of interviewing. Another 2 hours tomorrow, plus an hour coding interview, and a follow-up call on an interview that I thought I messed up but maybe didn’t. Phew!
Dok’s coding, dramatic re-creation:
Okay, let’s do this.
You’re prepared for breaking first quarter news that the Bengals locker room has been arrested for running weapons to Palestine.
That’s my guess how this game goes, anyways?
Give Churchill’s Black Dog a good ol’ scritch behind the ears
For some reason, my stream tonight is having no issues whatsoever. Almost like the server load (PHRASING) is MOAR manageable?
My feed goes from HD to Zapruder and back.
Maestro and I face off in Vodka, each of us has one of tonight’s defenses. So, expect fireworks scoring in one sense!
I EXPECT TO HEAR SOME UNREASONABLE DEGENERATE-STYLE LOPSIDED COMPLAINING.
I would NEVAR disappoint yew Blax (no ofence)
Must be nice making the playoffs.
I have hit zero marks for a payout, so I’ll have a perfect season when I lose to Alex in Math is Hard.
That damn league full of statisticians and lawyer types.
it is the most cutthroat and competitive environment I’ve experienced (given that I don’t litigate or care about career things), which is why I love it. But I know I’d never survive one of Rikki’s or Dok’s poker games.
Relegation comes next year to DFO with the introduction of LOWRATIO LIGUE DEUX
First come first served, Lemonjello and Gumbygirl are in. I believe BugeyedBoo wanted in last year.
I get a bye in the consolation bracket!
Pre game prediction?
I tried to discuss Israel with my two 22-year old daughters, and I am now very, very depressed.
If they’re like my daughter, they don’t do nuance.
that’s a big part of it. One said “the Hamas attack was 1 day, so Israel should have only bombed 1 day.”
Yikes. That’s, uh, a thought.
Because “innocent people end up killed each day” so that’s all she can fathom.
If the Israelis only had 1 day of bombing, they’d have made all of Gaza a parking lot in those 24 hours…and to hell with “surgical strikes.”
All the more reason Boomers should fund Ukraine.
You want today’s kids defending the honeland? Want these sissies on the front lines? They soft as fuck. Charlie gonna come kill you in Florida.
yeah, we’d never make it through another war. No fucking way.
I’m only 40. I’d pull this stupid fucking country from the abyss and, if history is any indicator, the TV President would just slander my good name, take all the credit themselves, and leave me in a paupers grave while my wife and son starved.
Not be all Robert Kraft/Steve Bannon about it but
…What do the Chinese offer?
I mean…at least they can haz discipline?
So a single tactical nuke?
Fractured Skull Boy with the lifted truck thinks Biden is senile but doesn’t yet have the courage to tell me about his positive opinion of Trump.
/I’ve raised a stereotype
//[let’s out long breath]
Are you getting him a set of Truck Nutz for that penis compensator he’s driving?
At the risk of thinking about my son’s penis length/girth for too long (HAH!) this is what most every male in this part of Ontario drives and it’s just a matter of degrees. They need pickups to tow their boats, ATV’S and sleds.
Fair enough, so you ARE getting him the Truck Nutz?
Plenty in ‘Berta, I can send you some adorned with a United Conservative Party logo
I’ll take two.
I was so bummed i couldn’t find a 3%er gear while i was in Boise. I’ll totally take a tee.
Can’t do that, even ironically.
I honestly never imagined an area of The Canadia could be more rednecky than Old Dixie. But I stand corrected.
Come to rural ‘Berta! Even worse than N. Ont.
There must be somewhere that makes Truck Labia
glitter stencil “git ‘er dun” on his stocking
He should listen to the Elvis Presley hit, In the Ghetto.
Under three mins. Or not.
Why would you do that to yourself?
I see why people like Elvis so much. Suspicious Minds is dope.
Why don’t kids these days get into this?
because #BigWoke THANKS NOBUMMER!!!111
Wait…
Is Jailhouse Rock about some gay pre-orgy?
Which would make it even cooler. Else it just seems like an excuse to shake his hips and play bumbum bumbumbum bumbumbum bumbumbum for dancing.
Whole rhythm section was the Purple Gang?
Oh yeah. Gayer than four guys blowing five guys.
Should I leave Davante in? Think I have to. Alex is gonna kick my ass regardless.
In his last three tilts vs the Chargers he’s averaged 27 fantasy points.
/one of the stats I came across
Yeah get that WR for the team that scores ZERO recently.
if I don’t play Davante, I have to risk Justin Jefferson playing and getting his normal workload. No Plan B left if he has a setback (ie, I’d have to start Mingo or some shit)
Sucks to be a guy who plays FF.
The NFL cordially invites you to join them for…
For anything, I would ask:
What the hell kind of graphic is that?
It’s a still from the movie “Brick” – an invitation to a “Halloween in January” party thrown by the “upper crust”.
Party sounds fun.
Unfortunately, I continue to be told all social events are no blaxabbaths allowed and blaxabbath Glumplet has already been let in.
I feel for ya, RIkki. Remember when y’all watched me rage against the dying of the light last Xmas, while RRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! and Patrick Goddamned Star lit us up??
Heh heh heh. Yeah, that Patrick Star moment was fantastic. Probably like a 7 on the 0 to Buttfumble scale.
That’s not what he wanted to cook!
I take it back I’m hearing it in my head right now and it’s at least an 8.
Jimmy G is saying “Put me in, coach! I’m ready to play!”
Ah, McGonigle. Eases the pain…
https://www.courthousenews.com/ex-fbi-chief-gets-4-years-in-prison-for-conspiring-to-work-with-sanctioned-russian-oligarch/
Take two McGonigles in the morning, if pain persists take one more just before bedtime.
Fucker shoulda gotten the rope.
/insert Arrested Development “LIGHT treason” gif