Can you believe it’s week 16 already? There’s only 48 more regular season games to play, friends.
Tidbits:
-Chase has been officially ruled out for the game against the free-falling (and falling apart) Steelers. I’m sure they’ll turn things around. How do I know? A valued source informed me that Tomlin visited the Haitian embassy in Washington on Tuesday.
-Tug of Gwar has been added to the Pro Bowl “skills” competition. Hopefully there’s a Squid Game touch in there as well. (hey everyone, remember The Squid Games?)
-Filling Column Inches Lazily: NFL reporter Ryan Dunleavy squirted out a “Belichick to the Bears” turd recently. Why? Because history, that’s why. I’m guessing he called it a day at 9:30am after cultivating that pearl and the breakfast scotches held sway after that.
-Bashing Arthur Smith (Again): He told reporters that new starter Hieneke gives the Falcons “the best chance to win”. Just shut up, putz.
To The Game!
Saints/Rams:
-Los Angles have their playoffs aspirations on the line here. Various vaunted math guys have said that a W vaults them to a 50% chance and a loss drops them to 14%. That’s quite a swing for Fatt Matt and Co.
-Speaking of, the Rams O has started clicking again the way it was at the outset of the season-they’re climbing up the league’s standings and now sit at 12th-best.
-The Saints coaching staff placed gas cans in the lockers of some veterans, the idea being, well, I’m not going to bother explaining this old canard to you. Demario Davis, a longtime linebacker and driver of an EV vehicle said, “I don’t get it”.
-The Saints O has been doing well also so maybe take the over of 45.5? Over the last three games they’ve scored a TD on 9 of their last 10 visits to the red zone. That’ll boost your team stats.
-Prop Time: Kyren’s rush total is a feisty 89.5. Why so high? Since week 12 he’s averaged 124.3 yards per tilt.
Play nice in the comments.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhiyKZsAW44
I have to imagine Lowratio’s in a for a rough start to the holiday weekend.
He has outstanding taste in music and free range within the yard. He’ll be fine as long as he doesn’t say his name backwards and disappear again.
Fucking awkward, that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ituFNPXAaE8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPMaTf0KU0M
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AINUPFbFpqg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_tu_jBCL_w
Look, if it’s just me we’re going roots rock Americana or whatever the fuck you call it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsL6Zof7WyE
/Watching a sumo tournament (because I’m hammered, you see)
//my impression
Wow. Nice tits.
Hanging out with my brother at the local. Bartender complaining she was gaining weight, told her if she weighed 120 I’d eat my shoe.
She confessed to a “hard” 140, (would not disagree; she is ripped), and gave me my choice of a free shot.
There’s a lesson here, if only I hadn’t been doing free shots.
Muscle weighs more than fat. I’m pretty much a flotation device at this point.
Jen The Bartender (TM) is a rock.
My entire family will be at her bar on Xmas Eve, per her order.
Not gonna lie, getting a good buzz on with no responsibilities whatsoever is a Xmas Eve I haven’t had in, (runs out of fingers and toes, unzips pants, uses nipples and several moles), 26+ years!
That’s how I’ll always remember the version of you portrayed in Hard Ride to Nowhere.
4″ tall and riding on a gorilla?
Man, that guy was so much cooler than I am in real life.
So how’d your shoe taste?
She did not call me out on my bullshit, because she has a huge crush on Mrs. Horatio, who wasn’t even there but whom I nonetheless deployed like an anti-ballistic shield, except one that actually works.
You know your team is not having a good season when the player they use for the game promo is a cornerback.
Could be worse. Amazon used Belichick for a promo
Desperate Housewives?
Fuck that’s good.
you saved me the typing
we have a game? kinda?
not kinda!
kinda nope
I need 1 pt to cash 300. Sweet Jesus someone do something
1 pt. Preferably not kamara
(sigh) I did it. I am done working in 2023.
(checks score)
I see so are the Saints.
1 day to go my chili aficionado
[tosses you a beer from the cooler they have been sitting next to for the last week and a half] – the Chargers
Started my year-end tonight. Nuked all me emails, answered all my mail, made sure all my diaries were up to date, (mostly by moving them three weeks forward), and then met my brother for drinks and oysters.
Guys…
Please. I once did all my shopping on December 23rd. After 5PM.
Pro move Bro.
My mother sent my sister and me to the mall on Christmas Eve to ” get a few things.” The list was a mile long. I was pregnant.
There are still a lot of minutes to go. I’ll be fine.
We just do joint gifts now and get something bigger for the house.
Oh and unless explicitly asked for, appliances are NEVER an option
I’m done. Paid attention this year, ordered stuff based on what I heard and stocked up.
The problem now is that I’m not really sure what I have or where I’ve hidden it.
Rams. I sad Nacua, not Willams
That blue tent must be magic.
Please Stafford, can I have some more Nacua downs?
your local tesla not the only carr fucking up tonight
EMOCEPTION
Fucking Jalopy
They’re talking about how Rams have exceeded expectations on the back end, and Lindsey Graham just bought a jersey.
Obviously South Florida is nothing special but how was Syracuse possibly favored in this game?
ACC! ACC!!!!!
I mean, they are AWFUL.
Crosby is having another cheat code season.
“Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have the Game Genie codes thrust upon them.” – Bill S., Stratford
There’s an outside chance I’ll be at the Rangers Penguins game St. Patricks day weekend
Edit: Rangers Penguins game St. Patricks day weekend in Pittsburgh
My score ticker seemed to indicate the Ice Bills Mafia scored NINE hockey points. How many red cards did the Leafs get? And is The Canadia in moUrning now, eh?
FUCK THE LEAFS
-dude with a dining room table fetish
“We hate the Leafs” — Canada
“What’s that you say? You hate that we don’t provide even more Leafs coverage? Ok, here you go, they’re now 99% of the hockey coverage instead of just 90%.” — Canadian sports media
This except it goes from 99% to 99.99%
RAMMMMMMMMMMMMING IT HOME
As predicted (maybe, by someone somewhere), DeMarcus Robinson shall lead them.
He deserved that td. Nice game, showing off!
Two-minute RAMMMMMMMING it. Let’s not fuck this up please.
2 minutes, stop exaggerating
Hell, any RAMMMMMING it at this point feels like an upset.
Hey, looks like they got the Carr running again.
/shows self out
Oh dear, I just realized how much NARRATIVE there will be in the Rams play the Lions in the playoffs
Fatthew vengeance AND Christian allegory!
As long as Jerome Bettis isn’t involved
He did play for the Rams….
holy shit, Fatthew. That was a fine athletic play!
When he first came into the league, didn’t he get the Elway comp?
Did he really? It’s so hard to remember his pre-fat days.
Wasn’t he injured the entire time until he got a nice protective layer of fat?
Mine only protects against the cold and STDs, but that does make one think!
https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/hpMAAOSwHm5hVdKa/s-l1200.webp
I was cleaning out my kitchen today and found an unopened jar of tamarind paste that expired in 2014. That means I must have moved it to California when it was already 3 years expired
Does it actually go bad?
No idea! However, I clearly don’t really have a use for it and I’m far too lazy to go out of my way to find out
I can’t believe you would be talking about throwing food away at a time like this. You’ll distract Matt Stafford!
He’s welcome to scarf my elderly tamarind paste during half time!
Like sour cream – how could you actually TELL?
Sour cream gets moldy
This such a fantastic sequence of words, it needs to be written into the Constitution.
You and Mrs. Scotchnaut would get along famously.
Me: “You need to go through this larder and throw away everything with an expired date.”
Her: “You do it.”
Me: “Ok, you won’t interfere?”
Her: “Nope.”
Me: [throws out a ton of stuff, catches her going through the three boxes of expired product later]
Her: “WHAT? You could have read the label wrong!”
We should have a draft of the oldest expired thing in our kitchens with pics
so beautiful that bobby bonilla day and and shohei ohtani day has a one-year overlap to properly pass the torch
OHTANI likes to RRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! Yeah!!!
(Spam was this TOO SOON?)
Spam Reacts Reasonably coming soon
I have meditated (been drinking) and am fine.
We don’t call ’em SillyCuse fer nuttin!
Sup.
Got an odd bottle of single malt this year from my bean sprout/fresh chicken breast guy. (everybody has that kind of guy, right?) I’ve told the story before but the guy is an inveterate football gambler and he has a circle of like-minded guys and there’s status attached to winning. Way back in 2007 I convinced him to take the Giants and the points and the under in the Super Bowl-he’s never told me how much he won but piecing things together over the years I think it’s just shy of 6 figures.
What’s the bottle?
Tomatin. It’s a single malt aged in the coffin of Rin Tin Tin. After tasting…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtqbk9pgPXw&ab_channel=Lashrito
the pats have died and have spawned not one but two teams:
-rammmit! (annoying white dudes at wr)
-chiefs (everybody hates them)
ok nacua isnt totally white but…born in utah. yea, totally woulda been on the pats in the 2000s and 2010s.
See? It was easier to hate one team now wasn’t it?
Woooohoooo, time to go burn one!
youre gonna puka if you dont cover nacua
I tell ya, if they get to the playoffs McVay’s passing concepts featuring Nacua and Kupp are going to make it so hard to keep the offense off the field. Ideal matchup is vs the Eagles.
The Saints/Rams intro features some great graphics with a Bob Seger tune playing in the background. The Boca Raton Bowl with USF/Sillycuse features a mostly toothless dude on his porch playing a juice harp.
Do ya think they put James Madison in the Armed Forces Bowl because he was once Commander in Chief?
I think it’s because they’re big Federalist Papers enthusiasts.
I mean, you want the pussy, you best be ALL ABOUT them Federalist Papers!
Publius? More like Pussy-us, if you know what I mean!
We need to get Balls and DFO Studios working on this porn parody series, stat.
There is a very real possibility we could have a good Thursday night game here. And…I just jinxed it!
We need some RRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! in order to prevent 2 NFC South shitass teams from making the playoffs.
I did some fooling around with logistics this year because business is so slow between Xmas and New Years-I tracked back and discovered that this is my first true Friday off since April of ’19.*
*My Dad (from the grave): “You slacking piece of shit!”
Your dead Dad holds my dead Dad’s beer in “crippling workaholism” – MAD RESPEK, yo!
I thought Emo Carr had a 1 year show me deal. good lord, 4 years?
There really is a decent payoff to surviving as a starter on a bad team for a few years
That should keep him in black eye shadow for years to come!
When he retires Carr is going to follow Echo and The Bunnymen for a year.
Inlaws here. Wine stocked up. 1/2 day tomorrow then the resto. Then 2 weeks off. Almost there.
Just a dude, playing a dude, replacing another dude.
SillyCuse HAWT exhibition action, too. Big night in Nothern Ontario!
The basketball squadoo beat up on Niagara and the Sens play Colorado. Tis truly a wonderful evening.
/Babers last go-round. Sweet!
they let him coach the bowl?
I thought he was allowed to finish out the season-I maybe read wrong.
I was just asking myself “Self, are you ready FOAR sum FITBAW??”
/self answered in the affirmative
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjYZpuctOLc&ab_channel=hebosmith
I would ask myself but Self put out a restraining order out on me.
Made an error with the Rams playoffs maths-they currently sit at 55% and would run up to 78% with the win and drop to 14% with an L.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUQLEUa0_aY
Been singing that all day. Including in a work meeting.
Now that we have met. I can 100% see you asking people you work with if they are ready to Ram It…
It’s always good to know who in the office might also like to RRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!
Those are all bullshit maths anyway. Just like the in-game percentages Amazon throws out during Thursday Night games
I’m just a regurgitator-I’ve no clue how accurate or inaccurate those numbers are.
They’re off by 17%.