Win? In. It’s That Simple. Your Saturday Night NFL Football Open Thread

I’m quite sure this is the very first time I’ve ever been on a Team Texas but they are a great story. No doubt my Sillycuse, Senators and Giants allegiances will not cause them to fall flat on their faces.

To The Game!

Texans/Colts:

-The first tilt between these two in week two opened everyone’s eyes as to who might be the better qb-Stroud or Young. The former heaved for 384 yards and a duet of TDs.

-Can Minshew and especially Pittman exploit an Houston D that can get pressure but also gives up 240 air yards per game?

-Whenever a young team unexpectedly does well there’s usually a few unsung guys doing some heavy lifting and not getting their fair share of the credit. My vote for the Texans goes to defensive end Jonathan Greenard and his 12 1/2 (and counting) sacks.

-Closer: Indy sports the league’s best record in one score games at 6-2.

-Rounding Into Shape?: Last week Houston held the Titans (sorry, DonT) to 1 for 12 on third down conversions and had their third 6 sack game of the year. A lot of that is on Tennessee but a team with playoff hopes has to stomp on their lessers when the opportunity arises.

-Of Stroud’s 24 combined TD’s (run and throw) only 6 have come on the road. That said, C.J. has the 2nd-highest completion percentage on throws over 20 yards and Indy is third worst defending downfield. I’d feel a bit better about their chances if Noah Brown were on the field as well but Nico will have to step up.

Take it away!

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Doktor Zymm

Good for the North Mexican team!

jjfozz

GOD DOENSTY GIVE A GOOD FUCK ABOU FOOTBALL!

jjfozz

i am just hossing down bourbone wright now.

Brocky

Get fucked indy fans. You’re not as bad as packer fans.

But you’re close. Definitely almost as fat. But in a less, “we drink all day because there’s nothing to do” sort of way, in a “we drink all day because we legitimately don’t know how much we suck” kind of way

jjfozz

Ha! they can guck themsevles with bratwurst, and the irsays can eath shit on a stick

Cecil Rhodes

Indianapolis is known as the Crossroads of America because everyone with a brain has no intention of staying. They’re on their way somewhere else!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Grinding tape and that really was a horrid throw by Minshew. Absolutely no reason to put it behind him there.

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Brocky

Bruh the league has proven that a white qb can straight up rape a girl and they’ll still find a way to blame the victim

Cecil Rhodes

Definitely not as good as this throw.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Or this.

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Horatio Cornblower

Well at least Jonathan Taylor took 4 years off his life for nothing.

fleshwound_NPG

irsay does this to himself on friday nights before a game

King Hippo

That did indeed swell my heart with admiration.

Redshirt

Intentional Safety Dance!

Mr. Ayo

Bring out Lowratio!

Horatio Cornblower

Quiet you. Gonna have enough problems with him, the snow, and sledding tomorrow.

Gumbygirl

How much are you supposed to get?

Horatio Cornblower

We’re right between the 4-8, 8-12 areas, so I’m calling it 6-10.

It’ll end tomorrow night, last two days, then get washed away when the temperature jumps into the 50’s on Tuesday and we get 2″-3″ of rain. Really looking forward to that shitshow.

WCS

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WCS

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Tomlinisms now on official Stillers merchandise.

King Hippo

The Standard yada yada

Downfield Matriculator

The standard is the standard

Horatio Cornblower

Is that the T-shirt for the NFL’s true feelings about domestic violence?

WCS

Concussions, long-term player health care, fan experience…

jjfozz

Mrs. Rice apologizes for tha tshirt

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s on his wife’s website. $45

WCS

You think that was his response to her saying her water just broke?

jjfozz

fuck him, fuck pittsburgh fuck all black and fuck all gold

fleshwound_NPG

hindsight is 20/20, isnt it

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jjfozz

booking a flight to indy right now, gonna rent a car elland drive around, knowc k on doors and yell, ‘FUCK YOU IRSAY YOU FUCK CUNT FUCK! THIS IS WHY YOU LOSE!”

anone wanna come?

Brocky

Bruh I will fucking drive you around like argyle!

jjfozz

i should be wheels up by 220 am

Brocky

Fuck I doubt I’m conscious

jjfozz

don’t worry, when i’m tere, you will be wide awake

fleshwound_NPG

andrew luck is gonna haunt these fuckers forever

deservingly so

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nah, that was the perfect play call, they just fucked up the execution.

Downfield Matriculator

Second dumbest pass call I can currently recall — Pete Carroll leaving Marshawn Lynch alone against the Pats still ranks #1

King Hippo

Somehow, this will also be Charmslinger’s fault. JUST ASK FATTY PAYTON!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Play call was great; he was wide open for an easy first down. Weak throw by Minshew and an even weaker drop.

jjfozz

ind of a lion sking pose

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jjfozz

oh, you are just nasty

Horatio Cornblower

You want to break even this month or not?

Horatio Cornblower

WR’s gonna be blamed for that one, but Minshew has to put that ball in front of him.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s both of their faults. I’d say more the receiver than Minshew but only by about 60/40 or so.

Horatio Cornblower

I’d say more Minshew, just because I’m trying to picture myself running full speed expecting a ball in front of me and then having to turn around and catch a ball behind me and it does not end well.

Then I try to think of any reason at all why I would ever be in that situation, and I just got nothing.

fleshwound_NPG

and THATS why minshew is mid-ass

King Hippo

I now predict my favoUrite of all plays – the INTENTIONAL SAFETY on 4th down!

Horatio Cornblower

Wanna dole out the Powerball numbers while you’re at it, Nostradamus?

Redshirt

Kick the field goal! Play for the tie!

jjfozz

baltimore weather: snow, rain, wind, 35 degrees
fozz: commando style

King Hippo

What free advertising for Toradol, this Taylor drive…

fleshwound_NPG

the idea of this ending in a tie is in the rear-view right now

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Brocky

Honest question, should houston let them score here?

Redshirt

Not at the moment.

Fronkenshteen

Yeah, I’d rather put the ball in Stroud’s hands than hope the D makes a stand.

WCS

— #467

Mr. Ayo

If still under 500 then yes.

Fronkenshteen

So Green Day gets themselves in the news cycle last week and so down I go right the fuck down into a big old Green Day hole this week, which is basically like going into a goddamn time machine. Jesus Christ. I’m watching the Woodstock ’94 performance when I realize this year is the 30th anniversary of that 25th anniversary concert, which I found very funny for some reason. But talk about a blitzkrieg performance! It’s morning, it’s raining, and they don’t like the audience. But within seven short songs they churn the crowd into joyous, muddy fucking insanity until the mud fight and the security guard punching the bass player’s teeth out halted the show. Aside from that, they seem to be legitimately insane and immeasurably spastic while playing, but that playing could not be tighter. Especially the drummer. Guy never puts a stick wrong and every goddamn song is at machine gun speed (in this era anyway). I really have to put it up there with one of the best live rock performances I’ve ever seen in terms of a young band landing a huge opportunity in front of mostly strangers and knocking it out of the fucking park. They added the whole show to the 30th anniversary release of “Dookie” or you can watch it on the YouTube. Whole thing’s over in about a half hour. Just listen to “Burnout” > “F.O.D.” > “Paper Lanterns” until you hear him rip the strings off his guitar. Holy smokes! Anyway here’s one off that record I always thought could have fit right in on Ramones’ “Rocket To Russia” or a Beach Boys record. Good fucking band.
https://youtu.be/BBgLi05XZ1Q?si=UJVjsHkOeaQxDyh2

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Might as well take out a twbs ouija board

Mr. Ayo

Just realized I never thought about posting Welcome to Paradise for TWBS’s passing. Well, I mean I did this morning when it was on the radio. So here it is.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR7R9Kuw2fY

jjfozz

steart and the avenue, always love that tune

Gumbygirl

I’m with you. Green Day may not be the most “authentic” punks that ever punk rocked, but they are a tight band with catchy tunes. Not a damn thing wrong with that.

Brocky

Fucking fake ass Texas team,

Don’t put me in a position where I have to root for a Florida man tomorrow!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh! It’s the fifth anniversary of Cody Parkey’s double doink. With another one happening tonight, does that mean that 1/6 is DOINKMAS or oh wait maybe this day is already known for something else.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s Ashli Babbit’s birthday. Or something.

fleshwound_NPG

ashlii babbit is the wario to jessica rabbit

fleshwound_NPG

well…was.

Brocky

You ever want a true perspective on how socially acceptable it is to shit on the bears, I give you this rant:

It was a blocked kick, not a miss.The replay showed it as a block.

But seemingly evey hack writer and their cousin ignored the block and called it a miss.

Something so fucking petty and they still fucking describe worst case scenario because “lol” bears!

Horatio Cornblower

What a special run by Downs!!!

King Hippo

oooooh, a Downs marathon would be good TV

Brocky

Shanklor giveth, and Shanklor taketh away

Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

Just watched ‘No Hard Feelings’ which is very funny and also Jennifer Lawrence, (or a combination of body doubles and serious movie magic), does full frontal, something that may or may not be of interest to people.
Then I watched an episode of ‘Archer’ and if there’s a funnier line in the history of ever than “sorry I tried to spit-roast your mom” I am not aware of it.

Redshirt

According to the Internet, it wasn’t a body double, that was her except for a wrestling move.

Between her and Emma Stone in Poor Things, actresses are starting to get more comfortable with nude scenes. Not the quick peak here and there, but good old 1980s R-rated nude scenes. And I fully support it.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, I was pretty sure that, good an actress as Lawrence is, that was not her launching a dude with a suplex while naked on a beach.

Last edited 10 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
King Hippo

and you…had a hard feeling?

Redshirt

Chekhov’s Missed Extra Point Attempt?

jjfozz

gotta fuckin be kiddin gme

fleshwound_NPG

glorious tie is off

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fleshwound_NPG

aaaand no xp means glorious tie might be off the table

Mr. Ayo

Like there won’t be another missed xp?

fleshwound_NPG

a football game cant be THAT dumb, right?

…right?!?

jjfozz

who is that?

fleshwound_NPG

“katie”

(aka real model name: candace nirvana)

Brocky

I still would pay good money to find a copy of that one playboy issue my dad had.

Graphic description below:

Spoiler

Had a stereotypical “sexy secretary” with a tie nestled between her bare breasts, complete with glasses

To be young again

jjfozz

i have a fetish for tan lines, i blame plyboy in then80-s for it

Horatio Cornblower

We haven’t had a snow storm of real significance in two years in CT. Getting one right now. Might get 8″-10″, (settle down, Deanna), and you would think the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse were coming right behind the snow.

SonOfSpam

Supposed to get down to 43 here tonight, so yeah.

Gumbygirl

Did you get milk? Bread?

jjfozz

in baltimore, we et milk and toilet paper, becaseu we are fucking retards

Unsurprised

Football is America’s favorite sport because America craves all of the minutiae that makes it Lawyerball. I will not be taking any questions.

jjfozz

that’s an odd but accurate asement of why we watch this fuckf ace game

ballsofsteelandfury

Holy shit look who’s back!

Mr. Ayo

I always assume these absent OGs have forgotten about the site.

Gumbygirl

Hello!

jjfozz

THIS INDY COACH I CALL HIM INSURANCE CAUSE HE LOOKS LIKE A CAVEMAN

Redshirt

Its a good thing Stroud saw that blindside blitzer coming or else he would’ve been knocked all the way to Week 4 of the 2024 NFL Season.

jjfozz

IS THE LIVE FEED GOING THROUGH THE STADIUM APA OR AM I HIGH?

Mr. Ayo

YOU’RE HIGH

jjfozz

roge that

jjfozz

the shti that passes for r&b today is shit. fucking drippy hot shit

yeah right

Getting punk as fuck in the right ‘ouse.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeTw_p_WglY

Brick Meathook

TIE!

fleshwound_NPG

the tie is back on

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jjfozz

THICSS

Redshirt

Referee: “This is the end of the 2nd 3rd Quarter.”

jjfozz

whelp, tomorrow is the big day: me and my sisters tell my mom it’s time to putdad in a cacility. my mother has been so disrespectful to me, i’m gonna lay that shit edown to her, i’m fuckign 50+, it’s out of hand.

don’t worry, i wont’b ean asshole, i will be nice but firm (that’s what she asadi!)

Horatio Cornblower

Vaya con Dios.

jjfozz

I am the Hammer. The Hammer forever. I trust myself. I trust hte Hammer. The Hammer is me, and I will strike with all of the justice and might the Hammer holds.

Redshirt

They just can’t set the game clock to 15:45? They have go back a damn quarter?

jjfozz

WTIH X CHAIR I WILL RULE CALDONIA!

jjfozz

upora commercials, kinda gooshy

Mr. Ayo
  1. What is upora?
  2. What does gooshy mean?
  3. Answer in jjfozz so I can ask again next week.
jjfozz

it’s some kind fo anti uti mediceine, but the commercials are kinda, ugh. it makes me all squirmy

Gumbygirl

You’d be a lot more squirmy if you had the UTI.

Fronkenshteen

Fuck. Pittman just got BACK from a brutal concussion. That hit is gonna leave a mark.

Mr. Ayo

It’s fine. Now he knows how to rub the dirt on it.

jjfozz

Mrs. Fozz, after balancing our books: “With your raise, and my raise, we are $5 short each mothn.”

Fuck every fuckbawl politican who ever lived and rbreathed

SonOfSpam

Just sell your body twenty times a month.

jjfozz

with this bod, i can easily mad xmax that shit eout

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A very wise person once said “if you have an asshole, you have a way to make money.”

yeah right

That was Balls wasn’t it?

Horatio Cornblower

Do you really need three kids? Y’know, pick one, sell him to medical science, keep the other two. It’s a win-win-win-win-definite loss for the five of you!

jjfozz

part of my brain, “Fozz, the colts left, you lvove the ravens, let it go.”
other part: “I WANT TO KILL ALL THE COLTS, ALL THE FANS, ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ROOT BGRO THE COLTS! KILL ETERME XKILL!

King Hippo

letting go of grudges is how TEH TERRORISTS WIN

jjfozz

Deep in my DNA, where the real evil lives, is the inabilllity to let go of anywthing. it’s whey siclilians cill the sons of thoswe we ill kill

King Hippo

Way to kink shame, Troy. BLAME IT ON TEH GAY.