Dry January was four long days for me. Can you believe it’s February already? Time sure does fly.
To The Games!
Seahawks/Cards:
Seattle needs a W and a Green Bay L to slip in by the wrinkled skin of Coach Carroll’s teeth. But Arizona is such a bizarre team-all of their wins are against playoff teams. (Dallas, Pitt, Philly and maybe ATL)
Bears/Packers:
You know, this game has never interested me because it seems that they’ve never been good at the same time but that looks to be changing. Both now have above average qb’s in place. (now that Strawberry has had the game plan simplified-cynics would say ‘dumbed down’) If Chicago does the smart thing and keeps him and drafts well they’ll have at minimum two more difference-makers in place next year.
Chiefs/Chargers:
Does interim coach Giff Smith get his first W in his last game vs K.C.’s backups and third-stringers? I say ‘no’. As always, Kadarius is out with a light bruise on his earlobe or whatever. Andy should let the guy loose over the summer but he’s a bit stubborn and that would be a full admission that he made a mistake so it likely won’t happen.
Broncos/Raiders:
Since Pierce was elevated to the head spot the defense has improved tremendously. I’m betting that HI! I’M MARK DAVIS will give him a very generous contract even though the former has no leverage whatsoever. It’s the Raiders Way.
Eagles/Giants:
Fucking New York-name me a worse starting o-line. And before you make your argument allow me to say that they’ve given up 83 sacks, 20 more than the next-worst unit. Game after game these guys are befuddled by stunts from the d-line and lb’s and it just hasn’t been improved, let alone fixed. Truly a mystery. The good news? The Giants overall futility has them lined up for a top 5 pick.
Rams/Niners:
Both teams are trying to get out of this without injuries so the 4th quarter may end up looking like a Pro Bowl game. San Fran has been the favorite in 25 straight tilts.
Cowboys/Commies:
Howell is back in the driver’s seat. Despite only being sacked three times in the last three games he has a 3-10 TD/INT number. That’s what happens when enough film comes in and a coaching-out-the- string staff doesn’t bother to dial down and correct things. For that reason it’s hard to tell if he’s a poor decision-maker or a risk-taker at this point. I lean towards the latter. Dallas is angling for the division title but if they see Philly up big I’m sure they’ll pull all their skill guys in the 2nd half.
Give me your best.
It’s an interesting period for guys like Geno and Flacco who would be absolutely out of the league under the rules of 10 years ago. But since the game is getting softer, these experienced dudes are getting their second chances as the rest of the skill positions are already on to the next generation of players.
Can’t believe it’s been almost 10 years since Geno got his jaw broken.
And dfo was born.
If the rules of today existed then, the 49ers Dynasty could’ve lasted longer than it did and the Steel Curtain and the ’85 Bears wouldn’t happened because their defenses would’ve been outlawed.
We could also say that the Marino Dolphins and the Fouts Chargers and the Cunningham Vikings would have been dynasties as well but then we’d be just talking silly.
Why in God’s name is PHI still playing Hurts?
The coach is going for motivation. You can’t avenge a non-ded guy.
Damned fine point, this.
Just following the season’s script?
That’s why.
Well they’re not, but that was why
Seems like a strange week for the Eagles to work on improving their draft position.
There is no such thing as “I”m running to the outlets to return gifts and I’ll be about an hour.” Nope.
If the Giants played like this every week they’d be a solid .500 club.
Mrs sharkbait is repeatedly asking where this was earlier in the season.
Daboll would also be maybe, 2-3 ounces lighter too!
I couldn’t be happier that they benched DeVito, that whole “how to be Italian” thing was embarassing. I fucking hate Italians from NJ, fucking bunch of wannabe Sopranos.
I think he’s a simple kid and his manager and the NY media played this as far as they could. Don’t hate on the guy that showed up to that pizza joint for free and tried to make amends.
Playoff Tiebreaker (youtube.com)
So both the Eagles and Cowpersons losing would result in…what now? Detroit getting the 2 seed?
Yup yup yup
Correct. Non-Gendered Cowpokes would get the 3 seed and Iggles would be a wild card team
Shit, I might even make the MRSA Men favoUrites over the Iggles, way they’ve been playing
WTF is going on over there?
Hurts has to be, well, hurt, and rumors are that Siriani’s act is wearing thin.
In Lesser Footy, you’d say some of the squad must be downing tools.
If Baker was healthy I would agree, but he is clearly not.
They might win 9-nil a 2nd game running
Philly reacts reasonably
Baker, Baker, poultry pot pie maker?
Which they deserve, in all fairness.
Evening all. Just watching RedZone in the Halifax airport. What I need right now is not a flight, but rather a time machine to put off going back to work after three weeks off.
Also, New England needs to land Caleb Williams.
Trust me, you do NOT want a USC QB.
/nods in Matt Leinart
(or a U*NC quartered back)
Whoever hires Lesser Harbs is gonna get JJ McCarthy
No.
On any of it.
That hit/tackle knocking the WR back? Smartest play in Chi**** sportsball history
Fucking love it!
After the Jagura’s pants shitting performance today, I am all in on the most chaos possible in the playoffs.
wtf pack
That was the dumbest 2 minutes since the night of my junior prom.
Oooh, look at the porn star over here!
90 seconds of it was getting through the dress and apologies
I don’t understand this sport.
STILLERS GAHTAH SUPERBWOL
TJ Watt could be back for that!
Steroids can perform miracles
The draft junkies on one of the Giants sites I tend to visit are absolutely livid that they are winning right now.
They should still be able to get one of the top 3 OL.
Again.
And not develop them properly.
Again.
The “YAAA…HERE WE GO” is bringing me back to Yeah Right’s post and just killing me.
Oh god dammit
I have had DREAMS about that hellmouth monster!
Week 18 Eagles is like Rocky III wherein someone important dies right before the Championship contest and they are going to go into it with their heads not in the game and get the shit kicked out of them.
Man, fuck clubbers for killing mick like that
I did not spend all that time just now walking the dog and shoveling the driveway a second time to come in to see it 10-7 Commanders.
Get your shit together, Dallas.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tGL-buZ94Y
Don’t worry, they’ll fuck it up in the second half or maybe even earlier!
Like J Edgar always said The Commies always are waiting to getcha when you turn your back!
(he’d also like to know if this new dress makes him look pretty)
He’s still miffed Clyde did not notice his new hair cut.
/FBI-sanctioned role-playing back in the day
Hoover: [wearing a dress that exposes his knees] “Oh Clyde, may I pass by?”
Clyde: “Do you have any money for the ‘Tolson Booth’?”
Hoover: “Well my, my. I have nary a penny! Is there anything I can contribute to your fund?” [bats eyes]
Clyde: [unzips pants] “Young missy, I’ve got your ‘fund’ right here.”
[sounds of creaking bedsprings wake up the other folks at the SleeZ-EaZy Motel in Bethesda
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ye7PIyIcCro
And he said it while wearing heels and dancing backwards!
Also “I wish they made a wider selection of size 11 stilleto heels”
If Commies/Cowpersons ends in a tie, what effect does that have on the playoff seedings?
They explode, confetti comes out, and the two Manchester teams replace the NFC East teams in the playoffs
Winner of Michigan/Washington takes their spot in the NFC side of the bracket.
I’d bet that Pep would at least win his first round playoff game
Depends what the Iggles do
Which right now seems mysterious at best.
Saquon is the centerpiece of the offense. How many TD’s does he have? Five.
He deserves so much better. Or at least a functional offensive line.
His legacy is those State Farm ads. No one can take that away from him.
“Oh yeah?”
-The IRS, eyeballing those royalties
It actually would be pretty fun if Rivera beat the Cowboys during his last game so all the fans are sad when he’s fired
I would love it.
Holy shit it looked as if the measuring crew pulled the stick back to give the Bears the first down, I swear the chain still had some slack.
Yeah, that was bullshit and I fucking love it!
They were talking about index cards and I’m guessing there are zero players young enough to know about index cards, although it’s possible that some of them were poor enough that they went to an elementary school that wasn’t able to computerize their card catalog, but they also probably didn’t go to their elementary school library
You know why the NFL owners don’t want a Ref’s union? They would lose their #1 status as the most corrupt sports organization to the union.
“How DARE you, sir!”
-FIFA
FIFA and boxing are masters of corruption. Nobody expects them to even try and be honest.
The only argument I have with this statement is that you can’t even call boxing organized at this point.
I’m starting to see what’s going on here. The Eagles are going to injure all their starters and lose to the Giants, yes?
That would appear to be the case
Hurts is hurt. See you next season Iggles.
Yep, close up shop. AJ done, Hurts done, Defense is trash.
No one has ever wished they were eating Little Caesars pizza.
Crazy bread yes.
That was a very special touchDOWN by Darnold
Fuck Art Smith Update: Your playoff chances came down to this last game of the season and not only did your defense give up nearly 50 points but your offense couldn’t get more than three scores.
Cutlets are back on the menu!
And Philly’s D will be feasting!
Doctor Mantis Toboggan!!!
At FedEx Field:
Looks Like the MetLife field claimed another knee
Nailed It!
— B. Walsh
Oh shit, is AJ dedds??
Seemed REALLY QUITE ded, too. Like “high ankle sprain” or even possible fracture badness
Announcer jinx on Dem Boys’ kicker!
Dear Gamblor, I really need a Boston Scott TD.
I’ve got my $1 anytime TD scorer bet locked in too.
Dakota Jesus!!!
Okay I know I’m supposed to hail shanklor, but I’ve been burned to many times by them
But today is rookie kicker day, Shankhlor’s main feast day!
Chinese Hot Pot Lays are fucking delicious.
Oh that sounds amazing
Not a lick of English on the package. Had to look it up using the picture as my guide. The last 3 odd Lays Chinese offerings were not good at all.
“Odd Lays? Chinese? Boy, been there, done that.”
-Bob “Singles” Kraft
Isn’t that what Robert Kraft got once?
On what goddamned planet has Romeu Doubs had a “great season,” Tony??
Romoulus
Wow, I can hear the femur drums all the way up here.
The NFC East is a silly place
King Arthur agrees
It’s only a model
Holy shitballs, I get 4(!) games in the 4pm window. This has never happened before.
If one of them is DAL-WAS, then it’s a snuff film, not a game.
I oddly find Mark Sanchez good at his job.
As long as that job isn’t being a chaperone at the high school dance…
They had to cancel Take Your Daughter to Work day
as compared to Romo? 100%
Ron Rivera should just set up a lawn chair and a cooler of beers and enjoy his last game as a head coach.
I’d say him, Arthur Smith, and Grumblelord are your Afrikan-American Monday casualties.
I think I’m in the minority that wants Belichick to stay. He had arguably the best 20 year run in NFL history. Let him steer the ship one more season/let him go out on his own terms.
It seemed like Hanson had some inside scoop he is gone (to me). Then again, I was paying half-attention and was high.
Just go nuts with trick plays and let everyone get a few reps. Make sure as many players as possible hit bonuses so the team has to pay out
Ooof, the rare doink-in.
Fuck the Packers.
GOOD DOINK
I could 100% see both Iggles and Cowpersons losing here.
Oh Commies ain’t winning friend-o
Hippo just feeling MOAR Chaotic Neutral than usual
Truth
If the Bills win tonight, here are the matchups:
Steelers (7) at Bills (2)
Dolphins (6) at Chiefs (3)
Browns (5) at Texans (4)
If the Dolphins win, it’s:
Bills (7) at Dolphins (2)
Steelers (6) at Chiefs (3)
Browns (5) at Texans (4)
This makes me root for Bills Mafia tonight
Correct, much better machups that way.
Honestly, I think the Steelers match up better with the Bills than the Chiefs.
They probably wouldn’t win against either one, but I think they have a better chance against the Bills.
But you are team-specific rooting. Ayo and I just squawking as neutrals, eh?
I don’t buy that for a second. Broncos fans don’t want the Chiefs to get an easy road. And Ayo’s Seahawks used to be in the AFC West so there’s no love for the Chiefs there either.
Honestly no concern about the Chefs. That offense is too broken to even be relevant, let alone go to Miami or WNY and actually win.
In my defense, that was before I moved to HOX country.
Although I do have a friend I hate that adores the Chefs.
There’s something to be said for an immediate rematch, but it’s not my preference, and Dolphins/Chiefs could be interesting
Why does Cleveland get a bye?
The River Fire Exemption?
I have faith they’ll be able to Browns up a bye and lose to a nonexistent team!
Required soundtrack for Italian Sunday Feast in the TPS house:
Christ in a chariot driven sidecar, can’t we finally send Bradshaw to a farm upstate to retire?
The Bears are as good at developing young QBs as…
The Miami medical staff is at identifying back injuries
The Giants O-line is at protecting young QBs
Former Belgian colonies are at maintaining rule of law
Trump is at (insert your favorite failed venture here)
Wild cats are at maintaining a vegetarian diet
Humanity is at global climate management
I don’t understand this Dry January shit. I think I’ve drank every day this year.
Granted, not a lot. Some days just a few sips, but still.