JV NFL Finale Open Thread

One last hurrah for Hippo’s favoUrite banner pic!

Washington (+5.5) v. Michigan (7:30, ESPN)

Oh man, this line just keeps creeping up.  I have a really bad feeling, and it’s worse than the usual (gas).

Polar opposites clash tonight.  There’s the smug superiority (undeserved) epitomized by the Michigan Man – of whom Lesser Harbs is more or less the khaki-clad epitome.  Unless one is a Michigan Man oneself, one has a very strong urge to punch the Michigan Man right in the genitals.  We all know people like that in our orbit, within or outside of sportsball.

Whereas Kalen DeBoer is the blue collar guy who worked his way up the coaching ladder.  If anyone has a bad word to say about him – professionally or otherwise – I haven’t heard it.  B1G “royalty” like UM have to view their imminent entry into the conference as some sort of “barbarians at the gate.”  For us neutrals, it will be nice to see someone crash the party and make the games more watchable.  Tonight is sommet of a preview in that respect.

But shit – this Wolverine team (on the pitch) is physical as fuck.  They win both lines of scrimmage with great regularity.  It’s the Alabama formula, albeit more as a “one off” – given that UM only managed this level of dominance by keeping the core group together (more or less) for the better part of the last 3 seasons.  That is…they don’t recruit like Alabama, and are perfectly set up to crash back to 8-4 after Lesser Harbs takes the Clippers du Merde job.  Which he’s gonna, win or lose.

That hits at Washington’s weakness (run defense), but consider the opposite side of the coin.  Modern FITBAW theory says that if you have to be weak at something, run defense is it.  Where Washington has the advantage is in the passing game, and they just might have a good enough OL to allow Penix Power to fully shine through.  The Huskies’ WR depth will also test the Wolverine secondary like they have not been remotely tested to date.

But again – if it takes 30+ points to beat Michigan, can they really go off that wildly?  Surely 40+ is too much to ask.  What I imagine DeBoer wants is to be within a score with 2 minutes or so left, and the ball in Penix’ hands.  He’ll take what comes from there.  Let’s all hope that’s what we get to see, not the 35-10 pasting Hippo has started to fear.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Brick Meathook

Here’s my new house I just had custom built to store my vintage Caddies,

I’m having a party with free booze and coke and prostitutes on Saturday, so if you’re in the neighborhood, please do stop by.

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BugEyedBoo

I wouldn’t bet my life on it, but I’m pretty sure that’s a ’57 Chevy.

Brick Meathook

That’s the grocery car. The Caddies are in The Pavilion with my jets.

Col. Duke LaCross

This “Love Has Won” doc on HBO is beyond batshit.

Mr. Ayo

Day #17

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Brick Meathook

I dunno, I think stealing signals is done all the time in wars and thus a fair tactic in football, which is really just a war game.

The solution is for a team to not have such stupid simple signals.

2Pack

Or enough depth and trust in your players that you send the play in with a substitution rotation each down.

Senor Weaselo

“So, two bangs for a run play, got it.” -José A., Houston, TX

Horatio Cornblower

The hold on THE play of the game for Michigan.

https://twitter.com/nocontextcfb/status/1744565929764065303

I mean, it’s subtle, but if you squint I think you can just make it out.

WCS

“Keep the smartass remarks coming, and this will be the ref crew for the Super Bowl.”

— NFL script writers monitoring this board

Horatio Cornblower

Reece: “Jim I heard you tell Holly that each of these pieces of confetti has a story, what did you mean by that?”

Jim: “Story? Oh sorry, I meant alibi.”

Senor Weaselo

Well, good to know this game will ultimately have been meaningless.

WCS

— Red S., OH

Redshirt

Michigan wins the soon-to-be-vacated National Championship!!!!!!!

Horatio Cornblower
Horatio Cornblower

Chris Fowler with a nice late shot at Michigan’s title being tainted.

ballsofsteelandfury

The one thing I like is how physical football completely dictated the outcome of this game.

Michigan overwhelmed Washington with force.

Horatio Cornblower

No doubt

WCS

PAAAWLLLL SHOULDA BEEN JAWJA PAWWLL

Brocky

overwhelmed Washington with force

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Horatio Cornblower

THIS GUY MICHAEL PENIX I CALL HIM BLACK MONDAY, BECAUSE HIS STOCK IS PLUNGING!!!

WCS

Pennix is going to be a fantastic Offensive Rookie of the Year with the Commies, and then be RGIII’d.

The Danny Boy Stank will take longer than that to air out.

Horatio Cornblower

I think it’s time to give Penix a Toradol martini and let him put his feet up.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Agreed, let’s see ’em. What? You think it’s just Rex?” – Michelle Ryan

blaxabbath

Harbaugh may as well just sit down. Every person on that sidelines knows they will simply be shot fead before midnight if this game is not won.

Mr. Ayo

Game. Set. Match.

Horatio Cornblower

So far Penix has displayed poor arm strength, poor accuracy, poor decision-making, and an inability to deal with pressure.

Which means that right now the Bears front office is trying to figure out how they can somehow trade up from #1 to make sure they get him.

Last edited 9 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
Brocky

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blaxabbath

Saints could use another swiss army knife type in their backfield. Not sure about their pick capital though.

Brocky

The mini husky is not entertained

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Horatio Cornblower

“So we loaded up our Chik-Fil-A food truck and headed to the school, but you better believe we screened for queers before handing out them sammiches!”

SonOfSpam

“If a kid asked for a cockmeat sandwich, we woulda left”

Redshirt

So based on the last two drives, Michigan is just plain better than Washington.

Is this an accurate sampling?

Horatio Cornblower

That does appear to be Washington’s main problem, that and repeatedly shooting themselves in the dick at every opportunity.

Redshirt

Just as you said that, Penixson just overthrew a wide open receiver by about a two-story building.

Horatio Cornblower

He’s had a terrible game, but to be fair

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his teammates have done more than their share to make sure he did.

Brocky

Hail doinklor

blaxabbath

I mean, so what Jim Harbaugh had video showing Washington No Can Wrap Up?