JV NFL Finale Open Thread

One last hurrah for Hippo’s favoUrite banner pic!

Washington (+5.5) v. Michigan (7:30, ESPN)

Oh man, this line just keeps creeping up.  I have a really bad feeling, and it’s worse than the usual (gas).

Polar opposites clash tonight.  There’s the smug superiority (undeserved) epitomized by the Michigan Man – of whom Lesser Harbs is more or less the khaki-clad epitome.  Unless one is a Michigan Man oneself, one has a very strong urge to punch the Michigan Man right in the genitals.  We all know people like that in our orbit, within or outside of sportsball.

Whereas Kalen DeBoer is the blue collar guy who worked his way up the coaching ladder.  If anyone has a bad word to say about him – professionally or otherwise – I haven’t heard it.  B1G “royalty” like UM have to view their imminent entry into the conference as some sort of “barbarians at the gate.”  For us neutrals, it will be nice to see someone crash the party and make the games more watchable.  Tonight is sommet of a preview in that respect.

But shit – this Wolverine team (on the pitch) is physical as fuck.  They win both lines of scrimmage with great regularity.  It’s the Alabama formula, albeit more as a “one off” – given that UM only managed this level of dominance by keeping the core group together (more or less) for the better part of the last 3 seasons.  That is…they don’t recruit like Alabama, and are perfectly set up to crash back to 8-4 after Lesser Harbs takes the Clippers du Merde job.  Which he’s gonna, win or lose.

That hits at Washington’s weakness (run defense), but consider the opposite side of the coin.  Modern FITBAW theory says that if you have to be weak at something, run defense is it.  Where Washington has the advantage is in the passing game, and they just might have a good enough OL to allow Penix Power to fully shine through.  The Huskies’ WR depth will also test the Wolverine secondary like they have not been remotely tested to date.

But again – if it takes 30+ points to beat Michigan, can they really go off that wildly?  Surely 40+ is too much to ask.  What I imagine DeBoer wants is to be within a score with 2 minutes or so left, and the ball in Penix’ hands.  He’ll take what comes from there.  Let’s all hope that’s what we get to see, not the 35-10 pasting Hippo has started to fear.

5 5 votes
Article Rating
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
Subscribe
Notify of
156 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
blaxabbath

Goodyear not playing the color scheme neutral.

Horatio Cornblower

Herbstreit ignoring the obvious hold on the reply of Michigan’s long pass play.

blaxabbath

I have sound off. That replay looked like they had to be talking about the benefit of being away with that hold.

Horatio Cornblower

Nope, nary a word was mentioned.

Brocky

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus Washington just cannot get out of their own way.

Mr. Ayo

JV BLEEEERGH!

Horatio Cornblower

“looks like his own feet tripped him up” says Herbstriet, looking up from his porn binge just in time to see McCarthy fall over, but not in time to see the defender swat McCarthy off balance.

SonOfSpam

I hope Blake Corum has a sister named Dee and she’s ironically impolite.

Brocky

Actual conversation between me and my friend:

Friend: so wait, is this the same woodson on nfl network?

Me: no that’s rod woodson. He went to purdue and played for the Steelers. The guy they’re showing is charles woodson. He went to Michigan. They’re both in the hall of fame, and both played for the Raiders.

beat

Friend: your mom plays for the Raiders

SonOfSpam

comment image

Brocky

He will literally send that to me at random times

Horatio Cornblower

HI I’M MARK DAVIS!!

WCS

grumblegrumble move over kid i’m back on the market grumble

Brocky

….be an improved over my last step dad

TheRevanchist

Well, she probably got a lot of time working on their staff, under Mark Davis.

Mr. Ayo
SonOfSpam

He can start practicing that shit right now!

Doktor Zymm

Now watching about Trent Williams’s cancer. Dude, they removed like half his scalp because they do an inch margin around where it spread. He was lucky it didn’t spread into his skull.

WCS

That cancer is property of the Washington Football Team, and all it’s known properties. Williams still owes over $4 million backed fees for leasing that tumor.

SonOfSpam

he didnt get chemo he got chommando

WCS

put the chlime in the chochonut?

Doktor Zymm

Dr. Chao gets all the publicity, but the Washington medical staff can hold their own on the malpractice front

Don T

comment image

Gumbygirl

Look at this gorgeous gent!

Senor Weaselo

Senorita Weaselo: “Where have you been, kitty? Come back to mama.”

litre_cola

Worse vehicle, Pontiac Aztek or PT Cruiser?

Mr. Ayo

PT Cruiser. Stupid Alamo offered me a convertible and gave me that POS.

WCS

The Aztek handles like a Chevy Equinox, so it’s drivable. Never driven a PT Cruiser, but my brother LOATHED it.

SonOfSpam

c. Cybertruck

litre_cola

Didja see the clip of one in the snow yesterday or today?

SonOfSpam

Where the other (non-stupid) truck had to tow it out? Yeah, that was satisfying.

Brocky

Found a funny:

Just got a random text from a guy wanting to meet up in the woods to compare dick sizes.

Fucking weirdo. Didn’t even show up

Don T

Clams seem chill. Good reincarnation Plan D.

SonOfSpam

The bivalve, or the slang term for a vagina?

WCS
Redshirt

(Me walking into the clubhouse and noticing the score of the JV Title game: Artist Interpretation)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkJehlr1tEw&pp=ygUjc2ltcHNvbnMgZ3JhbmRwYSB3YWxraW5nIGluIGFuZCBvdXQ%3D

Horatio Cornblower

“Penix is pretty locked in tonight” says Kirk Herbstreit, who is watching this game from an alternate universe.

WCS

No, he’s watching porn. He doesn’t care about the game.

Horatio Cornblower

Given his commentary so far I am not ruling this out.

Horatio Cornblower

Why would you pass there?

WCS

So you could ask.

Horatio Cornblower

Gotta be the reason. Nothing else makes sense.

Senor Weaselo

The Fightin’ McHales aren’t looking too hot.

Neither are the Ice Giants.

Brocky

I just realized former IU men’s basketball coach is likely at this game.

Only way he’s coming close to a championship is living vicariously through his brother in laws

Horatio Cornblower

Pretty sure Bobby Knight’s not at the game.

WCS

comment image

Brocky

Holy shit I am bad with the typos tonight. I’m not even close to drunk.

Former IU coach Tom Crean, is who I meant

Mr. Ayo

That flow!

comment image

WCS

Has anyone seen Crean and Dean Spanoi in the same room at the same time?

Horatio Cornblower

Season 5, and yes.

Don T

1000%. I started watching that yesterday. It may have spilled over the first hour of the early window–THERE,I said it.

Horatio Cornblower

S5 Fargo is better than any football that was on yesterday.

Don T

I’m up to episode 3. Dot seems like a Lamar! Type.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh you have no idea.

WCS

3rd and 22? JV NFL BLITZ!

jjfozz

Pennix looking limp

Brocky

They have pills for that

litre_cola

Pills? You have any extra? – T Marinovich

WCS

Michigan’s scared of Northern Illinois. That’s just a straight-up fact. Why won’t the Wolverines play them?

Horatio Cornblower

Herbstreit: “Here comes a screen or a draw, something easy.”

/Washington comes out empty backfield and 5 wide.

jjfozz

PENNIX IS ELITE! Please inform Mr. Flacco. He’s sitting in an apartment with one chair, one couch, and white walls. He’s eating a bowl of Cream of Wheat with a side of skim milk. For desert, Grape Nuts without milk.

Horatio Cornblower

He’s Ben Affleck from ‘The Accountant’?

WCS

Grape Nuts?! On a Monday?! Joe’s really celebrating this playoff run.

Horatio Cornblower

I just don’t see Penix’s delivery translating to the NFL. Like at all. I wouldn’t draft him at gun point.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So you’re saying I shouldn’t walk into the sports book and bet on U Dub?

Brocky

I would like to take this opportunity to remind everyone that IU held Michigan scoreless for 1 quarter.

Michigan would then score 52 unanswered points

Horatio Cornblower

One good thing about Michigan winning the title this season is that it will be forever tainted by so much cheating that Harbs wasn’t allowed to coach the first and last three games of the season.

WCS

Not to mention celebrate it, when he takes the Chargers jorb at 12:35 DFO time 1/9/24

Mr. Ayo

JFC Huskies. Did it not occur to you that UoM would RUN the fucking ball?

The phrase is BOW DOWN, not ROLL OVER and let them rub your exposed tummies in an embarrassing loss right before you join their conference and become an irrelevant program.

WCS

Red rocket!

Doktor Zymm

LOL @ Barry being annoyed he had to wake up in the middle of the night while in Japan to accept the Heisman

jjfozz

I consider you friends, so I will share one exchange from tonight’s counseling session.

“I know you want to say ‘Fuck you I’m fucking out of here’ to your family.”
“Yeah, I really do.”
“Don’t do it.”
“Really?”
“Yes, take my word for it.”

WCS

comment image

Last edited 4 months ago by WCS
Horatio Cornblower

comment image

WCS

comment image

The Maestro

GOOOOOO BLUEEEEEEEE

jjfozz

I haven’t seen dogs mistreated like this since the Michael Vick trial.

Game Time Decision

Which team or fan base will be more whiney about the loss? Whoever that is, I don’t want them to win
/also not going to watch any of the game

Brocky

I am not lying when I say I’ve never met a Washington huskies fan in my life

Gumbygirl

I have, but I lived in Washington for 4 years.

jjfozz

She never opened the packages I sent her that were full of my toenail clippings and used, waxy Q Tips.

Brocky

She heard you were a subpar sailor

jjfozz

So I send out a schedule for our newsletter.

I use the same file and file name as my predecessor.

The pain in the ass, stick your nose in everyone’s business, flat out bitch proceeds to tell me what’s wrong with it.

Seriously? Fuck you, you fucking fuck.

No, I didn’t say that, but I pointed out it had been approved.

This woman, I want to pound her face in with a hot iron.

jjfozz

Up at 530, drive to DC, drive back. Appointment with counselor. Sitting down to watch game, 9 year says, “we have to write a short story.”

How much does it take to completely disappear and move to Fiji?

Doktor Zymm

I’ve got enough Alaska miles to get your airfare, up to you what you do once you get there

Game Time Decision

Why rush things, when you could sail there, on your own poorly crafted sailboat?

jjfozz

My sailing skills are . . .under a C level.

jjfozz

Much appreciated, once I get there, I’m a fucking ghost.

Horatio Cornblower

Actually, if you fly Alaska Airlines there’s a decent chance you’ll become a ghost en route.

WCS

Ask the nine-year-old after they get back from said trip.

Horatio Cornblower

“What’s this ‘we’ shit, son? I don’t remember attending 5th grade today.”

scotchnaut

Washington Friskies doing ok so far.

scotchnaut

Hold on…

litre_cola

How much Penix can you take?

SonOfSpam

So I thought the game would start at like quarter after.

Stupid NCAA.

WCS

Well, still can’t be as weird as last year’s Jawja-Blood Eye’d massacre.

Right?

Doktor Zymm

Going to watch that Amazon documentary on Barry Sanders. Looks like they’re gonna try and explain why he retired. I always figured it was just because he was a well-adjusted, maybe slightly introverted dude with high self-esteem who was ahead of the times on preserving his mental and physical health, but maybe I’m wrong!

Already enjoying footage from the ’89 draft. Deion Sanders has a sweet outfit!

WCS

We’ve all worked for an employer who was completely inept, and seemingly went out the way to be as hapless as possible.

I’d walk as soon as possible, too.

WCS

Especially your first jorb out of college.

Brocky

Could have done the opinion of a certain wanna be political pundit, you’ll know it when you see it

Brocky

*done without the opinions of a certain wanna be pundit.

Is what I wanted to say

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think it’s kind of messed up that Apple is being punished for designing a phone with an anti-gravity feature.

Screenshot_20240108_163708_Chrome.jpg
WCS

damn BIG GRAVITY and it’s gubnant buddies!

Doktor Zymm

There were 2 iPhones sucked out of the plane, if only one still works that’s a 50% failure rate

The Maestro

Corso’s going Blue, it seems!

scotchnaut

Who’s the dumbshit in the cowboy hat?

Brocky

Turd Ferguson

ballsofsteelandfury

Hippo must like Big Ws…