I Got Your Wild Card Weekend Denouement Right Here-Your Monday Night Open Thread

This is your last chance to fill your eyebulbs with that sweet, sweet man meat. (ewww…) I’m with WCS in that there should be three days of doubleheaders this weekend. It’s a good idea and that’s why it won’t be adopted.

A Personal Thingy: I was watching earlier in the season for my total posts number to reach a certain level. How close did I pay attention? Well, this is my 1,013th try at a game intro. (and some other stuff as well) That’s a ton of words skipped over by tens of eyes! Seriously, thanks for putting up with my garbage, I’ve enjoyed it immensely.

To The Game!

Eagles/Bucs:

-How inspiring is this matchup? Well, last week Philly was blown out by the Giants and Tampa put all of 9 points up against Carolina. Talk about bottom-feeder playoffs squadoos…

-Numbers Don’t Lie: You know, sometimes they do but not in this circumstance-the Eagles are 31st against the pass. The mystery lies in what team could possibly be worse.

-If you said that the Bucs are the only NFC team to make the postseason the last four years you’d be correct and are probably a wealth of useless trivia.

-Philly fans got what they screamed incessantly about when Sean Desai was shunted to the side. Only thing was, Matt Patricia nudged a struggling defense towards ‘hapless’. Anyone remember that impenetrable run D that limited teams to 66.5 yards per? Since the bye that number has ballooned (more than doubled!) to 145.1.

-Meanwhile, the Bucs O has been struggling lately-after scoring 30 on Christmas Eve they’ve cobbled together a mere 22 over the last two tilts.

Enjoy if you can!

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LemonJello

Refs got a phone call at halftime from NFL HQ. Herr Goodell has spoken.

Fronkenshteen

I kinda want EVERY quarterback’s helmet plastic to explode like candy glass now.

jjfozz

Good god yes

jjfozz

If Laura Rutledge missed her window in broadcasting, she’s the centerfold in Iron Horse magazine.

Col. Duke LaCross

Not a classy mag like Easyriders?

litre_cola

This made me chortle.

jjfozz

Oui?

Brick Meathook

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jjfozz

That’s a lot of bourbon, said anyone ever to me.
Fuck off, you fucking fuck, is what I sadi in sresponse.

Col. Duke LaCross

Like, I know we’re not supposed to care about award shows, but Rhea Seehorn getting boned out of an Emmy in her last shot for BCS is a fucking CRIME.

Jennifer Coolidge is entertaining enough, but she ain’t exactly acting in the White Lotus.

blaxabbath

You coulda Ashlii Babbitted that comment after the second comma.

ThePirateSloth

If I were to call my godfather right now – a born and bred Irish Philadelphian – I know he would use the most cutting and hurtful of Philadelphian phrases about the Eagles: These fuckin bums.

LemonJello

Baker head into the locker room for another dose of “vitamins” and prepare for the 2nd half.

blaxabbath

Baker Mayfield: Plays a season in the NFC South

MNF Girle: Baker Mayfield says he’s never felt more comfortable playing in the NFL…..

blaxabbath

That was a good facemask, IMO.

blaxabbath

Fuck you trying to run that shit on a Todd Bowles defense, Philadelphia! That man has seen darkness. That man isn’t going to be pushed off the line on like that challenge just suggested was the intent.

blaxabbath

Am I little Don_T in a town with legal marijuana sales right now?

MAY BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

fleshwound_NPG

if the ass push isnt working for the iggles might as well forfeit

Downfield Matriculator

You’re saying they’ve surrendered the booty?

Brocky

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blaxabbath

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Dunstan

HARF HARF THE BEN JUST PUSH HARDER

jjfozz

Couldn’t get right with the bitchign about the facemask. If you’re going to try that play, okay, but all penalties are suspended in taht scrum.

Brocky

…huh

fleshwound_NPG

finally a dallas makes a playoff game interesting this week

Downfield Matriculator

Today Dallas looking better than yesterday Dallas

LemonJello

Julio Jones: Questionable with a back injury

-Miami Medical Staff

King Hippo

This game sponge-worthy? I should think NOT

litre_cola

THis is why we have Gamblor.

Doktor Zymm

Nap time? Nap time

Mr. Ayo

Poor timing

LemonJello

You’re not flying the plane right now, are you Dok?

ThePirateSloth

7 teams in 5 seasons? Damn.

King Hippo

Papa was a rolling stone…

LemonJello

Sirianni on a hot seat or the hottest seat if the Eagles DDT themselves tonight?

Senor Weaselo

My guess is it’ll be a Silent Spring.

In that he’ll get ripped apart.

/Boom, it’s actually a Jamison Go robot joke!

Last edited 9 months ago by Senor Weaselo
Brocky

Off topic, but I saw a team whyachi sticker on a van yesterday. Indiana plates

Thought you’d appreciate it

litre_cola

He gone.

LemonJello

Is Brady playing in this game? No? Then I don’t need to hear or see a gottdammed thing about him tonight, do I?

Brocky

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Was this a test?

Brocky

Kinda, just a very versatile gif that I had stored in my phone

ArmedandHammered

I saw him on screen, didn’t need sound to know there were probably slobbing noises goning on.

litre_cola

80 yd Evans TD incoming

Brocky

So he’s gonna lose 30 yards first?

ThePirateSloth

College era PirateSloth was a Buccaneers fan, because of my Piratey ways – also because I was living in Savannah and was not about to be a Falcons or Jaguar fan, but could still watch Bucs games on a regular basis.

King Hippo

There will be no clean sheet tonight.

/looks down in shame

LemonJello

“If I had a nickel for all the cookie crumbs in Eli’s bedding…”
-Olivia Manning

ArmedandHammered

“Funny, I don’t remember buying any chocolate chip” – Olivia Manning after a moments thought.

LemonJello

Somebody told the Iggles D that the Bucs all have cooties or something.

ArmedandHammered

Ewwwwww

LemonJello

Eli agrees with you.

hippofant

He’s 85 years old? Someone get him a fucking chair for something.

King Hippo

Does Old Sparky still work?

King Hippo

Well, there you go. The one and only playoff team to lose at home this weekend? The Dallas Non-Gendered Cowpersons.

King Hippo

Philly is embarrassing the entire NFC East. And yes, I watched yesterday.

litre_cola

The secondary is as advertised.

litre_cola

Slay and 3 guys they picked up outside the Home Depot on the way to the stadium.

King Hippo

//shorted him on the $300 too

Mr. Ayo

Bye Iggles Bye

LemonJello

Baker possessed by the spirit of the Sex Dragon?

LemonJello

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King Hippo

Lincoln Riley, looking rough. Why is he in MRSA-ville?

LemonJello

Baker probably owes him money.

King Hippo

He’ll put that ass on the STREET until he works that money back

ArmedandHammered

I do not know why, but I am gettting a mental image of Linguists in the far future who have made theses in the study of an offshoot of English known as Hippospeak.

King Hippo

the BLOOD GODS demand it!!

Brocky

I thought the whole point of adding another game is to avoid 9 win division champions

fleshwound_NPG

nfc south: challenge accepted! eternally!

clint greasewood

be happy they have a winning record

Brocky

No

hippofant

lol no, it was money

Senor Weaselo

“Whoa, double digits? What are you, some kind of machine?” -Tank Division

LemonJello

*Checks TVGuide*

This is a tackle football playoff game, right?

ArmedandHammered

Welcome to the NFL!

Brocky

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fleshwound_NPG

dont totally hate the eagles

but it was glorious that day to see that asshole of a stadium, that ended many a career and caused waaaay more cte, get what it deserved

Col. Duke LaCross

+2 Wendell Davis knees.

fleshwound_NPG

as insufferable as kc/buf is gonna be next week

the swifties are about to witness for the first time the majesty of bills mafia and flaming table choke slams and pink dildos thrown onto the field of play

Brocky

Bills mafia is gonna put her through a table like the dudley boys

Redshirt

Its a good thing they started this game. The more they showed the Bucs fans, the less I wanted them to win.

LemonJello

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hippofant

I sincerely hope Baker Mayfield blows the Eagles out. I think that’d be the funniest outcome for all of us.

Redshirt

So why is Ric Flair in Tampa Bay again? Does he have friends there or is he just drunk again?

fleshwound_NPG

its florida, hes old, avoiding taxes (again)

Mr. Ayo

He actually lives there. I know, really surprising news.

LemonJello

Yes.

Brocky

He’s broke and needs the speaking fees

LemonJello

All this talk about ribs has got Andy Reid’s mouth watering.

fleshwound_NPG

“…and the thought of having an entire buffalo next week. oh? going to buffalo?”

-a. reid

Redshirt

nya nya jkafidsnfjkdal lkjfds
NYA NYA ALKF;JKLFD;SANDJ LASJKL

I just saw the dislocated finger!

LemonJello

There’s no need to summon the dread dark lord Cthullu, sir.

Redshirt

(watching the Iowa Caucus Results)

I respectfully disagree.

fleshwound_NPG

no way nikki pulls this off over trump. we hit our schadenfreude quota yesterday with the cowboys

Redshirt

Best she can hope for is a close 2nd in IA and another close 2nd and maybe a 1st in NH. The sooner she can get DeSantis to quit, the better she has a chance to pull off the upset.

In other delusional news, I fully expect one of my lottery numbers to hit fairly soon.

LemonJello

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ArmedandHammered

I want Baker Mayfield to win a SuperBowl and when presented the trophy shouts “Fuck you, Haslan!”.

SonOfSpam

Whoever wins Super Bowl MVP should do this.

LemonJello

Since the trade, does Baker now live on the pirate ship?

Redshirt

I’d imagine him like John Rambo, living on the land until fate forces his hand.

ArmedandHammered

That would be a much more funny commercial than living in the stadium.

ArmedandHammered

Damn, Rick Flair looks {and is} old.

Senor Weaselo

It was either to say that or a libel lawsuit.

Last edited 9 months ago by Senor Weaselo
Redshirt

Adjust your bets accordingly.

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Redshirt

They just announced the KC@BUF match and I’m already sick of the buildup.

LemonJello

Run up the Jolly Roger and prepare to repel boarders!

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Senor Weaselo

I thought that was for Chefs/Fins!

litre_cola

Go Birds. Time to dust off the Asomugha jersey.