Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo: Mind on the Road

I do a lot of driving. Like, a lot. Like, due for a 5,000 mile oil change, and I got the car at the end of October. Like, over 1800 miles in January. Such is the life of a freelance musician, who is also in a medium-distance relationship, and is the only one with a car and so has to schlep back and forth. As such, I have important thoughts about the New York City roadway system beyond “It’s a mess of potholes.” Things about the way things were constructed (again, beyond “poorly”) in terms of mapping things out and exits and whatnot. Here are their stories.

We start with a relatively recent one, the renumbering of the exits on the Hutchinson River Parkway. They redid it to match with the mile markers, which now exist. As someone who learned the Hutch like the back of my hand thanks to school, rabble rabble rabble.

The big benefit is the exit that leads to the beginning of 684 now has a number. So that’s nice, I guess. While we’re at exit numbering…

There’s definitely confusion with the Belt/Cross Island/Southern State debacle, considering rather than follow the Grand Central/Northern State, they didn’t and continued the Belt’s exits to the Cross Island. But in that case, why didn’t they renumber the Southern State, which still starts at 13 as a continuation to the Cross Island? They half-assed the whole interchange.

Incidentally the Grand Central is slightly fucked as well since Exit 4 is the BQE, then the next exit is 45, but that’s because the entire thing is weird with that part actually being I-278 and following its numbering as opposed to the old numbering which probably went all the way to the Bruckner. Yeah, 3 would’ve been 31st Street, 2 would’ve been the Manhattan part of the Triboro, 1 would have been the Major Deegan… at least that one is actually kind of self-explanatory.

Minus the part where it’s I-278 East and the westbound Grand Central.

Lastly, the ridiculousness that… 695 is about a mile and a half to connect the Cross Bronx (95) to the Throgs Neck Bridge (295), and the Battery Tunnel is actually I-478, despite it being, you know, just going across the tunnel. From the BQE. Which is 278.

I can come back later for proper nomenclatures of things but it’s 6:40 because I had a rehearsal. Here’s the news:

-A slightly ruptured KHunt had surgery for a sports hernia. Okay, ruptured adductor.

-Seahawks hire Ravens DC Mike McDonald as their new head coach, a six-year deal. I’m sure everyone is excited to look what he can do.

…Hold up, he was a writer on Cougar Town?

-Jeff Hafley (of Boston College) to the Packers to become their DC.

-Meanwhile, Ben Johnson to stay with the Lions, due to “unfinished business,” according to Sun God.

-Similarly, OC Bobby Slowik to remain with the 500s.

-In “no one cares” news, Patrick Mahomes is accusing Justin Tucker of being a habitual line-stepper.

Sports!

Some hockey.
FTK vs. Icy Thumbtacks (LAK vs. NSH, 7:30, TNT)

Minimal hockey though.
Kevin Durant HomecomiZZZZZZZ (PHX vs. BKN, 8:30, ABC) (I am contractually obligated)
Dame Dolla Homecoming—meh (MIL vs. POR, 10:00, ESPN)

Augh, JV.
“Please stay on the 8 line according to Lunardi” vs. Lesser, Lesser Redshirt (St. John’s vs. Xavier, in progress, FS1)
Fighting Irish vs. “Those Two Guys” from every mainline Fire Emblem game (Notre Dame vs. Virginia, 7:00, ESPN2)
Swamp Kitties vs. Large Kitties (Florida vs. #10 Kentucky, 8:00, ESPN)
Foxboro Friars vs. Horatio’s Army (Providence vs. #1 UConn, 8:30, FS1)
Commodore 64 vs. WAR. What is it good for? (Vandy vs. Auburn, 9:00, ESPN2)
Tweaker Matchup! Smurf Court vs. Main Men (Boise St. vs. New Mexico, 10:30, FS1)

Okay go.