Your Superb Owl Open Thread

Welp, it’s finally here. As with most of the folks here, I could do without all the silly stories surrounding the game designed to draw in the casual fan. (although one story about a story-it was to be expected-that MAGAT’s were all up in arms about Swift/Kelce being some sort of psy-op that will bring more votes to Biden-that’s a keeper) I can’t stress it enough, when you’ve had your fill, run to the mute button. There’s simply too much air to fill.

To The Game!

Chiefs/Niners:

-Did I get the ‘home’ team right? (Narrator Voice: Nobody cared)

-Knock Me Over With a Dropped Pass: If reports are correct, Kadarius Toney will be starring in the role of “Player Nobody Gives a Shit About” and will not be bringing his unique brand of hapless football to the game today. Maybe it was the pass deflections that turned into interceptions, maybe it was lining up offside at a critical moment. Really, it could be anything. I’ll wager a hot fiver that his ten cent brain will be somewhere else next year.

-Don’t Bother About Trent Williams: As a whole the Niners o-line is ranked 15th in Pass Block Win Rate. That takes into account TW’s 96% rating-so yeah, the rest of the line can be had. The prevailing theory is that the Chiefs will put a speed guy like Danna or Anudike-Uzomah against him and have Chris Jones attack the middle or other side.

-In a game such as this reducing mistakes is paramount but Reid and Shanny Jr. especially tend to make errors when deciding whether or not to go for it on 4th down. By ESPN’s metric Shanny has the worst in-game decision-making skills, making the wrong call 28% of the time on non-obvious 4th downs.

-To Blitz or Not to Blitz: Chiefs DC Spagnoulo (?) employs that sort of pressure at a 32% rate. The trouble is that Purdy has a 86.4 QBR and 14 TD’s when blitzed, easily finding safety valves Kittle and McCaffrey. Spags will no doubt create some new wrinkles during the pre-snap period but how effective will they be?

-Speaking Of: Look for McCaffrey to be used early and often against the Chiefs suspect run D. San Fran will not make the same mistake the Ravens did when they came out throwing. The Niners were #1 in yards per carry on zone runs and K.C. was 31st defending. That’s the kind of statistical disparity that Shanny and run game coordinator Chris Foerster simply can’t ignore. By the same token, Reid and OC Matt Nagy would be fools not to have Pacheco running straight at Chase Young.

Guaranteed to Happen: A 30+ yard shot play to MVS. It’s happened in both playoff games so far.

-Feast or Famine: Cb L’Jarius Sneed has rightly won praise for making big plays in a timely fashion but he’s also been flagged 17(!) times so far this year for holding/pass interference, etc. as well.

It was a pleasure putting these together for the 9th(?) year. Shit, has it really been that long? Enjoy the game and comment like you’ve never commented before!

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ballsofsteelandfury

As WCS, Gumbygirl, and others will attest, the most important thing is this:

Steelers 6
Pats 6
Dallas 5
SF 5
Giants 4
Packers 4
KC 4

WCS

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EDIT: I love how the Giants are just sort of there. They like the dumb, affable uncle that’s usually making an idiot of themselves, but occasionally does something nice and most are happy for him when things accidently work out.

Last edited 9 months ago by WCS
ballsofsteelandfury

They won with Hostetler!

But Eli is the best Giants QB ever. Fuck Simms.

WCS

Like I said… the Gronk of NFL franchises.

NotShogunButShogun

They are oddly forgettable. Everytime. Year later, “who won?” Oh THEM!

Downfield Matriculator

Hey I’m “others” attesting after watching the Kyle clench push out another turd

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

Beerguyrob

Well, they have to talk to Mama Kelce because Taylor doesn’t do local TV.

TheRevanchist

So, that vacuum wasn’t violated tonight? I think you need to need to help a brother out.

Beerguyrob

MY COMMENT FROM EARLIER HAS BEEN VALIDATED!

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yeah right

This is me heading to the kitchen for Season 10 of Sunday Gravy.

Beerguyrob

I am looking forward to trying some new recipes.

yeah right

I’ve got a few things.

Gumbygirl

We are counting on you!

Beerguyrob

This one’s pretty good.

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Redshirt

“GET YOU SHIT TOGETHER, YOU WALRUS! I WILL NOT BE ANOTHER TAYLOR SWIFT BREAKUP SONG!”

NotShogunButShogun

Album. 4LP, colored. Broken white/red 180g vinyl. Complete handwritten notes.

yeah right

I’ve got a date with all 3 granddaughters at Knotts in April.

I’m a happy man.

Beerguyrob

Or you’re attending a Mormon wedding.

Senor Weaselo

And immediately, the Jets announce their new unis are being shown in April.

LemonJello

Are they designed by Boeing? Does the ass panel blow off making it easier for them to shit all over the field?

Beerguyrob

Mecole Hardman with the rare honest quote – “I blacked out there when I caught the ball.”

Senor Weaselo

I mean at least he ran into the end zone first.

WCS

“I mean, I understood the first part…”

— Britt R., parts unknown

LemonJello

T. Swift just waiting for her mustache ride later tonight

NotShogunButShogun

Oh she’s pegging him, let’s be real

Beerguyrob

Why do you think Ice Spice was there?

Redshirt

She’s a nice country girl. Of course she’s into weird shit when the bedroom door closes and the panty drawer opens.

Brocky

So I’m just gonna say it….

This year was definitely the year people turned on the chiefs, but to me it felt different than previous other “teams that win all the time”

People “turned” on mahomes after he complained about one call, while seemingly forgetting about brady being a diva.

People said he did “too many commercials” after letting that arrogant piece of Human garage rodgers do it for so long

They got pissy about taylor swift despite there being literally decades of instances where players dated celebrities.

I guess I’m saying I grew to like the chiefs this season because they pissed certain people off, and after decades of tolerating far less likable teams, I’m all for it

WCS

Same.

Honestly, this would be the same if it was the Jest or Jags to me. Brady and Belichick had the BAWSTAHN stank all over them; they were epicenter of overall BAWSTAHN bullshit for two decades. They were more symptom of the BAWSTAHN disease.

Senor Weaselo

In fairness, the Jets have NEW YAWK and the Jags have #FloridaMan, so I guess the moral of the story is “everyone sucks.”

Redshirt

As a Bengals fan who had to deal with the Chiefs team and fans going full smug on us…I don’t really feel it. Everyone complaining about those reasons are just butthurt. I want you to have complete success…so when my team and QB gets healthy, we can knock you back down to Earth.

Enjoy the title and dethroning the Patriots!

Gumbygirl

Yeah, why the hell not? They are entertaining as hell to watch, without the Massholian Factor. Works for me! I would have been just as happy if the Niners one, because they are also a fun team to watch. It was a Superb Owl, everybody wins! And we got to hang with each other, which is the biggest win of them all!

Gumbygirl

Lol, look how I spelled won. Gumbygirl has been up since the very asscrack o’ dawn!

Recovery Whiskey

Reid keeping the tradition of shitty fathers winning titles alive

Brocky

I mean, outside of dungy and Andy, who am I forgetting?

WCS

Jack Harbaugh is utterly insane.

Gumbygirl

.

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Gumbygirl

I don’t know if he’s a shitty dad, probably not. I just love this meme.

BugEyedBoo

Can’t do that job and be a good father, can you?

yeah right

Vince Lombardy would be proud.

NotShogunButShogun

GOD. FOOTBALL. FAMILY (time willing).

Senor Weaselo

Well, Kyle Shanahan is now the first coach be a part of TWO teams that lost Super Bowls in overtime.

WCS

Well, that’s worthy of a DFO nickname or something.

NotShogunButShogun

ShanaNOPE?

Beerguyrob

Love how Roger Goodell hands off the trophy and peace’s out. A good union man clocks out when his shift’s over.

LemonJello

Which Casino buffet is Andy just demolishing tonight?

Recovery Whiskey

Caesars or Bellagio

yeah right

Rio has seafood. What more could a walrus ask for.

BugEyedBoo

I think they don’t have that one anymore. 🙁

Senor Weaselo

All of them, obviously.

NotShogunButShogun

Yes

Wakezilla

The fans didn’t boo The Rog and they give the trophy to the owner? The NFL is lame

Recovery Whiskey

Proof SB attendees aren’t real fans

NotShogunButShogun

Trophy closet? You mean Andy’s meat freezer?

LemonJello

BOO THIS MAN! (Roger Goodell)!!!!

Recovery Whiskey

Elway handing the trophy to the Chiefs is some AFC West drama

Wakezilla

Imagine John Elway and Aubrey Edwards banging.

WCS

Catherine the Great would be down.

Doktor Zymm

THIS KYLE SHANAHAN I CALL HIM AETHELRED THE UNREADY BECAUSE HE INHERITED HIS POSITION THEN INSTIGATED A SERIES OF INEFFECTIVE ATTACKS AGAINST THE INCUMBENT CONQUERORS OF THE REGION

SonOfSpam

Sure but I don’t recognize the first A he’s Ethelred to me.

SonOfSpam

Watched the game with my wife (no Borat voice because fuck you) and good Shiva this was a fun great game. God bless TayTrav.

Recovery Whiskey

Just like Biden and the deep state ordained it

Beerguyrob

We are at 800 comments. THATS GOOD HUSTLE!

Brocky

More than when the eagles beat the patriots?

Beerguyrob

“Maybe?”

— Peter King

Porky Prime

Good night you sweet bastards. Only 364 days until I come back out of my dank pit again!

Beerguyrob

God speed you sweet bastard.

SonOfSpam

Luv ya man,

WCS

Don’t be a stranger, man. Seriously.

Bogdanski

Me too!

WCS

You, too, damn it.

yeah right

I was just going to make some Sunday Gravy!

Redshirt

The door remains unlocked 366 days a year.

yeah right

Don’t be a stranger my good friend.

LemonJello

THESE 49ERS, I CALL THEM VEGAS CALL GIRLS BECAUSE THEY JUST GOT FUCKED BY SOME DUDES FROM THE MIDWEST

Senor Weaselo

Well, they’re dead, so I guess that means they’re hookers, according to sources.

NotShogunButShogun

THIS KYLE SHANAHAN I CALL HIM A SCHOOL SHOOTER, KILLING THE HOPES AND DREAMS OF MINERS.

Beerguyrob

People are now riling up the MAGAs.

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Wakezilla

So, does Kelce retire after this season?

clint greasewood

The man increase his net worth 3 times over by dating Taylor Swift during the NFL season. If he’s still dating her by the start of next season he’s going to play.

LemonJello

Kelce getting anal from Tay-Tay tonight?

Porky Prime

A little Aunt Peg?

hippofant

How much did Temu pay for like… 4 commercials during this thing?

Porky Prime

Andy Reid taking down Brock Purdy

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ThePirateSloth

I can accept this outcome.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS THEPIRATESLOTH I CALL HIM NOT A REPUBLICAN BECAUSE HE’S WILLING TO ACCEPT REALITY

2Pack

Hittin the road, night y’all

Beerguyrob

Later gator.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok I think I’m done now

Beerguyrob

Goodnight handsome.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS KYLE SHANAHAN I CALL HIM THE PINNACLE OF 90S FASHION BECAUSE HE’S A BIG UGLY CHOKER

hippofant

I was really hoping for Jauan Jennings Super Bowl MVP

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS KYLE SHANAHAN I CALL HIM MIKE PENCE BECAUSE HE WAS POWERLESS TO STOP SOMETHING THE MAGA WORLD INEXPLICABLY BELIEVES IS ANTIAMERICAN

Gatoraids

Mahomes should just aid best thing about winning Super Bowl was being able to finally get rid of Toney

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS KYLE SHANAHAN I CALL HIM MISS PIGGY BECAUSE KERMIT OWNS THAT ASS

WCS

The good news for Nick Bosa is he doesn’t have to go the White House now.

Brocky

Out of all the comments here, this should be the banner

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS KYLE SHANAHAN I CALL HIM BRITT REID BECAUSE HE SHOULD HE AN EMBARRASSMENT TO HIS FAMILY BUT SOMEHOW THEY LOVE HIM ANYWAY

yeah right

We’ve got neighbors won some cash fireworks going off.

Petronel

Congrats Chiefs.

Brocky

I’m sorry bro.

TheRevanchist

Thank you. It’s been a long time since we won anything, like 360-ish days. That is a lot of minutes spent waiting for this moment. But, let me tell you, it was all worth it.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS KYLE SHANAHAN I CALL HIM RTD’S WIFE’S FAVORITE APPLIANCE BECAUSE HE SUCKS

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS KYLE SHANAHAN I CALL HIM AN ASPIRING SUPPORTING ACTRESS BECAUSE HE CANNOT STOP BLOWING LEADS

Dunstan

“It’s the producers you need to blow.” — Harvey W

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Doktor Zymm

Inevitable and boring as all shit out

Doktor Zymm

I regret watching, even the German version

Brocky

Bull shit, the last quarter and over time were great

Doktor Zymm

True, but goddamn the niners fucking it up was irritating

Beerguyrob

Sad Shanahan is sad.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Kyle Shanahan is the ultimate champion of blown leads

Gumbygirl

Yeesh.