Your Superb Owl Open Thread

Welp, it’s finally here. As with most of the folks here, I could do without all the silly stories surrounding the game designed to draw in the casual fan. (although one story about a story-it was to be expected-that MAGAT’s were all up in arms about Swift/Kelce being some sort of psy-op that will bring more votes to Biden-that’s a keeper) I can’t stress it enough, when you’ve had your fill, run to the mute button. There’s simply too much air to fill.

To The Game!

Chiefs/Niners:

-Did I get the ‘home’ team right? (Narrator Voice: Nobody cared)

-Knock Me Over With a Dropped Pass: If reports are correct, Kadarius Toney will be starring in the role of “Player Nobody Gives a Shit About” and will not be bringing his unique brand of hapless football to the game today. Maybe it was the pass deflections that turned into interceptions, maybe it was lining up offside at a critical moment. Really, it could be anything. I’ll wager a hot fiver that his ten cent brain will be somewhere else next year.

-Don’t Bother About Trent Williams: As a whole the Niners o-line is ranked 15th in Pass Block Win Rate. That takes into account TW’s 96% rating-so yeah, the rest of the line can be had. The prevailing theory is that the Chiefs will put a speed guy like Danna or Anudike-Uzomah against him and have Chris Jones attack the middle or other side.

-In a game such as this reducing mistakes is paramount but Reid and Shanny Jr. especially tend to make errors when deciding whether or not to go for it on 4th down. By ESPN’s metric Shanny has the worst in-game decision-making skills, making the wrong call 28% of the time on non-obvious 4th downs.

-To Blitz or Not to Blitz: Chiefs DC Spagnoulo (?) employs that sort of pressure at a 32% rate. The trouble is that Purdy has a 86.4 QBR and 14 TD’s when blitzed, easily finding safety valves Kittle and McCaffrey. Spags will no doubt create some new wrinkles during the pre-snap period but how effective will they be?

-Speaking Of: Look for McCaffrey to be used early and often against the Chiefs suspect run D. San Fran will not make the same mistake the Ravens did when they came out throwing. The Niners were #1 in yards per carry on zone runs and K.C. was 31st defending. That’s the kind of statistical disparity that Shanny and run game coordinator Chris Foerster simply can’t ignore. By the same token, Reid and OC Matt Nagy would be fools not to have Pacheco running straight at Chase Young.

Guaranteed to Happen: A 30+ yard shot play to MVS. It’s happened in both playoff games so far.

-Feast or Famine: Cb L’Jarius Sneed has rightly won praise for making big plays in a timely fashion but he’s also been flagged 17(!) times so far this year for holding/pass interference, etc. as well.

It was a pleasure putting these together for the 9th(?) year. Shit, has it really been that long? Enjoy the game and comment like you’ve never commented before!

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Porky Prime

I was trying to think of the last Owl that was so deeply “whoever wins we lose.” Which is to say that part of me already misses hating an active Tom Brady.

makeitsnowondem

Christ Travis, we get it, your girlfriend is here. Every player’s girlfriend is here.

King Hippo

and more than a few side pieces!

Wakezilla

Kelce yelling at Reid because his girlfriend is in the stands and he doesn’t want to look like a punk. Reid should use the bro code and put Kelce out there

ThePirateSloth

I’m just gonna root for Romo to somehow die from natural causes sometime during this game, preferably sooner.

Wakezilla

Fuck. We just got a commercial of two women messing up their lines.

This is so stupid

King Hippo

Just get the razor blade out and tidy ’em up for another go!

King Hippo

awwww, baby. Heaven’s got a STEW goin’ on!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

0-0 is gonna win so much money in squares pools

LemonJello

THIS GAME, I CALL IT A ONE TRICK PASTRY CHEF BECAUSE OF ALL THE TURNOVERS

Petronel

THANK ‘EE KINDLY SIR

whew

King Hippo

turnabout is FARE PLAY WOO

yeah right

So it’s like that huh?

WCS

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X 2

Wakezilla

A shot of Taylor Swift. Down a beer or adult beverage of your choice!

yeah right

Way ahead of you.

Porky Prime

Toothy head for Travis if he can step up!

The Maestro

Jeff Goldbloom in two separate ads? My man must have some sexual harassment legal fees to pay…

Brocky

I think it’s the same parent company

makeitsnowondem

Enjoying seeing the cast of every NBC sitcom.

King Hippo

whatcha bet Cheers is next? They’re mostly still alive

makeitsnowondem

But now nobody knows their names. 🙁

LemonJello

Which is odd, since the Owl in on CBS.

Porky Prime

I think these mostly stream on Paramount.

Gatoraids

Be more thrilled if Twisters involved Green red blue and yellow dots

Brocky

makes a note for sexy Friday

LemonJello

Is CBS using the original Sputnik for their satellite uplink? It looks like scrambled porn* on my tv.

*I may in fact be watching scrambled porn

WCS

Are you living in the year 1995?

LemonJello

Aren’t we all?

Recovery Whiskey

Kobe Bryant call-out with the exploding helecopter. Classy.

Petronel

Lots of old white guys who understood nothing of the last five minutes except AAAHnold.

Wakezilla

Man, these Superb owl commercials suck.

herodotus450

There’s been approximately 3 good commercials, ever, but ya’ll been brainwashed into thinking they’ll be good this year.

Wakezilla

Thanks to Canadia’s antiquated laws, we get a bunch of Canadian Tire commercials

Beerguyrob

And thanks to Donald Trump and Roger Goodell, it stays that way until the next renegotiation of the Free Trade Agreement.

The Maestro

Course 1: pita chips and homemade onion dip
Course 2: tater totchos
Course 3: egg rolls
Course 4: buffalo chicken meatballs and onion rings
Course 5: vanilla ice cream with ginger cookie sandwich.

Thanks, mom.

NotShogunButShogun

Is Romo taking a crap while he kommentates?

Beerguyrob

Spotted that earlier. He’s shittalking a lot for a guy who never played in one of these.

NotShogunButShogun

He sounds like he’s literally cutting a log off.

Porky Prime

It’s his playoff way.

King Hippo

Purdy sure takes a wide stance, like Sen. Larry Craig taking a shittrolling for anonymous gay sex

Wakezilla

Romo describing McCaffrey as a scat back has resulted in him becoming Vince McMahon ‘s favorite player

WCS

Vince’s favorite NFL player is, has been, and will always be Najeh Davenport.

Porky Prime

Get a glass table involved and Stallone might pop by.

Beerguyrob

Can check!

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Porky Prime

Just Guinness

Beerguyrob

Simple, yet elegant.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Heavy Seas Loose Cannon right meow

Beerguyrob

Noice.

Petronel

HoF should use Hester’s real name:

HESTER, Do Not Kick The Ball To Devin

Recovery Whiskey

Temu makes Amazon look legit

King Hippo

for the reclusivity-inclined, dunno how I could ever go back to pre-Amazon times. You gotta choose your evil, I guess – and I’ve gone with the Google/Amazon combo platter.

Porky Prime

Like Wish with a marketing budget.

Senor Weaselo

We have Amazon at home.

Doktor Zymm

Lorraine makes a damn good quiche

Recovery Whiskey

Dan Aykroyd agrees

Redshirt

Marty and George concurs.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Who has 0-0 in the sharkbait squares pool?

Porky Prime

I missed the entire pregame mounting a new TV. So basically missed nothing, right?

Brocky

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Doktor Zymm

Game started about half an hour ago so they’ve played what, a couple minutes by now?

Just got back on board and having lunch

makeitsnowondem

Gentlemen.

yeah right

Mr Snow.

WCS

where?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Alot.

yeah right

We got pecan pie coming out next.

Cecil Rhodes

Excellent punt from that miscreant from our penal colony! The Empire always wins!

Porky Prime

HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN BOYS!?!?

I can’t even wish for an asteroid to destroy the stadium! I mean unless the Raiders will accept playing in Oakland again next year.

King Hippo

PORRRRRRKKKKKKYYYYYYYY!!!!

/was just thinking about NM today must be PSYCHIC

//wait, just psychotic

Redshirt

They can play in the Las Vegas Athletics new stadium. That’s almost ready to go, right?

yeah right

Ola!

WCS

About fucking time. How the hell yinz been? Stay more than five minutes this year.

Porky Prime

Binz good.

King Hippo

ok, Aubrey Plaza and Ron Swanson reunited is pretty good

The Maestro

Oh man. Mom made homemade tater tots from scratch… and then used those to turn into nachos. Fuck me up.

Beerguyrob

Ribs just came out. Had to bake them thanks to the rain.

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WCS

Trent Williams causing NFL BLITZ!

Recovery Whiskey

A hateful Christian group with a great marketing campaign. A take as old as time.

yeah right

Did nobody tell the Jesus folks how Michael Hutchens died?

clint greasewood

Some freak with a Foot Fetish is aroused at a SB party.

Gatoraids

Coach Ryan had to take an early bathroom break thats all

Beerguyrob

It’s nice that CTV is showing all those ads for mens depression, considering their parent Bell laid off 4500 of them earlier this week.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Huh, that ad didn’t make me want to convert at all. What a waste of money that could have, I don’t know, fed the fucking poor?

King Hippo

I was pissing instead. Opportunity missed, mega-churchers!

Redshirt

Right now, people are being driven mad by people who don’t know football going “They shouldn’t give the ball to 23 anymore.”

yeah right

When you watch the game in real time you realize just how many commercials the league tries to shove up your ass.

It’s a painful reminder.

King Hippo

That’s why it helps to have 6 games the first post-RedZone long weekend. #Methadone

Redshirt

I see CBS borrowed their Roman numeral script from the 1980 Star Trek movies.

The Maestro

Ah, Ariana Grande and Wicked. Two overrated things combined under the same banner. I shan’t be partaking.

Gumbygirl

I liked the book.

TheRevanchist

I saw it twice, once with Kristen Chinowith, however you spell her name. She was so damn good.

Redshirt

Hey! Don’t besmirch Wicked like that!

Senor Weaselo

Is it because it’s… popular?

/Back on stage with me!

WCS

My ex-wife loves that song.

Lil’ and Lil’er WCS taunt me with it.

Beerguyrob

Yup. CanCon strikes again.