Welp, it’s finally here. As with most of the folks here, I could do without all the silly stories surrounding the game designed to draw in the casual fan. (although one story about a story-it was to be expected-that MAGAT’s were all up in arms about Swift/Kelce being some sort of psy-op that will bring more votes to Biden-that’s a keeper) I can’t stress it enough, when you’ve had your fill, run to the mute button. There’s simply too much air to fill.
To The Game!
Chiefs/Niners:
-Did I get the ‘home’ team right? (Narrator Voice: Nobody cared)
-Knock Me Over With a Dropped Pass: If reports are correct, Kadarius Toney will be starring in the role of “Player Nobody Gives a Shit About” and will not be bringing his unique brand of hapless football to the game today. Maybe it was the pass deflections that turned into interceptions, maybe it was lining up offside at a critical moment. Really, it could be anything. I’ll wager a hot fiver that his ten cent brain will be somewhere else next year.
-Don’t Bother About Trent Williams: As a whole the Niners o-line is ranked 15th in Pass Block Win Rate. That takes into account TW’s 96% rating-so yeah, the rest of the line can be had. The prevailing theory is that the Chiefs will put a speed guy like Danna or Anudike-Uzomah against him and have Chris Jones attack the middle or other side.
-In a game such as this reducing mistakes is paramount but Reid and Shanny Jr. especially tend to make errors when deciding whether or not to go for it on 4th down. By ESPN’s metric Shanny has the worst in-game decision-making skills, making the wrong call 28% of the time on non-obvious 4th downs.
-To Blitz or Not to Blitz: Chiefs DC Spagnoulo (?) employs that sort of pressure at a 32% rate. The trouble is that Purdy has a 86.4 QBR and 14 TD’s when blitzed, easily finding safety valves Kittle and McCaffrey. Spags will no doubt create some new wrinkles during the pre-snap period but how effective will they be?
-Speaking Of: Look for McCaffrey to be used early and often against the Chiefs suspect run D. San Fran will not make the same mistake the Ravens did when they came out throwing. The Niners were #1 in yards per carry on zone runs and K.C. was 31st defending. That’s the kind of statistical disparity that Shanny and run game coordinator Chris Foerster simply can’t ignore. By the same token, Reid and OC Matt Nagy would be fools not to have Pacheco running straight at Chase Young.
Guaranteed to Happen: A 30+ yard shot play to MVS. It’s happened in both playoff games so far.
-Feast or Famine: Cb L’Jarius Sneed has rightly won praise for making big plays in a timely fashion but he’s also been flagged 17(!) times so far this year for holding/pass interference, etc. as well.
It was a pleasure putting these together for the 9th(?) year. Shit, has it really been that long? Enjoy the game and comment like you’ve never commented before!
I was trying to think of the last Owl that was so deeply “whoever wins we lose.” Which is to say that part of me already misses hating an active Tom Brady.
Christ Travis, we get it, your girlfriend is here. Every player’s girlfriend is here.
and more than a few side pieces!
Kelce yelling at Reid because his girlfriend is in the stands and he doesn’t want to look like a punk. Reid should use the bro code and put Kelce out there
Horse
shitcollar penalty on the Chiefs.I’m just gonna root for Romo to somehow die from natural causes sometime during this game, preferably sooner.
Fuck. We just got a commercial of two women messing up their lines.
This is so stupid
Just get the razor blade out and tidy ’em up for another go!
awwww, baby. Heaven’s got a STEW goin’ on!
0-0 is gonna win so much money in squares pools
THIS GAME, I CALL IT A ONE TRICK PASTRY CHEF BECAUSE OF ALL THE TURNOVERS
THANK ‘EE KINDLY SIR
whew
turnabout is FARE PLAY WOO
Bananas!
So it’s like that huh?
X 2
A shot of Taylor Swift. Down a beer or adult beverage of your choice!
Way ahead of you.
Toothy head for Travis if he can step up!
Jeff Goldbloom in two separate ads? My man must have some sexual harassment legal fees to pay…
I think it’s the same parent company
Enjoying seeing the cast of every NBC sitcom.
whatcha bet Cheers is next? They’re mostly still alive
But now nobody knows their names. 🙁
Which is odd, since the Owl in on CBS.
I think these mostly stream on Paramount.
Be more thrilled if Twisters involved Green red blue and yellow dots
makes a note for sexy Friday
Is CBS using the original Sputnik for their satellite uplink? It looks like scrambled porn* on my tv.
*I may in fact be watching scrambled porn
Are you living in the year 1995?
Aren’t we all?
Kobe Bryant call-out with the exploding helecopter. Classy.
Lots of old white guys who understood nothing of the last five minutes except AAAHnold.
Man, these Superb owl commercials suck.
There’s been approximately 3 good commercials, ever, but ya’ll been brainwashed into thinking they’ll be good this year.
Thanks to Canadia’s antiquated laws, we get a bunch of Canadian Tire commercials
And thanks to Donald Trump and Roger Goodell, it stays that way until the next renegotiation of the Free Trade Agreement.
K.C. selling out to stop the run early. Ballsy!
Course 1: pita chips and homemade onion dip
Course 2: tater totchos
Course 3: egg rolls
Course 4: buffalo chicken meatballs and onion rings
Course 5: vanilla ice cream with ginger cookie sandwich.
Thanks, mom.
Is Romo taking a crap while he kommentates?
Spotted that earlier. He’s shittalking a lot for a guy who never played in one of these.
He sounds like he’s literally cutting a log off.
It’s his playoff way.
Purdy sure takes a wide stance, like Sen. Larry Craig
taking a shittrolling for anonymous gay sexRomo describing McCaffrey as a scat back has resulted in him becoming Vince McMahon ‘s favorite player
Vince’s favorite NFL player is, has been, and will always be Najeh Davenport.
Get a glass table involved and Stallone might pop by.
Can check!
Just Guinness
Simple, yet elegant.
Heavy Seas Loose Cannon right meow
Noice.
HoF should use Hester’s real name:
HESTER, Do Not Kick The Ball To Devin
Temu makes Amazon look legit
for the reclusivity-inclined, dunno how I could ever go back to pre-Amazon times. You gotta choose your evil, I guess – and I’ve gone with the Google/Amazon combo platter.
“There’s no ‘I’ in Teemu was a running joke among my resto buddies when Winnipeg came to town.*
*look at me, being so old
Like Wish with a marketing budget.
We have Amazon at home.
Lorraine makes a damn good quiche
Dan Aykroyd agrees
Marty and George concurs.
Who has 0-0 in the sharkbait squares pool?
I missed the entire pregame mounting a new TV. So basically missed nothing, right?
Game started about half an hour ago so they’ve played what, a couple minutes by now?
Just got back on board and having lunch
Gentlemen.
Mr Snow.
where?
Alot.
We got pecan pie coming out next.
Excellent punt from that miscreant from our penal colony! The Empire always wins!
HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN BOYS!?!?
I can’t even wish for an asteroid to destroy the stadium! I mean unless the Raiders will accept playing in Oakland again next year.
PORRRRRRKKKKKKYYYYYYYY!!!!
/was just thinking about NM today must be PSYCHIC
//wait, just psychotic
They can play in the Las Vegas Athletics new stadium. That’s almost ready to go, right?
Ola!
About fucking time. How the hell yinz been? Stay more than five minutes this year.
Binz good.
ok, Aubrey Plaza and Ron Swanson reunited is pretty good
Oh man. Mom made homemade tater tots from scratch… and then used those to turn into nachos. Fuck me up.
Ribs just came out. Had to bake them thanks to the rain.
Milli Vanilli got this covered (metaphorically)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BI5IA8assfk&ab_channel=MilliVanilliVEVO
Trent Williams causing NFL BLITZ!
A hateful Christian group with a great marketing campaign. A take as old as time.
Did nobody tell the Jesus folks how Michael Hutchens died?
Some freak with a Foot Fetish is aroused at a SB party.
Coach Ryan had to take an early bathroom break thats all
It’s nice that CTV is showing all those ads for mens depression, considering their parent Bell laid off 4500 of them earlier this week.
Huh, that ad didn’t make me want to convert at all. What a waste of money that could have, I don’t know, fed the fucking poor?
I was pissing instead. Opportunity missed, mega-churchers!
Right now, people are being driven mad by people who don’t know football going “They shouldn’t give the ball to 23 anymore.”
When you watch the game in real time you realize just how many commercials the league tries to shove up your ass.
It’s a painful reminder.
“Have you tried my lube?”
-Low Ratio
That’s why it helps to have 6 games the first post-RedZone long weekend. #Methadone
I see CBS borrowed their Roman numeral script from the 1980 Star Trek movies.
Ah, Ariana Grande and Wicked. Two overrated things combined under the same banner. I shan’t be partaking.
I liked the book.
I saw it twice, once with Kristen Chinowith, however you spell her name. She was so damn good.
Hey! Don’t besmirch Wicked like that!
Is it because it’s… popular?
/Back on stage with me!
My ex-wife loves that song.
Lil’ and Lil’er WCS taunt me with it.
I’m getting Will Trent ads. Anyone? Bueller?
Yup. CanCon strikes again.