Welp, it’s finally here. As with most of the folks here, I could do without all the silly stories surrounding the game designed to draw in the casual fan. (although one story about a story-it was to be expected-that MAGAT’s were all up in arms about Swift/Kelce being some sort of psy-op that will bring more votes to Biden-that’s a keeper) I can’t stress it enough, when you’ve had your fill, run to the mute button. There’s simply too much air to fill.
To The Game!
Chiefs/Niners:
-Did I get the ‘home’ team right? (Narrator Voice: Nobody cared)
-Knock Me Over With a Dropped Pass: If reports are correct, Kadarius Toney will be starring in the role of “Player Nobody Gives a Shit About” and will not be bringing his unique brand of hapless football to the game today. Maybe it was the pass deflections that turned into interceptions, maybe it was lining up offside at a critical moment. Really, it could be anything. I’ll wager a hot fiver that his ten cent brain will be somewhere else next year.
-Don’t Bother About Trent Williams: As a whole the Niners o-line is ranked 15th in Pass Block Win Rate. That takes into account TW’s 96% rating-so yeah, the rest of the line can be had. The prevailing theory is that the Chiefs will put a speed guy like Danna or Anudike-Uzomah against him and have Chris Jones attack the middle or other side.
-In a game such as this reducing mistakes is paramount but Reid and Shanny Jr. especially tend to make errors when deciding whether or not to go for it on 4th down. By ESPN’s metric Shanny has the worst in-game decision-making skills, making the wrong call 28% of the time on non-obvious 4th downs.
-To Blitz or Not to Blitz: Chiefs DC Spagnoulo (?) employs that sort of pressure at a 32% rate. The trouble is that Purdy has a 86.4 QBR and 14 TD’s when blitzed, easily finding safety valves Kittle and McCaffrey. Spags will no doubt create some new wrinkles during the pre-snap period but how effective will they be?
-Speaking Of: Look for McCaffrey to be used early and often against the Chiefs suspect run D. San Fran will not make the same mistake the Ravens did when they came out throwing. The Niners were #1 in yards per carry on zone runs and K.C. was 31st defending. That’s the kind of statistical disparity that Shanny and run game coordinator Chris Foerster simply can’t ignore. By the same token, Reid and OC Matt Nagy would be fools not to have Pacheco running straight at Chase Young.
Guaranteed to Happen: A 30+ yard shot play to MVS. It’s happened in both playoff games so far.
-Feast or Famine: Cb L’Jarius Sneed has rightly won praise for making big plays in a timely fashion but he’s also been flagged 17(!) times so far this year for holding/pass interference, etc. as well.
It was a pleasure putting these together for the 9th(?) year. Shit, has it really been that long? Enjoy the game and comment like you’ve never commented before!
Woooaaaw, TRENT NCDUFFY, jaja ist holding
Dan Fouts was less annoying in the Waterboy than Romo has been tonight.
Can’t hold anything back BFC
Because Fouts was a better QB
Shanahan got his mulligan.
Trent Mcduffy? More like Trent Mcdumby
Bailout Flag
Oh ffs
Did he just say stripper bowl?
What the fuck was that play on 2&15??
How dare you question Baby Shanny’s genius?
Nepobaby gonna cry?
NICHT
BLEERGH makes a rare appearance in this game!
I like that. It’s been much better with the less calls
Indian John Wick? Oh hell yeah. Sign me up.
If this winds up pre-empting** CBS’ prime time lineup, all the better.
** Except on the West Coast
60 minutes next
And folowed by Walker Texas Ranger
Andy Rooney complains about mixed nuts!
See, THIS was the real Script.
T-Swift in attendance during an overtime Superb Owl? Goodell, you bastard,
You know, it’d be a real shame if feel good story brock purdy turned it over here
He would be relevant if he did that
It’s not really a new game dickwads! It’s not 15 minutes!
Whose grandad is now mad that “60 Minutes” has been pre-empted everywhere (except on the West Coast)?
Buddy’s?
Chip and a chair, Purdy Mouth. As Charlie Kelly would speechwrite THIS MUST DOOOO
Tails never fails!
This overtime already is more exciting than 28-3. Seriously, fuck you forever, Falcons.
Come on, Septuple Overtime!
OVERTIME!
What a chicken shit move. You’ve got time for a play… Bombs away Bro…
I understand Rice’s frustration!
Dan Patrick voice:
We’ve got OVERtime.
SUPER BONUS DRINKING PERIOD
I’m gonna get some macarons
Got some wine and a nut cookie instead. New overtime rules woo!
Ah the sweet sounds of the hottest jam of 2024, Jump Around by House of Pain
The kids love that banger
Are there special OT ads?
Harrison Butker as the potential Chefs MVP? Apparently the most FGs kicked in a single Owl, and now the career record.
WOW OVERTIME SUPERBOWL
OH WE CAN HAZ OVERTIME, BULLEEE DAT!!!
These guys have completely fucked my plan to go to bed early.
OFF THREAD!
/wait…
Dammit, I really want Kelce to catch the winning TD
One chance. Better win the damned toss and score a tuddy.
I was half-expecting a flag there
Yaaahhh herewego!!!
Sentient ham koans are the wisdome we NEED
Well I parked at a perfect time. Take it away, Kevin Harlan!
Warner did not Kel-ce that coming
(I am so very tired)
/ gratuitously clapping
The germans are all about the prospect of super bowl overtime, good on them!
All hail The Script
What happens if SHANK’LOR dictates the winner?
Then praise his name!
*Her
Their?
Zir?
sure
She played at halftime.
Swiftyception!
Well that was a waste of 24 secs
Hey!
-Rick Pitino
-My Prom Date
Ok, nice timeout to look at brittney mahomes’s vinyl overalls
BOSA JESZT
THESE CHIEFS I CALL THEM BALLSOFSTEELANDFURY BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL ABOUT THE TIGHT ENDS
If KC scores a last second TD and Kelce catches the ball, how awful will that Taylor Swift song be when she writes a song about it?
You better learn the lyrics quick, because it’s going to be played a lot.
🎶 “His looks fills me with smiles,
And he’s more man than Harry Styles.”🎶
Are you psychic?!
will they take a deep shot?
Also, a voting criteria for an AVN Award