Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo: Welcome to the Nadir

Believe it or not, we at [Door Flies Open] haven’t officially welcomed you to the offseason yet. So, uh, welcome to the offseason! We’ve got a veritable smorgasbord of things in the horizon, such as:

-Better Know a Smarch Smadness region (not including St. John’s as they continue their annual 21st Century tradition of falling off the bubble in February)
-Hockey playoff guides
-Probably not basketball playoff guides (while everyone on the Knicks gets hurt and they get hosed by Miami-biased refs, dude worked for the Miami-Dade PD)
-The return of the AFL Beat
-The return of the CFL Beat
-The Summer Olympics (in Paris!)
-The maybe return of the BattleBots Beat, depending on when filming/airing is (however, there will be the giving out of the WC7 Beaties, I swear—gotta beat BBU’s Giant Washer Awards to press!)
-Maybe a recap/update of the FIDE World Chess Championship in April? (No, Magnus Carlsen has again refused to participate, this time withdrawing from the Candidates Tournament as he abdicated before the 2023 championship.)

And that’s just sports things! That doesn’t even take into account the non-sports things we have, including:

-Mock Drafts
-DFO Radio
-And lastly, but not leastly, Sunday Gravy

And that doesn’t even include the all-season usuals such as Sharky’s Cocktail of the Week, Sexy Friday, Subsequent GTD Reflections (aka Comments of the Week), and hell, maybe even a House of Pain! (I make no promises) or whatever madness Balls may pull out of his… *gives a general look and crosses arms* brain.

So pull up a chair, even, and especially, if you’re new. Just don’t be a toolbag, no hard Rs (I am of course referring to the Redacteds) and all will be fine!

Do we have news, other than Travis Kelce apologizing for being an asshole on the sidelines? Actually…

The good: Contract extension for Spags.

The bad: Sigh, cue the Onion headline.

The surprise: Niners fire DC Steve Wilks.

Others: Lions sign Matthieu Betts, who won the CFL Most Outstanding Defensive Player with the Liouns.

Sports:
PLL Action!
California vs. Boston (ESPN2, in progress but finishing up)

Hot Key:
Sunrise, Sunset vs. Bird Team Meh (FLA vs. PIT, 7:30, TNT)

Baskety Stuff:
Bulls on Parade vs. This Land Is Your Land (CHI vs. CLE, 7:30, ABC)
Less-Shitty Chargers vs. Basically Just Steph (LAC vs. GSW, 10:00, ESPN)

JV Baskety Stuff:
Miami vs. Son de Clem (7:00, ESPN2)
#8 Tennessee vs. R-Kansas but pronounced wrong (9:00, ESPN2)
Secular Big Love State vs. Brokeback Mountain (Utah St. vs. Wyoming, 10:00, FS1)

CONCACAF Cup (legally no longer the Champions League)
Tigres vs. Vancouver (8:00, FS2)
“I Want to Play for América” vs. Fake Stars (América vs. Real Esteli, 10:00, FS2)

Either wine and dine your dates, or listen to appropriate music. And don’t mock the people with black ash on their forehead for Ash Wednesday. Or do, listen, you do you.

Man, I cannot believe Berlioz actually married the woman that piece was about. Or more that she actually married him. I can believe they broke up shortly thereafter because the entire marriage was a shitshow.