INT. RECORDING STUDIO – NIGHT

Wait, doesn’t the show usually take place during the day?

I’M SORRY DID I FUCKING STUTTER? INT. RECORDING STUDIO – THE MIDDLE OF THE GODDAMNED NIGHT

The PRODUCER sits at the sound board, setting things up for the upcoming show.  The recording booth is dark, and the PRODUCER keeps glancing at the studio’s exterior doorway as though he is expecting someone to arrive at any minute.  DJ 3000 is against the wall in sleep mode, his control panel displaying a screen saver pattern.  The PRODUCER looks satisfied with the arrangement of sliders and dials, and then looks upwards at the window to the booth, which, owing to the darkness within, is acting as a mirror and showing him his own reflection.  He flips a switch to turn on the lights, and… 

PRODUCER: [startled] What the fuck?

DEREK CARR: Oh, hey man. Sorry to have startled you.

PRODUCER: [glances at the doorway again] How did you…when did you get here?

DEREK CARR: A few minutes ago, when you stepped out of the room for a second.

PRODUCER: But I didn’t…

DEREK CARR gazes at him steadily.

PRODUCER: [slightly dazed]…oh, right, I forgot. I stepped out of the room for some reason.

DEREK CARR: That’s right!

DEREK CARR breaks his gaze and glances around the recording booth as the PRODUCER shakes his head to clear it.

DEREK CARR: Sleepy, huh? Sorry for keeping you up so late.  I really appreciate you guys agreeing to pre-record the show at night.

PRODUCER: Sure.

DEREK CARR: I’m just so busy these days, you know?

PRODUCER: Of course, of course.  It’s no problem.  It was a little weird the way your agent asked us to issue you a formal written invitation, though. He didn’t ask for anything like that the first time you joined us.

DEREK CARR: Yeah, things are little…different now that I’ve moved to New Orleans.

PRODUCER: How are you liking it?

DEREK CARR: It’s great, it’s really great. It’s such an old city, with so much history.

PRODUCER: Like living in an Anne Rice novel!

DEREK CARR: Very much so, in fact.

PRODUCER: I’ve heard that the food scene there is phenomenal.

DEREK CARR: Yeah, I’ve enjoyed the…dining experience more than I ever did in my previous…ha ha, I mean, in the earlier part of my life.

PRODUCER: A Michelin star restaurant on every corner, I’m told.

DEREK CARR: It’s true, a great meal can be had on many of the street corners in town.

PRODUCER: So have you had a chance to think of some potential topics for the show?

DEREK CARR: I had some ideas, but nothing I’m married to.

DEREK CARR looks pensive, then smiles.

PRODUCER: From your expression I’m guessing that you’ve got something in mind. 

DEREK CARR: Oh – yes.  Blood.  I was thinking about blood.

PRODUCER: Interesting. That should be a fun topic.

DEREK CARR: Topic, yes.  Speaking of fun…what type of blood do you have?

PRODUCER: Me? O-negative.

DEREK CARR: [looks a bit disappointed] And you’re not carrying any blood-borne diseases that I should know about, right? HIV, Hepatitis…

PRODUCER: [uneasily] That’s kind of a personal question.

DEREK CARR: [smoothly] Oh, I’m just making conversation.  Like when we were talking about feeding, earlier.

PRODUCER: Sure, but hey, listen, maybe let’s keep things professional and…

DEREK CARR once again fixes his gaze on the PRODUCER. 

DEREK CARR: Man, you need to relax.

PRODUCER: [unable to break DEREK’s gaze] I do?

DEREK CARR: Yeah, just relax.

PRODUCER: [falling into a trance] Okay…I’ll relax.

DEREK CARR: Good.  Very good.  Now, you’re sure that your blood type is that terribly bland O-negative?

PRODUCER: [calmly] It’s been so long, I don’t really remember.  I know it’s O.  Maybe O-positive?

DEREK CARR: [shrugs] Well, I suppose there’s only one way to find out…

As DEREK CARR rises from his seat and moves towards the recording booth door, suddenly DJ 3000’s screen flashes white and he boots up.

DJ 3000: OH, HEY DAVID.

DEREK CARR breaks his gaze away from the PRODUCER to glare at DJ 3000. 

DEREK CARR: [irritated] I’ve played in the NFL twice as long as my brother, I thought by now people would actually remember that my name is Derek.

DJ 3000: HA HA, GOOD ONE, DAVID.

PRODUCER: [still somewhat dazed] Wait…

DEREK CARR: You seriously can’t tell the difference between my older brother and me?

DJ 3000: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, DEATH BREATH.  AND DON’T THINK I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE UP TO WITH YOUR LITTLE HYPNOSIS BIT.

DEREK CARR returns his gaze to the PRODUCER.

DEREK CARR: A small favor, would you mind cutting the power supply wires for your friend there?

PRODUCER: Sure, I…

Suddenly the lights in the recording booth are cut – causing the window to once again behave as a mirror, and leaving the PRODUCER staring at his own reflection and once again free from the trance that DEREK CARR had put him into.

DJ 3000: [to DEREK] OH YOU DIDN’T REALIZE THAT I’D GOTTEN THE STUDIO’S LIGHTING ONLINE WITH GOOGLE HOME?

DEREK CARR: [hisses]

DJ 3000: YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT, GO AHEAD AND GRAB THE DOORKNOB SO YOU CAN COME OUT HERE AND…

From inside the darkened booth comes the sound of flesh burning, followed by DEREK CARR letting out an anguished howl.

DJ 3000: …OH THAT’S RIGHT, I’M SORRY, DAVID.  I FORGOT, I REPLACED OUR CLEANING SERVICE’S BOTTLES OF FABULOSO WITH A LITTLE PURPLE FOOD COLORING AND A LOT OF HOLY WATER.

DEREK CARR: [hisses again]

PRODUCER: [fully cognizant once again] What the hell is going on here?

DJ 3000: NOTHING MUCH, JUST SAVING YOUR LIFE FROM NEW ORLEANS’ NEWEST BLOODSUCKING LEECH.

PRODUCER: Why do you keep calling him David?

DJ 3000: BECAUSE…

DEREK CARR: [interrupting] Will you insufferable mort…I mean, morons let me out of here?

DJ 3000: SURE, SURE, LET’S JUST GET THIS EPISODE OF REQUEST LINE IN THE CAN AND YOU CAN BE ON YOUR WAY.

DEREK CARR: [fuming] Whatever. But once we’re done…

DJ 3000: [opens Voice over IP line] HELLO, DOORDASH I’D LIKE TO ORDER A GARLIC NECKLACE FOR MY HUMAN FRIEND HERE…[aside to DEREK] HEY, CAN YOU GET REQUEST LINE ROLLING WHILE WE WAIT?

DEREK CARR: You’ve made yourself an enemy today, machine.  Let’s consecrate this arrangement with something a little different than this show’s usual fare…

Today’s theme is “blood”.  We’re looking for song titles or band names that specifically include the word “blood” or “bleeding”.  Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?45t3R0!d34 and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.  Last week’s puzzle surprisingly left everyone stumped; the answer was “Take the Skinheads Bowling” by Camper Van Beethoven. Better luck this week!