Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo: ‘Twas the Night Before Draftmas…

Other news:

Sun God got paid. (4-120M, 77M guaranteed.)

Steelers will not be picking up Justin Fields’s 5th-year option (about 25M).

Dalvin Cook just settled all his lawsuits (fuck you Debbie!)

Reggie got his Heisman back!

In non-football news:

The big “Senor’s area of the DFO market” news is this past weekend at Robogames, the biggest competition during the underground years (the post-BattleBots/Robot Wars years, which is to say from about 2004-2015). Robogames went through some tough times once the televised robot combat Renaissance started, and also the pandemic, returning last year after a five-year hiatus. Where there were some safety issues. And this year, where there were some more safety issues. Namely, a breach where people box-side got hit by an entire goddamn fork. (Fortunately, they’re okay except for a nasty bruise, BUT STILL.)

One of the things about the BattleBox, or about any arena, is its safety. Some teams didn’t bring robots this year (like Malice’s legally-different sister, White Rabbit, although Bunny was one of the people who got hit!) due to safety concerns. Unlike BattleBots, which has a tip speed limit of 250 mph to try and keep everything contained, there is officially no tip speed limit at Robogames. This, however, would mean that you’d need extra safety for tip speeds of 300-400 mph because of conservation of energy, right? The teams themselves, especially after the breach, mostly spun down.

Also Jackpot’s legally-distinct brother Blackjack managed to rupture Terrortops’s battery in a way that contents streamed out rather than just smoked. First off, having never built a robot before and being pretty much incapable of building anything, I did not know this was possible, but also there could have been more done for the staff after this fight.

Please note that this was the same fight, that was paused, and then the second part happened. (The story was found on this Imgur album and this video, from Gary Gin.) They evacuated for an hour after this fight.

Anyway, who knows about the future of heavyweights at Robogames. Or at least the modern heavyweight class of 250 lbs.. (Robogames used to fight at the old limit of 220 lbs. until last year’s return.)

Anyway, Manta won the heavyweight division for the second year in a row and will likely be a favorite for the next season of BattleBots, once we know when it is. Mortician won for the middleweights, and I’m not sure about lower weight classes (lightweights, featherweights, insect weights, et al.).

Okay, what’s on the telly?

Uh, playoffs.

Ice variety:
Goalie Tandem Force vs. Maple Leaf Ragdoll (BOS vs. TOR, series tied 1-1, 7:00, ESPN)
Knights of LTIR vs. Vichy North Stars (VGK vs. DAL, Golden Knights lead 1-0, 9:30, ESPN)
Kings of LA-eon vs. “Fuck, I’m still gonna run out of Euler equations at this rate.” (LAK vs. EDM, Oilers lead 1-0, 10:00, TBS)

Wood variety:
Rat Piley vs. HERO x BALL jokes! (MIA vs. BOS, Celtics lead 1-0, 7:00, TNT)
Pierre the Nightmare vs. Vichy Sonics (NOP vs. OKC, Thunder lead 1-0, 9:30, TNT)

No one cares about CONCACAF!
Yellow Devo vs. Jacks (Columbus Crew SC vs. Monterrey, 8:15, FS1)

Not playoffs!
Baseball: SELL THE TEAM! vs. Soto & Pals (OAK vs. NYY, 7:00, Prime)
(If I didn’t have to do makeup lessons all this week, I would have used the tax day flash sale and gotten tickets for $4.15 and started a chant in the top of the 5th. But no, teaching.)

It’s too early for the obligatory hilarious Leafs collapse, that’ll be next week. But it’ll still be potentially funny! And remember not to take your Cybertrucks to the car wash!