I thank the esteemed Balls for filling in ably last week. I drove up to London, Ontario for a 2-day visit withmy oldest HippoSpawn. It was nice, just that’s about as long as I can go without a recluse-based panic attack. So, nice to be home as well.
One side benefit, I got to listen to the radio lots and lots. Fontaines D.C. (h/t to Litre for originally introducing me to these lads) have a new one out – and it absolutely fucking slays:
I can imagine fewer feelings MOAR helpless than hoping for City of Men to drop points down the stretch. Brings to mind Krusty and his bet on the Washington Generals (I thought they were due!). But the King’s Afrikan Water Pistols are in said position. At least they only need one Draw, not a loss or multiples (PHRASING). Still, after watching them play cat and mouse with Brighton midweek? Oy. Locked in City of Men are as good as footy gets.
Anyway, all that title race fun is Sunday – Arsenal/Spurs first (9:00), followed by City/Forest (11:30). Who knows, maybe the Robins Hood get beaten so badly that Martin Prince’s Lutes start fannying about again. They play today (10:00, USA) against Wolves. But I really think the race to the bottom is done and dusted.
Other matches include Ded Rotting Redshite against out of form Hammers (7:30, USA); both-now-safe-so-no-drama Toffees/Bees (12:30, NBC); and Shempions-chasing Villa taking on Crisis Club Chelski (3:00, Peacock). Enjoy, along with however much of Day Three NFL Draft coverage you can stomach. I close with one MOAR banger, Hippo OUT!
Meanwhile, on Long Island…
Oh, Reds…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X02EwkGqyto&pp=ygUUbWF0cml4IG5vdCBsaWtlIHRoaXM%3D
I think it’s pretty neat that the Wachowski Sisters were so upset that the studio wouldn’t let them put a trans character in their movie that they both transitioned themselves in protest.
Who was supposed to be trans? If anything they should have had someone’s digital self be a different gender. Plant a seed instead of screaming it into our ears.
I know that Trinity in the 4th was supposed to represent it “That’s not my name.”
For me, I get a laugh from the Religious Right.
(smugly) “Neo is Jesus. The Matrix is the Secular World.”
“We’re coming out as trans-.”
“HOLLYWOOD IS INDOCTRINATED OUR CHILDREN!”
The character in the clip you posted! Switch!
What you said; that’s exactly what they were going to do, but the studio wouldn’t let them.
A trans character would be about the 8th most unusual thing in virtually any Wachowski movie.
Bournemouth is playing Wrexham in Santa Barbara in July.
I’m pretty much required to attend right?
Correct. Can’t believe they’re skipping Seattle.
Puppy hiccups are never not hysterical to me. It’s just so gotdamn adorable.
Puppy Hiccups is the name of my all-nude Spice Girls Covergirl band.
“Not to me.” – Kristi Noem, racking one into the chamber
I understand that there’s a fairly significant percentage of the population that regards dogs as nothing more than tools, and that if the tool doesn’t work you get rid of it and get another one. Noem obviously comes from this background.
These people are wrong, and should be rocketed forthwith into the cold vacuum of space, never to be heard from again.
hex, cast 🫳🏼⚡️
It’d be very Cleveland for the 500s to win the Owl first.
I csn see the AFC North killing each other in ‘24 and putting three teams limping into the playoffs. Leaving space for the cresting Titans snd the Callahan brain trust ufdkdjzk 15 msi
/hands disabled by intellectual integrity stroke
Oh hell yes. Drag it out to 3OT before losing.
Every need addressed. Big and tough guys all around. Versatile players that can play multiple positions. Champions and team captains.
Someone give Kahn a raise
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7Vf5Py0Sr8
Making bald look cool.
https://steelersdepot.com/2024/04/omar-khan-steelers-had-trade-conversations-really-every-round-we-were-in/
Bold move of the NFL, having a Mexican take a job from an American in announcing a draft pick for an organization based in Texas.
Take that, Greg Abbott!
I can’t believe Abbott is just going to sit there and take this.
I mean, he can’t even outrun a tree, what do you expect him to do?
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Is there anything cooler than quail eggs?
COACH REID: Yes. Ostrich eggs.
There used to be a restaurant in Venice that served ostrich meat and eggs.
It was like eating a fuckin’ dinosaur.
Ostrich burgers were available at Fuddruckers, although I never tried them.
I’ve only been to one Fuddruckers and I decided on elk instead of ostrich.
Elk is delicious.
I had a jalapeno, elk dog at Biker Jims in Denver and it was delightful.
Just a reminder:
Pants were considered uncivilized in ancient Greece and Rome.
WORLD HISTORY
#DoucheStrong
I too can be described as ” nimble.” Inaccurately.
Best name on a Giants board I visit? Daniel Jonestown Massacre.
Huh. So Death March of Dimes is still on the board.
Not anymore.
Lions just picked a guy from…British Columbia? Wonder if any dudes from Nova Scotia are on Kiper’s Big Board.
There’s some talent out of Sunnydale High School.
Good pick, Tomsulas. That kid from Wake can play.
“I wish *I* could play…” – Elisha Nelson Manning, still grounded for stealing some of the Grey Goose out of the bottle where Olivia had marked the level and refilling it with Smirnoff and thinking she wouldn’t notice the difference
Me: The Bears are totally owning this draft!”
Bears: [draft a punter in the 4th round]
Me: “Ahhh, that’s more like it.”
He is a legitimate weapon. Still…6th round at the earliest. Don’t be a weirdo, Chi****!
Have to wonder what grade Don T would give him…
B- in Against the Graining
No punter is ever a “weapon”. If your offense sucks so much that you’re asking your punter to drop 60-yard bombs regularly you should really be using that pick on someone – anyone – that can actually help you get first downs.
/updates SLIGHTS excel
The Texans Cade Stover had a distant relative that was in the Donner Party but his family doesn’t talk about him at all.
Cowboys don’t draft Erick All(in). What a bunch of losers. They could have sold 10,000 t-shirts at a 500% markup.
Giants drafted an under-achieving Penn State tight end which means
-they expect Waller to retire
-they don’t think much of Daniel Bellinger, who I think is very good
-they’re wasting a pick on a position that is way down the list of needs
I expected him to be Fatty’s pick.
GUH. Trading up in the GODDAMNED 5th, when you are already low on picks and thin pretty much everywhere.
Ya gotta trust the
profat-cess.In external-to-the-clubhouse news, it appears that Andrew Tate (and his brother) are going to be put on trial in Romania on rape and trafficking charges. I am pretty glad that the “advice” these dirtbags provided weren’t available to me in my younger years – I don’t *think* I would have paid much attention to them, but one can never say for sure.
I have faith in the Romanian justice system, which I’m sure isn’t susceptible to bribery, corruption, or garlic.
/proposing laws related to greater transparency in Romanian corruptions investigations, calling them ‘Sunlight Laws’ and being greeted with enraged hissing from the Parliament.
Andrew Tate and his brother had that same (lack of) faith, and were very vocal about it, which is one of the reason the Romania has decided to make an example of them. It’s actually pretty great.
“Fingers crossed!” I say, leading to more enraged hissing from Parliament.
please don’t take a RB or TE with a non-7th, you fat piece of fat fucking shit
All right, it’s errand and “do stuff outside” time. You all be good.
Remember to text when you’re coming back!
/dusts crystal meth over dish of Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Sheffield United back to the Champions League. The yo-yo never ends.
And Leicester City back up.
See, e.g. Yo-yo, supra.
“Tell me more about this infinite yo-yo…” – Eli Manning
just don’t try to play her out!
Wearing my new bronze underpants and I must say I’m feeling pretty, saucy and ready for anything.
HORATIO: Tonight I feel like wearing underpants that will make me feel saucy.
LOWRATIO: [sighs, starts gathering the ingredients to make béchamel sauce]
Fuck sakes. Always the God damned Fulhamish end to a game.
so ends the Uncle Woy Smells a Cabbage Fart Derby
Ms. Mosshart – forever QUEEN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQae2qOXCq0
Men Untied remain level. There is no other moderate intrigue.
aaaaaaand that’s the end of THAT chapter
Marika’s bras are offering more support for her breasts than Sheffield United is to their own keeper.
She has a bra?
Only on rare occasions
I mean, a gal goes to Mass sometimes
She does. Like this.
That’s the most deliberate looking own goal I’ve ever seen.
Kind of a shame all the real action on the pitch is tomorrow, but us heathens sure will get a treat for this Sunday Footy Brunch!
You’re not enjoying Team Dull Blades vs. Geordie Arabia?
The late autumn of 2244 is much MOAR Hippo’s speed, inshallah
a belated GOOD JERB! to Fronk’s mighty Hammers, refusing to roll over and play ded FOAR The Lesser Narrator.
All doubt removed, it’s a 2-horse race now. Let’s get after it!
Wait, so THIS is how I’m going to feel if I refrain from having that last glass of bourbon before bed? WHY DIDN’T ANYBODY TELL ME?
ah mean, until teh DTs start kicking in obvs
Sigh. And the “chores” portion of the morning has officially begun at 7:25 a.m.
vacuuming passively aggressively intensifies
I got out of bed at 10, then made myself waffles.
I always forget about breakfast until it’s late enough I know First Watch will have…PEOPLE already there
[glances out patio door at beautiful 70° sunny day]
[looks up weather in Connecticut]
Eh, it’s not lousy enough to talk shit.
A reminder we can all use.
https://youtu.be/MwRiIXQ7D-8?t=406
JG9 is an NFL yootoober, and a damn good one. He’s in Detroit this weekend, and posted this an hour ago.
Is there a carbon monoxide leak in the Falcons’ facility?
they are deffo having the “Draft Weekend” equivalent of Community‘s notorious Gas Leak Year.
There Is No God Update: Woke up at 5:45 this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep.
Have you thought about drinking MOAR? The LAWD helps those who help themselves smgdh.
I thought Sharkbait covered this on Friday.