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Saturday Night Off-season Open Thread 13

ballsofsteelandfury

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In these Off-season Open Threads, I’ll sum up the week that was, provide you with TMI-style information, and throw some random spaghetti at the wall and see if it sticks.

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Today, I am continuing my quick hit previews of teams playing in the Summer of Soccer tournaments. Here we go…

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Zambia National Women’s Soccer Team (Paris Olympics)

Why should you care about them? This is another country that no American can place on a map. Pop Quiz without looking it up: Is it North or South of the Equator?

Is the government corrupt? Ummm, yeah.

Are the people cool? Getting better?

How will they do? They’re in a group with Germany, the US, and Australia. They’re fucked.

***

Guinea Men’s Olympic Team

Why should you care about them? There are four countries with the word “Guinea” in it and no American outside DFO knows what or where they are.

Is the government corrupt? Ummm, yeah.

Are the people cool? Ummm, no!

How will they do? They are in the same group as the hosts France, the US, and New Zealand. Exit at the Group stage.

***

Georgia National Team (Euro 2024)

Why should you care about them? Nine out of ten Americans think that’s where peaches come from.

Is the government corrupt? Surprisingly, not that bad.

Are the people cool? They’re a land of contrasts!

How will they do? They were one of the last teams to qualify yet they landed in the group with Portugal, Türkiye, and Czechia. They haven’t changed their name this century, so I say they get second place and move on to the Knockout Stage.

***

Venezuela National Team (Copa América)

Why should you care about them? Their most famous band is Los Amigos Invisibles and they are awesome!

Is the government corrupt? Fuck yeah!

Are the people cool? Are you into STDs?

How will they do? They have been improving but they’re not top tier yet. They’re in a group with the Mexico, Ecuador, and Jamaica. They could possibly finish second or exit at the Group stage.

***

As a quick reminder, the schedule is below:

The first game is on June 14. Get psyched!

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Speaking of, your weekly Psych gif:

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Your weekly hot girl pic:

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Your weekly music video:

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I’m assuming there are sports on tonight OTHER THAN THE STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS THE BEST TOURNAMENT IN THE WORLD, but honestly I don’t care.

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WCS

Ahoy-hoy.

Morning drive at 9-1-1 is what I would use as a exhibits C-GGG on why advanced species beyond Earth intentionally ignore humans. (nuclear weapons are exhibit A, Gary Bettman exhibit B.).

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Being the morning does not impact the exhibit

0
Dunstan

/spills a drink for the second time tonight
“What is wrong with me?”
Oh, yeah, I’m drunk, that’s what this is….

1
yeah right

It’s taco night in Pedro!

I still challenge any and all to come here and I’ll give a tour and you’ll see this beautiful part of the world.

And I’ll give you a taco that will change your life.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

It’s a shame I didn’t see this until right now:

https://youtu.be/ppZEcbOJJQs?si=TLIVTbPBXfKn6-PK

1
2Pack

Pretty cool, but could use better models.

21098aa4eee1c56d861a17a665acd289.jpg
2
fleshwound_NPG

this vacation has been nothing but bullshit: avs eliminated on vacation day 1, wife/child sick through most of the week (im not much better), cable goes out late tues and doesnt come back until yesterday (metronet FINALLY upgrading me from the ancient coax cable system, bout time), need new brakes on both my work car and wifeys honda

and its likely gonna rain on my ass at the indy 500

on the bright side the rotten back porch has been demolished and im finally later this summer getting a proper back porch with a roof and space for a fucking pool…to drink in while the child naps. fuck yes

2
Gumbygirl

Ooh, a pool! That will heal your wounded flesh, yessir!

1
2Pack

One of those gotta go back to work so you can relax one’s huh… Bummer Brah…

1
fleshwound_NPG

celtics gonna get the easiest nba title in years, every opposing star player has to develop the plague either just before or while playing boston. if im luka or the ant man id be careful the next week or so, tawwmy from quinzee might hit you with sniper fire

we nearly went half a decade without a boston sports title

2
Doktor Zymm

Their strategy of sending blankets to their rivals is really paying off!

6
Redshirt

I’m just a backward midwest guy. Is “blanket” new hip slang for “hookers and blow”?

0
WCS

Joe Mazzula is a WVU product…?

comment image

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Brocky

So my viewing situation just got even more funny:

We cut the cord on cable, so any local sports are on an hd antenna

But because we’re out in the country, we can’t quite ABC, so being the good nephew I am, I was walking around holding the antenna in the air to get a good signal, if I shift slightly, the signal goes out

It reminds me of a golden era simpsons scene

https://youtu.be/57EvSk4lI70?si=gzbMv473mWUbkF8-

2
Redshirt

I haven’t watched MLB regularly since we cut the cord and whatever the hell a Bally is took Reds games away from me…and I learned I could go through life without baseball.

Take notes, Goodell.

0
Redshirt

Nice job, Redlegs. Way to keep things interesting.

Major League II – Winning Streak (youtube.com)

0
Mr. Ayo

I can’t believe the Pences are going to blow this

1
litre_cola

Oral sex is not allowed by mother, we can’t be like the Reagans.

10
Gumbygirl

But we’re A-ok with the Trumps? Nice values ya got there, Pence. Firm as lukewarm jello.

1
Redshirt

Hey, now. He drew the line as Unlawfully Overthrowing an Election. Its an incredibly low line but he did the right thing. A right thing. He did a thing?

He did? Did he?

Pence did something! I think we can all agree on that.

3
Gumbygirl

He was pissed off that Trump had his SS goons trying to shove him in a car during the riot. He didn’t give a flying fuck about the country, that was payback.

1
Redshirt

Reason Why Reagan Beat Mondale in the 2nd ’84 Debate (Artistic Interpretation)

Police Academy: Good speech! (youtube.com)

0
rockingdog

Found a funny:

Dickens: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
AI writing assistant: This should be changed to “It was an average time.”

4
rockingdog

I’m psyched for this
big summer of soccer! ⚽️

It’s gonna be Rocking!

4
Brocky

So I’m in a weird spot,

My uncle from out of town is visiting,

Love the guy, but he’s spent the last three decades living in New England, so he’s become a Boston fan,

So he’s rooting for the Celtics, which I can’t outright criticize him for, but I also don’t want the pacers to win because fuck Indianapolis and their fans

1
Redshirt

Uncle is in the clear. He moved to Boston and was there long enough to earn the right to support their teams free of fandom carpetbagging accusations.

As for you, root for the lesser of two evils.

2
Redshirt

If the Front Office was half as good as their Social Media Dept., the Bengals would have a several rings by now.

Cincinnati Bengals roast ‘haters’ on Twitter. See the best tweets here

2
litre_cola

They woke up and chose awesome violence.

1
Gumbygirl

In this morning’s post, when I was still asleep like a fucking lady, there was mention of Kaiserslautern, and that got me thinking…a
[ RUN!] Does that mean ” kill the kaiser” in German? They should have thought of that earlier.

1
Doktor Zymm

I think it’s a kind of condiment they make out of the kaiser after they kill him, they put it on sausages

3
Gumbygirl

I wondered about that currywurst they’re so fond of. Makes sense now!

2
litre_cola

With toothpicks!

1
Redshirt

Actually, I am on record in the annals of DFO yore that Germany getting rid of the Kaiser really screwed up the Germans and the world a lot more than keeping Wilhelm in place in the same role Hirohito was in Japan post WW2.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Requesting permission to henceforth refer to the Indiana Pacers as the “Pences”.

2
King Hippo

one side of the arena can yell “FATHER!” and the other “MOTHER!”

2
litre_cola

Approved

1
Redshirt

I’d be offended, but I’m more confused about which is the insulted party.

0
Doktor Zymm

One of my friends from high school did Peace Corps in Guinea!

And next February I’ll be going to Papua New Guinea, also pronounced differently than the African Guineas!

2
litre_cola

There really needs to be an Old Guinea, New Guinea and Guinea Pigland.

3
Brick Meathook

I joined the Peace Corps, except I was on an underwater Cape Canaveral with nuclear weapons and nobody dared start a real war out of fear of us. We never had to fire a shot because our dicks were so big we really kept the peace. Also we had fresh baked cinnamon rolls every night, and movies.

https://ibb.co/2FN5vV9

/brick is hammered

2
Gumbygirl

You can put your dolphins on those Legion pisscutters?

2
Brick Meathook

I only use my patrol pin (with 5 gold stars), completely as a stylistic flourish choice. I am a classicist. Below it is my Legion 15 year pin, next year to be replaced by a 20 year pin. In all those years I’ve attended like 4 monthly meetings. Makes ‘em miss me. I just like the hat.

2
Gumbygirl

Yeah. I meant patrol pin, not dolphins. We only ever went to the Legion for the cheap booze, Gumby was a member but certainly not an active one. He doesn’t drink anymore, so we haven’t been to one since we lived in Bozeman.

1
Brick Meathook

No, you are correct, other submariners use their dolphins. Not me. Patrol pin only. Like I said, I’m a classicist and snob.

1
Brick Meathook

I attended my induction ceremony and paid for the hat. I pay my annual dues and they cash the check. I’ll wear my hat as I please.

2
2Pack

In 2 years when I retire I’ll join the VFW post they have here. Gonna need some activities and community service to keep me out of jail.

3
Brick Meathook

I was in the Navy, so I meant to say “cover” instead of “hat.” Please pardon me.

1
Brick Meathook

https://ibb.co/F8kdsbY

2
litre_cola

JAME-O!

2
Mr. Ayo

Those are some impressive pins. And that’s a lot of cash to be flashing.

2
Brick Meathook

My total bar bill after six hours was four dollars. So yeah what’s pictured is a bankroll. Wait until you see tomorrow’s photos of the cookout.

3
Gumbygirl

We used to tip at least double to triple the bar bill and still call it a cheap night out!

2
Brick Meathook

I bring $20. My bar tab is four bucks and the rest is the tip. Take care of me and I’ll take care of you. It’s only fair.

2
Brocky

One of my exes was from papua new guinea.

Nothing really to add, just thought it was interesting

2
King Hippo

Got itchy at the end, but FLY THAT L WOO!!!!

0
Senor Weaselo

Your Georgia write-up has already been written up though!
https://youtu.be/gB_zgkdXeGk?si=YZlHWjSWhoCajUQF

3
King Hippo

He really is SUCH a good comedic actor. Could do without his rapping, though.

1
litre_cola

A little early to start engaging bananacakes there NHL.

1
King Hippo

Need a mental boost, so I’mma read a few chapters of The Coming of the Third Reich tonight.

Since, based on my variable daily pessimism level, we gots a 40-60% chance of starting el Numero Quatro after one MOAR beautiful FITBAW season.

(that is also my dystopian novel idea, The Last Football Season)

1
Dunstan

“The Third Reich, many people say the best reich, certainly one of the best, I’m a big fan myself.” — Donald T.

5
Brick Meathook

Evil corporate buildings in Reston VA

If I ever direct a James Bond movie (and I’m in the discussion for the next one I’ll have you know) I will use Reston as SMERSH headquarters.

https://ibb.co/7vXmfSZ

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Woohoo I guessed south of the equator!

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Well done!

0
Gumbygirl

I am pretty sure that every African country that has a Z in it is south of the equator. Zambia, Zimbabwe, Tanzania, and Mozambique are the only ones I can think of, and they all are.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s a great mnemonic device! You are correct!

3
litre_cola

comment image

3
yeah right

Papua New Guiney is where Queequeg is from.

Yes I’m rereading Moby Dick.

0
Brick Meathook

My new tractor. I enjoy driving it and performing useful tasks on the grounds of my fortified compound.

https://ibb.co/zGcq7R3

3
ballsofsteelandfury

Nice! Where’s your back ho?

4
Brick Meathook

Bitches be on the street earnin’ bro.

7
litre_cola

Holy fuck did I laugh at this.

5
King Hippo

Silky Gerrard taught us all so much, about life, love, and running bitches

6
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

What kinda mpw* does it get
*(mile per weed)

0
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