Pour Encourager les Autres: Tuesday Open Thread

It’s mid-Summer, which can only mean one thing: revisiting the Age of Sail! That’s right, bitches– in the absence of serious hockey, basketball and Tuesday football, oceans are now battlefields!

Currently I am listening to a biography of Commodore Stephen Decatur and reading a delightful account of the Seven Years War (French and Indian War for those of us in the States), including the sad story of Admiral John Byng.

Royal Museums Greenwich, rmg.co.uk

It’s a fascinating story about a weak-minded admiral, the Rule of Unintended Consequences, political ass-covering and the role of ego in world history. Seriously, if George II wasn’t so pissed at Pitt the Elder, maybe Byng wouldn’t have been shot on his own quarterdeck.

Voltaire was being snide when he talked about the British occasionally shooting an admiral “to encourage the others,” but there is a fair argument it worked.

I’d like to pretend that my descent into Middle Aged White Dadness is a recent development, but I’ve been this way since college. It truly is a miracle I found a spouse.

TANGENT: you can see the HMS Surprise (nee Rose) in San Diego! Or if you are on the East Coast, the Tall Ship Lynx sails regularly.

NFL NEWS:

-After news broke that Dak Prescott had a mild foot sprain, I proclaimed that this was going to end with an amputation. Lo, Dak was spotted wearing a walking boot on vacation while insisting that it is a “precautionary measure” and that there is “absolutely nothing” wrong with him. Because who among us doesn’t occasionally hobble around wearing durable medical equipment for funsies?

-Jaguar Josh Allen is now Josh Harris-Allen. Which is good, because Josh Allen getting sacked by Josh Allen was both confusing and sucky.

WHAT’S ON TONIGHT:

Argentina! Canada! When these two classic rivals take the field, throw out the records!

Mostly because they’ve only ever played twice. And Argentina has been dominant.

Still! Team Canada (the Mounties?) has looked better since their opening group stage loss to Argentina. Really, these countries should be allies- a polar disposition, excellent steak cultures, etc. Alas, fate has made them bitter enemies.

5 6 votes
Article Rating
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Feared conqueror; scholar; poet; revered holy man; professional raconteur; soldier of fortune; aloof yet thorough lover; bandit; blazing gypsy speedboat. I have been called some of these things.
Subscribe
Notify of
137 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Doktor Zymm

Brie and Delilah. Brie seems like a bitchy name, but such a tasty cheese. Going with the cheese. FUCK PEOPLE EAT CHEESE

Doktor Zymm

Even when it’s a soft cheese like a burrata you shouldn’t fuck it. There are other things you can fuck. Eat that soft cheese. Yum!

Col. Duke LaCross

Dok in her cups is entertaining!

Doktor Zymm

And the cups will be washed by a functional dishwasher!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s all falling into place!

Doktor Zymm

I love cheese. I have not named my tits. Am I afraid of naming my tits after cheese? I think not! Brie would be super fun, going with that for left tit

Doktor Zymm

Horrible 90s videos so maybe Delilah for right tit?
My favorite bar in Chicago is Delilah’s so even though it’s a Buffalo bar, think I’m honored for right tit to bear the name

Doktor Zymm

I once had a dream where I really had to pee, then I woke up and went and peed. I wonder what a Jungian analyst would think of that?

Senor Weaselo

If I’ve learned anything from Persona, something about masks.

Doktor Zymm

Huh, never tried peeing in a mask

Doktor Zymm

CHEESE FABULOUS CHEESE
I love y’all even if you are not cheese but most especially if you can offer me delicious cheese

Doktor Zymm

Considering how much I anthropomorphize my tits it’s weird I haven’t named them. Kinda like left tit and right tit even if that’s just descrptive

Mr. Ayo

Figure out which of your horses are left handed and right handed, then assign your favoUrites of them as names to each.

Doktor Zymm

horses don’r work that way

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

sure they don’t next thing you’re gonna tell us is that they can’t talk even though there’s documentary evidence

Doktor Zymm

If Mr Ed had a peanut allergy the world would be different

Mr. Ayo
Doktor Zymm

Dont think that terminology is right though, but not like it matters at all woo

Brick Meathook

Data center, Ashburn VA.

Those windows are all fake; there are no windows in these structures. The whole fucking internet runs through Ashburn. This is just one of a dozen identical structures with more under construction.

https://ibb.co/FbZ5GWg

Doktor Zymm

I AM INTERNET I EAT YOU OR JUST CAT VIDEOS WHILE DRYING UP YOUR LAKES HAHAHAHA

Sharkbait

60 Hudson St in New York is the same way. Lots of fake windows and cages upon cages inside

Brick Meathook
Doktor Zymm

Left tit is saying that student loan forgiveness is just a bougie entitlement. Right tit is talking about Lenin. I’m kinda worried. They’re fighting.

Doktor Zymm

It’s okay, I have a hand on each and am keeping them apart

Doktor Zymm

Left tit says Hi! Right tit also says Hi! My cocaine Bear shirt has no cocaine in it, it’s just a shirt.

Mr. Ayo

At least you didn’t fall over this time!

Last edited 3 months ago by Mr. Ayo
Doktor Zymm

It’s really annoying that you can’t say ‘FUCK WHOEVER’ because you really have fucked whoever. Oh well, maybe never again but I kinda like fucking so probably again.

Doktor Zymm

Shit, again, DRUNK POOR DECISIONS.

Mr. Ayo

DOKTOR BOURBLE!

Doktor Zymm

The I AM DRUNK AND MAKING POOR DECISIONS fuck I can’t spell but that didn’t tip you off?

Doktor Zymm

Also it’s bourbon, sake, beer, and a dash of scotch

Doktor Zymm

SHit, left tit thinks this beer is too spicy, right tit thinks this beer is not spicy enough I HAVE NO THIRD TIT TO THINK THE BEER IS JUST RIGHT
Although it’s actually quite a tasty beer, habenero, but you get the blonde first

Mr. Ayo

Confirmed the Doktor leans right

Doktor Zymm

*leans right*
*falls over*
*laughes drinks*

Col. Duke LaCross

The golf channel is replaying Seve’s 1984 win at St. Andrew’s. This might be the first time I ever saw golf of any kind, watching it on TV when I was six. I didn’t start playing until five years later. Watching this is like seeing a time capsule. Still a lot of wooden woods in play. Dude’s maxing out at 275 off the tee. Hitting 4 irons where current guys are hitting 9. But the course itself hasn’t changed.

Mr. Ayo

Oh man, I just read The Last Stand Of Payne Stewart. Reading about he still used the old woods and irons while competing against Tiger was riveting. Can’t believe in that context he won that last US Open tournament.

Doktor Zymm

Have lived near San Fransisco for multiple years. Have eaten no Rice a Roni. Going into hiding. They will kill me to keep it the San Francisco treat.

Doktor Zymm

This doesn’t make much sense without context. The context is THEY WILL KILL ME TO KEEP IT THE SAN FRANCISCO TREAT

Mr. Ayo

It’s not a secret. Had it when I was in North Wyoming and it was terrible.

Doktor Zymm

So watching VCRParty with the Found Footage Festival Folk (fuck yeah alliteration) and they are quite fun

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh I went to one of those ages ago. It was a bunch of fun.

Doktor Zymm

GRAMPA BOWLING KEEP

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Made some Thai-inspired turkey meatballs, I put thai basil, ginger, garlic, onions, some crazy red peppers my mother-in-law left in our freezer like four years ago, fried shallot…and they would have come out absolutely perfect if I hadn’t FORGOTTEN THE GODDAMNED SALT.

Last edited 3 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Doktor Zymm

I mean, that sounds delicious, but I guess not without the salt?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I salted them on top as best I could. They are fine, but somewhat of a shadow of what they could have been.

Doktor Zymm

So, if I get the Amazon job, I will be moving. Either Seattle, Chicago, or Virginia. If I end up in Seattle I expect you, Mr. Ayo, to show me the good bars.

Mr. Ayo

Of course

Doktor Zymm

ARIGATO
Also Dankaschoen and other languages I cannot spell well

Sharkbait

Ashburn VA?

Doktor Zymm

Indeed that is where the Amazon is at. I would try to live in Maryland, but maybe get a room closer to

Brick Meathook

Have you seen Ashburn VA? There are enormous data centers everywhere, and there’s always three more under construction. Massive, massive buildings, five stories high with no windows, each the size of a soccer field or bigger, and there’s usually only three cars in the parking lot. The stretch for as far as the eye can see.

Doktor Zymm

Not ashburn in particular, but I used to smoke hookahs in arlington or wherever. Yeah, i would get a room not move in

Sharkbait

US-EAST1 baby!

Ive spent too much time in AWS recently

Doktor Zymm

Oh hey realized the limits of what I’m willing to share while drunk! Woo I guess? WOO!

Doktor Zymm

I learned a new thing! Cased miso is simulated poop for testing toilets!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Cased miso?

Doktor Zymm

Miso paste in a flexible probably natural casing like sausage

Doktor Zymm

Or like poop. In this context really mostly like poop.

Mr. Ayo

Did they pass?

And which ones, cased miso or testing toilets?

Doktor Zymm

They did pass! The cased miso was flushed by the test toilet. Success!

Doktor Zymm

Oh, y’all, I have the best cocaine bear shirt! Don’t have any cocaine, much less the best cocaine. Need to rewatch old Simpsons eps, season 3-8

Doktor Zymm

I’m so glad my dishwasher works now cuz damn I have a lot of glassware to put in it. Enjoying sharing my good shit even if conflicted about telling dude to fuck off

litre_cola

Hai? Stampede is in wakeys an my town. It is wild. During my escape I helped a dude with directional and he gave me a road beer. People Sametime are food.

Doktor Zymm

I once went on the train after a Raiders game and got a road beer. I didn’t help with directional or anything just said hi and beers!

Gumbygirl

.

soylent-green-is-people-people.jpg
Doktor Zymm

But WHICH people?? If it’s just Karens I wanna SEE THE MANAGER

Gumbygirl

You’ll have to ask Litre. He’s the one eating them.

Doktor Zymm

I AM DRUNK AND MAKING QUESTIONABLE DECISIONS

Redshirt

Run for US President, Dok! With the available options, you can’t lose!

MAD TV – David Herman is President.avi (youtube.com)

Doktor Zymm

Fuck that, I wanna be a senator

Redshirt

Reds: “Okay, rookie. Most of our Outfielders are on the IL, so we’re going to send you up for a cup of coffee. Here’s a jersey number higher than the city’s interstate numbers. Try not to embarrass yourself, too much.”

Rece Hinds:

Omg Rece Hinds takes one 458 feet as he hits home runs in the first two games of his career😱😎 (youtube.com)

Horatio Cornblower

One time, playing adult wood bat baseball, I hit a ball hard enough to make the same sound as Hinds just did.

The difference is that the ball I hit went about 158′ less, and also curved foul.

Redshirt

My best and only hit in gym class was a screamer over the pitcher that would’ve gotten past the centerfielder and rolled to the wall. Of course, it was the last hit so everyone turned to go back into the school.

Best moment of my athletic career and no one saw it.

BugEyedBoo

Last minute supper change tonight: salmon cakes.

GUEST_ac9e3854-53d4-4c09-9119-faf7769a2f3e.jpg
Sharkbait

comment image

Gumbygirl

I make a lemon butter and chive sauce for those, they are yummy!

BugEyedBoo

Dill mayonnaise. Or remoulade.

Gumbygirl

.

69c314b6b99c139576a6a9a395184aabc734e186c41b764594f8a053c852eb6f.jpg
2Pack

Would like to know the back story here.

FB_IMG_1720579120696.jpg
Gumbygirl

They’ll have to pry my Swedish Fish from my cold, dead hands.

Don T

from a Colombian
comment image

litre_cola

We will beat them in the 3rd place cus we care

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Pages of dense and well researched historical insights I can’t possibly process at this time of day?

RREM turned into BGR so gradually I hardly noticed.

Sharkbait

Four minutes seems like kind of a joke amount of added time

Wakezilla

If you aren’t going to win, kick the dog shit out of them, Canada

Brick Meathook

I just scammed a free 1 week trial of Fubo just so I could watch this and understand what the hell you are all talking about.

Horatio Cornblower

LET THE CANADIEN BOYS SCORE A GOAL. THEY’RE GOOD BOYS!! THEY’RE TRYING SO HARD!!!

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Should have kicked that diving prick right in the back, never mind having the ball act as an intermediary.

Last edited 3 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
WCS

comment image

Game Time Decision

There should be awards for the bestest reaction to being “fouled”. Might as well lean into it

Sharkbait

Some quality Fallon D’Floor winners in that montage.

Horatio Cornblower

The ending of that video is sublime.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It hurt my ears.

Mr. Ayo

OMG, I hope he’s okay!

Mr. Ayo

¡Gracias a Dios! He has risen!

Sharkbait

I haven’t seen an Argentinian go down like that since the General Belgrano

litre_cola

He was fucking offside

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I thought so too but he really wasn’t. It wasn’t even that close, honestly, the defender was ball-watching.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Screenshot_20240709_181731_Chrome.jpg
Game Time Decision

Foo King VAR

Wakezilla

Fucking Cornelius was strolling in position and cause Messi to be onside as a result

Sharkbait

comment image

Senor Weaselo

Suarez! Marchand! WHO YA GOT?

Sharkbait

He bites who he wants!
He bites who he wants!
Luis Suarez
He bites who he wants

Game Time Decision

Marchand as he can dish it and and take it

Wakezilla

Needs more bastards

Don T

CAN is playing fine. Can score on ARG, I think.

Wakezilla

Jo David melts under pressure

Dunstan

Just started reading the Horatio Hornblower series. Unfortunately I seem to have ordered a second copy of book #1 instead of book #2 as I intended.

LemonJello

Is there a series of short stores about Lowratio Bornlower available?

Dunstan

He has an OnlyFans page.

Sharkbait

I’ll subscribe when it’s half off

Sharkbait

I remember watching the A&E mini series years ago. Apparently it’s impossible to find now.

Game Time Decision

As a occasional soccer watcher is it the talent level or style or something else for the difference in play between the Euros and COPAs. The COPAs seem to be rougher and not as good passing to my Untrained eye

ballsofsteelandfury

Copa is definitely rougher. Uruguay specially prides themselves on being tough. Passing is important, but not the main goal. The main goal is to intimidate and score.

Euro is more about the “art” of football.

Don T

The BRA : URU game was brutal. 41 called fouls, roughly the same no falls 😅
But this Uruguay team is a damn delight.

Dunstan

I was told that music and fashion were always the passion at the Copa.

Horatio Cornblower

Rev, is the book you’re reading ‘The Crucible of War,’ by Fred Anderson? That’s the best book I’ve ever read about the Seven Years War. It’s also the only book I’ve ever read about the Seven Years War, (I think), but it really is good.

I just pulled it off the shelf and refreshed my memory about Byng. Yikes.

scotchnaut

Argentinian down on the ground for three minutes with a scuffed tattoo.

Wakezilla

Canada needs to be more aggressive when the Argentinians have the ball

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ah, nuts.

Mr. Ayo

At least our Hat isn’t embarrassing themselves. Yet.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That first touch was MINT.

scotchnaut

I’ve told you that back in the day I coached kid’s soccer. Thing is, there were two boys from out of town that stayed in our town for the summer and played for a few of my teams. They were incredibly gifted and I was hoping that somehow, someway that Sheffuleberg(?) was one of them but it doesn’t work out age-wise.

/of course it was a million (probably less!) to one shot but a lousy coach enlisted against his will that ended up loving it can dream…

Don T

That sounds interesting, even though I’m team Lord Palmerston.

ArmedandHammered

Dak was just breaking the boot in before the season starts.

scotchnaut

I could go for a totally unexpected Canuckian goal.

Wakezilla

$20 bet gets you a $160 return if Canada wins. Big gambling night

LemonJello

Is that in Uncle Sam bucks or Loonies?

Wakezilla

GO CANADA GO!

Lionel Messi is a poor man’s Jacub Shaffelburg!