It’s mid-Summer, which can only mean one thing: revisiting the Age of Sail! That’s right, bitches– in the absence of serious hockey, basketball and Tuesday football, oceans are now battlefields!
Currently I am listening to a biography of Commodore Stephen Decatur and reading a delightful account of the Seven Years War (French and Indian War for those of us in the States), including the sad story of Admiral John Byng.
It’s a fascinating story about a weak-minded admiral, the Rule of Unintended Consequences, political ass-covering and the role of ego in world history. Seriously, if George II wasn’t so pissed at Pitt the Elder, maybe Byng wouldn’t have been shot on his own quarterdeck.
Voltaire was being snide when he talked about the British occasionally shooting an admiral “to encourage the others,” but there is a fair argument it worked.
I’d like to pretend that my descent into Middle Aged White Dadness is a recent development, but I’ve been this way since college. It truly is a miracle I found a spouse.
TANGENT: you can see the HMS Surprise (nee Rose) in San Diego! Or if you are on the East Coast, the Tall Ship Lynx sails regularly.
NFL NEWS:
-After news broke that Dak Prescott had a mild foot sprain, I proclaimed that this was going to end with an amputation. Lo, Dak was spotted wearing a walking boot on vacation while insisting that it is a “precautionary measure” and that there is “absolutely nothing” wrong with him. Because who among us doesn’t occasionally hobble around wearing durable medical equipment for funsies?
-Jaguar Josh Allen is now Josh Harris-Allen. Which is good, because Josh Allen getting sacked by Josh Allen was both confusing and sucky.
WHAT’S ON TONIGHT:
Argentina! Canada! When these two classic rivals take the field, throw out the records!
Mostly because they’ve only ever played twice. And Argentina has been dominant.
Still! Team Canada (the Mounties?) has looked better since their opening group stage loss to Argentina. Really, these countries should be allies- a polar disposition, excellent steak cultures, etc. Alas, fate has made them bitter enemies.
Brie and Delilah. Brie seems like a bitchy name, but such a tasty cheese. Going with the cheese. FUCK PEOPLE EAT CHEESE
Even when it’s a soft cheese like a burrata you shouldn’t fuck it. There are other things you can fuck. Eat that soft cheese. Yum!
Dok in her cups is entertaining!
And the cups will be washed by a functional dishwasher!
It’s all falling into place!
I love cheese. I have not named my tits. Am I afraid of naming my tits after cheese? I think not! Brie would be super fun, going with that for left tit
Horrible 90s videos so maybe Delilah for right tit?
My favorite bar in Chicago is Delilah’s so even though it’s a Buffalo bar, think I’m honored for right tit to bear the name
I once had a dream where I really had to pee, then I woke up and went and peed. I wonder what a Jungian analyst would think of that?
If I’ve learned anything from Persona, something about masks.
Huh, never tried peeing in a mask
CHEESE FABULOUS CHEESE
I love y’all even if you are not cheese but most especially if you can offer me delicious cheese
Considering how much I anthropomorphize my tits it’s weird I haven’t named them. Kinda like left tit and right tit even if that’s just descrptive
Figure out which of your horses are left handed and right handed, then assign your favoUrites of them as names to each.
horses don’r work that way
sure they don’t next thing you’re gonna tell us is that they can’t talk even though there’s documentary evidence
If Mr Ed had a peanut allergy the world would be different
Or do they?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhJcS8jj5WI
Dont think that terminology is right though, but not like it matters at all woo
Data center, Ashburn VA.
Those windows are all fake; there are no windows in these structures. The whole fucking internet runs through Ashburn. This is just one of a dozen identical structures with more under construction.
https://ibb.co/FbZ5GWg
I AM INTERNET I EAT YOU OR JUST CAT VIDEOS WHILE DRYING UP YOUR LAKES HAHAHAHA
60 Hudson St in New York is the same way. Lots of fake windows and cages upon cages inside
https://ibb.co/M125dXq
Left tit is saying that student loan forgiveness is just a bougie entitlement. Right tit is talking about Lenin. I’m kinda worried. They’re fighting.
It’s okay, I have a hand on each and am keeping them apart
Left tit says Hi! Right tit also says Hi! My cocaine Bear shirt has no cocaine in it, it’s just a shirt.
At least you didn’t fall over this time!
It’s really annoying that you can’t say ‘FUCK WHOEVER’ because you really have fucked whoever. Oh well, maybe never again but I kinda like fucking so probably again.
Shit, again, DRUNK POOR DECISIONS.
DOKTOR BOURBLE!
The I AM DRUNK AND MAKING POOR DECISIONS fuck I can’t spell but that didn’t tip you off?
Also it’s bourbon, sake, beer, and a dash of scotch
SHit, left tit thinks this beer is too spicy, right tit thinks this beer is not spicy enough I HAVE NO THIRD TIT TO THINK THE BEER IS JUST RIGHT
Although it’s actually quite a tasty beer, habenero, but you get the blonde first
Confirmed the Doktor leans right
*leans right*
*falls over*
*laughes drinks*
The golf channel is replaying Seve’s 1984 win at St. Andrew’s. This might be the first time I ever saw golf of any kind, watching it on TV when I was six. I didn’t start playing until five years later. Watching this is like seeing a time capsule. Still a lot of wooden woods in play. Dude’s maxing out at 275 off the tee. Hitting 4 irons where current guys are hitting 9. But the course itself hasn’t changed.
Oh man, I just read The Last Stand Of Payne Stewart. Reading about he still used the old woods and irons while competing against Tiger was riveting. Can’t believe in that context he won that last US Open tournament.
Have lived near San Fransisco for multiple years. Have eaten no Rice a Roni. Going into hiding. They will kill me to keep it the San Francisco treat.
This doesn’t make much sense without context. The context is THEY WILL KILL ME TO KEEP IT THE SAN FRANCISCO TREAT
It’s not a secret. Had it when I was in North Wyoming and it was terrible.
So watching VCRParty with the Found Footage Festival Folk (fuck yeah alliteration) and they are quite fun
Oh I went to one of those ages ago. It was a bunch of fun.
GRAMPA BOWLING KEEP
Made some Thai-inspired turkey meatballs, I put thai basil, ginger, garlic, onions, some crazy red peppers my mother-in-law left in our freezer like four years ago, fried shallot…and they would have come out absolutely perfect if I hadn’t FORGOTTEN THE GODDAMNED SALT.
I mean, that sounds delicious, but I guess not without the salt?
I salted them on top as best I could. They are fine, but somewhat of a shadow of what they could have been.
So, if I get the Amazon job, I will be moving. Either Seattle, Chicago, or Virginia. If I end up in Seattle I expect you, Mr. Ayo, to show me the good bars.
Of course
ARIGATO
Also Dankaschoen and other languages I cannot spell well
Ashburn VA?
Indeed that is where the Amazon is at. I would try to live in Maryland, but maybe get a room closer to
Have you seen Ashburn VA? There are enormous data centers everywhere, and there’s always three more under construction. Massive, massive buildings, five stories high with no windows, each the size of a soccer field or bigger, and there’s usually only three cars in the parking lot. The stretch for as far as the eye can see.
Not ashburn in particular, but I used to smoke hookahs in arlington or wherever. Yeah, i would get a room not move in
US-EAST1 baby!
Ive spent too much time in AWS recently
Oh hey realized the limits of what I’m willing to share while drunk! Woo I guess? WOO!
I learned a new thing! Cased miso is simulated poop for testing toilets!
Cased miso?
Miso paste in a flexible probably natural casing like sausage
Or like poop. In this context really mostly like poop.
Did they pass?
And which ones, cased miso or testing toilets?
They did pass! The cased miso was flushed by the test toilet. Success!
Oh, y’all, I have the best cocaine bear shirt! Don’t have any cocaine, much less the best cocaine. Need to rewatch old Simpsons eps, season 3-8
I’m so glad my dishwasher works now cuz damn I have a lot of glassware to put in it. Enjoying sharing my good shit even if conflicted about telling dude to fuck off
Hai? Stampede is in wakeys an my town. It is wild. During my escape I helped a dude with directional and he gave me a road beer. People Sametime are food.
I once went on the train after a Raiders game and got a road beer. I didn’t help with directional or anything just said hi and beers!
.
But WHICH people?? If it’s just Karens I wanna SEE THE MANAGER
You’ll have to ask Litre. He’s the one eating them.
I AM DRUNK AND MAKING QUESTIONABLE DECISIONS
Run for US President, Dok! With the available options, you can’t lose!
MAD TV – David Herman is President.avi (youtube.com)
Fuck that, I wanna be a senator
Reds: “Okay, rookie. Most of our Outfielders are on the IL, so we’re going to send you up for a cup of coffee. Here’s a jersey number higher than the city’s interstate numbers. Try not to embarrass yourself, too much.”
Rece Hinds:
Omg Rece Hinds takes one 458 feet as he hits home runs in the first two games of his career😱😎 (youtube.com)
One time, playing adult wood bat baseball, I hit a ball hard enough to make the same sound as Hinds just did.
The difference is that the ball I hit went about 158′ less, and also curved foul.
My best and only hit in gym class was a screamer over the pitcher that would’ve gotten past the centerfielder and rolled to the wall. Of course, it was the last hit so everyone turned to go back into the school.
Best moment of my athletic career and no one saw it.
Last minute supper change tonight: salmon cakes.
I make a lemon butter and chive sauce for those, they are yummy!
Dill mayonnaise. Or remoulade.
.
Would like to know the back story here.
They’ll have to pry my Swedish Fish from my cold, dead hands.
from a Colombian
We will beat them in the 3rd place cus we care
Pages of dense and well researched historical insights I can’t possibly process at this time of day?
RREM turned into BGR so gradually I hardly noticed.
Four minutes seems like kind of a joke amount of added time
If you aren’t going to win, kick the dog shit out of them, Canada
I just scammed a free 1 week trial of Fubo just so I could watch this and understand what the hell you are all talking about.
LET THE CANADIEN BOYS SCORE A GOAL. THEY’RE GOOD BOYS!! THEY’RE TRYING SO HARD!!!
Should have kicked that diving prick right in the back, never mind having the ball act as an intermediary.
There should be awards for the bestest reaction to being “fouled”. Might as well lean into it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=of50I4M5Fh0
Some quality Fallon D’Floor winners in that montage.
The ending of that video is sublime.
It hurt my ears.
OMG, I hope he’s okay!
¡Gracias a Dios! He has risen!
I haven’t seen an Argentinian go down like that since the General Belgrano
He was fucking offside
I thought so too but he really wasn’t. It wasn’t even that close, honestly, the defender was ball-watching.
…
Foo King VAR
Fucking Cornelius was strolling in position and cause Messi to be onside as a result
Suarez! Marchand! WHO YA GOT?
He bites who he wants!
He bites who he wants!
Luis Suarez
He bites who he wants
Marchand as he can dish it and and take it
Needs more bastards
CAN is playing fine. Can score on ARG, I think.
Jo David melts under pressure
Just started reading the Horatio Hornblower series. Unfortunately I seem to have ordered a second copy of book #1 instead of book #2 as I intended.
Is there a series of short stores about Lowratio Bornlower available?
He has an OnlyFans page.
I’ll subscribe when it’s half off
I remember watching the A&E mini series years ago. Apparently it’s impossible to find now.
With Ion Gryffyddyd!
As a occasional soccer watcher is it the talent level or style or something else for the difference in play between the Euros and COPAs. The COPAs seem to be rougher and not as good passing to my Untrained eye
Copa is definitely rougher. Uruguay specially prides themselves on being tough. Passing is important, but not the main goal. The main goal is to intimidate and score.
Euro is more about the “art” of football.
The BRA : URU game was brutal. 41 called fouls, roughly the same no falls 😅
But this Uruguay team is a damn delight.
I was told that music and fashion were always the passion at the Copa.
Rev, is the book you’re reading ‘The Crucible of War,’ by Fred Anderson? That’s the best book I’ve ever read about the Seven Years War. It’s also the only book I’ve ever read about the Seven Years War, (I think), but it really is good.
I just pulled it off the shelf and refreshed my memory about Byng. Yikes.
Argentinian down on the ground for three minutes with a scuffed tattoo.
Canada needs to be more aggressive when the Argentinians have the ball
Ah, nuts.
At least our Hat isn’t embarrassing themselves. Yet.
That first touch was MINT.
I’ve told you that back in the day I coached kid’s soccer. Thing is, there were two boys from out of town that stayed in our town for the summer and played for a few of my teams. They were incredibly gifted and I was hoping that somehow, someway that Sheffuleberg(?) was one of them but it doesn’t work out age-wise.
/of course it was a million (probably less!) to one shot but a lousy coach enlisted against his will that ended up loving it can dream…
That sounds interesting, even though I’m team Lord Palmerston.
Dak was just breaking the boot in before the season starts.
I could go for a totally unexpected Canuckian goal.
$20 bet gets you a $160 return if Canada wins. Big gambling night
Is that in Uncle Sam bucks or Loonies?
GO CANADA GO!
Lionel Messi is a poor man’s Jacub Shaffelburg!