Your Scattered Thursday Night Open Thread

Looking down at Canada’s underwear, I’m glad to see what needed to be done got done and now the energy the Democratic party is feeling is palpable. Yes, there’s far too many old dogs still running things but certainly the perception is that the party got much younger. That’s a good thing. I don’t mean that the “youth vote” (whatever that is) has been captured. I just mean that the energy has changed and people tend to gravitate to that. Good luck, Kamala.

Better Luck Next Time George:

Look, the football pickings are slim but here goes-apparently defensive end Karlaftis roughed up Kadarius Toney a wee bit while the team was doing 11 on 11. There was a scuffle afterwards, yadda, yadda, yadda. The Chiefs beat writer said something along the lines of, “It’s not smart to be fooling around with the offensive talent like that”. Oh for Christ sakes…

Where Am I?:

Jordan Addison talked to reporters about his recent DUI and said that he was “in a dark place” afterwards. It’s called a holding cell, buddy.

QB Controversy Yinzer Style:

Fields took some first team reps while Wilson dealt with a calf thingy prompting those that want some excitement to hype up the former. Reminds of the last QB controversy here which consisted of folks going back and forth arguing about just how shitty Kenny Pickett’s play actually was.

Buddy, Can You Spare A Dime?:

You thought this was about Daniel jones? Gotcha! I just wanted to note that Brock Purdy just needs one more year of his exemplary play and his pay rockets from $925,000 per year to far, far more than that per game. The way QB pay is spiraling upwards it would seem like he would be paid 40, 50, maybe 60 mil per year? That buys you one helluva lot of Payday candy/chocolate bars.

Take It Easy: 

This would work a lot better if he was playing for the Eagles, smh. Randy Gregory signed a 3 mil contract with Tampa in April and has apparently never taken part in a single team function yet, including skipping the first few days of training camp. Gotta love that veteran leadership.

Treat ‘Em Special, Mike:

Ja’Marr Chase is doing the recently popularized ‘hold in’, hanging around the periphery of practices the first few days. Tee Higgins is auditioning for his next team after it was made very clear to him that he wasn’t going to get any money in Cincy. Tyler Boyd left as soon as he could and Mixon jumped ship/was pushed off. Mikey Brown just can’t stand surrounding himself with talent. That explains so much about the organization.

We are but one week away from a game that resembles NFL football. Hold your loved ones close until then.

 

 

 

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What says the gang? Does this get Rod and Todd out of retirement? I’m leaning towards no, because despite being an incredibly terrible person I’m not aware of Weinstein being any kind of anti-vaxxer.

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/harvey-weinstein-hospital-covid-double-pneumonia-team-says-rcna163750?cid=sm_npd_nn_tw_ma&taid=66a2d8fbd344d90001763df6&utm_campaign=trueanthem&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter

WCS

FOX News going down the checklist on the negatives for Kamala Harris:

— woman
— multiracial
— woman
— from California
— woman
— was VP
— is a woman
— is multiracial
— woman
— too young
— is a woman

Newt Gingrich and Laura Ingrahahaham are saying Harris isn’t qualified to be President, because Don Trump was President, and experience is what really matters all of a sudden. Also, she’s too young, and Joe Biden knows this, which is why the Democrats are trying to sabotage the American electoral system that Kamala Harris… illegally destroyed by being the Border Czar and Barack Obama didn’t call her… I sort of lost track as to what Gingy and Laura’s arguments are… something else about how US allies wouldn’t take her seriously because… well, she and Donald Trump have “differences”…

I don’t think Kamala is very great or anything, but holy shit does she have the rightwing scared right now.

Last edited 5 months ago by WCS
DJ TAJ

Shouldn’t there be deodorant for your butt crack? I tried my “Old Spice” but man did it make my ass sing.

Doktor Zymm

It would be way harder to hop on one leg 5,000 times then hop on the other leg 5,000 times than it is to walk 10,000 steps, but pedometers count them the same

WCS

If you were to hop backwards across the country, would you eventually reach -3000 miles?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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I wanna say it smells like $18 spilled Bud Light, Paul Goldschmidt’s jock strap and a heavy dose of thinly veiled racism.

SonOfSpam

When the NFL does this, the Chargers scent will be redolent of “Somewhere Else”

Dunstan

“We’ve got Busch!”

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Revenge of the Sex Offenders sure was a fun 80’s movie.

Dunstan

Look, it was a law in the 80s that sex offenses were ok if you did them on stuck-up bitches who date jocks.

Horatio Cornblower

Always Sunny had a great episode on this subject.

Yeah, those 80’s movies were funny as hell when I was 14, and I would have tunneled through granite just so I could see any one of the Porky’s movies, but watching them as an adult is not a comfortable experience.

DJ TAJ

You ever been to (old not the new) Busch? The 3 times I was there I found them to be rather nasty to visitors. The racism though? Well represented.

rockingdog

Found a funny:

“The president should have biological kids” is such a goofy, arbitrary take. Okay, the speaker of the house should ride a horse to work. The secretary of state shouldn’t be able to achieve orgasm at an altitude lower than 1,000 feet above sea level. I can say nonsense too!

Mr. Ayo

Imagine the takes if an single, kidless, atheist ran.

The takes could power the earth for decades.

Gumbygirl

Isn’t that just Trump? At least , that’s how he behaves.

Mr. Ayo

True, but unfortunately for his past and current wives, and surviving children, that’s not the case.

Gumbygirl

Especially that poor old bitch he shoved down the stairs and planted under the 6th fairway.

Doktor Zymm

The VP shalt not violate soft furnishings

SonOfSpam

“Like I haven’t fucked benches”

-JPV

WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ls794MhIkU4

Todd Pinkston? Another in the long line of Iggles receivers who didn’t like to wide receive.

EDIT: Another NFL Films clip that doesn’t load; too bad, because this clip is hilarious. McNabb really never got the credit he deserved for the Iggles’ success in Fat Andy Era.

Last edited 5 months ago by WCS
Doktor Zymm

Glass of Tattinger in the LAX Qantas lounge, just ordered dinner!

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herodotus450

Those bastards shut down my piggyback wine brand, Titinger. Woulda been huge

Doktor Zymm

Who doesn’t love tit wine?

WCS

Duke WCS still asks his mom for some. I can’t blame him, but nah son. Time to find someone else.

ballsofsteelandfury

I still ask Lady Balls for some…

Last edited 5 months ago by ballsofsteelandfury
WCS

You still ask your mom for tit wine? Time to move on, buddy.

ballsofsteelandfury

She’s a mom, but she’s not my mom

WCS

So, that’s different. I still ask Princess for some, too.

Sharing time is over, sonny. Go find your own minor noble.

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Last edited 5 months ago by WCS
2Pack

Never had dinner in one of those, is the food good?

Doktor Zymm

Not bad at all!

SonOfSpam

I’ve eaten dinner in a glass of Tattinger. It was delightful.

SonOfSpam

JD Vance asked his travel agent for a refund after his disappointing trip to Davenport, Iowa.

WCS

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ArmedandHammered

I really want to know how that vehicle did not continually overheat.

WCS

Plot intake manifold.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They should change the name of “Star Trek: Discovery” to “Michael Burnham Knows Best”.

rockingdog

Dude
Finally got to watch the highlights from the Padres game today
This game by Dylan Cease is AMAZING!
That 100 MPH fastball for a strikeout at the end of the 6 inning is LEGIT! 💪
That slider for the first out in the 8th!! OMG!!!
Getting bailed out by a Bogarts bobble then throw was scary! Ahhhh! 🫣
And then CJ Abram’s was the last out
That’s the dude who THE PADRES DRAFTED 6th overall out of High School in 2019!

Hahahaha!
THAT WAS ROCKINGGGG!!!!

Gumbygirl

It was rockinggg, but WTF is up with those uni’s? Do they deliver packages after the game?

Doktor Zymm

There are wheelchair robots at LAX!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ooh! Sounds like one of JD Vance’s sci-fi fantasies just came true!

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WCS

Another weekend with your least favorite pubic safety insomniac.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Balls?

WCS

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ballsofsteelandfury

I AM all about pubic safety!

litre_cola

ELI5 what is with JD and the couch?

Doktor Zymm

There is content inappropriate for 5 year olds, but basically some amazing person on the internet started the rumor that JD Vance wrote about fucking his couch in Hillbilly Elegy. He didn’t write about it, but he seems like such a couchfucker that we’re all pretty sure it’s true. I mean, what sort of couchfucker would write about his couchfucking? And that is the source of the most fun meme storm in ages.

Mr. Ayo

I’m still laughing that they cited 3 pages in his book as the source. 3 pages of couch fucking!

Doktor Zymm

To be fair, a lot of that was the diagram

Dunstan

I mean, it’s not like conservative don’t write weird shit about sex in their memoirs. You have Mike Pence with his whole refusal to have lunch with a female co-worker unless “Mother” is present. And the neckbeard king, Ross Douthat, who recounted the time during college when a young woman who looked like a “slightly chunky Reese Witherspoon” was ready to fuck him and then she mentioned she was on the pill, and that spoiled the whole thing for Ross because being responsible about birth control makes you a slutty slut slut.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The tweet that started it all:

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Redshirt

(somewhere in the near future on a Brazzers set in LA)

“Okay, I’m here. I see the sofa, okay we’re doing an office setting. Perfect! Where’s the actress I’m working with tonight? You want me to what?!”

Redshirt

The only downside of JD’s Couch Fetish is having to explain this to my parents.

Doktor Zymm

I’m enjoying politics more than I have in years

Horatio Cornblower

It’s like a trip to the Ethan Allen showroom, every day!

Doktor Zymm

Freudian Psychoanalyst: “Welcome JD, please make yourself comfortable on the couch and we’ll start the session”

Two minutes later…

Freudian Psychoanalyst: “Interesting, what is it about my couch that reminds you of your mother?”

SonOfSpam

Like many of us, JD Vance’s first experience was at a party in the yard, with a barely-dressed skank.

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BugEyedBoo

.

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Doktor Zymm

“I’m glad I’m not riding the bench, cushions really make a difference”
-JD Vance

Horatio Cornblower

Maybe Karlaftis dropping Toney was just his way of trying to find things in common with Kadarius.

Gumbygirl

This has nothing to do with anything, but I just heard someone call the whole Trump owwie thing Ear Farce One. Hehehe.

Redshirt

Bengals can’t afford to keep Chase and Higgins. If they cut Chase, they suddenly got issues with Burrow. Higgins, like Boyd, played themselves into better contracts than the Bengals could afford.

Mike Brown is cheap, but he is a good businessman. He pays his superstars receivers. Carl Pickens. Chad Johnson. AJ Green. That may mean he let great No. 2’s go (Darnay Scott. TJ Houshmandzadeh. Marvin Jones and Mohamed Sanu.), but he keeps the 1s as long as they are still productive.

Did I sound convincing, but I’m scared shitless? What do you mean my voice-to-text is still on?

Doktor Zymm

It’s an amazing recipe for consistent mediocrity! Because making the playoffs pretty often is the true definition of success or something!

litre_cola

Very excited about a few years of the Iggle tandem.

SonOfSpam

Harold Carmichael and Todd Pinkston?

litre_cola

Billy McMullen and FredX

Redshirt

I would normally defend the person hitting the talent hard if he was low on the roster, trying to get a spot. You congratulate him on showing hustle but tell him to save the hard hits for the opponents. If he hits hard again, then confront him.

But he’s the Chiefs 1st Rounder from ‘22. If he’s on the roster bubble, no need to take it out on your teammate for underperforming your first two years!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Not what I thought that glove was for”

JD Vance

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If the glove is full, the lever you must not pull.

Doktor Zymm

Maybe he was just trying to improve the team by opening up a receiver slot for a sleeper talent

BrettFavresColonoscopy

*Democratic party

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It may seem like a nit, but this has been an intentional messaging thing the GOP has done for years to diminish the Democrats. https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2023/01/democrat-party-republican-insult.html

Doktor Zymm

Wow, so the Repubs have sucked at insults for a long, long time

SonOfSpam

Let’s go Brandon herp derp derpa herp derp

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Thanks, Canuck!

Is Canuck ok?

Redshirt

Scotchnaut is a secret MAGA cult member?! It’s all coming together…