Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
As life runs on, the road grows strange with faces new and near the end, the milestones into headstones change, ‘neath every one a friend.’ [in bed]
James Russell Lowell
Is this why all the old folks are hooking up and spreading STD’s?
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
I got to spend a week in Chicago and a week in DC by myself during the day, while my wife was taking classes. That was five weekdays each week of wandering around looking in museums. I knew my wife well enough to know that a whole day walking around the Air and Space Museum or the Museum of Science and Industry would not have been her thing.
BugEyedBoo
Any trip that involves a very specific itinerary or travel every other day, is not a vacation, that is a tour.
Based on this definition I have not taken a “vacation” in almost fifteen years, which not coincidentally is right around the time that I met the Dr. Mrs.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Just how many vacuum museums are there to visit?
ArmedandHammered
Found a funny:
If you think the attacks on Kamala for not having any children are misogynistic, imagine if she had 5 kids by 3 different men.
rockingdog
My idea of vacation is going somewhere and exploring. Yes, it’s exhausting, but it feeds my brain.
Ideally, I like to combine the two. For example, go to Cancún to an all-inclusive, vegg out at the pool or ocean, eat all I want, drink all I want, but then take a day trip to Chicken Itza or Tulum.
ballsofsteelandfury
*Pollo Itza
SonOfSpam
Itza Chicken is how Mario describes the dinner specials
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Found a funny:
“The problem with JD Vance is he has no conviction, but his running mate has 34 of ’em.”
BeefReeferLives
One of the regular disputes in my household is whether to move leftovers to a smaller container once some portion of them have been consumed. My philosophy is “why get a second tupperware dirty? As long as there’s enough space in the fridge, it’s fine.”
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“why get a second tupperware dirty”
THIS. THIS right here.
BeefReeferLives
Yes!
ArmedandHammered
See, I’m Team Vacuum. Why take up space in the fridge that can be used by other things?
ballsofsteelandfury
Ugh, don’t even get me started on that. She was gone for three weeks and I was hoping to put enough of a dent in the outdoor freezer that I’d be able to defrost it. Didn’t even come close to happening. She wants to freeze everything.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
/Mrs. Scotchnaut shudders and nods
Horatio Cornblower
You’ve obviously never had a hobo consomme.
scotchnaut
The scamps running the gag accounts are going to have some real fun in the next few months…
BeefReeferLives
/wife is weirdly jealous
Wifey: “There’s a charge on your Visa for a ‘Lesley Diamond’. I’m going to call into the fraud line.”
Me: “Hold on-Lesley..Lesley…I think her name was Lindsay though.”
Wifey: “Fucking asshole!”
scotchnaut
It’s getting close to the end of the season and it’s still super tight.
What are “Things never overheard in the Vivid Videos interns exit interviews” ?
I’ll take Potent Potables for $1000, please.
LemonJello
THIS US RUGBY TEAM I CALL IT BUYING WATER AT THE AIRPORT BECAUSE THEY’RE GETTING VIOLATED BY FIJI
SonOfSpam
-sigh-
Well, time for a monthly meeting with my supervisor.
/turns down TV
//puts on shirt
Horatio Cornblower
Why does your wife want you to put on a shirt?
BrettFavresColonoscopy
I found contact info for the Swedish exchange student Vance dated
Doktor Zymm
Let’s get down to the real issue..
Maybe Vance fucked a couch, maybe he didn’t; that’s irrelevant. This undermines a real issue that’s being overlooked, and it’s a real indictment on the media for not addressing this earlier: how does this impact the potential Maple Leafs playoff match-ups next season?
WCS
Saw this on Bluesky, which doesn’t link well here.
“JD stands for ‘jizzy divan’
Horatio Cornblower
What am I, chopped liver? (wait, is that what spam is?)
JD is short for “Just Drillingthiscouch”— SonOfSpam (@sonofspam.bsky.social) Jul 24, 2024 at 7:38 PM
SonOfSpam
also
He overheard someone say “more cushion for the pushin” and the rest is davenport-lovin history.— SonOfSpam (@sonofspam.bsky.social) Jul 24, 2024 at 7:34 PM
SonOfSpam
Watching a BBQ competition on Netflix and while it’s always struck me as a little unrealistic that these people are banging out 5 course meals in 2 hours using open fire techniques I am now convinced the whole thing is fake when one of the competitors said, during the tailgate competition, that she was a big fan of something called “the Houston Texans.”
Horatio Cornblower
Found a funny:
JD no that’s not what intersectional means! 🛋️
rockingdog
Look, J.D. Vance did not fuck a couch. People need to stop saying that J.D. Vance fucked a couch. Because he didn’t fuck a couch. He’s not some kind of sofasexual.
Read more in my new book, “J.D. Vance and Couchfucking: The Truth Revealed!”
Dunstan
I like how it doesn’t even need to be true, only that it’s credible.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
I think I’ve got it:
When they were passing out spouses, JD Vance thought they said “couches” and told them “gimme something curvy and exotic, like a Cabriole.”
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I like it!
“When is this girl gonna leave?”
– JD Vance watching a casting couch video
Doktor Zymm
JD: Are you up for a little role-play tonight?
USHA: What did you have in mind?
JD: Just slip this on.
LemonJello
This has nothing to do with anything, but I just heard someone call the whole Trump owwie thing Ear Farce One. Hehehe.
Gumbygirl
I’m not sure using Bulleitt with anything called Rittenhouse is a good idea.
Horatio Cornblower
Finishing up lunch and then it’s 6 hours in the car to the glorious metropolis that is Millinocket, ME, there to climb Mt. Katahdin tomorrow.
Possible BOTG subbing in for MMMD next week, assuming I can manage not to fall off the steep parts of the mountain.
Horatio Cornblower
When asked how he feels about turning over the presidential nomination to Kamala Harris, Joe Biden said, “I have known her for many years and she has a great history of public service, like hosting ‘Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?’ in the 1990s.”
Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show
Flava Flav sponsoring the women’s water polo team and being a super dude is just the best.
litre_cola
Current Olympics status:
TV 1 – handball
TV 2 – surfing
Cell – rugby
ballsofsteelandfury
Mrs. Cola is an ex Uni rugby player so we are leaving for the movie at the very last minute after this.
litre_cola
The question of the day: is Dok watching Olympic Dressage?
ballsofsteelandfury
She kind of has to, she’s on the judging panel.
A little irregular for a judge to have a button with a trap door that can send a contestant to a lava-filled pit, mind you.
Dunstan
Shit weather day, looks like we are going to Despicable me 4.
Edibles engage.
litre_cola
Wherein Litre takes one edible after begrudgingly going to Dispicable Me 4 (Artistic Interpretation)
Redshirt
Hell, if you need some content, I have some beaming, positive news to share with you guys. I was offered the teaching position at the High School here in Woodstock and start in a week! It looks like the Economics & Personal Finance elective just became the responsibility of the history department this year, so as the new guy I’ll be “taking one for the team” and teaching three units of this course and one of 11th grade U.S. history.
I want you all to know that I could not have gotten to this point in my life without you, and I mean that most sincerely. I have always silently looked up to you as mentors. While it’s true I started out in awe of your rapid-fire comedic skills in the Deadspin comment section, over the years I’ve observed you all giving each other sensible financial advice, home-buying strategies, and most importantly, career-and-interview advice. Plenty of that has stuck in my head throughout this process, and I can’t thank you enough for what you shared with me.
You have also provided me with the only place in my world where the pace of my output or frequency of my appearances are not questioned or criticized. The collected experience, intelligence, wit, and wisdom here is so powerful it remains an honor to be allowed to even lurk amongst you. My brain literally filters information through the opinion spectrum on DFO in order to formulate my opinions, like it used to do with The Daily Show & Colbert Report back in their heydays, so What You Folks Think matters a great deal to me.
And shit, you guys sat with me through rehab, man. That’s for real. And the way you’ve supported my sobriety has been life-changing, or character-changing at least. I can’t ever give up on the human race again as long as there are people like the crew on this website who can gather in relative anonymity and radiate such kindness and empathy to a guy like me. Thanks again for all your support up to this point, and I promise I won’t let you guys down on this job!
Fronkenshteen
Computer network crashed; let’s do this the ol’ fashioned way!
Dispatchers, looking at handwritten call sheet reports (artists’ conception)
WCS
Ladies and gentlemen and children of all ages. Direct your attention to the center ring!
Our fearless and slightly idiotic resident chef, yeah right is attempting a never before attempted dish.
This includes six, count them 6! Spices never before used and a dish that requires a dough made of a combination of ingredients only found on the old Silk Road.
Will he fuck up spectacularly in a boiling cauldron of oil or will he pull off the miraculous?
High tension stuff!
Find out in two short weeks right here on Sunday Gravy!
yeah right
I should try this [the goulash]; there used to be a good spice place in my neighborhood and I still have some of their really good paprika.
Made carnitas, rice, and beans yesterday, with guac and salsa. On the plus side, I have lots of leftovers. The down side is that I need them because my kitchen is in no state for additional cooking right now.
Dunstan
THIS BADMINTON MATCH I CALL IT ME IN HIGH SCHOOL, BECAUSE THEY ARE BEATING THE HELL OUT OF THAT COCK!!!
Horatio Cornblower
Spam, I cannot touch the Pesky Pole from my seat.
Though the front row was open after it rained for a few innings but I couldn’t convince my friend to seat hop.
Sharkbait
Found a funny:
Doug Emhoff on the campaign trail in Wisconsin: “Mr. Trump, I know you have so much trouble pronouncing her name. Here’s the good news — after the election, you can just call her Madam President”
He gonna move from Second Gentleman to First Wife Guy
rockingdog
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
Oh oh oh! I never got to share in the hilarity of Fat Stammord leaving the Lions and immediately winning a Super Bowl.
Oh, yes. That was good. Hilarious indeed.
Silicon Valley is so close to turning us all into robotic meat bags because those nerds are all fucking psychopathic losers.
https://xcancel.com/AviSchiffmann/status/1818284595902922884
I kind of want to make a twitter account just to see how the nitter front end API works for posting and such, but for now I just use it for reading shit I shouldn’t even be acknowledging exists on a site I wish didn’t exist.
Important:
(spoken in double Micro Machine Commercial voiceover speed)
Caution: Due to Supply Shortages, contents may not match cover
Gay Vore porn?
I’ll take phrases I wish I didn’t understand for $300
Rerun of Manboobs Monday.
I had a funny thought that Sydney Sweeney could be the next Reagan or Schwarzenegger so long as she keeps threading the needle between being likable and being from a right wing Spokane family.
Agreed. She seems knowledgeable, likable and creatively minded. That and being naturally gifted with what others have to spend thousands of dollars for can get you anywhere.
RIP Lynn Thigpen
Do you think JD Vance ever cut a slit in a sofa with a hunting knife and then stole some of his meemaw’s lipstick and used it to draw a circle around the hole so he could pretend it was a mouth?
He was not prepared for the sleeper sofa’s springs.
THAT is fucking disgusting. Like, really messed up. Vulgar, practically repressible to think about, and frankly, you should be ashamed of thinking this way about a sitting US Senator.
You’re absolutely correct, of course, but the point remains…
No.
Who needs a mouth?
YES, but we all the same kinda weird
1818361049990733927
Too many fillers, not natural-looking 2/10 would not bang
Brazilians are getting waxed by the Germans and I’m morbidly interested.
Scheisse schäven?
Just saw a feature for an Android app as “light weight.”
I mean, that’s… true.
Nah. Software now is 80% privacy-shredding Bloat
Apparently JD Vance wrote the foreword to Project 2025, but that is only because his unsolicited submission to the publishers of this book was rejected.
He clearly misspelled “on”!
No, no, it happened simultaneously.
I’m sorry, but that’s giving him too much credit.
“In.” I thought the correct term was “in.”
My father told me that joke years ago when we were in Downeast Maine, where they’re all Yankees, pie for breakfast or not.
Assuming the US hangs on, we would play Morocco in the Quarters, Friday at 6 AM Pacific. Gonna protest the start time, see if NBC will change it.
The French will capitulate at once. After they finish this cig.
I keep getting a local ad for the Mohegan Casino’s app, which shows people gambling on their phones while getting their hair done, in between throwing a ball to their dog, and while waiting for their partners to take a shot during a golf game.
Call me crazy, but all of those people clearly have serious gambling addictions and probably shouldn’t be held up as examples to follow.
(gambling between thrusts on wedding night)
(gambling while child takes first steps)
(gambling during job interview)
Gambling between thrusts at graduation!
(gambling while accompanying their spouse shopping for new furniture) – Usha Vance
I know I told you I worked at Foxwoods years ago. Gamblers are fucked up. I had people try to sell me their wedding rings for a roll of quarters. There were people who were so convinced their machine was going to hit that they would piss their pants rather than leave for a minute. I saw a dude have a heart attack at the slots because he was sure he was going to hit. People who left their toddlers in the car to gamble for hours. Several former governors of Rhode Island, either after their prison sentence or awaiting indictment ( actually, they were both nice)
Good old Buddy Cianci!
Although I’m not sure he ever made governor. He was the Mayor of Providence in between felony convictions.
You’re right, Buddy was the Mayor. Ge really was nice!
He, for Jesus H Tittyfuck Christ on a cracker and 47 cops!
The governor was Ed DiPrete.
The short form for New Zealand is NZL which probably stands for Nazi Land so you should cheer for the Canadian women in the rugby final.
I’m sure there are very fine people on both sides.
US men beating Guinea 2-0 in first half, will almost definitely make the quarterfinals.
Note: Guinea is an African country, not a pejorative term for an Italian guy. I mean, it totally is, just not in this specific case.
Tonight’s dinner will be super simple and summer themed. Fresh from the garden cherry tomatoes sautéed in olive oil and fresh chopped basil… Over spaghetti… garnished with fresh grated Parmigiano.
20 minutes to make and simply delicious.
What does this mean for Redshirt, and of course the Maple Leafs of Toronto?
https://x.com/RedaMor_/status/1818117113191580032
Surprised by this, but glad he’s not a Nazi.
I bet Matt Stafford is having a hard time keeping his wife from going all-in on RFK Jr., what with both of them having been in need of surgery to remove something from their brain.
Not sure what this is about, but I’m assuming this error message is accurate.
This?
I’m more of a futon type of guy myself, but you do you.
Nah, more of a chaise lounge. Basalt.
So, the software company that I have worked for for many years, does no longer make products – we create experiences. The experience of getting really familiar with our helpdesk.
And they are rebranding the products, yet again. Don’t get me wrong, I think our software is great and does a fantastic job, but I hate the constant rebranding, the corp speak, and trying to get so many products to work together seamlessly. If I was a customer with the constant rebranding, I would wonder if they are trying to put fresh makeup on the same old sow.
Every few months some VP of marketing/sales gets an itch to make their mark and everything goes to hell.
Microsoft
I wish.
Water polo looks like a lot of fun, but I am quite sure I would quietly sink beneath the surface and drown within 1-2 minutes of the starting whistle.
I think I would enjoy playing against a women’s team instead of a men’s team, at least the women would soon have a great reason to drown me, but I die a happy man!
Some dude nearly dislocated my shoulder pushing himself out of the water off me in the only game I ever played.
Rock on, Prof. Fronk. I think your students will be lucky for having you.
Great to see America’s Hat come back and upset the Aussies but a disappointed and pissed off Aussie squad probably doesn’t bode well for America’s hopes for a bronze.
“All she wants to do is inspire more girls to play rugby in Canada, but we must ask ourselves what, if this were to happen, it would mean for the Toronto Maple Leafs.”
Canada thinks they’re people!
@bfc
Didn’t make it to any of the bars unfortunately, first night fell asleep after a pub tour of the Rocks, second night stayed in working (which sucked) and third night fell asleep after Hunter Valley wine tour
Which vineyards? I went to like 8
Ernest Hill (my fav), Hanging Tree, and Saddlers Creek
Didn’t buy anything though since I didn’t want to check a bag
I took the opposite approach and bought a new suitcase for all the booze and wine I bought lol.
Driving around the Hunter Valley was pretty epic.
That’s way better. I think I was also negatively influenced by the group I went with being possibly the least fun people who ever went wine drinking on a Monday.
Perfectly nice, but I’m not sure any of them actually liked wine and they all used the dump bucket liberally
Just got back from driving roughly 13 hours round-trip to Maine.
Mrs. Horatio: “My uncle died. The service is on Saturday. In Maine.”
Did you tell her, what roads to avoid on her drive?
No, because I do not want to attend two funerals this weekend, one of which would be mine.
This one’s much closer to the coast and much closer in general, and she’s driving.
Do you have to move Lowratio’s carseat between vehicles, or do you have one in each?
Someone has to stay home with the dog and cat.
Well, that still begs the question – who is watching who?
Look, all I care about is we get home and the house isn’t a pile of ashes. Who watches who is something they can all work out.
My money’s on the cat, though.
The cat is watching, and judging.
Busy at SFO this morning, took me 3 whole minutes through customs
YYZ laughs at your 3 minutes and pulls all but one custom agent from the floor
Holy hell, the US Women’s rugby team is apparently not quite in the same league as New Zealand.
And you find this surprising?
I don’t really follow, (or understand) rugby, so I was misled by the US media harping on that one giantess the US has.
New Zealand simply put two women on her at all times, (although it looks like she broke or sprained one of their arms pretty good), and simply outran and outhit the rest of the US. It was pretty impressive, especially since the US is apparently still in the running for the bronze.
Australia is making quick work of Canada in the other semi-final. Based on nothing more than hearing that Australians like rugby, and never hearing anything similar about Canada, this is not surprising.
Basically Australia, New Zealand, Ireland, Wales, Scotland, England, France, Fiji, are rugby countries. To a lesser extent, so are Italy and a bunch of other South Pacific nations (although those are just too small to field consistently competitive teams while Italy is just not great)
Basically the same as the men, then.
Basically yeah, everywhere with rugby culture has been super happy to have the women’s teams.
Fiji is almost too small, which is why they are best at sevens, they don’t quite have the depth for full format.
If JD has been fucking things on the principle that they’re only one letter off from ‘cooch’ I think we can assume that neither our dogs nor our liquor are safe
Coaches should probably keep their heads on a swivel as well.
If you’re a rouched couch, no hope
I wonder how he feels about sofa covers, I mean my parents used one that was thick clear plastic. At least clean up would be easier.
Congrats Fronk! I missed that the first time around.
Same, that’s great news. Keep at it.
Only 60 hours away from some semblance of football. I’m not counting down or anything.
Obligatory:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvNzhKTXweQ