A New Lesser Season Awaits

Oh my cats, next week, I will even have a handful of JV NFL fixtures to write up.  Our long national/international nightmare is over!  FITBAW!!!!

You might suspect Hippo is irritated that YET AGAIN the Redshite filth open with a newly-promoted minnow.  Especially given that it is in a stand-alone window (7:30, USA).  You’d be right, on both counts.  But if the Ipswiches even DRAW the Bitches?  Oh, a mammal can always dream.  At least the match is at Portman Road.  I enjoy learning names of new grounds, if only FOAR a brief flicker of time.

Four on the 10:00 floor, with NBC paywalling the far superior Toffees/Trashbirds (we are their bogey side!) and televising King’s Afrikan Water Pistols hosting and skullfucking hapless Wolves (USA).  You could also stream Robins Hood/Cherries, and thank the Good LAWD ain’t nobody gots to watch Sham Town at Barcodes.

Our first Spotlight Dance?  A compelling, under-the-radar match without a “brand name” draw.  Is NBC showing some RESPEK to the now-kinda-sophisticated Murrikan audience?  Fronk’s Hammers (the hot thang that turned sour milk) host their potential-heir-apparent, Unai Emery’s universally admired Villans (12:30, NBC).  Will be interesting to see how the hosts set up in attack, post-Moyes era.  Our cunty Midlands pals would be wise to rack up some points before the “twice a week” calendar starts up after the international break.  Will it hurt to see Amadou Onana in non-Toffee coloUrs?  Yes.  Yes it will.  Thanks so much FOAR asking!

One gets a very nice Sunday Brunch double, with Praise Beesus hosting Palace early (9:00, USA) followed by City of Men’s banana skin slide down to Stamford Bridge (11:30, Peacock).  WEEK ONE IS TOO GODDAMNED EARLY FOR NON-BROADCAST FUCKERY LIKE THIS, NBC.

But seriously, buy Peacock.  They even gave y’all Scott Muthafuckin’ Olympiad Hanson.  They’s a-ight.

Erstwhile Foxy Footy welcomes Spurs for the initial round of MNF (3:00, USA).  You’ll forget to watch, and miss pretty much fuckall.

Ballsy’s La Liga Paragraph

I concur with teh Hippo in that Peacock is actually pretty damn good. I got an annual deal that included the Olympics and will run out sometime during the season. I may actually continue paying for it. It’s that good.

Somehow someway, ABC is showing Barcelona versus Valencia today! 12:30 Best Coast time, 3:30 Least Coast time, and 4:30 Piña Colada time.

It’s difficult for me to say this, but it will be a major surprise if any team comes within fifteen points of Real Madrid at the end of the year. They’re that good. I encourage you to watch them.

Banner image coUrtesy of Low Commander and Our AI Overlords.  HAIL!

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Beerguyrob

How many days away are we from someone on FOX calling Kamala “mulatto”?

Horatio Cornblower

comment image

Beerguyrob

Also, I have cricket on in the background while I scan the crosswords for my mother-in-law.

I’m so white right now the Tories are about to ring my doorbell.

scotchnaut

I’m guessing there’s some other meaning here but Still Relevant!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dp11DjaUc5A

scotchnaut

Cincy/Bears-Catch the excitement!*

*offer not applicable to Chicago wide receivers because Caleb Williams is off target today.

blaxabbath

Maybe he just needs a hug from mommy.

scotchnaut

“Titty Keeper” is my favourite Elton John song.

/checks notes
//”Tiny Dancer”. Tiny Dancer is my favourite song

Beerguyrob

I am now horrified to discover that, while trying to find an image to post about it, there isn’t an online bra site called “Titty Keeper” but there is one called “The Gape Keeper”.

Gape Keeper.png
Fronkenshteen

Yeah, looks like we picked up where we left off last season, picking the ball out of the goal. They can’t KEEP blaming it on Declan Rice leaving. The odds were all wacky on this one.

Fronkenshteen

New manager, new players, new formation. There’s no way West Ham can have any cohesiveness at this point, right? Aston Villa (+180) seems like a gift. They finished fourth last year, for chrissakes!

Fronkenshteen

How many weeks do you think Dyche lasts?

Fronkenshteen

So another exciting spring, then?

Beerguyrob

Stealing quotes from the Stormy Daniels trial again I see.

yeah right

A worthy finish indeed.

Beerguyrob

Peter North

blaxabbath

JD Vance is the only Republican chubby white guy with that beard who orders a couch on Wayfair then gets upset when a 7 year old Singaporean Slave Boy Arrives.

blaxabbath

THIS VLADAMIR PUTIN I CALL HIM KING GEORGE BECAUSE HE CAN’T GET CONTROL OF HIS CLAIMED SUBORDINATES AND NOW HE’S GONE TO WAR AND PROVEN HIMSELF A FAILURE, RATHER THAN REMAINING AT PEACE AND PRESERVING SOME DOUBT.

Horatio Cornblower

Saka, holy shit.

blaxabbath

I finished Dark Tower 4 (Wizard and Glass) and was interested in checking out Book 5 for my travels next week. But apparently there is the original Book 5 and a much-later published Book 4.5 (effectively, per the author).

I’m seeing now AN INTERNET DEBATE over whether to read The Wind Through the Keyhole as Book 4.5 or shelve that bitch until the end and just move to Book5, Wolves of Calla, staying in sequence by publication date. I read a few reddit responses on a post after I searched for the book title on Alta Vista and figured you’d all give ME MY answer for MEEEEE!

Note: I enjoyed 4 but also it didn’t take us far in the greater story, which I’m intersted in getting back too since, you know, I’m a couple thousand pages into “nothing is more important than getting to the Tower.”

Horatio Cornblower

Stop reading it entirely after Book 4; it all goes to shit.

If you absolutely most continue, however, my recommendation is to skip the new one entirely. I’ve never read it, so this isn’t a comment on the quality, but more a reaction to the massive ego King was flexing to add another novel because he felt he hadn’t said quite enough in an already bloated 7 book series. Fuck you, Steve; learn how to end a story.

blaxabbath

I’m probably going to have to read them all just because the USA Today quotes praising the author on every book cover are very persuasive.

yeah right

Read 4.5 after you finish the series. Book 5 is pretty fun. I enjoyed the whole thing and even reread the entire series a few years later.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Agreed, it just gets steadily worse and you end up feeling sad by the end that something you enjoyed so much could tail off like that.

blaxabbath

That’s Your Raiders!, Rikki.

Horatio Cornblower

King is so defensive about the ending, too.

Doktor Zymm

A) The tuna and mayo quote is real and hilarious
B) Do you think Ted Cruz noticed who he was reposting?

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blaxabbath

Cruz wins when people are talking about his smacked-his-face-on-an-ugly-tree ass.

Horatio Cornblower

Apparently the guy he retweeted changed his user name after noticing Cruz retweeted him.

Which is awesome.

Dunstan

What are the odds that Elon bans him for doing that?

rockingdog
Don T

Love seeing the Welsh Red Light district

Mr. Ayo

They’re still doing this fucking walkie talkie ad? DIAF!

Horatio Cornblower

I had the same thought. It’s so painfully bad.

Horatio Cornblower

Auto-drafting on Yahoo, (after it fucked me into taking someone I didn’t want early), and I notice my QB plays for the Commanders.

I think we can safely throw this one in the trash.

Doktor Zymm

Ya might be alright, Jayden has been looking good in the preseason and dismissing a #2 overall draft pick out of hand seems a bit harsh

Horatio Cornblower

I am also the proud owner of a kicker drafted in the 9th round and not one but two (2!) defenses.

Those defenses being the Jets and the Bungles.

Horatio Cornblower

“A Brazilian on a Colombian”

This week’s topic in “Premier League Call or Ballofsteelandfury’s Porn Hub Search From Last Night?”

Horatio Cornblower

“Red shirts flooding into the box” or, as Arteta calls it, ‘The Menstrual Cycle Offense’

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sub in Tampon Tim!

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve watched 5 minutes of this Arsenal game and seen Zivchenko commit one blatant foul and then turn the ball over running directly into two defenders, so good to see at least he’s already up in prime form.

blaxabbath

Now that ESPN and the monies that be have gone all-in on girls basketball, I think it’s safe to say any expectation that soccer will ‘take off’ in America would have to squarely follow the ultimate successes of the WNBA.

The guys I get up with who were the ‘next generation of soccer players/fans’ all moved off soccer interest as soon as their playing days ended. Seems like most of them have just gotten into drinking and higher scoring television sports broadcasts.

Is that why everyone here is moving to Europe?

2Pack

Marika is back in action tomorrow Hippo.
Followed by football soon… things are looking up.

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Don T

Real Madrid is ridiculous. Gonna take a morningnapbye