Oh my cats, so much to watch this weekend.  America settles into its ample couches/recliners, booze and/or drugs in hand.  Life is temporarily good.

The only Friday JV fixture worth watching is a 10:30p kick…but the best Lesser match of the day is an early bird, King’s Afrikan Water Pistols welcoming in the equally shit-hot Trashbirds of Brighton (7:30, USA).  Truly worthy of one’s alarm clock.

TV treatment follows for the Hippo/yeah right Derby (10:00, USA), from a tense Goodison Park.  Litre and I discussed this, but I don’t believe we are quite in “must win” territory yet.  But Very Disappointing Everton really need to manage a point, or things will get kind of testy.  Mighty Whitey away to Ipswich is an interesting streaming alternative (Peacock).

Spotlight Dance interferes with JV action, with Fronk’s Mighty Hammers taking on (in?) City of Men (12:30, NBC).  Thank fuck for multiple screens, but I suspect Pep’s merry band win this pretty easily.  With apologies to Fronk, of course.  Just think of it as J-E-S-T! practice.

I don’t care about any of Sunday’s fixtures, but feel free to look ’em up.

JV Week One (which started Thursday night, though we shan’t discuss the Wolven Sort’s performance) continues apace:

Clemson (+12) v. Georgia @ Megatron’s Butthole (Noon, ABC)

A fine opener, indeed.  Not that I expect Jawja to stumble, but 12 is an awful lot of FITBAW POINTS against a legitimate foe with a capable defense.  I don’t really expect much of a shootout here, and it should be a fun watch.

Paedo State (-8) at West By God Virginia (Noon, Fox)

Yeah, we all gon’ join WCS in supporting Keep it in the Family this week.  Trendy upset pick here, so the Paedos will likely roll.  But let’s certainly hope not.

Virginia Tech (-13.5) at Vanderbilt (Noon, ESPN)

Now see, this is kind of a fun matchup.  The Castrated Turkeys are also getting lots of offseason buzz, and they start on the road against the most beatable Power Two foe.  But it’s still a decent/reasonable challenge for Week One, and I suspect it will entertain.  Always good to have that third viewing option, too.

Miami-FL (-2.5) at Florida (3:30, ABC)

There is some ass-flavoUred ass (that even Ballsy couldn’t love) on the other networks, but this is solid.  “Win or you’re fired” is awfully mean for Week One, but Billy Napier (whose name I had to look up, FUCK am I rusty/brain dead) had best come out of the gates flying.  Losing to a middle-of-the-pack ACC squadron – at HOME – would get the execution scheduled, if not quite yet carried out.

North Dakota (+28.5) at Iowa State (3:30, FS1)

By far and away the best flipping option.  Want to have some GAMBLOR fun?  Put five dimes on the Dakotans to cover, and drop $20 on the moneyline for a straight-up upset.  You’ll make 30 bucks with a puncher’s chance of JACKPOT.

Back for MOAR tonight, plan your naps/shits accordingly.