Your Monday Night Football Open Thread

My, it was great to get back in the swing of things except for that whole Giants implosion thing. But everything else was pretty good-switching back and forth between games, watching highlights, tracking my pathetic blowout out in MATH HARD! fantasy football, everything really. Now let’s look at some stuff.

Fallout:

Injuries, Of Course-

Among the fallen are Nacua, Jordan Love, Najoku, Jake Ferguson, Addison and Josh Allen. Updates to follow. (not by me)

A Dearth of Scoring-

There’s still a game to go but passing TD’s are lacking. As of now only 33 have been scored. Last year the opening weekend featured 37-in 2022 there were 52 and in 2021 the number was 60+. That seems counter-intuitive but numbers have never lied before and they’re not going to start now!

Real and Spectacular!-

We’re talking about Anthony Richardson’s arm. He had three throws of 50+ air yards yesterday and one at least was in the jaw-dropping category. Also, he missed at least two wide-open receivers that would have probably changed the outcome of the game. Are we looking at a reincarnation of Josh Allen’s wild and wacky rookie year? God, I hope so.

-Giants Rant Incoming-

That New York team accomplished the near-impossible, they played as badly as their uniforms were ugly. Daboll went on and on about the offense needing to be opened up and emphasized it in camp and with Nabers on board it looked like a done deal. The result? ONE pass of over 20 yards. He doesn’t seem to have the courage of his convictions just as Dimes doesn’t have the courage to sit in the pocket any more. I’d say he’s broken but that would imply that at some previous time he was fixed/functional. The longest running play was 14 yards and that’s because it was a wr screen that was thrown behind Wan’Dale Robinson so it was recorded as a rushing attempt. Good God!

-Oh Panteros!

The Saints scored on their first nine possessions before they finally took their foot off the gas.

To The Game!

Jets/Niners:

-Hasaan Reddick is paying 800k for the pleasure of watching the tilt this evening. And you though Direct TV was a ripoff!

-There’s plenty of chatter whether or not McCaffrey will be on a pitch count tonight. He said he’s ready to go but I’m sure Baby Shanny has other ideas.

-Everyone knows about the Aiyuk saga but arguably of more importance is how Trent Williams plays after sitting out pretty much everything during camp and preseason.

-What’s going on Proppage-wise? Purdy is at 240.5 yards passing and given that the Jets D surrendered the over only four times last year I don’t think it’s going to happen. With New York being so good at both corners perhaps Kittles 43.5 number deserves a look.

-One guy happy about Rodgers being back is Garret Wilson who has dealt with five other qb’s over his two years on the team. A little stability at the spot should cause his numbers to spiral upward one would think.

Now it’s you!

 

 

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fleshwound_NPG

good thing theyre playing the jets because this dominance only to put up FGs is kyle shanahan in january mode already

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What’s a proper gimlet recipe? I’ll be using fresh limes.

Sharkbait

Waldorf recipe:
2 oz. Dry gin
.75 oz. Simple
.75 oz. Fresh lime

Add to shaker. Add ice shake and strain.

WCS

This is kind of his thing.

Dunstan

I think some people claim that it’s not a gimlet if you’re not using lime cordial (more a gin sour I guess), but whatever.

Here’s some ideas:

Contemporary Gimlet recipes (diffordsguide.com)

I’ve got a bunch of limes, so I think I’m going to make the elderflower one

Dunstan

For just a basic gimlet, I might try 2.5 gin, 1 lime, 1 simple syrup and adjust from there.

clint greasewood

Just use good gin.
Monkey 43 or Grey Whale are an excellent choice

Doktor Zymm

Pearsall looks pretty good for getting shot!

Gumbygirl

Entered the chest, exited the back. That’s a lot of flesh!

Doktor Zymm

The Jets should probably bring in some European players, they’ll be Airbus instead of Boeing

Horatio Cornblower

And somewhere in Ontario Scotchy’s heart grew three sizes…

https://x.com/ESPNNFL/status/1833275787308384289

Last edited 1 year ago by Horatio Cornblower
Bogdanski

Security blanket TD!

Doktor Zymm

Qaaron at 1.94 fantasy points right now, lol

King Hippo

JUST ASKING QUESTIONS for those setting Week 2 lineups

Horatio Cornblower

Well, that just went up.

The guy throws a hell of a pass when he’s not spouting some of the most batshit insane things you’ll ever hear.

Gatoraids

Mrs Favre “Impressive”

Doktor Zymm

Aw, he’s got more than Dimes now

Mr. Ayo

DOINK!

King Hippo

see, that should be a 4-point FG

LemonJello

SHAN’KHLOR and DOINK make their first appearances this season!

Dunstan

Who’s the god of safeties, again? S/he was busy in DEN-SEA

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Do we have one? This always happens, someone comes up with a gangbusters name and we’re all too drunk to remember it the next day.

Unsurprised

Where’s the DFO Wiki?

Doktor Zymm

It’s just a twinkle in our collective eyes

WCS

I have enough children; I can’t make another.

Horatio Cornblower

There’s one for KSK and it mentions DFO as the successor in spirit or something. I forget who put it up.

Mr. Ayo

Orlovskor’

fleshwound_NPG

good doink!

Dunstan

DOINK!

Doktor Zymm

Did the Niners let the Jets score at the start because they thought they deserved a handicap?

LemonJello

“No, settle down Sam, they aren’t talking about you. Here’s some more Play-Doh.”

-Vikings training staff

blaxabbath

Mister F!

Sharkbait

They liked a challenge

fleshwound_NPG

to make them think they were good

they knew aaron would believe anything

Unsurprised

There should be a second commercial aimed at getting MAGA voters to register and vote starring the owners

Horatio Cornblower

As long as it encourages them to get out and vote on November 7th.

WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsf0SsZYnzo

I’m not entirely sure which my dad had me watch first, this or Star Wars. Either way, I was probably.. five?

LemonJello

Jets being intercepted? What is this, the North Vietnamese Air Force?

King Hippo

aw, go ingest an FDA-approved pharmaceutical, you dickbag

fleshwound_NPG

QANONCEPTION

Dunstan

That’s what THEY want you to think!

Senor Weaselo

Well, this has gone about as expected.

Mr. Ayo

Minus the season ending injury to Qaron

clint greasewood

there’s still time

fleshwound_NPG

jets in new york and september, name a worse duo

Unsurprised

The Polish Cavalry and September

BugEyedBoo

+1 Pz.Kpfw. III

Spur

Casey Anthony and babysitting

Mr. Ayo

Andy Reid and parenting

Unsurprised

Damn

Mr. Ayo

I was going to go with Clapton and windows, but that just seemed rude.

Unsurprised

They should’ve wrapped the kid in cocaine.

Horatio Cornblower

Julius Caesar and March.

WCS

Current Kentucky state troopers and loose gunmen

WCS

The Jets will still go 5-12 with a completely healthy Qaron for the entire season.

Doktor Zymm

He’s got strong “Weekend at Bernie’s” energy

Sharkbait

OK so for the inverse league I can’t restrict people from drafting 3rd stringers, but hopefully people would go with the spirit of the thing and draft starters

LemonJello

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

You’d have to define a starter. I’d be looking to fill a roster with WR3s and RBs getting the short-end of a platoon situation.

And Nathan Peterman.

Sharkbait

Exactly. There’s something here though.

Horatio Cornblower

Also, to Zymm’s point below, what do you do if you manage to draft some starters -cough- Kadarius Toney-cough- who are so bad they lose their starting position? Do you then have to drop them and pick someone off of waivers?

Doktor Zymm

I don’t know that there’s a way to do it, but a penalty for players that don’t play at least one snap would work

Horatio Cornblower

+10 for any position where guy doesn’t play.

Sharkbait

I think there’s an option for attempts. So I could heavily weigh attempts when it comes to points to encourage starting players who should see game time.

Gatoraids

Only award for actual mistakes that involve playing like fumbles , ints , incompletions or off field infractions like suspensions. 0 yards dont count but negative yards do

Doktor Zymm

I quite like this actually, although would have to try it out first to make sure there aren’t a lot of ties

Unsurprised

Being single at my age and seeing the type of men who are married with children makes me want to set fire to everything, but I’m too sad to find the matches.

Spur

Berman still alive? throw him in the river already

Gatoraids

he … could…go all the way over Niagara falls

Dunstan

“OLD MAN IN THE RIVERRRRRRRRR” — Berman

LemonJello

Oh, is the wood chipper down for preventative maintenance?

Sharkbait

Awww I thought Bill would be on the whole game.

Spur

he needs to go climb atop that young girlfriend

rockingdog

When will VP cool dude Tim Walz be on ManningCast??? 🇺🇸

That would be ROCKINGGGG!!!

Spur

no way. ESPN would have to have JD Vance on as well. Which he would NEVER do.

ballsofsteelandfury

They could put him on a couch…

Bogdanski

Would definitely rock but I suspect not in line with Peyton’s politics. If they could manage a totally apolitical Walz for a quarter vs an apolitical Vance for a quarter I think that could sway more than a few minds

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Walz could definitely talk football at a pretty high level, he’d actually be a pretty good guest.

Dunstan

The problem is that then they’d feel obliged to give equal time to JD Vance, and nobody wants to see him on a couch.

Doktor Zymm

Body cam footage from the Tyreek thing: https://x.com/AndySlater/status/1833273674033463799

Spur

and some people still dont want to believe what these guys did when they didn’t wear body cams. great de-escalation skills on display.

Gatoraids

Reno 911 pretty aggressive this season

Horatio Cornblower

Truly stunned to see the cops acting like a bunch of dicks. Shocking, really.

LemonJello

Jebus wept. Berman hasn’t been sent to a farm upstate?

Dunstan

What farm would take him?

Unsurprised

A Haitian one?

Unsurprised

I can’t take credit for this, but where’s the KC mascot?

Unsurprised

I just made green Chile.

Spur

hatch I assume?

Unsurprised

You’re goddamn right

Spur

you roast your own?

Unsurprised

No. I barely cook.

Dunstan

All you have to do is make chili, and then leave it on the counter for a week.

rockingdog

Found a funny:

The waitress at Olive Garden smiles weakly as she serves me my 100th bread stick. The other patrons are cheering. My family left hours ago

Unsurprised

The trick is to remember that you’re already dead.

Unsurprised
jjfozz

Mrs. Fozz: “Oh my god, this entire room smells like farts.”
Me: “Yeah, pretty cool, huh?”

Two days later I realized that my farts were caused by the egg rolls she buys. I haven’t told her because not only are they good, I was ripping farts and laughing like a 12 year old.

Spur

comment image

jjfozz

Xmas Morning can get kind of weird

IMG_9921.JPG
Gumbygirl

When did Grumblelord stop being annoying? Must be the young girlfriend.

Sharkbait

I mean I’ve loved his shtick for years as a pats fan, but I could listen to him break down plays all day.

Gumbygirl

Yeah, he knows his shit, but he used to be waaaaaaaay grumpier.

Gatoraids

his tone doesnt change, but does have actual reactions and varies cadence, his roller skating with Randy moss clip was good

Doktor Zymm

This job is probably much lower stress?

BeefReeferLives

I think it’s cause he can actually say what he thinks and not have to be constantly on guard about not letting ANYTHING that can be used against you slip.

“Chuck Noll once remarked after one of his own news conferences that it was a success because “no information was passed.”

Sharkbait

BLEERGH is BACK

Spur

Running a Train on the Jets

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes, yes, we’ve all seen the director’s cut of West Side Story 2: Sing Sing

Doktor Zymm

Planes, Trains…..where are the automobiles?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Tyreek Hill’s is at the impound lot.

Britt Reid’s is at the salvage yard.

Mr. Ayo

Henry Ruggs was crushed

LemonJello

The rental company is still waiting for a check from Rashee Rice for repairs.

jjfozz

another day at the Fozz compound

IMG_0219.JPG
SonOfSpam

Mangy ill-behaved cur.

Dog seems nice though.

jjfozz

Going to see Springsteen on Friday. GOING TO SEE SPRINGSTEEN ON FRIDAY!

WCS

Okay, that’s when the next bridge collapses.

SonOfSpam

In Springsteen’s upper jaw?

rockingdog

That’s ROCKING!

Spur

Dummy. You’re suppose to drop all you weight on Rodgers shoulder when you fall on him.

jjfozz

My grandfather is on the left, notice the gigantic nose and the can of Bud heavy – which was probably his 19th of the night

IMG_0244.JPG
SonOfSpam

Well sure, he had to work the next day. Gotta be sensible.

jjfozz

Most nights he’d sit in his chair, smoke Camel filterless and drink a six pack of Bud.

As kids, we would open his beer and say, “Gotta test this one to make sure there’s no poison in it.”

So, yeah, 6 years old and drinking Budweiser. good times.

SonOfSpam

It’s amazing any of us lived past kindergarten.

jjfozz

he would buy miniatures of Carstair’s whiskey – basically paint thinner in a bottle – and we would find the empties stashed all over the house.

Gumbygirl

My grandfather was a doctor. He rubbed whiskey on our gums when we were teething.

jjfozz

The guy on the right is his brother in law, who partied so hard one Christmas Eve that he passed out under the Christmas tree.

King Hippo

Baby Shanny REALLY has to prove he’s the SMRTest guy in the room, every second of every day. Imagine being his wife or child.

Spur

If one of my local channels advertised they DON’T AIR ANY political ads i’d watch that channel 24/7

SonOfSpam

I believe Manhole is ad-free.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We got injected with a fresh batch of nanobots this morning and it’s the opposite of fun.

JustStopDude

Stop using pennies dumb ass. That is how you get jury duty. They track your DNA!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did I say weeks? Cause I meant seconds!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qpGuMELh5s

Spur

and the 1st Jet has been grounded

SonOfSpam

You’re two days early.

jjfozz

I work at the Pentagon, not going in on Wednesday – the entire place will be inundated with ceremonies and VIPs. Plus, well, with my luck some asshole would try to recreate the chaos.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“When you’re a Jet you’re a Jet for life…” is one of the most depressing lyrics you will ever hear. Makes everything written by The Cult sound like Katrina and the Waves.

JustStopDude

It’s like the old Marine recruiting slogan “once a marine, always a marine”.

My local VA is full of drunks and losers that can’t let go they ain’t 22 year olds anymore.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One thing I should explain (you probably weren’t here for it) – Gumby (Gumbygirl’s beau) bought them tickets for The Cult thinking he was buying tickets for The Cure. We’ve made more jokes about it than JD Vance has fucked couches.

Last edited 1 year ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Horatio Cornblower

We haven’t made that many jokes about it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s good to see you, by the way.

SonOfSpam

Oh, you finally got the camera installed in his den?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s been there for months, but I haven’t been able to synch up with it until we got this new batch of ‘bots.

King Hippo

Grimace Touched My Butthole surges into a commanding 0.97 point lead WOO!!!

jjfozz

The first Joker sucked ass, this Joker 2 will suck ass.

Spur

here here! finally someone else who agrees.

JustStopDude

I liked the joker just because it wasn’t the same goddamn superhero movies cliche we’ve seen a billion times before.

King Hippo

All these superhero movies suck, everybody bitches that they will/do suck, then everyone pays to watch them anyway so they keep getting made.

JustStopDude

Oh yeah. It’s like how many times do we need to see Batman or Spidermans origin stories?

SonOfSpam

I know, bats are live-birth and spiders come from eggs. So stupid.

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