Your Monday Night Football Open Thread

My, it was great to get back in the swing of things except for that whole Giants implosion thing. But everything else was pretty good-switching back and forth between games, watching highlights, tracking my pathetic blowout out in MATH HARD! fantasy football, everything really. Now let’s look at some stuff.

Fallout:

Injuries, Of Course-

Among the fallen are Nacua, Jordan Love, Najoku, Jake Ferguson, Addison and Josh Allen. Updates to follow. (not by me)

A Dearth of Scoring-

There’s still a game to go but passing TD’s are lacking. As of now only 33 have been scored. Last year the opening weekend featured 37-in 2022 there were 52 and in 2021 the number was 60+. That seems counter-intuitive but numbers have never lied before and they’re not going to start now!

Real and Spectacular!-

We’re talking about Anthony Richardson’s arm. He had three throws of 50+ air yards yesterday and one at least was in the jaw-dropping category. Also, he missed at least two wide-open receivers that would have probably changed the outcome of the game. Are we looking at a reincarnation of Josh Allen’s wild and wacky rookie year? God, I hope so.

-Giants Rant Incoming-

That New York team accomplished the near-impossible, they played as badly as their uniforms were ugly. Daboll went on and on about the offense needing to be opened up and emphasized it in camp and with Nabers on board it looked like a done deal. The result? ONE pass of over 20 yards. He doesn’t seem to have the courage of his convictions just as Dimes doesn’t have the courage to sit in the pocket any more. I’d say he’s broken but that would imply that at some previous time he was fixed/functional. The longest running play was 14 yards and that’s because it was a wr screen that was thrown behind Wan’Dale Robinson so it was recorded as a rushing attempt. Good God!

-Oh Panteros!

The Saints scored on their first nine possessions before they finally took their foot off the gas.

To The Game!

Jets/Niners:

-Hasaan Reddick is paying 800k for the pleasure of watching the tilt this evening. And you though Direct TV was a ripoff!

-There’s plenty of chatter whether or not McCaffrey will be on a pitch count tonight. He said he’s ready to go but I’m sure Baby Shanny has other ideas.

-Everyone knows about the Aiyuk saga but arguably of more importance is how Trent Williams plays after sitting out pretty much everything during camp and preseason.

-What’s going on Proppage-wise? Purdy is at 240.5 yards passing and given that the Jets D surrendered the over only four times last year I don’t think it’s going to happen. With New York being so good at both corners perhaps Kittles 43.5 number deserves a look.

-One guy happy about Rodgers being back is Garret Wilson who has dealt with five other qb’s over his two years on the team. A little stability at the spot should cause his numbers to spiral upward one would think.

Now it’s you!

 

 

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343 Comments
jjfozz

Best sandwich in all of creation?

BLT

Spur

BLT is too OP.
A warm italian sandwich is heaven.

Gumbygirl

I like a Reuben myself, but I certainly wouldn’t turn my nose up at a BLT.

Horatio Cornblower

Brisket reuben, BT’s Smokehouse, Sturbridge, MA

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Last edited 1 year ago by Horatio Cornblower
LemonJello

Jebus. That’s almost pornographic. I want one!

Horatio Cornblower

It so ridiculously good, and even more ridiculously bad for you.

I need to get up there soon and order another. I’ll just double up on the statins for the next couple of days.

SonOfSpam

Yeah that’s a SILF

fleshwound_NPG

bill unsurprisingly is trying to dominate this manningcast like its 2003

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Speaking of Peanut Punches can someone go slash the tires on the car of the ultrasound technician who scanned my junk this morning.

/just kidding, though in my paperwork it was described as a “difficult exam”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Once you are finished please report back and I will serve you a hot delicious meal consisting of previously frozen peas.

SonOfSpam

Normally you gotta pay extra for that treatment.

WCS

“No comment.”

— Robert K., MA

Sharkbait

Remember the DFO Insanity league a few years ago? I made a dummy league to see if an inverse fantasy season is viable and I think it is. This is just a sample of the scoring I’m looking at. Ive always wanted to run a league like this.

Sharkbait

If were Ok missing week one I’ll toss invites out.

Horatio Cornblower

You just want to feel happy while watching Danny Dimes.

Sharkbait

That’s Mrs sharkbait. I love watching him fall flat on his face

LemonJello

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Would you draft players that actually see the field? How do you avoid people picking way dow the depth chart?

Sharkbait

That’s the rub. I can’t figure out a way to make people draft starters. Unless I overpower incompletions or something to that effect.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I had done something like this where being on the field and playing badly got you more points than just sitting out. Something like your average yards per rush minus…say, four, times the number of carries. So if you carried ten times for 30 yards, it would be worth (3-4)x10 = 10 points.

Something like that. It seemed like fun but also too much work.

Sharkbait

I’ll see if that can be a thing!

Gatoraids

Gisele being invited onto Manningcast by end of season

Spur

she makes out with Eli. leaves him a hickey.

SonOfSpam

Olivia calls it a “no-no bite”

jjfozz

But first Eli has to confirm she’s had her cooties shot

SonOfSpam

“You look healthy; are those new tits?”

JustStopDude

Rodgers just set a personal best of taking snaps as a NY QB.

Congrats.

JustStopDude

I had taken the under of less than 5 before a season ending injury.

jjfozz

No one needs a mask on Aaron Rodgers’ Airlines.

Spur

there us a reason Tyrone Smith was not resigned by Dallas. Dude is washed.

clint greasewood

One more drop or fumble and Aaron is joining the RFK ticket to kiss Trump’s ass

Spur

One more drop or fumble and Aaron is joining the RFK ticket to kiss Trump’s ass

fixed that for you

SonOfSpam

well he’s done the research

Horatio Cornblower

You can tell the Yankees are done with Gleyber Torres, because he just fucked up again in the field and the cameras have been on him non-stop since.

God I can’t wait til he’s gone.

SonOfSpam

They finally brought up Jasson and his superfluous “s”

Senor Weaselo

A tale of two generations, by the family Weaselo:

Padre Weaselo in the 80s: Bumped into Joe Pepitone in the urinal.

Senor Weaselo, 2024: Watching football at the urinal.

In conclusion, El Caribe is a land of contrasts.

Spur

A “wide back”? Things you only hear about in Lib Cali

Doktor Zymm

aka badonkadonk

Sharkbait

Bill looks like the surly grandfather watching the game with his two grandsons while mom and dad are out on a date

Doktor Zymm

Perhaps those of you looking for Breece points should have specified that they be positive

Horatio Cornblower

I’m just surprised he even made it to the field.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If I hadn’t updated the banner literally twenty minutes ago this would be up there.

SonOfSpam

“BREECE” was the sound of Fred Warner punching that ball out.

fleshwound_NPG

PEANUT TILLMAN’S PUNCH-OUT!

Gatoraids

oh forgot manningcast was on, let Billy show Tommy how its done

Redshirt

You can’t tear your Achilles Tendon on the 4th play of the first drive if you go three and out!

King Hippo

of course, Lazard People is only on the roster b/c Q-aron demanded it. So don’t be acting like that dropsie isn’t partly on him.

fleshwound_NPG

aaron survived!

LemonJello

Pissy A-A Ron face spotted!

Spur

Sure nice of Aaron to have dinner with his family yesterday. its great to be back in your home town

SonOfSpam

Just took the trash out.

Current temp is 102. Sky is full of nearby brushfire smoke.

Feel fortunate to be an indoor human.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s 106 here. The thermometer in the car claimed it was 110.

Gumbygirl

107, and my eyeballs are burning and itching like they’ve got the clap.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I would have no idea how clever that joke was if I hadn’t just finished reading The Black Dahlia.

Spur

Lost in the Dallas media jerk session is that the Offense did jack shit in the 2nd half. I think the Browns are still a great Defensive unit and will carry the team after the O-lineman beat Watson with their cleats

SonOfSpam

Tube sock full of tangerines. And/or padlocks.

Doktor Zymm

The padlocks with the tangerines will probably smash some juice out of that fruit, so probably better to go with limes since they’re more acidic and will sting more in any open wounds

SonOfSpam

Maybe use both; the resulting juice might make a nice rum mixer.

JustStopDude

The Browns suck ass and Deshaun Watson is getting sued by another one of his sex abuse victims.

It’s like poetry. It rhymes.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, this one’s in Houston, but I thought being rapey in Texas was okay?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, I thought as long as she doesn’t go out of state for an abortion, anything goes.

fleshwound_NPG

browns FINALLY got a qb to lead them to the playoffs and immediately broke him and dumped him.

then they made the dumbest trade since herschel walker and the qb they ditched became a playoff contender elsewhere…while their new one became a titanic asshole

triple fuck them

Don T

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SonOfSpam

Danny Dimes is worth 1.6 billion dimes.

Doktor Zymm

The happy meal also comes with a toy

Horatio Cornblower

The toy is sodium benzoate.

SonOfSpam

That’s bad?

Spur

Somewhere Eli is trying to do the math on how many Happy Meals that contract could buy him

Doktor Zymm

A gajillion!

Spur

I got my A Aron voodoo doll ready. Ripped rotator cuff coming up.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But I barely know her…oh, cuff.

Spur

Evening Folks

SonOfSpam

Reporter: “Fred Warner, what do you expect Aaron Rodgers to look like tonight?”
Fred Warner: “A bitch.”

(note: this answer didn’t happen except in my mind)

Brocky

Hey redshirt, if we’re gonna compare Cody Rhodes to Rodgers, I say we start by deciding, who has the hotter wife?

Spoiler

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Gumbygirl

You don’t know her, she goes to school in Canada.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Mage not found? Oh man, that’s a pretty big problem…” – Dungeon Master Hunter Renfrow, handing you a twenty-sided die for a saving throw

ballsofsteelandfury

Is anyone writing a weekly post updating us on the two relegation/promotion DFO leagues?

Doktor Zymm

I don’t think so?

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ll be happy to do it, but I would need info from the Lowratio League.

Maybe a co-author post?

LemonJello

Have your people call my people and maybe we can work something out?

ballsofsteelandfury

I put out a message on Slack. Let’s do this thing!

LemonJello

Litre and I have batted the idea around.

Horatio Cornblower

I imagine most of us will provide our own updates on a week-to-week basis in the comments.

clint greasewood

At this rate our paison Tommy “cutlets” Devito will be starting by Columbus Day for the Jersey Giants.

ballsofsteelandfury

Where’s RTD? I need to know which SoCal beach he saw the topless sunbather at.

SonOfSpam

Probably not Laguna. More likely to see dong there.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Right here. It was Dockweiler. I assure you I am not overselling it, she was pretty foxy. As far as I could tell, at least. The Dr. Mrs. was with me so I couldn’t use my peripherals *that* openly.

LemonJello

No CMC?

BRING ME ALL THE DEEBO POINTS!!!!!!

Gumbygirl

Gumby has Deebo, but his opponent has muthafuckin Hall.

Don T

¡Oh sí! 🔥
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SonOfSpam

Next week’s Saints game might be hurricaned out.

Too bad Barbara Bush isn’t alive to make some more sensitive comments.

Gumbygirl

Trump can throw some Bounty.

Don T

It will be Brawny or worse. Trust me.

Doktor Zymm

So is it going to be the other Achilles?

fleshwound_NPG

when that happened last year, it told me god exists

if it happens yet again, it tells me satan exists and he has come to claim a soul tonight

fleshwound_NPG

THESE CMC FANTASY OWNERS TONIGHT LEMME TELL YA I CALL THEM JAMES EARL JONES BECAUSE RIGHT NOW THEY FEEL NOTHING

Redshirt

Cody Rhodes 2024: Finish the Story.

Aaron Rodgers 2024: Start the Story.

Brocky

Adrenaline in my soul,

Something Something

Watch the crystals glow!

Doktor Zymm

It was pretty smart of Santa Clara to make the seats the same color as the jerseys, always looks like a full home crowd

SonOfSpam

Also, the lack of shade is great apparently.

Doktor Zymm

Seems like a good idea to bring a hat

LemonJello

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King Hippo

Is today MOAR International Herman Cain Day or Festivus for 9/11? DISCUSS.

SonOfSpam

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King Hippo

I will never, ever get tired of that gif.

SonOfSpam

It’s wonderful.

Horatio Cornblower

Watching the Yankees and Royals.

Has Breece Hall died yet?

Gumbygirl

I have 8 points or so to give, then he needs to check out. Lol, not gonna happen. Congratulations on your win, ya fucknuckle!

litre_cola

I chipped a tooth in my drunken revelry yesterday. Fuck. Now I have the depression and the lads.

Doktor Zymm

But now you can get a gold crown!

Gumbygirl

Pimpin’.

SonOfSpam

He should go full-grill. This one’s available at DHGate, so you know it’s good quality:

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litre_cola

No additives or preservatives!

King Hippo

Shame Pizza on its way this is NAE A DRILL

SonOfSpam

Extra cheese. Damn, that actually sounds good. Too hot to grill tonite anyway.

King Hippo

I really have to go back to making chili this autumn. Damn my laziness.

Gumbygirl

Throw in a beer.

Mr. Ayo

AYO IS MY STONE COLD LOCK OF THE EVENING!

SonOfSpam

I am also playing against Ayo (in Hippo stupid math league) and against Garrett Wilson. Perhaps a voodoo curse is in order.

Horatio Cornblower

Juggernaut-adjacent

Sharkbait

All the Breece Hall points please

Horatio Cornblower

Seconded.

Sharkbait

Run CMC OUT

SonOfSpam

I will win a low-scoring game in my 30 year league because of this.

HOORAY UNDESERVED SUCCESS! I FEEL LIKE AN UNRAPEY TRUMP!

King Hippo

Don’t be looking FOAR Jordan Mason on the Vodka waiver wire. He is a proud Stoma Fucker.

King Hippo

scotchy – Since Dimebag is clearly done, why not try a little Tanny Fanny? He couldn’t be worse.

SonOfSpam

Perhaps Canadian legend Dieter Brock would deign do leave retired life and suit up?

King Hippo

would you like to touch his monkey??

SonOfSpam

NOW IS THE TIME WHEN WE DANCE

Sharkbait

It’s never a good sign when the coach is publicly backing a QB after one week…

SonOfSpam

To be fair, they were facing All-Pro QB Daunte Culpepper.

(puts hand to earpiece)

I’m being told it was actually a differently-abled USC guy (which is redundant).

Horatio Cornblower

To be faaaaaaaiiiiiiiirrrrrrr the Giants were probably dazzled by their own uniforms and couldn’t adjust in time.

King Hippo

signing autographs?

King Hippo

Just get me 11 for dadgum Breece Hall. That’s all I ask.

OK, that and plus a whole lot of other stuff, now and in the future.

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