Well, there was more scoring in that London game than I expected. (typing this at the 10-7 mark, Woo! Brian Thomas Jr!) Let’s see what’s on offer in the first slate-
To The Games!
Seahawks/Falcons:
Here’s two teams headed in opposite directions. Seattle started fast and were a bit of a surprise and now they’ve come back to earth. Atlanta lost their first two but now look half-decent. They’ve got a shit ton of talent at the skill spots and an underrated run D. They’re my pick for the NFC South, Baker be damned.
Titans/Bills:
What’s worse, three consecutive road games or coming home to Buffalo? I kid, I kid. They came awfully close to 3-3 but escaped against the Jets and should cruise here. (Don T waits patiently for the draft)
Bengals/Browns:
You’ve worked your ass off-countless hours in the gym and on the field. You excelled at every level and managed to be one of the lucky few to get drafted into the NFL. And now you find yourself led by the animated husk of a quarterback that is stealing tens of millions of dollars and goes by the name of Deshaun Watson. Welcome to Cleveland, kid.
Texans/Packers:
Respectively these are the 6th and 4th-best offenses so we might just get some fireworks here. Love is playing lights-out having thrown for 12 TD’s in his four starts. He’ll have to keep an eye out for DE Anderson though-he had 8 tackles, three sacks and a deflected pass last week.
Fins/Colts:
QB Richardson is back! Is that the best news though? It feels like Miami is just biding time until Tua clears his head. For a guy that gets criticized so heavily at times, his team seems rudderless without him.
Lions/Vikes:
Now this here is a slobberknocker! (I hope) It’s hard to tell whether the defenses or offenses will have their way today but I’ve learned that Brian Flores is not to be messed with. Minny is forced to say through gritted teeth, “In Darnold we trust”. Fingers crossed he keeps it going.
Eagles/Giants:
I won’t bother you with SAQUON’S BIG NARRATIVE! New York is facing an uphill battle but at least they’ve got Nabers back. He’ll likely have to go for 150 and a few scores to make this game competitive. Superstar o-lineman Andrew Thomas is gone so Dimes is going to be even more skittish than usual.
You do you in the comments.
Howdy. Is Sirianni fired yet?
Drawing and Quartering can’t be rushed.
Not when done correctly.
Lions putting the league on notice today!
They’re roaring!
Goff is on 🔥
That’s ROCKING!
“Anderson Cooper? I wanted to start Amari Cooper at the flex spot! Goddamn it!”
-Rachel Maddow, sucking at fantasy football
That’s a fumble. End this woke “needs to be at 3:00” bullshit.
“Richardson on a designed QB run”
No shit, Captain Obvious. This announce team is as enjoyable as the game they’re calling
THIS NFL I CALL IT THE TROJAN WAR BECAUSE ACHILLES IS KICKING SOME RIGHTEOUS ASS
anybody see a close up of Mason Rudolph’s helmet, see if he put “WWG1WGA” on it?
Ignore the pontificating, handwringing loser.
https://twitter.com/NFL_DovKleiman/status/1848069574417109461#m
I assume what he meant by that was “be louder”.
It’s Ohio-he mis-spelled ‘butter’.
You’d think someone just won and was being carried off on angels’ shoulders.
https://twitter.com/SportsPaulH/status/1848068985083838878#m
“Possible Achilles” was Leonard Cohen’s intro band in the 70’s. They all committed suicide in an ironic way, as per the management agreement.
That’s a +1 for the injury, not for the pearl clutching
The leaves are done, (Phase I anyway; the trees are just waiting to drop more, the bastards), and I’ve burned half my daily calorie goal. The plan is now to go to the gym and burn the other half.
Then I’m coming home and eating this
the other half to the brisket reuben I had for dinner last night, and undo all of that exercise and calorie burning in the first four bites.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How is that only one half of it got eaten last night?
Right?
Who am I, Andy Reid?
Half the greatness of a meal like this is toasting the second half the next day and washing ti down with a Mexican Coke.
Which I am now doing.
God damn, that’s sexy AF
Looks like the insides of a Predator that Arnold had his way with.
I am looking for video of the crowd cheering. YOU’LL SEE IT WHEN WE DO!
https://twitter.com/NFLComedySkits/status/1848068505414808013#m
In Landover, enjoying some free USO beers. Good atmosphere in the stadium. Already seen Cowpersons and Fuck Lions jerseys.
It’s such a wack effect of geography that Dallas and Washington were rivals for decades because they were the only Southern teams.
(Fuck yes, D.C. is The South)
That Giants field goal at the half is going to be The Daboll Difference!
/Check out The Daboll Difference in all the of the Big and Large Clothes stores. Seven XXL windbreakers? We’ve got plenty!
BLEERGH really hates Cincinnati.
https://twitter.com/ProFootballDoc/status/1848068338179596679
[Red Alert shows up on their phones]
-Foot massage therapists in the larger Cleveland area
Browns are trying to give Watson a roommate at the Hospital. Damn.
Cleveland is Chubbed up
what a Big Gay Placement!
wait, when did the Iggles score again?? FUCK, my brain is liquid shit
Shit. What did I miss? I was posting a stupid missive.
if #ThePauls can’t bang it in with Chubb here….
WATSON IS DEAD!
thank fuck that evil twerp is being replaced by…JAMEIS WINSTON
Winston is the Emergency QB. DTR is the backup QB.
INTERCEPTION INCOMING!
oh wait, he’s apparently third string.
/also, no sound on RedZone for the #ThePauls battle for OH – did the crowd cheer for Watson’s demise??
Yup. Once he hit the ground and started crying like the bitch he is.
We’re revamping our website and what with everything being politicized I was thinking about having this posted.
“Buy two cases of chicken thighs and get a free 1kg box of coarse salt because conservatives don’t believe in brining!”
most conserve all salt for the election
Drinking and voting. God bless America.
You don’t expect me to vote for a Democrat sober?
Ted Kennedy never did, why should you?
Good News: Bengals got an opening KO Return TD.
Bad News: Based on how the offense is going, the only way they can another TD is if Cleveland scores points.
“All things are possible and the righteousness will be laid upon all those who maintain conviction to do right in the eyes of the Lord.”
-M. Pence (R – Undisclosed Shelter)
nobody but the previously-mentioned honky KR seems to want ownership of Ohio
Nick Westbrook-Ikhibe: FF waiver wire warrior, pride of Indiana University.
Fuck Bobby Knight, amén.
VEP supporters should throw beer cans onto the pitch until they take away that SaquonDown
Seriously. Organize and Act!
Sack of Dimes is both an expected result of the Giants o-line and Scrooge McDuck’s favorite possession.
AH..don’t kill Watson, Bengals. Keep him on the field.
8-chan, asking tough questions on the left
I see the headline on CNN is, “Trump is going to mock Kamala on a lie he made up in the first place”.
I mean — how can young adults just not see the world for the Noise it is? Or, if they do, but aren’t wise enough to do anything to protect themselves from it. It’s numbing. I guess that’s the shame of it.
And I still have no idea who the beneficiaries of this entire economy.
everything is just so very fucked
They’ve grown up in this noise and we olds have to teach them about that. Problem is, the youngs tend to think that the olds are out of touch.
Well, the olds actually running the world are in their 70s and 80s or are insulated in bubbles about their industries and dazzled by bullshit.
IOW – they are.
The same beneficiaries of every economy, ever. The rich.
Looking at China and comparisons I’ve seen made, someone stated – quite probably – that industrial output in the U.S. has remained flat for the last 20-25 years. By all appearances, we make numbers. We create data, dog-walking apps, and interest value for hedge funds and owners of entities that do not make anything. The last innovation was the iPhone. GDP has only gone up because the Fed has been printing money for decades to fund investment, and to buy shit with debt from abroad, and that foreign money is returned to the U.S. in further investments because the dollar is the global reserve currency, but also, in effect, raising the value of stock prices without actually raising the value of what publicly-traded corporations actually make and do – because they don’t make anything. Then there’s the entire tech industry, which is currently “adding value” to pretend there’s growth by adding AI to everything even though AI is actually losing all of these companies money, OpenAI is losing obscene amounts of money, and products AI is added to are getting objectively worse.
Meanwhile, the Australian version of the RAND Corporation released a report a month ago that China is dominating like 95% of all innovation, and specifically industries related to or critical for security and defense. The U.S. just did a takesie-backsie with Australia when it turned out that, Oops, we can barely build enough replacement submarines for ourselves. We certainly can’t build three more for them. So, in the one area where were are bigger than everyone else, we’re treading water.
The only beneficiaries of this economy are parasitic rent-seekers and shareholders. Everyone else is hustling to get by in permanent-PT work.
Fun fact: a new national benefits dashboard was released on Thursday. Nationally, there was a massive drop in unemployment insurance continuing claims and money paid in August/September. Since the unemployment numbers have remained steady, and no one suddenly hired half a million new workers, this can only be explained by the commensurate spike in new claims in March. In other words, a shitload of UI claims were exhausted at the end of summer. So the money flowing into the economy from UI benefits paying rent, food, medicine, etc. is 75% gone now. And that’s just UI. It’s not the best measurement of discretionary spending, but it’s a useful measure of economic health. A lot of those people don’t vote, but the ones who do … Who do you think they blame?
can’t even count on Younghoe this week smh
We need to add more games to the season so everyone can get their positional-equivalent of 1,000 receiving yards.
#InfiniteSeason
Big dude #92 for the fins getting the fumble recovery!!!
That’s ROCKING! 🐬
Massive Clotting action in Miami that does not involve Tua’s brain
First, this is funny.
Second, we don’t joke about Tua’s head trauma enough around here.
What a dumb goal-line call by Green Bay-a double reverse? What the blooming fuck?
that play sponsored by Draft Kings reminding you safety parlays are available
Coach gotta listen when one of the drunk owners screams down to insert the play.
Giants somehow holding Philly scoreless. The Fixx is in!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOiZP8FS5Ww&ab_channel=TheFixxVEVO
Found a funny:
[Before the post office was invented]
SOME GUY: I need someone to deliver an important document
PIGEON: *simply existing*
SOME GUY: You seem trustworthy
PONY: “Am I just a small horse to you?!”
Kinda like those white Packers jerseys.
They seem rocking!
Jonnu Smith with the tuddy!
Huntlry to Jonnu Smith points send to the fantasy Phantom Zone
Pretty sure that was the first TE touchdown from a Dolphins tight end since the Clinton administration
Some where Andy Reids tummy rumbles happily as Dolphins waste a timeout on 1 and 3rd at the goal
Of course we make Bill Cosby look good.
BLESSINGS BE TO SHAN’KLOR!
I swear this Dolphins defense is the 86 Bears, and people wouldn’t know it because of how impotent the offense is
well more like 85 Bears who didnt play well in Miami
Bah! I got them mixed up with the Edmonton Oilers
LOLBROWNS
Very Special Opening TD by Cincy!
WHITE GUY KICK RETURN TUDDY!
GRITTY
They gave the KR a fullback as a lead blocker. I called it!
“Hey, Germany, you’re up next!”
What a threat. Blowing up NordStream and totally wrecking their economy wasn’t enough?
Winston C., London, 1939.
I’ve got no real problem with just keeping Germany permanently on “the one who attacked the family twice before already” status until my life ends.
The Morgenthau Plan was too kind. The Red Army should’ve glassed everything between Poland and France.
My picks today
Cincy -5.5
Falcons -3
Commies -8.5
part three gon’ trip ye up
You don’t think Jayden Daniels can beat Los Panteras?? Or you don’t think they’ll cover?
the latter, that’s a lot of points in teh NFL
The Panthers are exactly the kind of loose team that will injure a young talent.
Morning Folks
https://www.pro-football-reference.com/boxscores/201710010cle.htm
The last Bengals win in Cleveland feels like an eternity ago.
You didn’t even noe you was gonna be a LIBTARD back then!!
The river was still flammable.
This window is SO GOOD, and we are stuck with 3 limp noodle fixtures late. BOO!