Your Next Open Football Thread

Well, there was more scoring in that London game than I expected. (typing this at the 10-7 mark, Woo! Brian Thomas Jr!) Let’s see what’s on offer in the first slate-

To The Games!

Seahawks/Falcons:

Here’s two teams headed in opposite directions. Seattle started fast and were a bit of a surprise and now they’ve come back to earth. Atlanta lost their first two but now look half-decent. They’ve got a shit ton of talent at the skill spots and an underrated run D. They’re my pick for the NFC South, Baker be damned.

Titans/Bills:

What’s worse, three consecutive road games or coming home to Buffalo? I kid, I kid. They came awfully close to 3-3 but escaped against the Jets and should cruise here. (Don T waits patiently for the draft)

Bengals/Browns:

You’ve worked your ass off-countless hours in the gym and on the field. You excelled at every level and managed to be one of the lucky few to get drafted into the NFL. And now you find yourself led by the animated husk of a quarterback that is stealing tens of millions of dollars and goes by the name of Deshaun Watson. Welcome to Cleveland, kid.

Texans/Packers:

Respectively these are the 6th and 4th-best offenses so we might just get some fireworks here. Love is playing lights-out having thrown for 12 TD’s in his four starts. He’ll have to keep an eye out for DE Anderson though-he had 8 tackles, three sacks and a deflected pass last week.

Fins/Colts:

QB Richardson is back! Is that the best news though? It feels like Miami is just biding time until Tua clears his head. For a guy that gets criticized so heavily at times, his team seems rudderless without him.

Lions/Vikes:

Now this here is a slobberknocker! (I hope) It’s hard to tell whether the defenses or offenses will have their way today but I’ve learned that Brian Flores is not to be messed with. Minny is forced to say through gritted teeth, “In Darnold we trust”. Fingers crossed he keeps it going.

Eagles/Giants:

I won’t bother you with SAQUON’S BIG NARRATIVE! New York is facing an uphill battle but at least they’ve got Nabers back. He’ll likely have to go for 150 and a few scores to make this game competitive. Superstar o-lineman Andrew Thomas is gone so Dimes is going to be even more skittish than usual.

You do you in the comments.

 

 

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Howdy. Is Sirianni fired yet?

Redshirt

Drawing and Quartering can’t be rushed.

Unsurprised

Not when done correctly.

rockingdog

Lions putting the league on notice today!
They’re roaring!
Goff is on 🔥

That’s ROCKING!

Wakezilla

That’s a fumble. End this woke “needs to be at 3:00” bullshit.

Wakezilla

“Richardson on a designed QB run”

No shit, Captain Obvious. This announce team is as enjoyable as the game they’re calling

Doktor Zymm

THIS NFL I CALL IT THE TROJAN WAR BECAUSE ACHILLES IS KICKING SOME RIGHTEOUS ASS

King Hippo

anybody see a close up of Mason Rudolph’s helmet, see if he put “WWG1WGA” on it?

Unsurprised

Ignore the pontificating, handwringing loser.

https://twitter.com/NFL_DovKleiman/status/1848069574417109461#m

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I assume what he meant by that was “be louder”.

Last edited 2 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Unsurprised

You’d think someone just won and was being carried off on angels’ shoulders.

https://twitter.com/SportsPaulH/status/1848068985083838878#m

Doktor Zymm

That’s a +1 for the injury, not for the pearl clutching

Horatio Cornblower

The leaves are done, (Phase I anyway; the trees are just waiting to drop more, the bastards), and I’ve burned half my daily calorie goal. The plan is now to go to the gym and burn the other half.

Then I’m coming home and eating this

comment image

the other half to the brisket reuben I had for dinner last night, and undo all of that exercise and calorie burning in the first four bites.

Unsurprised

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How is that only one half of it got eaten last night?

Unsurprised

Right?

Horatio Cornblower

Who am I, Andy Reid?

Half the greatness of a meal like this is toasting the second half the next day and washing ti down with a Mexican Coke.

Which I am now doing.

Wakezilla

God damn, that’s sexy AF

Unsurprised

I am looking for video of the crowd cheering. YOU’LL SEE IT WHEN WE DO!

Unsurprised
LemonJello

In Landover, enjoying some free USO beers. Good atmosphere in the stadium. Already seen Cowpersons and Fuck Lions jerseys.

Unsurprised

It’s such a wack effect of geography that Dallas and Washington were rivals for decades because they were the only Southern teams.

(Fuck yes, D.C. is The South)

Redshirt

BLEERGH really hates Cincinnati.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

Redshirt

Browns are trying to give Watson a roommate at the Hospital. Damn.

Unsurprised

Cleveland is Chubbed up

King Hippo

what a Big Gay Placement!

King Hippo

wait, when did the Iggles score again?? FUCK, my brain is liquid shit

Unsurprised

Shit. What did I miss? I was posting a stupid missive.

King Hippo

if #ThePauls can’t bang it in with Chubb here….

Redshirt

WATSON IS DEAD!

King Hippo

thank fuck that evil twerp is being replaced by…JAMEIS WINSTON

Redshirt

Winston is the Emergency QB. DTR is the backup QB.

King Hippo

oh wait, he’s apparently third string.

/also, no sound on RedZone for the #ThePauls battle for OH – did the crowd cheer for Watson’s demise??

Redshirt

Yup. Once he hit the ground and started crying like the bitch he is.

Gatoraids

most conserve all salt for the election

Unsurprised

Drinking and voting. God bless America.

Redshirt

You don’t expect me to vote for a Democrat sober?

Horatio Cornblower

Ted Kennedy never did, why should you?

Redshirt

Good News: Bengals got an opening KO Return TD.
Bad News: Based on how the offense is going, the only way they can another TD is if Cleveland scores points.

blaxabbath

“All things are possible and the righteousness will be laid upon all those who maintain conviction to do right in the eyes of the Lord.”

-M. Pence (R – Undisclosed Shelter)

King Hippo

nobody but the previously-mentioned honky KR seems to want ownership of Ohio

Don T

Nick Westbrook-Ikhibe: FF waiver wire warrior, pride of Indiana University.
Fuck Bobby Knight, amén.

King Hippo

VEP supporters should throw beer cans onto the pitch until they take away that SaquonDown

blaxabbath

Seriously. Organize and Act!

Redshirt

AH..don’t kill Watson, Bengals. Keep him on the field.

King Hippo

8-chan, asking tough questions on the left

blaxabbath

I see the headline on CNN is, “Trump is going to mock Kamala on a lie he made up in the first place”.

I mean — how can young adults just not see the world for the Noise it is? Or, if they do, but aren’t wise enough to do anything to protect themselves from it. It’s numbing. I guess that’s the shame of it.

And I still have no idea who the beneficiaries of this entire economy.

King Hippo

everything is just so very fucked

Unsurprised

Well, the olds actually running the world are in their 70s and 80s or are insulated in bubbles about their industries and dazzled by bullshit.

IOW – they are.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The same beneficiaries of every economy, ever. The rich.

Unsurprised

Looking at China and comparisons I’ve seen made, someone stated – quite probably – that industrial output in the U.S. has remained flat for the last 20-25 years. By all appearances, we make numbers. We create data, dog-walking apps, and interest value for hedge funds and owners of entities that do not make anything. The last innovation was the iPhone. GDP has only gone up because the Fed has been printing money for decades to fund investment, and to buy shit with debt from abroad, and that foreign money is returned to the U.S. in further investments because the dollar is the global reserve currency, but also, in effect, raising the value of stock prices without actually raising the value of what publicly-traded corporations actually make and do – because they don’t make anything. Then there’s the entire tech industry, which is currently “adding value” to pretend there’s growth by adding AI to everything even though AI is actually losing all of these companies money, OpenAI is losing obscene amounts of money, and products AI is added to are getting objectively worse.

Meanwhile, the Australian version of the RAND Corporation released a report a month ago that China is dominating like 95% of all innovation, and specifically industries related to or critical for security and defense. The U.S. just did a takesie-backsie with Australia when it turned out that, Oops, we can barely build enough replacement submarines for ourselves. We certainly can’t build three more for them. So, in the one area where were are bigger than everyone else, we’re treading water.

The only beneficiaries of this economy are parasitic rent-seekers and shareholders. Everyone else is hustling to get by in permanent-PT work.

Fun fact: a new national benefits dashboard was released on Thursday. Nationally, there was a massive drop in unemployment insurance continuing claims and money paid in August/September. Since the unemployment numbers have remained steady, and no one suddenly hired half a million new workers, this can only be explained by the commensurate spike in new claims in March. In other words, a shitload of UI claims were exhausted at the end of summer. So the money flowing into the economy from UI benefits paying rent, food, medicine, etc. is 75% gone now. And that’s just UI. It’s not the best measurement of discretionary spending, but it’s a useful measure of economic health. A lot of those people don’t vote, but the ones who do … Who do you think they blame?

King Hippo

can’t even count on Younghoe this week smh

blaxabbath

We need to add more games to the season so everyone can get their positional-equivalent of 1,000 receiving yards.

King Hippo

#InfiniteSeason

rockingdog

Big dude #92 for the fins getting the fumble recovery!!!

That’s ROCKING! 🐬

Gatoraids

Massive Clotting action in Miami that does not involve Tua’s brain

blaxabbath

First, this is funny.

Second, we don’t joke about Tua’s head trauma enough around here.

Gatoraids

that play sponsored by Draft Kings reminding you safety parlays are available

blaxabbath

Coach gotta listen when one of the drunk owners screams down to insert the play.

rockingdog

Found a funny:

[Before the post office was invented]

SOME GUY: I need someone to deliver an important document

PIGEON: *simply existing*

SOME GUY: You seem trustworthy

Redshirt

PONY: “Am I just a small horse to you?!”

rockingdog

Kinda like those white Packers jerseys.

They seem rocking!

Wakezilla

Jonnu Smith with the tuddy!

Gatoraids

Huntlry to Jonnu Smith points send to the fantasy Phantom Zone

Wakezilla

Pretty sure that was the first TE touchdown from a Dolphins tight end since the Clinton administration

Gatoraids

Some where Andy Reids tummy rumbles happily as Dolphins waste a timeout on 1 and 3rd at the goal

Redshirt

Of course we make Bill Cosby look good.

Redshirt

BLESSINGS BE TO SHAN’KLOR!

Wakezilla

I swear this Dolphins defense is the 86 Bears, and people wouldn’t know it because of how impotent the offense is

Gatoraids

well more like 85 Bears who didnt play well in Miami

Wakezilla

Bah! I got them mixed up with the Edmonton Oilers

Unsurprised

LOLBROWNS

Redshirt

Very Special Opening TD by Cincy!

King Hippo

WHITE GUY KICK RETURN TUDDY!

Unsurprised

GRITTY

Redshirt

They gave the KR a fullback as a lead blocker. I called it!

Unsurprised

“Hey, Germany, you’re up next!”

What a threat. Blowing up NordStream and totally wrecking their economy wasn’t enough?

Redshirt

Winston C., London, 1939.

blaxabbath

I’ve got no real problem with just keeping Germany permanently on “the one who attacked the family twice before already” status until my life ends.

Unsurprised

The Morgenthau Plan was too kind. The Red Army should’ve glassed everything between Poland and France.

Spur

My picks today

Cincy -5.5
Falcons -3
Commies -8.5

King Hippo

part three gon’ trip ye up

Doktor Zymm

You don’t think Jayden Daniels can beat Los Panteras?? Or you don’t think they’ll cover?

Last edited 2 months ago by Doktor Zymm
King Hippo

the latter, that’s a lot of points in teh NFL

blaxabbath

The Panthers are exactly the kind of loose team that will injure a young talent.

Spur

Morning Folks

Redshirt

https://www.pro-football-reference.com/boxscores/201710010cle.htm

The last Bengals win in Cleveland feels like an eternity ago.

King Hippo

You didn’t even noe you was gonna be a LIBTARD back then!!

Spur

The river was still flammable.

King Hippo

This window is SO GOOD, and we are stuck with 3 limp noodle fixtures late. BOO!