Hey.

What’s new?

Oh, really? You’re busy and wondering why I’m bothering you right in the middle of this important task?

On a Wednesday?

Tough shit.

It’s time for the (now) weekly DFO Fantasy Football Leagues recap. Week 7 is in the books.

Freezer Vodka standings are up first:

Lowratio’s Couch Fetish has slid into the top spot, edging out last week’s leader Musical War Propheteers, who were rubbed out of second place by Sofa Loren. We see six teams now in the fight for the championship with JD’s Chesterfield Dreams, Original Recipe White Claws, and Stoma Fuckers Utd rounding out the top spots.

Ensconced in the Jeff Fisher Zone we have We Are Spamily, AJ Hawk Tuah Tagovailoa, and Heinous Fuckery.

That leaves the Relegation Derby of Dead Hobos, Free Thursday Night Points, Big Bag of Suck, The Schlitzstains and the 0-7 Unnatural Gas.

Remember, True Believer, that the bottom four (4) teams will be relegated to Lowratio League for next season.

Now for the Lowratio League standings:

Still perched astride the throne is Duke’s Chicago Waffles with a perfect 7-0 record. Gumbygirl’s Felonious Monks is close behind the leader with War and Peace and Rod Rust never sleeps securely in the Promotion Zone for now.

A crowded field resides in The Jeff Fisher Zone for this week. Only Dick’s Sweet Candy Asses can claim an over .500 record, with Shiba is for the People!, Sebastian’s Swag Team, Ambiguous Aaron Rodgers, Casa do vinho FC, Bearenschiesse Barons and Gimli’s Groin Grabbers just below the .500 threshold.

That leaves Heather’s Horrible Hikes and The Brick Experience looking around like they just woke up in Lowratio’s paddock; naked, dirty and confused.

Poor A&H’s Used Vape Cartridge still sits at the bottom of the (long empty) bourbon barrel with an 0-7 record. I honestly thought they had me beat this week!

Top four (4) from LL get that coveted promotion to Freezer Vodka League for next season.

Bonus Content: Boots On the Ground for Commanders/Panthers

Background: I have a Marine buddy from my time at Camp Lejeune, and his son is part of the drumline for the Commanders Marching Band.  Has been for the last three years.  As a perk, he gets 2 free tickets and a parking pass to each home game.  This has worked out to the Lady LemonJello and I attending at least one game each of the last three seasons.  We’ve seen Jags/Commies (on our own dime. DUUUUVAAAALLLLLLL), Bearsenschiesse/Commies (on a Thursday!) and SKOL/Commies so far.

This time, it was Black Panthers/Commies.

The drive up from Fortress LemonJello to Northwest Stadium (previously FedEx Field aka Little Danny’s Slumlord Tenement) was its usual frustration of cruising along then stopping for no reason (repeatedly), making a 65 minute trip take 90 minutes, until I linked up with my buddy and got onto the property.  We got there around 2pm for a 4pm kickoff, and the lots were filling up and a good amount of tailgating was underway. There was a hint of Devil’s Lettuce on the crisp early autumn air as we approached the gate.

Entry was uneventful and we were handed a commemorative tchotchke to celebrate the retirement of Darrell Green’s #28.

We made our way through a sizeable crowd on the concourse to the USO tent to have our arduous service thanked and acknowledged as God intended: with free beer and bbq. Beer selection was Bud Light, Michelob Ultra and Stella Artois. Food was from Mission BBQ. Did I mention it was free? Along the way, I started my list of jerseys of teams not participating, but representing here today with the Fuck Lions and NgCp. The few Carolina jerseys were far outnumbered by burgundy and gold [Redacteds], Football Team and Commanders garments.

While we were at the USO, Mark Rypien made an appearance there, signing memorabilia and taking photos. My buddy, a long time Steelers fan, got his disguise (Commanders t-shirt) signed.

Back onto the main concourse and we made our serpentine way to the escalators up to the club level, home field side.  Sidenote: over the course of the three years we’ve been doing this, its a bit of a lottery of where your seats will be – visitor side, home side, club level, lower bowl. My buddy and his wife went to a game late last season and wound up in a suite (no food or beverage service included). Anyway, we were processed through to the escalators and I added an Atlanta sighting to the jersey list. Grabbing a fresh round of beers we made our way to our seats (see picture above for the view). Add Philadelphia to the jersey list. Ope, hey there, Minnesota fan, lemme slip right past ya there.

Anthem. C-5 Galaxy flyover. Kickoff and here we go!

Lively crowd in attendance. Stands are filling up, though our section had folks still arriving until almost the end of the 1st quarter. There’s the Red Rifle INT and run back for a TD. Crowd loves it. Commie D is actually looking like a professional squad. The O is clicking. Jayden Daniels is making plays, probably taking hits he shouldn’t (and he needs to practice his sliding). The first ripples of unrest can be heard/felt around us. Daniels is out? Headed to the locker room? Why is Mariotta warming up? The offense keeps clicking, the Panthers keep panther-ing, and as the score builds, the crowd relaxes. Mariotta is doing ok, but what’s the report on Daniels? Ribs? How bad? The diagnoses are offered up; broken, bruised, cracked are bandied about. One thread is consistent: this game is in hand, rest the rookie, no need to put him back out there. Who’s the opponent next week? Chicago. Maybe rest him for that game too?

Halftime.

Darrell Green’s number is retired. He’s only the 5th in franchise history to be honored in this way. Josh Harris takes a subtle dig at the Snyder regime, saying in his comments that this should have been done a long time ago. Crowd agrees.

Second half starts, things continue much like the first half. Commies continue their Long March to victory from the first half. I start to wonder what the breaking point will be for fans to start thinking about getting ahead of traffic. Turns out, it’s when the score reaches 37-0. First to go are the Carolina supporters, then Commie fans that have kids with them or work early on Monday. Score hits 37-7 and the exodus picks up in volume. We’re staying to the end because the drumline plays outside the stadium postgame and we’ll listen to my buddy’s son do his thing.  Then its time to make the reverse trip down and around DC back to Fortress LemonJello. Getting out of the parking lot was relatively easy. The trip on 495 wasn’t too bad. Get to the 95 “mixing bowl” and its all shit-show, all the time. Not even a wreck to blame it on. Such is life in the DMV.

TL/DR: I’ve not yet had a bad time here. Its pricey, but if its the Lady LJ and I, we usually do a little tailgate/pregame intake of food and beverages to balance that out. We haven’t gotten the sewage shower treatment on any of our visits. If you get the chance, why not give it a go yourself?

I hope you enjoyed this Boots On The Ground.

Until Next Time!