Let’s get right to it, shall we?
Fallout:
-Hello Pyrrhic Victory: The Giants won yesterday because they can’t do anything right. All it took was for Drew Lock of all people, to have the 6th-highest Expected Points Added per throw since 1999. That puts him up there with Manning, Brady, Brees and a few others. As a result of the W they’ve fallen from 1st to 4th in the draft order behind the Pats, Titans and Browns. Just. Great.
-ESPN tells us that Riverboat Ron and Rex Ryan will be interviewing for the Jets coaching job. It would be totally on-brand for Woody to employ warmed-over, second-hand crap.
-Is Jayden Daniels good and clutch? His 12th fourth quarter TD score yesterday is the most ever by a rook QB.
-Other young ‘uns doing well are Nabers, Bowers, Thomas Jr and McConkey-this is the first time that four rookies have exceeded 1,000 yards receiving in the same season. What bodes well for ongoing success is that three of them accomplished the feat with subpar QB play.
-Well, yesterday I asked the Bills to deliver some on-field embarrassment to Qaron and they delivered-he’s now the most sacked QB of all time. As Peyton would say, “That’s a lot of tea-bagging!”
To The Game!
Lions/Niners:
-This is a great game in a timeline that doesn’t have a ton of injuries. Imagine the Lions D at full strength and the Niners having had Trent Williams, McCafferty, Aiyuk and Bosa all year long-this game would be very different. All that missing talent has dropped San Fran from #1 in 2023 to #11 in Expected Points Added per play.
-Jameson Finally a Game-breaker: It took a third year, some injuries and a suspension but Williams is the guy that can blow the top off a defense. He now has four scores of 50+ yards and his ability pairs very well with the chain-mover that is Sun God.
-Gibbs should have himself a game-the Niners tend to play a light box(?) 80% of the time. They just had Achane ring up 120 yards on them last week.
-The Lions average scoring margin is a robust 12.9, far ahead of the 2nd-place Bills number of 9.2.
Take it away.
I believe that missed FG just sealed a narrow 5th place victory in the Freezer League for me over Dok.
If he had made it, the Detroit D would have gotten -4 points instead of -1 for points scored and I would have lost.
ALL THE MARBLES
Speaking of marbles the final race was today, and you’ll never guess* who rocketed out of last place all the way up to 14th place!
*not because it’s surprising, but because you don’t give a fig about marble racing
I saw it. They and my team finally got a podium!
True. Had I figs, I would NAWT be giving them.
PRAISE SHANK’LOR, CRUSHER OF PAT DREAMS, REAPER OF KICKER SOULS
reaper?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31jvtk3Z8AU&pp=ygUMd2hpdGUgcmVhcGVy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ntty2OB_PYI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUMnf0fwUPw
Moody is doody tonight.
I have to give designated drunk careperson credit for handling his even more wasted buddy. Didn’t want to get him in trouble, but his buddy is too wasted to walk, but he’s trying to drive. Buddy called me to get police there, “before something stupid happens.”
Seems like it would have been simpler to swallow his friend’s keys
Simpler depends on how big the key ring and how tight the sphincter.
I’m rounding based on how drunk I assume each friend is. And while my car still has a real key, don’t most cars just have those proximity fobs now? Those seem pretty smooth. Although I wonder if the car would still start with the fob in a dude? Might be a flaw here
Dok is right. Swallowing the fob or sticking it in your ass would not prevent the car from starting
Know this from experience? I’d be afraid to fart and make the trunk pop and start the alarm sound.
That would be hilarious
Calls like this are usually cleared from the board in ten minutes or less. This is one is still active, and there’s a strange lack of updates.
Either this is a thing, or the complete opposite and someone didn’t clear it correctly. It’s all or nothing, is what I’m trying to convey.
“Swallowing the fob” is how Buddy got thru med school
Oof. Babysitting drunk assholes is the worst.
I find a quick jab to the solar plexus works best.
Or adam’s apple, or a cuntpunt if it’s Bruce Jenner
This is good because if this is the game that breaks the Bosa streak, just give it up now.
vodka the silent brainc cell killer. go away you russina liquor
if you’re cih and you worked fo itk okay, be rich. i respect your chicraness. if you’re rich casue you came our o f th eright womb, fuck you. you are rich cause you got borned right. eat a dick. rich dick.
I am faIrly fluent in bourble, but I admit defeat here. What the fuck is chicraness?
Richness
Ahhhhh!
Also if you’re rich because you benefited from apartheid and then over stayed a student visa totally get fucked with something really unpleasant
Well, he did fuck whatever a Grimes is, not sure how much lower he can go.
one day joe buck will ginally shit, and his expression will change. seriously joe. tkae a shit. your face could stop a clock. you fuck ugly not shitting fuck.
He would need to have the stick up his ass removed first.
Through his face.
wtf is Bates doing? Give him a butt pillow stat
if ya wanna show love to me, here’s an exmas gift idea
https://www.ebay.com/itm/116004512076?_skw=Vintage+Marx+WWII+Guns+of+Navarone+Battleground+Playset&itmmeta=01JGDCKJVFNXAGZJ2E0N9NFXA8&hash=item1b0268614c:g:mosAAOSw7Qpjxyat&itmprp=enc%3AAQAJAAABEHoV3kP08IDx%2BKZ9MfhVJKnwo5lkpmuHlqSlgupdswPW%2BpBUbEKhZBf47sAPpUm8BbF6IxtrX%2BRss5zQMbiO4MnAfpOZVewtlJBlkaejCyHde3Ut7fHqXD4ZIACvrerUt4WT4%2FKLO%2Fv%2Fw7kcSHpJAndQltYgW5173iIczyXQHevfeHa%2F%2BwH48EeLk%2Bm38SpkBqJe3dAteVHi6ttlCTp6XJGSw3vnCQyQPX7Ue1FO9%2B38sb4ELHQ5NjKSKkPPDKMws9Oeabda60RuJemeQhwB8abyK3iryeHDXjraOeVtseeAo3LQA3R%2FLXzQZBq6Nh5iUK4CM0lYn6kHaTtfZn7roVemEfLADGdgUx5YJRsUy%2Bm%2F%7Ctkp%3ABk9SR-6tzqyDZQ
Make the URL shorter and I’ll get it for you.
(note: I will not get it for you)
here ay go, yo u grinch
https://shorturl.at/BOJJm
Thanks! Not even considering clicking on it! Appreciate it!
Same chance of making a FG as being resigned
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmmPFrkuPq0
SHAN’KLHOR is one merciless goddess. And insatiable, it seems.
So is “Doink” to “Shan’klhor” as “Cupid” is to “Venus”?
I believe so.
Rollin down the street
Smoke Guerendo
Sippin on gin n juice
Laid back
wiht my mind on mymone
and my moeny on my mind
Oh, good. Morejason kelce fucking go die in a hurricae
need 8 more from Kittle to redeem my Penix
How much did they give you for it at the pawn shop?
family git giving over. lots o vodka and brews. so, yeah. so many tears. can we stop mourning? pleasssse. i gave a hell o a toast/prayer and my wife gave me the “wrap it up” motion. “There were too many people crying.” Christ, like that’s never happened before in a room foll of Italianss.
Fuck the holidays. Gimme dark winter days and bourbon
Save some points for next week, Loins!
BALL DON’T LIE!
God Fucking Damn It!
THIS DETROIT DEFENSE I CALL IT THE ANSWER TO BALLS’S 25 QUESTIONS, BECAUSE THEY ARE ASS!!!
Not bad for a bunch of kids they pulled off the local high school team tho
“Yeah, I recruit that way too”
-M. Gaetz, almost-Attorney-General
That Pearsall kid is really good for a deep shot downfield
There are no holes in his game.
He’s faster than a speeding bullet
Somebody unplug Spielman and then plug him back in.
Also maybe do the same with the Lions’ defense.
Goff has made a number of PERFECT throws this drive.
Remember when Carson Wentz was the better of the two picks?
Remember Carson Wentz?
I remember that ‘scoff for goff’ wasn’t nearly as catchy as the previous year’s ‘suck for luck’ and then we just stopped doing qb tank rhymes
I remember when I was so happy the Rams traded loser Goff for Stafford, and I guess I still am, but the trade looks pretty good for Detroit now.
The Rams got a Super Bowl out of it, so there is no possible way you could say they got the short end of that one.
/glares in Lowratio
Two, if you count the one in like six weeks.
Okay, we rightfully dig on this duo relentlessly, but props to whichever one (I think it was Troy) that made a Matt Foley: Motivation Speaker reference.
That whole Lisa Salters – Dan Campbell interview sounded like something Christopher Nowitski should investigate.
CTE is real!
I dunno, I don’t think Salters sounded that bad….
Might be time to dust off the cleats & send my kicking resume to Kyle Shanahan.
The 9ers are totally gonna pay Purdy, aren’t they?
i can already hear their future salary cap squeal. they are miami west
But not without a contract standoff first that ends up costing the team far more money than they would have paid if they just offered him something fair up front
This just in – Dan Campbell loves to take chances and be aggressive on fourth down.
That’s why the Lions won’t ever win the Super Bowl.
It will bite them in the ass at the worst possible time.
Lions are the Portrait of the Chiefs Gray
I like Campbell, but I am increasingly coming around to the view that he’d kind of a dumbass at the worst possible times.
Next you’ll tell me Jerome Bettis is from Detroit.
Antonio Gates was a basketball player, BIG IF TRUE
And there was some guy that played qb that went to Haaaaaaaarvard
Mitch Trubisky? No, he went to the University of North Carolina. I can see how you might get the two confused, however.
Up until last week, the Stillers were undefeated on Christmas Day (2-0). Just mind-blowing, I know.
It’s local Yinzer talk, but holy poop on a stick, they were paid every time that was mentioned.
How could anyone tell whether Nick Bosa had a concussion?
“WOOOO MAGA”
He doesn’t over pronounce “mozzarella”?
“AAYYYYY I’M-A WALKIN* ‘ERE! WHATSAMATTA YOU?”
-N. Bosa
*to the medical tent
pitching a non medical tent when i saw it
Hope Santa shit in Eli’s stocking for leaving us with Buck and Aikman these last couple weeks
Olivia wasn’t too happy with someone’s report card, so he lost all his tv privileges for a while.
I mean obviously those aren’t the teams but still.
Whoops, my bad. I assumed they would make it available, but I appear to have been mistaken.
Judge Doom had a son
This is Syndrome, from “The Incredibles”, without the mask
No plans for NYE tomorrow because Lady Maestro is on call. I can’t wait to park my ass in front of the TV all day long.
For me, I have to maintain this streak of being a boring dead-ass.
We were going to stay in, but then an old friend came in from out-of-state and is going to the friend’s party we were skipping, so now we have to go to that one and likely skip the party on New Year’s Day that friends from the same group are having.
I AM 55 YEARS OLD!!! I CANNOT BE DRIVING THAT FAR TWO DAYS IN A ROW!!!
Have some short ribs to smoke and then nothing
Can’t wait
In case you (of course you do Gumby my love) don’t know
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AinOXzeoQEA
Happy Ne Year folks
As they (you know…”they”) say, she could sing the phone book and it would be nice.
Here’s one for you, my darling dear
https://youtu.be/wWEQDyrbphE?si=tvMSFvuFxJe7LsXj
Let me know when you get back in L.A.
Mid January. I’ll definitely let you know.
Nailed it
!
I didn’t realize there’s a college football playoff game tomorrow! The best part is that I will probably be home in time for the second half!
Ha ha ha, who am I kidding, no I won’t.
Watching first episode of Space : 1999 and Barbara Bain is a smoke show. Plus i love the spaceships.
new battlestar really borrowed alot from it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOb6V9gzrKM
That is Space : above and beyond, an incredible show on Fox which means they killed it through neglect.
By other standards of suspicion, Qaron had probably been the most-sacked QB of all time for a while.
Might actually be a win for the Giants as it might prevent them from drafting a QB in the first. Seems that consensus is that this is nawt a good move this year
test if hes good or not will be if he ends up on the eagles in 6 years
Same for Vegas. Though it’s possible for both franchises that (probably mediocre) quarterbacks end up falling into their laps anyways.
Ol’ Double J is gonna make some franchise-crippling trade to move up and take Sanders, then hire Deion to coach, and then I’m gonna stop watching football entirely.
Shame. That would be the funniest possible outcome.
No that would be Jerry be declared not mentally competent, using his handling of the cowboys to illustrate his inability to tell realty from wish fulfillment. The kids take over, dismantle the cowboys, rebuild it, and win the SB with Jerrah, with drool cup in place, quietly mumbles – “It should have been me….”
Jerry is a model of competence for Texas.
Biden would be considered competent in Texas.
It’s okay, we will narrate your shame to you
That’s enough football for the week. Instead, I’m going to RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!!
Realized I could potentially go to the Winter Classic tomorrow. Would be cutting it a bit close with my flights, but I could always just leave early, after the second period would probably work
Do it! Those outdoor games are fun!
Hm, supposed to be slightly above freezing and maybe rainy. Maybe not, that’s gonna be some gross slushy ice
Leaving after the second period is how the majority of Matt Gaetz’s serious relationships have ended.
Banner this.
I know this is hard to believe, but I was out doing errands and I forgot to go to the fucking weed store. Merde! ZUT ALORS! Be right back, assholes!
Needs. More. American. Swearing!
You can get it delivered? Do you live on a farm?
*Can’t
(GFDI)
I can, but I like to go there. They are the happiest retail workers in the world, it’s always a pleasure. It’s right down the street, don’t know why I was bitching. Took 5 minutes.
Feel same, the missus likes the edibles and dont mind going to a local place called Vape Queen where its just a chill stylish vibe from place and the workers.
Gotta be happy at a weed store!
– tWBS
A have an old poker friend who transitioned from working in a casino to working in a weed store and he specifically said it was a mental health move. He’s always been pretty cheery actually, but now he’s got a crazy beard and a kid in her early 20s (who we taught cards when she was little) and he’s just happy as all get out. It’s lovely
See that’s funny because I would expect the weed purchase to be the errand you’d complete first, and then you’d proceed to forget about all the other tasks.
It was on my way home from the others, and I blew right past it. I had enough for tonight, it wasn’t a weed emergency!
Who is Sun God?
Ra,
Amon-Ra St. Brown
Ooooohhhh!!!!
Can’t wait until Cris adopts this one.
Fucking ignorant Hawaiians.
I’m suddenly picturing Connery in brown face
a recurring dream
ewps didnt notice it missed the first oart
Wait. Were we not always calling him that?
Hopefully my wide receiver with a bunch of points tonight!
Jeff Ulbrich is German for “Being held hostage by a quarterback and owner”
He’s certainly no Frank Fourth Reich
I was trying to think of a good “light box” joke and then I remembered that Cory Chase coloured her pubic hair blonde and then I forgot everything.
That’s a very flattering photo
Wasn’t she the Ted Cruz fave?
He liked a video that she was in, and she is featured in the promo video. BUT
It’s a FFM video. Maybe he was actually into Kacey Jordan. Or Bruce Venture.
hard work of Reddit sleuths
That’s not her fault!
Good to know