Kidding! Since Burrow came along the tilts between the two have carried quite a bit of weight. Some observations and then an intro-
-Are the Texans the weakest team headed into the playoffs? I think Tampa’s offense can beat anyone if Baker is cooking. (get it?) Though Houston is 5-1 in their last six, four of those wins were against the Pats, Jags, Colts and Bears. And they were all one score games. Also, they are 9-7 and have a -7 point differential.
-One bird in the hand is worth two in the Bush Leagues? The Titans are starting Will Levis but also sprinkling in a helping of Mason Rudolph as well. This might be related-who knows but with a loss they have a shot at the #1 pick.
-Poor Saquon is following the company line but he’s only 103 yards away from the record. He could get that before the end of the third quarter and then get his rest.
To The Game!
Bengals/Steelers:
-Ahh, a game whereby no one is resting their starters!
-What sort of person in their right mind is not cheering for Cincy tonight? (yinzers triggered)
-The Bengals defensive coordinator is Lou Anarumo. He makes 1.5 million a year. Most of it feels stolen this year.
-If Burrow throws for 359 yards he’ll reach 5,000 for the year.
-Seven of Cincy’s eight losses have come by one score.
-Lost in the RB Resurgence: To Najee it’s just a rumor-he’s free as a bird because his fifth-year option was tossed to the four winds.
-Yes, Tomlin kept his above .500 streak alive but he also has something else that’s above that number. In his 18 seasons he’s had more double-digit win seasons than single digit wins. With respect to that he’s 11-7.
Do your best.
Burrow ded
I don’t know what Burrow got his O-line for Xmas, but I hope he kept the receipts.
Katana swords!
Bengals quarterback Joe Burrow gifts authentic katana swords to his offensive linemen for Christmas – CBSSports.com
You know what you must do, Offensive Line!
There it is…
Radio: “TE Mike Gesicki had four Contract Incentives for 2024. 45 receiptions. 450 yards. 55 receiptions. 600 yards. He has gotten all of them. He has added $750,000 to his contract.”
Mike Brown (echoed several boxes away): “GODDAMNIT!”
The flurries are nice, but hope the snow gets heavier. Snow quarter!
“There is a contract extension with Jamarr Chase that has to be made….”
Mike Brown: “Challenge accepted.”
Redshirt:
My work Christmas present was this nebulizer.
If you’ve ever had a massage they got this shit in their experience.
Juice number 3 should just be called “Strip Club.”
#3 Brandi Alexxandra
Kat Dennings . . . wonder how she became succesful?
I can think of two reasons
More like TWO REASONS amirite?
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Sydney Sweeney if she decided to use cleavage instead of bringing her talents to light.
We would also have accepted Alexandra Daddario.
Only the mildest of effects from the drugs. I’ll try doubling it up tomorrow.
Remember when there was a midget on the Titans’ sideline? That’s what got my kids into football.
how is it that I don’t remember???
https://dailysnark.com/2017/10/16/midget-ball-boy-steals-show-monday-night-football-colts-titans-game/
I think he moved to Connecticut
Once when me and my wife were looking for houses, there was one that had a house full of midgets next door. “w’ere not buying a house next door to a house o fmidgets, because I know you couldn’t control yourself.”
Well, maybe.
When we were kids, our babysitter was a little person. She was awesome, we loved her. She married another wee fellow, and they moved up the street from us. They had average sized kids
I fucking love that story. Also, I love midgets.
In my past I was on LSD and went to a bar in Canmore, Alberta with the lads. There were at least a dozen little people there, I was completely freaked out. I kept asking the boys why their heads were our size but the rest of them were small. I was quite traumatized. One of my buddies, also high was who was also 6’4 was on the dance floor with them most of the night. He thought that they were his entourage.
dont think Sproles very played for the Tits
Wait, what? When?
Not to issue any spoilers or nuthin…but this butt keychain stuff is going in mah manifesto.
Don’t go all Vanilla ISIS on us!
too cold, too COLD!
“He runs a clean game”…as he gets the down wrong.
and screws up the spot 2x in a row
perfect hat trick!!!
Damn, would have been too funny if that was just another interception
This game is all over the damn place.
I CALL IT BRITT REID BECAUSE IT SEEMS INCAPABLE OF STAYING IN ITS LANE.
A quote from when I had my family over to open Xmas presents.
My sister: “I miss dad. I might cry.”
Me: “Yeah I miss him. Have a drink on him and knock it off with the crying.”
That Pluvicto medicine sounds like a laugh riot.
I don’t know what it cures but I think I’d rather gut it out with the disease than suffer all side effects of Pluvicto.
Ask your doctor if crushing suicidal depression coupled with non-stop rectal bleeding is right for you. Ask for Pluvicto.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOoM_KwUr3w
It’s for metastatic prostate cancer. I know most prostate cancer is usually as treatable as cancer gets, but that drug is for the exception.
Users are in a bad way when the drug gives its users on average four extra months of life.
Fuck that, four more miserable months? Just give me morphine, and lots of it.
here’s teh type of shit that goes down in my house
Tha dog is clearly a saint.
That’s the good shit. You are a lucky man .
Litrepug has had enough.
Squishface!
Frank.
Right there with you, Litrepug.
SUDDEN CHANGE!
SUDDEN CHANGE!!
IF YOU CAN BOX YOU CAN DRUM
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT COMMERCIAL ALL ABOUT?
Boner pills?
IT DIDN’T GIVE ME A BONER, SO FAIL
I’m going to avoid Magical Pony’s existential season end by RELEASING THE KRAKEN!!!!
Will you release any mythical sea monsters tomorrow night too?
I will not. I’ll actually pay attention tomorrow.
I RELEASED MANY SEA MONSTERS DOWN TEH DRINA WHEN I WAS 15
Butt pillow (with Lady Balls’ undies)
Surprisingly comfy!
You weren’t surprised.
DRY JANUARY?
I’LL KICK DRY JANUARY’S ASS IN THE MUD AND WALK IT DRY!
FUCKING PUSSIES
Hey, that’s more booze for you!
Time for Sploosh January
Hey, the Taskmaster agrees with you!
https://www.reddit.com/r/taskmaster/comments/1hstlhf/what_greg_davies_really_thinks_of_your_new_years/
That Ford guy is impressively beardy
Henry? Harrison? Rob?
I’m still watching the replay of the first game… No spoilers!
Every time Orlofsky speaks I’m yelling “Fuck you, Shorsey!”
FOR WHAT?
No spoilers for Ravens/Browns? That’s like saying No Spoilers for Titanic
Who wants butts?!?
Scotchy and Gumbygirl need to pick their colours!
Purple!
You got it! I’ll email you.
Good God! Red, I guess.
lol the black and white ones are the same size
Ain’t that America?
Those are cute!
Pick a color and I’ll send you one
Blue please!
You got it! I’ll DM you on slack.
I finished both bottles of the Plantation rum last night (this is hyperbole; there was very little left in each bottle) so I just took some drugs. For science’s sake let’s note that I took three drops of the CBD oil I made using the tWBS memorial marijuana strain. It may be a very mild effect but I haven’t touched a weed product in ages so I want to step into drymouth January incrementally.
1) Hammock naps are great
2) I think shame burgers wouldbe getting fast food delivered, especially if the place is less than half a mile away
What about one of them White Castle boxes of meat?
“meat”
I’ve never actually had White Castle so can’t accurately judge but maybe?
I did the Saturday in Vegas pre-nap. It, was food.
Oregon Ducks got cooked by the Ohio State Buckeyes a couple days ago, and my lady friend is a big Ohio State fan, so now I get to root for the Buckeyes for the rest of the CFP Playoffs 🏈
Not sure how I feel about this…
Don’t root for the fuckeyes. good god, the ohio state fans here in Baltimroe are fucking insufferable.
Close your eyes and just think of the possible celebratory sex.
Do it and then do it!
Doggie style!
(in 30-for-30 voice)
What if I were to tell you…that bruthas DIDN’T work it out?
OK, sick or not, it’s an NFL Saturday night, and it’s drinking time.
/boils water
//adds green tea with lemon
///adds some locally sourced honey
What kind of nuts? I’ll take some cashews, if that’s an option.
At this rate Cincy is going to be in the playoffs!*
*for one day
I mean, that’s their usual stay, isn’t it?
/ducks
The NFL playoffs?
Mrs. Fozz came in blabbing about some conspiracy with the tesla truck explosion. I just looked over and siad, “Sources?” She stormed out.
Source – Adam Dittman
Whoever it is, she’s nuts
He’s busy playing Fortnite.
Watching Steelers vs Bengals 🏈
Hopefully this game is Rocking!!!!
I love walking around in cold weather. Even took the dog several miles through the woods today, despite feeling awful.
But I cannot imagine running around in cold weather deliberately colliding with large human bodies wearing several pounds of body armor. I am pretty sure I would just shatter.
My eyes would freeze shut somehow
In my case likely from the tears of pain.
Alright, time for the Cade York experience…
I love how the first drive is supposed to be scripted, what they’ve been working all week.
If “reenactment of violent food poisoning” was what Arthur and Russ were working toward, well done!
As far as an even semi-cohesiveness? Not so much.
I’ve never understood the “Script the First Drive” theory. I don’t care if my next five plays are passing plays. If the offensive line is blocking the defensive line five yards every play, I’m doing running plays until they can stop us.
Okay, time to see if we get the Surprisingly Good Bengals Defense or the Usually Bad Bengals Defense. I see we’re getting What the Fuck was That?! Cade York.
We’ll find out in the second quarter. Right now, we have The Steelers are Clueless to Start Games
Hell of a start Magical Pony!!!
Redshirt I am sorry but I bet a parlay of
Chase over 79.5
Chase td
Burrow 2+ tds
Bengals -2.5
4 to 1
That’s all very solid
Why for you hate me so much?
I am team Bengals!
Tomorrow we have to root for, Wentz, and Rodgers…
Having to root for Aaron Rodgers. 2025 isn’t fucking around.
Mrs. Cola agrees.
Even a dozen Horatio level showers isn’t gonna make one feel clean after rooting for Aaaaaaaron
I want a tie as it still does not give the Jets a win and it still helps the Bengals.
/cue Lowratio frantically shoveling coal into the clubhouse furnace.
Low: “Horatio, this coal dust is making me dizzy.”
Horatio:
Pretty good start, anyway.
Do you guys think the Steelers know the game started at 8?
I was hoping they’d eventually give up and rest, but on the first drive?
Mrs. Horatio and I just showered together. Was it sexy?
Well, if you consider two 50+ people sitting with head colds in the bathroom with the shower cranked to the point that Mr. Horatio is losing layers of skin while Mrs. Horatio sits on the toilet saying “More steam!! More steam!! I feel like I’m starting to breathe again!!” sexy well then, we’re your huckleberries.
Um, somewhere it’s sexy.
I’m terrified that you’re right.
Lowratio tapping away on his mini tablet starting an onlyfans account
You misspelled updating
I mean, how do you think we found him?
Costco?
Chatroulette
YouTube Shorts
Uzbekistan?
In Uzbekistan the government tortures and kills people with boiling water. It sounds like the Cornblowers would welcome that right now.
I’d at least sit in the room for the steam. Do you think they’d give me noise-cancelling headphones?
For $50 USD they’d probably bring in a masseuse
I see you left out any mention of Lowratio shoveling coal into the boiler like an engine room snipe on the Titanic to meet your steam needs…
Damn, these “Dear Penthouse” stories are getting worse and worse.
Dear Penthouse Forum:
I never believe your stories were true, but I recently had an experience I thought your readers would enjoy. We got together with extended family for Xmas, and I’m pretty sure my nephew had a cold. Of course he hangs out with my kids, and they’re hanging out with us the rest of the week. Anyway, after New Year’s both my kids call us to tell us they have colds. Two days later both my wife and I are sick. So we decide to take a hot, steamy shower, but only one of us is in it and….”
Penthouse editor: This story is obviously true, and also horrible and boring.
German Penthouse: Ein Minuten! Is anyone on the toilet?
Title: Turn your Head and Cough
I bet that phlegm-bubbling cough makes you harder than Chinese arithmetic!!
“You had me at ‘sits on the toilet’…” – Osi Umenyiora
/talk about a blast from the past
Howdy kids!
Just got back from Palm Springs (playing golf) and I’ve a few thoughts:
1- Disappointed I missed the buns talk earlier!
2- I saw A LOT of Air Canada and WestJet flights! (The course was close to the airport).
3- My butt pillow arrived today!! Pictures forthcoming later as well as the mini butt keychains that I’ll be sending out to the winners of the FF leagues.
Oh, and I also got a sticker that says “We (heart) Butts!”
I oppose his “thinking golf isn’t a crime against humanity” position, but I support his butt pillow position.
+1
The film festival started yesterday, lots of private jets. Hopefully these fucking Hat Dwellers are in an American house buying mood!
Whistle Pig poured in honor of the AFC North champs. Later I’ll be shirtless outside spraypainting cars.
Whistle Pig? Andy Reid is intrigued.
Elijah Craig is my current go-to bourbon. Is the Whistle Pig any good?
Yes
Poor* Joe and Troy could use some gloves and hats up in the booth.
*nah, fuck ’em both with Collinsworth’s decapitated corpse
I’m happy to root against both teams here.
Also, I saw someone on the interwebz try and argue that Mike Tomlin is a bad head coach because he doesn’t have a good coaching tree, so I want him to win another Super Bowl (just not with DangeRuss)
That’s the reason?! Not that he’s good enough to not get fired, but his assistants are bad head coaches? He’s paid to develop players, come up with the on-field game plan and strategies to win games, not to mentor people!
Mike McCarthy’s coaching tree is a scaffold, in that watching him coach the Cowboys makes me want to hang myself.
The Bengals jumping back from 4-8 to 8-8 and still alive for Week 18 (plus the eventual ending) (Artistic Interpretation)
Emperor’s New Groove – Giant Trampoline
Brady does hate any hint of animation in his announcing
Best thing about cutting back on watching the NFL is that I haven’t listened to him call a single game yet.