It’s Bengals/Steelers-And This Time It Means Something! An Open Thread

Kidding! Since Burrow came along the tilts between the two have carried quite a bit of weight. Some observations and then an intro-

-Are the Texans the weakest team headed into the playoffs? I think Tampa’s offense can beat anyone if Baker is cooking. (get it?) Though Houston is 5-1 in their last six, four of those wins were against the Pats, Jags, Colts and Bears. And they were all one score games. Also, they are 9-7 and have a -7 point differential.

-One bird in the hand is worth two in the Bush Leagues? The Titans are starting Will Levis but also sprinkling in a helping of Mason Rudolph as well. This might be related-who knows but with a loss they have a shot at the #1 pick.

-Poor Saquon is following the company line but he’s only 103 yards away from the record. He could get that before the end of the third quarter and then get his rest.

To The Game!

Bengals/Steelers:

-Ahh, a game whereby no one is resting their starters!

-What sort of person in their right mind is not cheering for Cincy tonight? (yinzers triggered)

-The Bengals defensive coordinator is Lou Anarumo. He makes 1.5 million a year. Most of it feels stolen this year.

-If Burrow throws for 359 yards he’ll reach 5,000 for the year.

-Seven of Cincy’s eight losses have come by one score.

-Lost in the RB Resurgence: To Najee it’s just a rumor-he’s free as a bird because his fifth-year option was tossed to the four winds.

-Yes, Tomlin kept his above .500 streak alive but he also has something else that’s above that number. In his 18 seasons he’s had more double-digit win seasons than single digit wins. With respect to that he’s 11-7.

Do your best.

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Brick Meathook

Burrow ded

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t know what Burrow got his O-line for Xmas, but I hope he kept the receipts.

litre_cola

Katana swords!

Redshirt

There it is…

Redshirt

Radio: “TE Mike Gesicki had four Contract Incentives for 2024. 45 receiptions. 450 yards. 55 receiptions. 600 yards. He has gotten all of them. He has added $750,000 to his contract.”

Mike Brown (echoed several boxes away): “GODDAMNIT!”

Doktor Zymm

The flurries are nice, but hope the snow gets heavier. Snow quarter!

Horatio Cornblower

“There is a contract extension with Jamarr Chase that has to be made….”

Mike Brown: “Challenge accepted.”

WCS

Redshirt:comment image

yeah right

My work Christmas present was this nebulizer.

If you’ve ever had a massage they got this shit in their experience.

Juice number 3 should just be called “Strip Club.”

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Doktor Zymm

#3 Brandi Alexxandra

Brick Meathook

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jjfozz

Kat Dennings . . . wonder how she became succesful?

ballsofsteelandfury

I can think of two reasons

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

More like TWO REASONS amirite?

Horatio Cornblower

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Redshirt

Sydney Sweeney if she decided to use cleavage instead of bringing her talents to light.

Horatio Cornblower

We would also have accepted Alexandra Daddario.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Only the mildest of effects from the drugs. I’ll try doubling it up tomorrow.

jjfozz

Remember when there was a midget on the Titans’ sideline? That’s what got my kids into football.

King Hippo

how is it that I don’t remember???

ballsofsteelandfury

I think he moved to Connecticut

jjfozz

Once when me and my wife were looking for houses, there was one that had a house full of midgets next door. “w’ere not buying a house next door to a house o fmidgets, because I know you couldn’t control yourself.”

Well, maybe.

Gumbygirl

When we were kids, our babysitter was a little person. She was awesome, we loved her. She married another wee fellow, and they moved up the street from us. They had average sized kids

jjfozz

I fucking love that story. Also, I love midgets.

litre_cola

In my past I was on LSD and went to a bar in Canmore, Alberta with the lads. There were at least a dozen little people there, I was completely freaked out. I kept asking the boys why their heads were our size but the rest of them were small. I was quite traumatized. One of my buddies, also high was who was also 6’4 was on the dance floor with them most of the night. He thought that they were his entourage.

Gatoraids

dont think Sproles very played for the Tits

Mr. Ayo

Wait, what? When?

King Hippo

Not to issue any spoilers or nuthin…but this butt keychain stuff is going in mah manifesto.

Doktor Zymm

Don’t go all Vanilla ISIS on us!

King Hippo

too cold, too COLD!

Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

“He runs a clean game”…as he gets the down wrong.

King Hippo

and screws up the spot 2x in a row

King Hippo

perfect hat trick!!!

Doktor Zymm

Damn, would have been too funny if that was just another interception

litre_cola

This game is all over the damn place.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I CALL IT BRITT REID BECAUSE IT SEEMS INCAPABLE OF STAYING IN ITS LANE.

jjfozz

A quote from when I had my family over to open Xmas presents.

My sister: “I miss dad. I might cry.”
Me: “Yeah I miss him. Have a drink on him and knock it off with the crying.”

Brick Meathook

That Pluvicto medicine sounds like a laugh riot.

I don’t know what it cures but I think I’d rather gut it out with the disease than suffer all side effects of Pluvicto.

Ask your doctor if crushing suicidal depression coupled with non-stop rectal bleeding is right for you. Ask for Pluvicto.

BugEyedBoo

It’s for metastatic prostate cancer. I know most prostate cancer is usually as treatable as cancer gets, but that drug is for the exception.

Users are in a bad way when the drug gives its users on average four extra months of life.

Gumbygirl

Fuck that, four more miserable months? Just give me morphine, and lots of it.

jjfozz

here’s teh type of shit that goes down in my house

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Horatio Cornblower

Tha dog is clearly a saint.

Gumbygirl

That’s the good shit. You are a lucky man .

litre_cola

Litrepug has had enough.

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Doktor Zymm

Squishface!

Gumbygirl

Frank.

Horatio Cornblower

Right there with you, Litrepug.

LemonJello

SUDDEN CHANGE!

Horatio Cornblower

SUDDEN CHANGE!!

jjfozz

IF YOU CAN BOX YOU CAN DRUM

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT COMMERCIAL ALL ABOUT?

LemonJello

Boner pills?

jjfozz

IT DIDN’T GIVE ME A BONER, SO FAIL

Mr. Ayo

I’m going to avoid Magical Pony’s existential season end by RELEASING THE KRAKEN!!!!

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Doktor Zymm

Will you release any mythical sea monsters tomorrow night too?

Mr. Ayo

I will not. I’ll actually pay attention tomorrow.

jjfozz

I RELEASED MANY SEA MONSTERS DOWN TEH DRINA WHEN I WAS 15

ballsofsteelandfury

Butt pillow (with Lady Balls’ undies)

Surprisingly comfy!

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Gumbygirl

You weren’t surprised.

jjfozz

DRY JANUARY?

I’LL KICK DRY JANUARY’S ASS IN THE MUD AND WALK IT DRY!

FUCKING PUSSIES

Doktor Zymm

Hey, that’s more booze for you!

Gatoraids

Time for Sploosh January

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Senor Weaselo
Doktor Zymm

That Ford guy is impressively beardy

LemonJello

Henry? Harrison? Rob?

yeah right

I’m still watching the replay of the first game… No spoilers!

Every time Orlofsky speaks I’m yelling “Fuck you, Shorsey!”

jjfozz

FOR WHAT?

Doktor Zymm

No spoilers for Ravens/Browns? That’s like saying No Spoilers for Titanic

ballsofsteelandfury

Who wants butts?!?

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ballsofsteelandfury

Scotchy and Gumbygirl need to pick their colours!

Gumbygirl

Purple!

ballsofsteelandfury

You got it! I’ll email you.

SonOfSpam

lol the black and white ones are the same size

yeah right

Ain’t that America?

Doktor Zymm

Those are cute!

ballsofsteelandfury

Pick a color and I’ll send you one

Doktor Zymm

Blue please!

ballsofsteelandfury

You got it! I’ll DM you on slack.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I finished both bottles of the Plantation rum last night (this is hyperbole; there was very little left in each bottle) so I just took some drugs. For science’s sake let’s note that I took three drops of the CBD oil I made using the tWBS memorial marijuana strain. It may be a very mild effect but I haven’t touched a weed product in ages so I want to step into drymouth January incrementally.

Doktor Zymm

1) Hammock naps are great

2) I think shame burgers wouldbe getting fast food delivered, especially if the place is less than half a mile away

litre_cola

What about one of them White Castle boxes of meat?

Horatio Cornblower

“meat”

Doktor Zymm

I’ve never actually had White Castle so can’t accurately judge but maybe?

litre_cola

I did the Saturday in Vegas pre-nap. It, was food.

rockingdog

Oregon Ducks got cooked by the Ohio State Buckeyes a couple days ago, and my lady friend is a big Ohio State fan, so now I get to root for the Buckeyes for the rest of the CFP Playoffs 🏈

Not sure how I feel about this…

jjfozz

Don’t root for the fuckeyes. good god, the ohio state fans here in Baltimroe are fucking insufferable.

ArmedandHammered

Close your eyes and just think of the possible celebratory sex.

Redshirt

Do it and then do it!

Gumbygirl

Doggie style!

King Hippo

(in 30-for-30 voice)

What if I were to tell you…that bruthas DIDN’T work it out?

Horatio Cornblower

OK, sick or not, it’s an NFL Saturday night, and it’s drinking time.

/boils water
//adds green tea with lemon
///adds some locally sourced honey

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What kind of nuts? I’ll take some cashews, if that’s an option.

Horatio Cornblower

I mean, that’s their usual stay, isn’t it?

/ducks

Doktor Zymm

The NFL playoffs?

jjfozz

Mrs. Fozz came in blabbing about some conspiracy with the tesla truck explosion. I just looked over and siad, “Sources?” She stormed out.

Gatoraids

Source – Adam Dittman

jjfozz

Whoever it is, she’s nuts

Gumbygirl

He’s busy playing Fortnite.

rockingdog

Watching Steelers vs Bengals 🏈

Hopefully this game is Rocking!!!!

Horatio Cornblower

I love walking around in cold weather. Even took the dog several miles through the woods today, despite feeling awful.

But I cannot imagine running around in cold weather deliberately colliding with large human bodies wearing several pounds of body armor. I am pretty sure I would just shatter.

Doktor Zymm

My eyes would freeze shut somehow

Horatio Cornblower

In my case likely from the tears of pain.

Redshirt

Alright, time for the Cade York experience…

WCS

I love how the first drive is supposed to be scripted, what they’ve been working all week.

If “reenactment of violent food poisoning” was what Arthur and Russ were working toward, well done!
As far as an even semi-cohesiveness? Not so much.

Redshirt

I’ve never understood the “Script the First Drive” theory. I don’t care if my next five plays are passing plays. If the offensive line is blocking the defensive line five yards every play, I’m doing running plays until they can stop us.

Redshirt

Okay, time to see if we get the Surprisingly Good Bengals Defense or the Usually Bad Bengals Defense. I see we’re getting What the Fuck was That?! Cade York.

ballsofsteelandfury

We’ll find out in the second quarter. Right now, we have The Steelers are Clueless to Start Games

litre_cola

Hell of a start Magical Pony!!!

litre_cola

Redshirt I am sorry but I bet a parlay of
Chase over 79.5
Chase td
Burrow 2+ tds
Bengals -2.5

4 to 1

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s all very solid

Redshirt

Why for you hate me so much?

litre_cola

I am team Bengals!

Tomorrow we have to root for, Wentz, and Rodgers…

Redshirt

Having to root for Aaron Rodgers. 2025 isn’t fucking around.

litre_cola

Mrs. Cola agrees.

Game Time Decision

Even a dozen Horatio level showers isn’t gonna make one feel clean after rooting for Aaaaaaaron

ArmedandHammered

I want a tie as it still does not give the Jets a win and it still helps the Bengals.

Horatio Cornblower

/cue Lowratio frantically shoveling coal into the clubhouse furnace.

Low: “Horatio, this coal dust is making me dizzy.”

Horatio: comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Pretty good start, anyway.

Horatio Cornblower

Do you guys think the Steelers know the game started at 8?

Redshirt

I was hoping they’d eventually give up and rest, but on the first drive?

Horatio Cornblower

Mrs. Horatio and I just showered together. Was it sexy?

Well, if you consider two 50+ people sitting with head colds in the bathroom with the shower cranked to the point that Mr. Horatio is losing layers of skin while Mrs. Horatio sits on the toilet saying “More steam!! More steam!! I feel like I’m starting to breathe again!!” sexy well then, we’re your huckleberries.

jjfozz

Um, somewhere it’s sexy.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m terrified that you’re right.

litre_cola

Lowratio tapping away on his mini tablet starting an onlyfans account

ballsofsteelandfury

You misspelled updating

Horatio Cornblower

I mean, how do you think we found him?

Costco?

Unsurprised

Chatroulette

LemonJello

YouTube Shorts

LemonJello

Uzbekistan?

Unsurprised

In Uzbekistan the government tortures and kills people with boiling water. It sounds like the Cornblowers would welcome that right now.

Horatio Cornblower

I’d at least sit in the room for the steam. Do you think they’d give me noise-cancelling headphones?

Unsurprised

For $50 USD they’d probably bring in a masseuse

LemonJello

I see you left out any mention of Lowratio shoveling coal into the boiler like an engine room snipe on the Titanic to meet your steam needs…

Redshirt

Damn, these “Dear Penthouse” stories are getting worse and worse.

Horatio Cornblower

Dear Penthouse Forum:

I never believe your stories were true, but I recently had an experience I thought your readers would enjoy. We got together with extended family for Xmas, and I’m pretty sure my nephew had a cold. Of course he hangs out with my kids, and they’re hanging out with us the rest of the week. Anyway, after New Year’s both my kids call us to tell us they have colds. Two days later both my wife and I are sick. So we decide to take a hot, steamy shower, but only one of us is in it and….”

Penthouse editor: This story is obviously true, and also horrible and boring.

ballsofsteelandfury

German Penthouse: Ein Minuten! Is anyone on the toilet?

Gatoraids

Title: Turn your Head and Cough

BugEyedBoo

I bet that phlegm-bubbling cough makes you harder than Chinese arithmetic!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“You had me at ‘sits on the toilet’…” – Osi Umenyiora

/talk about a blast from the past

ballsofsteelandfury

Howdy kids!

Just got back from Palm Springs (playing golf) and I’ve a few thoughts:

1- Disappointed I missed the buns talk earlier!
2- I saw A LOT of Air Canada and WestJet flights! (The course was close to the airport).
3- My butt pillow arrived today!! Pictures forthcoming later as well as the mini butt keychains that I’ll be sending out to the winners of the FF leagues.

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh, and I also got a sticker that says “We (heart) Butts!”

Unsurprised

I oppose his “thinking golf isn’t a crime against humanity” position, but I support his butt pillow position.

+1

Gumbygirl

The film festival started yesterday, lots of private jets. Hopefully these fucking Hat Dwellers are in an American house buying mood!

jjfozz

Whistle Pig poured in honor of the AFC North champs. Later I’ll be shirtless outside spraypainting cars.

litre_cola

Whistle Pig? Andy Reid is intrigued.

LemonJello

Elijah Craig is my current go-to bourbon. Is the Whistle Pig any good?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yes

LemonJello

Poor* Joe and Troy could use some gloves and hats up in the booth.

*nah, fuck ’em both with Collinsworth’s decapitated corpse

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m happy to root against both teams here.

Also, I saw someone on the interwebz try and argue that Mike Tomlin is a bad head coach because he doesn’t have a good coaching tree, so I want him to win another Super Bowl (just not with DangeRuss)

Redshirt

That’s the reason?! Not that he’s good enough to not get fired, but his assistants are bad head coaches? He’s paid to develop players, come up with the on-field game plan and strategies to win games, not to mentor people!

Horatio Cornblower

Mike McCarthy’s coaching tree is a scaffold, in that watching him coach the Cowboys makes me want to hang myself.

Redshirt

The Bengals jumping back from 4-8 to 8-8 and still alive for Week 18 (plus the eventual ending) (Artistic Interpretation)

Emperor’s New Groove – Giant Trampoline

Unsurprised

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Gatoraids

Brady does hate any hint of animation in his announcing

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Best thing about cutting back on watching the NFL is that I haven’t listened to him call a single game yet.

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