Twelve DFO bucks is all I have left. Well, that and my dignity. Wait…
To The Games!
Panthers/Falcons:
Carolina was briefly putting some points on the board but they’ve gone back to their tried and true ways and have scored but 13 the last two weeks so up-and-down Atlanta should roll. Should.
Commies/Cowboys:
Washington has a wildcard in the bag and Dallas is playing for what they call ‘pride’ but if you’re a Cowboy that bus left the station a long time ago.
Bears/Packers:
Green Bay wins while Chicago fans yell for the head of GM Poles. They’ll not get it.
Texans/Titans:
If Houston is playing their starters they should get them the hell out of there right quick.
Jags/Colts:
Jockeying for the draft is the only thing going on here.
Giants/Eagles:
Tanner McKee and his worthy charges are going to tear the Giants a new one. Just kidding, New York will win and slip to eighth in the draft like the silly monkeys they are.
Saints/Bucs:
Evans needs less than a 100 yards to get to 1,000 for the 22nd season in a row. (not good at math) Hope he gets there-you don’t hear too much about him or maybe I’ve just forgotten.
Have at it.
Firewood is in the house
Backyard cleaned up
All tarps have been secured
Beer is cold
Snow shovels put close to the house, along with leaf blower
Sleds are secured, big giant inner tube ready to roll
Whiskey secured
Groceries stocked up
Children will be sedated later tonight
Waiting to get one inch of snow when local television stations are peeing their pants about a significant “snow event”
We’re not getting anything here in CT, so I have done exactly nothing to prepare for a storm.
So expect a wild and unexpected swing in the storm track to the Northeast.
I’m flying out tonight, so pre salted the steps and sidewalk in front of our house and called it a day.
Just need a little accumulation with a splash of icy roads and things will shut down here faster than the government at the end of a continuing resolution.
In DC we’re supposed to get 5-10″ snow/sleet (in DC it’s always sleet) overnight.
Haven’t heard a peep about it in the weather for Phoenix and Hawaii.
Posting this for posterity before Goodell has the guy Prigozhined.
aw damn
Yeah, that guy needs to get his affairs in order ASAP.
And stay away from any windows 4 or more floors about street level.
Been listening to a lot of Dylan lately. Today, my 10 year old was singing along to “Like a Rolling Stone.”
scratchy voice: “How does it feeee-eeeel . . . “
I don’t think there’s another musician in American history who could write lyrics like he did.
It’s like you’ve never even heard of Rebecca Black
I have not. Will look her up on Spotify.
This is going to be great.
Oh, you fuckers. I listened to her. She’s fucking horrible. Well done.
I love Dylan.
RehReh tossed that up into Mc Cloud
Willis has to have some cracked ribs from that hit.
watchu talkin’ ’bout????
Jesus fucking Christ.
If you had a Keenan Allen anytime INT bet ticket, you cashed in!
Even in possible victory, so Very Bearistocrats!
It’s in Kirk Cousin’s best interest to help Penix develop in every way he can. It not only makes him look noble but also insures that he never has to ever play another snap or get tackled by a linebacker and he can just stand on the sideline and count how many $millions he’s making per game for holding a clipboard.
Clipboard QB is the best job in the NFL, if not the world ! I just realized it’s the 5th, and I haven’t paid my first of the month bills. Fuck!
https://ibb.co/LSPhfhZ
you play the SHIT out of the “widow of a veteran” card if anyone gives you static. PLUS, you know SO MANY imaginary lawyers…
Last night Kyle Van Noy got a sack, and earned $250K.
Hansen entering draft order Bizarro Red Zone
Waaaaa… Imma guess Uncle Max does not appear. Gotta get en inglés
Calvinists and Hobbes?
I’m reading an incredible book about the Black Dahlia. The corruption of the LA cops was at an Olympic gold medal level.
“was”
They used to be corrupt. They still are, but they used to be, too.
He was on drugs a lot.
You can see the sadness in every picture of him. Poor Mitch, RIP.
That guy was so fucking funny.
Well, it’s all relative. They couldn’t get away with half the shit those cops did back in the 40-50’s.
This is true. Currently they can get away with literal murder, but back then they could do that and frame it on some poor slob that had crossed them somehow.
L.A. County Sheriffs are even worse. They’re basically a gang.
Correction: MULTIPLE gangs.
Hold my beer- Riverside County Sheriffs. They’ve had more “mysterious” deaths in the jail than Agatha Christie ever dreamt of in her philosophy
cops in the deep south:
I think I’ll get shame pizza and shame cider.
When it comes to a fully erect Penix, even just the tip counts as scoring.
How dare you?
–Mormons
yeah soaking rules apply as long as you dont move doesnt count
Did someone just made a Fruitvale Station reference in the CAR-ATL game?
Uh oh, Love may be hand ded.
That’s what women are for.
think NFC South is the new Special Needs Division
other than the random times they send a team to the superb owl, they have always kinda been
The Bucs and the Falcons really don’t want to draft in the mid-20s.
GgihkW4WIAA3CXh.jpg
.
New column title
*
the funniest result today would be the bucs losing the nfc north title BUT the falcons losing it right back to them
Buffalo Fans in the Stands: “Poor Patriots Fans. They’re gonna think they found their Franchise QB.”
Buffalo Fans on the field playing Defense: “Poor Patriots Fans. They’re gonna think they found their Franchise QB.”
Patriots Fans: “WE FOUND OUR FRANCHISE QB! NO ONE DENIES THIS!”
THIS MILTON AT QB IN NEW ENGLAND LEMME TELL YA I CALL HIM PANZERFAUST IN THE ARDENNE BECAUSE HE IS DESTROYING A PATRIOT TANK
If you want to read a great book about the Ardenne Forest, it’s called The Death Factory. A brutal battle that never needed to be fought. Fuckhead senior officers trying to make a name for themselves. A true example of lions led by donkeys.
This Buffalo Pats game I may have to call Paradise Lost as Milton is scripting a Buffalo loss.
Recovering from last night. The first 7 beers were no problem, but the sloppy glass of Whistle Pig sealed the deal.
Milton in at QB for the Patriots!
i’ll burn this place right to the ground! (ruin their tank)
RIGHT TO THE GROUND! (48 yard td pass)
Paradise Lost looks pretty good!
@BuffaloBillsPR
With the first quarter coming to a conclusion, today’s game marked the first time in the last 30 years that there have been four QBs to take a snap from scrimmage in the 1st quarter in a game involving the Bills.
Here’s an early candidate for Most Obscure Sports Statistic of 2025.
Errant Penix. Que lastima
ANNOUNCER: …and the Bears returner fields the punt at the six yard line – you know what happens next!
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [sits up] I sure do!
BEARS RETURNER: [takes it to the house for a touchdown]
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [sits back, perplexed] That was not what I was expecting.
People underestimate how long that spilt second of laughing at the returning for fielding a punt near the 5.
Is it Devin Hester Day or something?
A bear hasn’t been that clever since the bear and rabbit joke.
“White Death is falling. Bengals about to be eliminated. This cold has evolved into a solid case of bronchitis. I don’t know how this Sunday could get worse.”
“REDSHIRT, WE’RE ABOUT TO START WATCHING WICKED!”
“Ah, that’s how.”
Man, sorry about having to deal with Wicked. That really sux.
It amazes me how such a phenomena has zero meaning to me. I have no earthly need to watch that movie.
If I wanted to watch women of various races starving themselves to death I’d spend more time in L.A.
Found a funny:
The reason Silicon Valley is so powerful and annoying is because Oakland lost their sports teams. Without raider fans acting as an apex predator the nerds became too abundant
Sound theory, but the bullies have been in politics since before the Oakland Raiders moved. It doesn’t add up.
Back To The Future – Doc – The Storm
*Winter Storm
Any weather games today? Don’t like any in the early bucket.
Doesn’t look like it.
Chargers at Vegas might get hit with some pretty big snow.
https://ibb.co/R2Gtn3f
Will indeed turn the teevee box on, but only because I will miss Scott Hanson so.
For SNF? I’ve had beef ribs simmering in the Crock Pot (in spacy tomato sauce – well, WASP-calibre spicy) since 8a.
What, did you add pepper to the pot?
CLOSE. I would add crushed red pepper, but (i) I forgot; and (ii) I used “arrabiata” tomato sauce so added more would really be decadent.
/may still put in crushed red pepper before I saunter upstairs
crushed pepper jar finely aged 8 years
/will be exacavated by aliens in 2000 years
//they’ll shrug, figure it’s fine and use
*sad witching hour noises* least we have one more manningcast next weekend
Oof! Fleshwound just pointed out to me that I skipped the Bills/Pats. I hope your experience in this thread has not been damaged irreparably.
I was getting ready to call WCS at 911… Worried sick… Sick I say…
the last week. the first week with streaming (roku, youtube…my cable company is dropping cable in march, but they upgraded my internet to a gig)
so of course the games on my local channels are…buffalo/ne and CLOTS/jaguras
at least wifey made chili at 11am
Week 18 should be the hangover after New Years where every fan evaluates whether it was a good decision to invest in their team this season.
I do that with the Cardinals and, on the whole, feel good about going to a far away island after Thanksgiving and knowing I won’t miss anything important with their season every year.
Btw, I know you are all anxiously awaiting an update on the Butt Pillow and how I slept.
See comment below for the first reaction.
Second, it’s the best teddy bear in the world. I slept like a lamb hugging it. I did not use it as a pillow for my head because my head was too upright. I’m assuming it will work great if/when I get a cold and need to keep the nasal passage clear. I’m thinking it will work great as a reading pillow. I’ll try that today because reading the Christopher Moore book that just got delivered sounds like a much better option than watching the games LA gets. I’ll probably put Red Zone on the background while I read. I’m hungry. I should go get Taco Bell Breakfast…
I’m working on the Boob pillow method… I’ll let you know…
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS129nrCJ8NwakN5Znu12FPRBvCJCedRJX4ZA&s
I can attest. My favorite is a local window company that features a very attractive topless lady who comes over and kisses the window pane. I think they may be catering to the peeping Tom crowd but… I don’t care. I’m all on board with using topless attractive ladies to sell me everything.
I’ll take one Christina Hendricks, please!
Not sure if I ever told this story.
When I was assistant coaching lacrosse, I was standing at midfield with the head coach.
“I swear to God, the inscription on my tombstone is gonna say, ‘He died because of tits'”.
So the head coach breaks up laughing, and one of the twerps on our team had thrown a ball to him so he could start a new drill. He was laughing too hard to catch the ball and came within inches of getting pegged in the head.
So, yes, tits can be dangerous.
What was Lady Balls’s view?
We don’t live together, so she hasn’t had the experience yet but she approved me using her undies to dress the pillow up.
What a good sport.
Yeah, she’s definitely a keeper. Puts up with my bullshit like a champ.
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/rex-ryan-to-interview-with-jets-for-vacant-head-coach-position-per-report/
HOW THE FUCK YA DOIN, BOYS?!?!?!?!?!?
After he went to the Bills.like that?
Does Woody Johnson know about anything other than incest pools?
I’m afraid it’s what we need next season.
We need to kick it up a notch.
if anyone can make Football live up to its name
I literally just had a dream where one of the games today was being held in Paris. Over under on the years we are away from that? 3?
…
<3
Rome first
Speaking of Rome @jjfozz are you ready for the new season?
Yup, I’m having my brain stem removed so I can fully enjoy it. And fuck this show for sullying the city of my ancestors. Granted my ancestors were probably poop scoopers and washerwomen, but hey.
Skinny White Bitch is the universal language!!
That’s not all you have left. You have a mini butt keychain coming to you! Pick a colour so the USPS and Canada Post can send it to Australia!
Red it is!
Sweet!
May want to check with litre — the Canadian Post is either on strike or working like efficiency madmen of the colden north.
Truly a parcel handling service of contrasts.
They are working to rule now. USPS will allow parcels back to Canadia starting tomorrow.
That was all USPS. Made it to San Fran and took a hard left.
The ref in the Ipswich-Fullham game (artist’s conception):
THIS GUY BLAXABBATH I CALL HIM NEARLY 4 MILLION PEOPLE IN MISSOURI/KANSAS WHO ARE PART OF THE 70 MILLION TOTAL PEOPLE NATIONWIDE UNDER WINTER ALERTS WITH A POWERFUL WEATHER SYSTEM EXPECTED TO BRING A POTENT MIX OF SNOW, ICE, AND WINDS GUSTING UP TO 50 MPH BECAUSE HE’S FOUND A DAIRY QUEEN AND IS LOOKING AT BLIZZARD CONDITIONS!
My neighbor here lives his.work life in PA. Says he is going home like 1/15. I’m leaving today and cursing the coolness awaiting my redeye arrival in the desert. How this man makes that trip of sound mind is beyond me.
How the fuck is that not a hand ball?????
The ref in the Fulham game, every time there’s a play in the penalty area:
I didn’t realize that BEERGH had a counterpart in the Premiership.
Yes, except instead of muttering the c-word under their breath, they use their PA mic.
Kansas City Chiefs to Bengals Fans:
…oh, and Aaron Rodgers, too.
Great dive by Delap there. This ref should be investigated.
Absolutely horrible
At the time a lot of people thought she was talking about Frank the Pug, but Doktor Zymm was actually making a prophecy about Joe Burrow.
Litrepug would kick Frank’s ass. We were told he would be 12 lbs, but he is 26 and shredded.
Fun Fact: 26 lbs and shredded is also how Coach Reid likes his pork shoulder.
Jesus Christ, Fulham
What to give to a girl who has everything? Carbs!
With the sleep in my eyes, I read that has “crabs”. I was about to say, “I’m not falling on that grenade!”
Euthanasia?
It’s not at all important but in the 2023 Halloween story, I had V McCaskey wearing an unlabeled life-alert type necklace that released a missile strike on the Green Bay region. I don’t know anything about McCaskey (old lady, Bears owner, handled clock management duties directly for Matt Eberflus) so I am SO TICKLED to see she actually wears a necklace that may trigger a missile attack on WI.when she finally feels herself start to trig out.
The NFL truly is a gift for which we should all be grateful.
#gratefulforwhatever
Evil never die.
“I learned it from you!”
-Sugar Bowl Smasher, being interviewed by Derrick Henry
Fun fact: “Sugar Bowl Smasher” is what Coach Reid’s parents called him back in the days when he used to crush bowl after bowl of this stuff:
“Sugar Smack” is what Britt Reid calls it when he sprinkles his opiates with sugar, to give him that little boost he needs to make it home while driving.
I thought it was when you mixed cocaine and heroin?
Makes me wonder if, you know, life is better now that the inevitable Week 18 has established itself.
* TAEK deferred until 18th regular season game in 2026
Rage, rage, rage.
Against the dying of the light? Or against the machine?
Dude, Ipswich?