Happy New Year there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
When it is too late to say Happy New Year to someone? My bestest guess is about a week in and then stop it. What say you?
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
You can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy this body but you will never imprison my mind [in bed].
Mahatma Gandhi
Raise your hand if you knew that Gandhi was a freak. Balls put your hand down.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
r/NFCEastMemeWar
Unsurprised
Motherfucking Indy’s craptacularly shitty defense got me -4 points against the Giants. Cocksuckers. Did I tell yinz my plan to survive the next four years is to cuss more? Stand the fuck by! By this time in 2028 the goddamn air around me will be blue, bitches!
Gumbygirl
LIKE A FUCKING LADY!!
ballsofsteelandfury
MY BUTT PILLOW ARRIVES IN A WEEK!!
ballsofsteelandfury
I feel like I should be getting a commission, lol
Doktor Zymm
Honey, with all the shit I’ve ordered from Liberator because of you, you should be on commission.
ballsofsteelandfury
I have to give designated drunk careperson credit for handling his even more wasted buddy. Didn’t want to get him in trouble, but his buddy is too wasted to walk, but he’s trying to drive. Buddy called me to get police there, “before something stupid happens.”
WCS
if you’re cih and you worked fo itk okay, be rich. i respect your chicraness. if you’re rich casue you came our o f th eright womb, fuck you. you are rich cause you got borned right. eat a dick. rich dick.
jjfozz
Also if you’re rich because you benefited from apartheid and then over stayed a student visa totally get fucked with something really unpleasant
Doktor Zymm
Hope Santa shit in Eli’s stocking for leaving us with Buck and Aikman these last couple weeks
Gatoraids
Olivia wasn’t too happy with someone’s report card, so he lost all his tv privileges for a while.
LemonJello
That’s enough football for the week. Instead, I’m going to RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!!
Mr. Ayo
Realized I could potentially go to the Winter Classic tomorrow. Would be cutting it a bit close with my flights, but I could always just leave early, after the second period would probably work
Doktor Zymm
Leaving after the second period is how the majority of Matt Gaetz’s serious relationships have ended.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
My New Year Resolution is to drink a shit-ton of water so that whatever happened to Boo never happens to me.
Good God!
ballsofsteelandfury
Great work as always! Never a week goes by where I didn’t miss some fantasic comments so very happy to have this post
Doktor Zymm
I know, I love these so much! GTD is my favorite, don’t tell the others
Gumbygirl
Hahaha, what a way for me to end the year
/blushes
//spoiler, the above 2 comments will be the only ones next week
Game Time Decision
Well here goes another New Year’s Eve. I do enjoy the dancing girls they feature everywhere around here. From network programs to local festivals… and they are all… simply lovely.
Happy New Year everyone. Boun Anno tutti.
2Pack
Look Upon My Mighty Luck And Despair-
I grabbed the Freezer Vodka title after starting 2-7 and being in relegation and then won five straight to squeak into the playoffs and then won three more. That’s the dumbest luck ever.
scotchnaut
Grats to Gumbygirl for her win. If I had to lose to anyone, etc, etc. 🙂
BugEyedBoo
Hola, fuckers. May 2025 be less of a shit show than 2024. Eh, not seeing it happen but we can all hope. Mrs. Fozz making Italian Wedding Soup tomorrow and IT BETTER BE AS GOOD AS MY MOTHER’S OR THERE’S GONNA BE A FUCKING PROBLEM.
jjfozz
Well I left 2024 by getting revenge on an old foe, because I had goose for the first time.
The breast oddly tastes a bit like beef.
Senor Weaselo
Don T
Come on Smurfs!
Senor Weaselo
That’s a weird fetish but hey I’m new here.
Jimbo
Also came to say, THIS OREGON DUCKS TEAM, I CALL THEM REVELERS IN THE FRENCH QUARTER, BECAUSE THEY GOT TRU. . .TOO SOON?
/thoughts and prayers
Downfield Matriculator
Never thought I could post this.
Redshirt
3 dead, 20 injures in Oahu from illegal fireworks accident. Did our state postponed our big plans for 24 hours? No – New Orleans isn’t even a whale sanctuary.
https://www.staradvertiser.com/2025/01/01/breaking-news/2-dead-20-wounded-in-fireworks-explosion-in-salt-lake
blaxabbath
Poor explosives safety looks like it might be a 2025 theme already
Doktor Zymm
jason pierre-paul was blowing himself up before it was cool ppl forget that
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I have no words at this point.
Redshirt
– Lea Michele, five minutes into her initial attempt at The Cat in the Hat
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Had my family over Monday night for food and gift exchange. Getting the cold shoulder today because “why aren’t you coming for New Year’s Day?”
Staying loyal to my 2025 resolution I said, “Um, because I saw you guys two days ago. And I’m staying home with my family.”
It’s New Year’s Day. Who gives a fuck?
jjfozz
/several years ago
Youngest Boy: “I Hate Cleaning Chores!”
Me: “Just blast some music-it’ll pass the time so fast.”
Youngest Boy: “Whatever.”
/today
Youngest Boys’ GF: “We’ve got to clean up your bedroom, do some laundry and clean the downstairs bathroom. Let’s blast some music and get this done!”
Youngest Boy: “I’m in!”*
*future sex might be a variable but I offered back then
**Relax, a prostitute was involved
scotchnaut
Let’s go! I won my big money league this year but this [ being promoted to the twbs league] arguably feels more satisfying.
borisnow
Off topic, but I in light of the New Orleans attack I agree with Trump’s recent statements about strengthening our border, and firmly believe that we need to be doing everything we can to keep Texans in Texas and away from the rest of us.
Also my fantasy team sucked and Yahoo and its A- can blow me.
Marvin Harrison Jr. in the 3rd? Kyler Fucking Murray in the 4th? Hollywood Brown at all? FOH, Yahoo.
Horatio Cornblower
Found a funny:
You people mocking the death of the Cybertruck driver make me sick. That man had a family. He leaves four children without a father: Kayden, Ryleigh, A-10 Warthog, and Augustus Maximus Decimus Cicero Caesar
rockingdog
THIS GUY MIKE JOHNSON I CALL HIS FUTURE ASHLII BABBIT BECAUSE IT’S BEING GUNNED DOWN IN CONGRESS AND IT FEELS AS RIGHT AS A HEALTH CARE CEO WALKING DOWN THE STREET IN NEW YORK AND BEING SHOT TO DEATH!
blaxabbath
Redshirt
We had an AI incident at work today (of course on a Friday afternoon) and I saved the day! Or rather, some future days will be slightly better.
Turns out we sent some rather inappropriate AI generated news updates to some of our customers and we put in a quick fix and determined who had been affected. It was super easy work and not a bad thing to look good at the start of the year.
Definitely earned a glass of nice wine, I wasn’t really committed to dry jan, call this ‘humid january’
Doktor Zymm
Good day, and Happy New Year, dear colleagues! I have just returned from a lovely holiday at the Hôtel des Milles Collines in German East Africa. It’s a truly outstanding place to spend a holiday when the hotel rooms are not filled with undesirable refugees!
The King’s Finest Legions appear to be in complete control against those troublesome seagulls. Kudos to our loyal child soldier Nwaneri for breaking the deadlock — he sliced through the back line like our forces slice through the ranks of any rebel groups that challenge the Empire! Onward to glory!
Cecil Rhodes
Has anyone heard anything about any sort of visible universal symbol people so inclined can apply to their homes to signify that they are safe havens?
Fronkenshteen
Scotchy might be able to assist…
ballsofsteelandfury
I’m only drinking a beer when the Ravens score.
See?
I’m mature!
jjfozz
What are you drinking on every other play?
LemonJello
Meth
jjfozz
You know when a cold snap arrives, it is time to cut Flowers.
ArmedandHammered
That last two minutes was some of the ugliest professional football [Cin vs Pit, like it matters] I have seen in my life.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
and that’s coming from a Raiders fan
Brick Meathook
Kat Dennings . . . wonder how she became succesful?
jjfozz
Horatio Cornblower
here’s teh type of shit that goes down in my house
jjfozz
Litrepug has had enough.
litre_cola
Who wants butts?!?
ballsofsteelandfury
Unsurprised
Buffalo Fans in the Stands: “Poor Patriots Fans. They’re gonna think they found their Franchise QB.”
Buffalo Fans on the field playing Defense: “Poor Patriots Fans. They’re gonna think they found their Franchise QB.”
Patriots Fans: “WE FOUND OUR FRANCHISE QB! NO ONE DENIES THIS!”
Redshirt
THIS MILTON AT QB IN NEW ENGLAND LEMME TELL YA I CALL HIM PANZERFAUST IN THE ARDENNE BECAUSE HE IS DESTROYING A PATRIOT TANK
fleshwound_NPG
Found a funny:
The reason Silicon Valley is so powerful and annoying is because Oakland lost their sports teams. Without raider fans acting as an apex predator the nerds became too abundant
rockingdog
I really wish Denver would stop sucking the Browns starting QB next year.
JustStopDude
Oops. Supposed to be “sacking”.
Stupid, sexy spelling check.
JustStopDude
Why does Denver’s 50 yard line emblem feature a horse smoking a vape?
JustStopDude
If you bring Blucifer a tribute he will either eat you or answer your question
Doktor Zymm
Detroit should probably sit their defensive starters now and play their… What is it, 8th string now?
Doktor Zymm
18th
WCS
“We should be so lucky to have that depth at D.”
— J. Burrow
Unsurprised
“me, too.”
-d. favre
fleshwound_NPG
Somewhere, in a lonely corner of the sportswriting universe, a man named Greg with way too many g’s in his name writes ‘Game Over’ in a tattered notebook. His coffee has grown cold and stale, and there is no one there to refill his chipped cup, nor to care about the contents of his tattered notebook.
Horatio Cornblower
“Offered this guy a warm, flat Allegash White. Thought he would cry.”
-PK, sportswriter’s limbo
LemonJello
if vikes didnt foolishly go for it earlier they would be leading 9-7 right now
fleshwound_NPG
Or not because the Lions wouldn’t have started that drive way back by their own goal line and it all could have played out differently
Doktor Zymm
Chaos is a ladder….
Horatio Cornblower
“Don’t talk to me about ladders…”
– Lowratio, trapped for the night in his sleepin’ pit
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
At least he has a typewriter down there so he can work on his manifesto
Doktor Zymm
He is still angling for more of his onlyfans 50 year old shower scenes
litre_cola
“The Lions head coach looks like an angry gym teacher.” – Mrs. Cola
litre_cola
“Geno Smith has three performance-based incentives on the line in Week 18 — two individual and one team-related. Each incentive is worth $2 million and, as such, would total up to $6 million.”
Geno got all three. Geno is:
BeefReeferLives
The official Cleveland lore is that Baker Mayfield got chased out of Cleveland for being immature, selfish, and not a team player.
Meanwhile Baker is in Tampa nearly causing a brawl on the field because he didn’t take a knee, threw a short dime to Evans, ensuring he got Evans his $3 million bonus, on top of slinging it to a divisional win and a playoff spot.
God I hate the Browns. We deserve all the bad things we get..
JustStopDude
Well they replaced him with not one, but two sexual miscreants, so yeah I’m gonna agree Baker probably not the problem there by the shores of Lake Erie
Downfield Matriculator
If you have having trouble “loggin in”, once logged in it may say that you are not logged in, at that point, refresh the page. If that does not work, then clear your cache and “loggin in” again.
Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
Hawaii State Fed Credit Union is offering 40 year mortgages.
Just in case you were wondering how this could possibly keep going.
Those are sorta common, especially on Jumbo/Non-Conforming loans. And I’m guessing a fair percentage of Hawaii mortgages fit into that category.
It makes a little sense if you’re thinking about flipping the house in a few years. Keep the payments lower and whatnot. But for a “gonna live here a while” house, it’s a never-ending anchor.
Guess who turned 13 years old today!
Awwwwwwww, BOOP!
Is it your trustiest vacuum?
For the kitchen, absolutely.
The hero the Cincinnati Bengals and their fans didn’t want but the hero that we deserved.
HI IM MARK DAVIS making some changes in his coaching staff.
Screaming at Tom Telesco “I WANT CAPTAIN AMERICA TO BE MY NEW HEAD COACH!”
Head Chef at PF Chang’s going to cook at Offensive Coordinator
He and Rob Ryan can go VANNIN’
“You can’t fire me, I’m Catholic!” (when it’s convenient) Fuck off.
https://www.espn.com/college-football/story/_/id/43323303/nick-rolovich-loses-suit-washington-state-firing
He should be excommunicated as well.
Reminds me of that Washington State Trooper who gained some fame for resigning rather than comply with the vaccine mandates and ended his last shift by publicly sending out a big ‘fuck you’ to Gov. Inslee and all the other gubmint types who were interfering with his rights.
Anyway, then that same dude died of Covid and that is fucking hilarious.
What is the correct answer to “throw your hands in the air, and wave em like you just don’t care, and if you like fish and grits and alldat pimp shit, everybody lemme hear you say…”?
Oh yayer!
Survey says:
42.
/INSERT ANDY REID KOOL-AID MAN GIF
I wonder if Trump would try to buy Canada.
If so, how much would it go for?
You could probably throw the Turks and Caicos into the deal…
17 billion Bitcoins
How much in Buttcoins?
I prefer literal shitcoins
https://medium.com/@econscan/beevi-toilet-turns-human-waste-into-cryptocurrency-and-power-4c4461c7d24e
Fuck it, let him watch Canadian Bacon
She’s so good:
https://youtu.be/qpSo9yt8B3E?si=QVVudHdakRCr7gGI
Bringing the pain, slinging the shit!
Unfortunately, her output is as consistent as the FuckRavens
He’s already dead!
LOLBOYS
When you sell a fake so good, the other team starts to celebrate.
Luxardo cherry question for the aficionados:
Is 17 bucks a jar a good deal? My grocery store has a large quantity.
I don’t feel like we’ve ever paid that much for them.
Which is why I came here. It’s a large jar, didn’t get a chance to see exactly.
Theyre good, better than regular cherries, but $17 is a bit steep. Though the large jar might make up for it
Yeah I didn’t realize it was a large jar. I interpreted him as meaning the store had many such jars available. $17 for a large jar seems like a decent deal.
Honestly I’ve not seen them for less than $19 in DC for a few years now….
How did I miss this before?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Olj0k_RBYHE
Renaming the gulf of America, Donny Jr is in Greenland, the next few years are going to be batshit crazy
It’s all so fucking predictable and depressing.
Depressing? Yes.
Predictable?
You’re right, the specifics are wacky but the stupidity is right on schedule.
Looking forward to when we change the name of “Huston’s bay” to “Shoppers Drug Mart bay”
Fuck it, lets have the names of provinces, regions, cities and lakes and whatever the fuck else we can think of be sponsored by some company. Just show me the money.
In “Infinite Jest” the rights for naming individual years (i.e. 2029; Year of the Depend Adult Undergarment) were sold off pretty much the same as current stadium rights.
The first time I came across that I laughed and then thought, “For sure that’s going to happen at some point”.
What a coinkydink, I fully expect to be in Depends in 2029!
Don’t put it past both our our Premiers and Canada’s Trump lite to do that. I look forward to living in Alberta brought to you by CNRL, or in your case Draft Kings Ontario.
Come on, like Canadian Tire isn’t gonna be a major sponsor of like everything
Tell me you’ve watched a CFL game without telling me you’ve watched a CFL game.
“These drought water restrictions brought to you by Canada Dry! What you can drink when you can’t drink water!”
“It’s got what Monsanto Food Organisms™ crave!”
First Snowfall of the Season was more than a dusting this year:
There wasn’t a lot of great football this week, but there really were a lot of great comments. Well done! *has henchpeople slap everyone on the ass*
Y’all are definitely in playoff caliber mode for commenting the last few weeks.
Word on the street is that Deshawn Watson’s recovery process isn’t going well and might prevent him from playing next season. Sure, THAT’s why he won’t be playing next season
It seems like his story won’t have a happy ending.
I’m sure there are plenty of people (non-consensually) pulling for him!
The problem for him (one of them anyway) is that his Achilles tendon is pulling away from him.
Thanks GTD. With all the new years goings on last week I missed a bunch of these. T12 as Dr. Doom has started this year off right.
I’ve always wanted want to wear a fancy hat or fadora, if he can’t make it work, there’s no hope for my fugly ass
Gotta admit… he owned it…
“I wish *I* could own things against the objections of onlookers with the same impunity as Tom Brady.” – Bob McNair, briefly taking a break from wishing he’d been born 200 years earlier
Don T’s glorious Tits get the No. 1 pick!
Congrats?
Finally Mock Draft Season has arrived
As enjoyable as an enema
/sees the Sanders kid is a projected #1
A sulphuric acid enema
I would hope you take Cam Ward. If not Neon Deion will be your HC in 2 years. Book it.
/texts a “Hi” to RAAIIIIIII DUUUUUUURS social media account