Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
To educate a person in the mind but not in morals is to educate a menace to society [in bed].
Theodore Roosevelt
Just have a safe word. or not, do you. Not judging, totes judging, but do whatever you and your partner agree on.
Tis Owl week, which just means yet another reason to stay off social media and to limit doom scrolling. Not sure which team I want to win, so think I’m going team Comet.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Mrs. Horatio: (Discussing tomorrow’s dental procedure). “The dentist is going to jam a rod in my mouth.
Me: (spits lunch across room)
Horatio Cornblower
Sharkbait
My new phone is supposed to get here any minute, excite!
Doktor Zymm
At night?
WCS
Some people have shady drug dealers, Dok has shady phone dealers.
SonOfSpam
“Hurts gets all kinds of grief from Philly fans, smh. Somebody should tell them that this running QB was 18-20 from inside the pocket yesterday.”
THIS. He made some absolutely beautiful touch passes yesterday. People seem to be anointing KC as “The Team of Destiny”, but Jalen & Philly’s D might have something to say about that.
BeefReeferLives
“The Gang Kidnaps Taylor Swift”
WCS
Please to observe negative Covid test:
Brick Meathook
I think you might be pregnant, though, Brick.
LemonJello
“They’re all whores down at the Legion”, my dad always told me.
scotchnaut
Good work. The least believable part is that someone would wear a cardinals super fan shirt in public.
Jimbo
I’m going to Hell for this but…
Redshirt
Found a funny:
RFK Jr trying to distance himself from the antivax movement is like Bob Seger denouncing old time rock and roll.
rockingdog
So for those among us who supported the Tasmanian Devils, apparently they do a founding member spotlight in some of their emails. Who is gonna be the one to let them know about a bunch of support coming from an American football (adjacent) dick joke blog?
Sharkbait
I may have mentioned before that my new job is more technical than my past jobs, and today I finished and tested locally my most complex project with a bunch of new-to-me stuff to date. I’ve learned a lot in a pretty short period of time and I’m really proud of what I’ve accomplished so far, with more good stuff to come!
Combine that with all the stuff going on at Meta recently and I have never been happier that I was laid off when I was, which is saying something because I’ve been pretty happy about it the whole time
Doktor Zymm
So normally, I am a fairly even keeled person (at least I hope so) but for the last week or so I have been getting more and more irritable, restless, and just plain angry. My wife snapped at me today and she never does that and when she came to apologize about what was going on, I realized I am having the same issues as her and they all started when Orange Man became president. Actually, I am going to start calling him El Presidente because he keeps acting like a fucking 3rd world despot.
ArmedandHammered
One thing Sir Shitzinpantz Von Rapefraud doesn’t understand (out of many many many things) is just HOW MUCH we trade with Canadia.
This is gonna hurt red states more than anyone. Say, Canadia…you wanna adopt a friendly west coast state that needs a new home?
SonOfSpam
Here’s the thing: I want Trump to do everything single thing he said he would do. He won the popular vote, so a majority of people wanted all those things, or think they do.
So have at it, you dumb fucks. Coal company took the top off your mountain and polluted your water and the EPA’s been gutted and can’t do anything? Fuck you. They gutted Obamacare and now you can’t get medication for the diabeetus? Fuck you. Public school funding gutted and now your 8 kids under the age of 12 are getting a 4th-rate education because your part-time job slinging hash doesn’t quite cover the tuition at that Christian private school down the street that the Supreme Court is about to say is cool? Fuck you. Your niece died because she couldn’t get the necessary medical care when her pregnancy went sideways because your Governor-on-wheels gets confused about the difference between an ectopic pregnancy and minding his own fucking business? Fuck you. You’re afraid to take that trip to Branson you’ve been scrimping and saving for because Trump and Musk shit-housed the FAA and now helicopters are plowing into jets over the Potomac? Fuck you.
Price of eggs and chicken isn’t coming down. The tax cuts aren’t going to remotely help you. Your kids aren’t going to be safer from trans folk because trans folk weren’t a threat to them to begin with.
You voted for this, America. Fucking wallow in it.
Horatio Cornblower
I guess that explains why he was pulling his kicks.
Redshirt
“You don’t hear about things like this happening with my players because we’re much better at mentoring these young men and teaching them how to do things the right way.” – Robert Kraft
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Redshirt
I quit making goals, either set them too high or I felt too much pressure, so I have general goals I slowly work till.
ArmedandHammered
-quit making goals. USMNT,
Jimbo
There are a lot of great things about working remote, but I’m really appreciating being able to throw on pjs after the gym in the morning and just wear them all day. I don’t even know why I own more than a couple sets of normal clothing
Doktor Zymm
Barcelona trip is booked, paid for, Euros purchased and I’m in for two 2 excursions. One to Gaudi Parc and another of his works of art and the other to Andorra and France in the Pyrenees alps.
Man, I hope I can bring back some truffles.
yeah right
In other news, Indiana Jones and the Great Circle is excellent. Especially when you can bash a Nazi in the face with a pipe.
Sharkbait
On the other hand, Indiana Jones and the Great Circle Jerk did not win an AVN…
AVN results post coming!
ballsofsteelandfury
Found a funny:
lemon: mix me with sugar for a refreshing summer treat
lime: spritz me over some tacos to add an acidic punch
grapefruit: i’m in your cell walls. i’m fucking up your Lipitor
rockingdog
Dumping snow outside -20°C and my best friend texts me to meet up with her at a brewery across town. I protested and she told me to quit being a cunt. I guess Deci and I are going.
litre_cola
Earth, Wind, & Fire are playing the Fire Aid benefit concert. In another timeline, that would be banner-worthy.
Fronkenshteen
And a hearty FUCK YOU to everyone enabling our current government by idiocy. Elon Musk should be fucking deported.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Guys. GUYS!!!! It’s happening! RIGHT NOW on tWWL…
The ProB Owl games!
LemonJello
This is pretty friggin Dad right here folks.
2Pack
If you have having trouble “loggin in”, once logged in it may say that you are not logged in, at that point, refresh the page. If that does not work, then clear your cache and “loggin in” again.
Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
NOTE banner image from here
Hearing about the NBA looking to expand in Vegas made me realize that there are a ton of potentially awesome/terrible team names:
Las Vegas Craps
Las Vegas Flushes
Las Vegas Straights
Las Vegas Blacks
Blacks! Dats Raycess smgdh
Las Vegas Kings
Las Vegas Snake Eyes
Las Vegas Bandits
Las Vegas Slots
Las Vegas Flops
That reminds me, have the Las Vegas Aces trademarked Las Vegas A’s?
That would be fantastic.
Las Vegas Regrets
Las Vegas Herpes
Las Vegas Chapter 7s
Las Vegas She Was Dead When I Got Here Officers
Las Vegas Vegans
Las Vegas Lost Virgins
Las Vegas Buffets
Las Vegas Rimmers (because basketball, not sure what else it could be)
Las Vegas Fentanyl
Las Vegas Alley Tugjobs
-Alley Tugjobs I saw them live at a dive bar in Tarzana.
Las Vegas Whole Year Inn!
RIP DFO’s patron saint
https://twitter.com/historyrock_/status/1886765230572601842?s=46
If she’s so good why did they need a second drummer?
Total DEI drummer if you ask me.
KAREN CARPENTER BEING ALLOWED TO PLAY DRUMS IS WHY HELICOPTERS CRASH INTO AIRPLANES!
Mission Accomplished!
Racism was over when Obama was elected, ppl forget that.
But then he wore a tan suit, and it came back.
Just cover up ‘End’.
✔️
10 seconds is pretty generous tbh
Well, if you make him rush, he may bump into stuff and break it. Already lost enough of your life even talking to him.
Well it takes a true marksman time to ready, aim and fire.
It’s interesting seeing this sentiment as far back as Roosevelt – I’m sure it can be found even earlier, if one looks. When my engineering college was founded in the 1950’s, they had seen what happened when Nazi and Japanese scientists were turned loose to fulfill all their sick fantasies (and those of their superiors) so they included humanities as a required part of the curriculum. Unfortunately it doesn’t necessarily stick; a number of my classmates happily dove right into the amoral side of Silicon Valley and one even went to work directly on one of Peter Thiel’s “utopia” projects. The good news is that the one classmate of mine who reached billionare status is a pretty decent human being.
Yeah, I had humanities courses forced into my curriculum.
They were the only classes that kept me sane.
Me: “Hey guys, I ordered some kielbasa, capicola and mortadella for all of us.”
Warehouse Guy: “Cool!”
Me: [jokingly] “You can only use it for your Super Bowl charcuterie board though.”
Warehouse Guy: “A Super Bowl what now?”
/I shouldn’t be surprised that he was so provincial, amirite?
He’s right, though. This Super Bowl can fuck right the hell off into the sun.
But will you still watch?
Dunno about Rikki, but I am politely abstaining. Because it can fuck off into the sun, like he said.
We’re having a party at our house. You’re all invited, but I plan to spend most of it shooting pool and talking to some people I haven’t been able to see for a while. The game will be on at least a couple of TVs.
There will be wings, because Go Birds.
wait wait wait
You have a pool table?
Do you cover it when Lowratio gets frisky?
Your wife has met me, so I am sure you’ve been told I am never to have the family address.
Love playing pool, though. Even though I suck at it.
I had a weird dream about watching the Bengals in the Super Bowl. And, yes, they were losing.
if you still have an erection, seek medical help
Were you watching a replay from 3 years ago right before bedtime?
Surprisingly no, unless D-Day is related someway to it. Maybe XXIII?
Maybe to you, D-Day means “Dick Over The Bengals Day”
Also known as “dangle day” though I thought they stopped doing that after Sigfried’s weiner almost got bitten off.
I have weird dreams where I am playing tennis all the time. Don’t remember enough details to explain the weird.
If your weird dreams are like mine, you’re playing in your underwear or perhaps commando.
And the reaction is the same in the dream “Hey I have no pants. That’s weird. Oh well.”
I know I am constantly having trouble with the “after dark lighting” switch. Assuming they still even have those?
TRUE HIPPO FACT – I have never played at any sort of “club” – only public parks or high schools.
Not great for playing commando, I suppose.
I know I am constantly having trouble with the “after dark lighting” switch. Assuming they still even have those?
Oh man, that’s a flashback. Yeah, I never played anywhere fancy either.
I usually forget my dreams once I’m fully awake, but I do remember the one where I was cooking a baby and that’s also why I won’t ever take Ambien again.
lol sure “dream”
/Watching the Caribbean Series last night
Announcer Guy: “Mayfield steps the plate for Mexico”
Me: “Who steps to the plate for what?”
The President’s name is Sheinbaum. Mexico is more diverse than ppl think.
She may be related to Juan Epstein.
Is he the guy who hung himself in his jail cell?
(JUAN) EPSTEIN DIDN’T KILL HIMSELF
He got a note from his mudder.
that’s a good kid
https://twitter.com/Giants/status/1886475658093847008
Next year they should do it to the coach of the team that’s leading at the end of the first quarter, just so that it’s even more of a surprise.
she knew it was coming
I completely expected Eli to throw an interception after reading that
Heading back from a gig in Rome. I left my phone on the counter top, lucky for me I had paper tickets as back up. OCD guys like me like our back ups. Younger simply could not imagine how caveman here could get along for two whole days without his phone. Back ups Baby, lap top(currently) and my gvmt burner phone. The Chief of Staff of the Italian Air force just gave us a tour of the HQ and museum, cool old school stuff that would have given Brick a woody. Sorry… no pics… the phone thing.
Thanks GTD… sweet recap here.
That’s awesome!
at home disconnected
Did you tell him Tariffs are coming?
they have already banked their F35’s
https://www.espn.com/mens-college-basketball/recap/_/gameId/401720740
Finish of the season so far?
You’re always such a Stephen F Austin University homer…..
Deep three to tie it followed by a 3/4 court heave to win it? Seems like it’d be hard to beat.
There were a couple of these on the NBA’s clutch shots compilation; where somebody make a miracle shot to tie things up (or take the lead) and their opponent hits an even bigger miracle to beat them. Can’t even imagine how demoralizing that would be.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5pLAUL8mz4