Look. My cracker ass ain’t gonna try to bullshit you. That cracker of a second half King’s Afrikan Water Pistols unloaded on the Real Cuntfaces? That’s as good as it’s going to get. Also probably the last real bit of drama and entertainment we are getting until September.
So sit back and enjoy the conveyoUr belt of shit sandwiches.
City of Men host Palace in the early goings (7:30, USA), only the true sickos and insomniacs will be up for this’un. Yes, I am both of those things.
I really think Everton could take the Robins Hood (10:00, USA) out this week, and good thing – the streaming alternatives are beyond dire. Spotlight is meh, Gooners hosting Beesus in what will surely be a bore draw. Probably even a nil-nil varietal.
At least the Redshite don’t play today, I guess that’s kinda sorta nice.
There were at least some decent careers for women back in the day
As my daughter would say “God forbid a woman have a hobby”
I slept well and had a great morning horseback riding, but now I have soooo little motivation even playing a video game seems a. Bit much. Thank goodness for hammock chairs, tv, and wine
“Putting two feet from the hole on a level green is the most dangerous of putts.”
-Pierre Maguire
“You had me at ‘two feet.” – Rex Ryan
RIP Norm:
“Alice Munro is to literature what Lee Iacocca is to automaking. Bret Easton Ellis is to literature what Lee Iacocca is to literature.” – Norm Macdonald, on Ellis’s criticism of Munro
To make that connection (in the first sentence) is almost beyond genius. Good god!
“SATURDAY. SATURDAY. SATURDAY. DO YOU WANT TO GET YOUR ROCKS OFF? WATCH MEN GLIDE DOWN THE ICE LIKE THE ALPHAS THAT THEY ARE! LOOK, THERE ARE BROOMS INVOLVED BUT IT’S TOTALLY MANLY! THERE ARE MEN SLAMMING PEOPLE TO THE ICE. FIGURE SKATING ON STEROIDS.
-AI, instructed to promote The Grand Slam of Curling as a Monster Truck event
Don’t forget the BURNING ROCKS!
This is perfect
I honestly have no idea how the Vichy Whalers are doing. Though I guess I need to know if they make the playoffs in case I have to leave the house (traffic impacts)
Vichy Whalers I believe are locked in to host the Ice Generals.
Do you fire Lavi and Drury into:
-The Sun
-The cold vacuum of space
-The Shadow Realm
-Other
I don’t *want* to watch the Masters, but Rory McIlroy is making it very hard not to.
I don’t find him quite that attractive, but I won’t judge you.
Are the Rangers done if/when they lose this?
Yep.
Their tragic number is 1, so yes.
As a Sens fan what pisses me off about the Rangers is that they just fall into having great goalies and they don’t seem to have a reputation for developing them. Vanbiesbrouck, Richter, Lundqvist and now Shesterkin-fuck right off with your Blind Squirrel luck.
As a Kraken fan, thanks for Kaapo Kakko Rangers! You fucking morons.
On another goalie note, I was so pissed off when the Sens traded Filip Gustavsson to the Wild. He had a 5-12 record on a horrible team but you could see something there. Oh look, the next year on a half-decent team his record is 22-9 and his save % is .931. Huh.
/Pierre Dorion should be shot into the smallest moon circulating Saturn because the sun is too good for him.
After going down the Rangers goalie rabbithole I was reminded of what an incredible geek I was way back in the day. I played in goal from the age of 8 to 12 (then played two years as a forward) so I soaked up as much info as I could. It annoyed me to no end that the Rangers of the early 70’s kept playing Eddie Giacomin as their starter when the backup (Gilles Villemure) was clearly better. The latter didn’t make the NHL until he was 27 so he had the stink ‘career minor leaguer’ on him. Did he have a better save % than the starter Giacomin every year but one? Why yes, he did.
Some dumb goof was absolutely adamant that if Villemure was the go-to goalie in 1972 they would have beaten the Bruins. It was a no-brainer to me.
L. O. FUCKING. L. Cmon Panarin, you have to make that.
And the giving up that goal afterwards, ooof.
It’s okay because they can’t develop anyone else! Sorry Gabe Perrault, but you’re probably also fucked.
Fun story:
Just switched cell providers. Got a new sim card to switch over. Looking for a paperclip to push the little switch to pop out the old card.
Found a paperclip.
Quick digression, I booked the Toronto trip almost a year ago. Everything is paid for except meals, drinks etc.
The paperclip was clipped to about 550 Canadian dollars that I guess I bought about a year ago.
One month ago my brain said, hey we need Loonies for the trip so I purchased about… 550 Canadian dollars.
I’ve got over 1100 Loonies for the trip now in cash.
Steaks and blow jobs for everyone!
I’m buying!
Mixed Sports News: “Ovie And The Capitals Have Only Given Up One Touchdown But Have Yet To Score”
My two pieces of very-un-reflected-upon GAMBLOR advice were spot on. Toffees win, Spotlight draw.
At this rate, Miles is tossing a Maddux
UPDATE – he would NOT be tossing a Maddux
/Jorghino down for Arsenal, rolling around and clutching his chest
Announcer: Ah, Arsenal won’t need him for Real Madrid anyway.
Yikes
Jesus Christ, Saka.
Arsenal: We’ve switched teams from the ones that devastated Real Madrid just three days ago. Let’s see if anyone notices.
Me: I noticed
(That was a phenomenal kick for the goal)
This week in I’m getting old:
Was given a bird feeder for my birthday and I’m excited to put it out and start watching birds. It’s got a camera and and app so I can see whatever is feeding, and watch later, if I miss it.
Can’t wait for shitty bird videos
I have SiriusXM up, and The Smiths were just on one of the easy listening/light rock channels.
It makes me chuckle when songs that were banned back in the day are now easy listening
You’ll be feeding all of the squirrels in no time!
There are few things more calming than watching the splendor of Ma Nature.
Unless it’s an alpha predator… Then there are few things more exhausting.
My cats all arched their backs as a nod.
Mrs. Horatio got me a bird feeder for my last birthday. You stick it to a window and then climb up and down a ladder to put food in it.
Is this a ploy to get at that sweet life insurance money? MAYBE
Did I miss your birthday? Oh noes! Happy Birthday! Shame on me
Well, that was almost worth the wait.
Spirit of teh BLUES!!!
Bravo, Everton! You smote those Hoods for King and country.
Guys, Bolsonaro is having medical issues again.
All I hear when I read his name is CANYONAROOOOOO
YA!!
some people have a nurse fetish and SOME people really have a nurse fetish.
Someone said The Pitt season 2 is just all Bolsonaro admissions.
There really are just two kinds of people in the world.
No, it’s 10. People who understand binary, and those who don’t.
I so want that Tshirt
That’s awesome, I hope he’s in a lot of pain for a long time and then dies.
I really hope he can stop having medical issues soon.
Probably not for the same reasons he hopes he stops having medical issues soon.
Maybe we don’t have to try and move abroad, we can just wait to get deported!
Seems like someone is pissing off the right people.
Holy shit, this is indeed the darkest timeline.
The entire White House is a bunch of Jonah Ryans, only evil.
We need Teddy (aka Patton Oswalt) to go to DC and grab lots of bollocks.
I hear El Salvador is lovely this time of year.
El Salvador is quite lovely at all times of the year. If you’re able to overlook the bullet holes, of course.
Those are speed holes! They make the fall of democracy go faster.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCku7jvxAg8
Fucking Everton. If you’re not going to be catastrophically disappointing can you at least be a modicum of entertaining?
I speculated on NSNO that watching this must be what a coma feels like.
That’s a really clever name you have over there
they really, REALLY hate me, too
Everton is the Democrats?
We are indeed lefty, politics wise
Pretty fucking strong, this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbxrfflmPRE
I just had my best terrible idea of 2025 – when is Canadia Thanksgiving? Going to suggest to my kids that we celebrate that instead of Fascie Murrika holidays.
Plus, they’ll all be able to get off work and flights will be reasonable.
Go for it! Also worth noting that US Thanksgiving is a great time to travel internationally
October
Yes but what is that in American months?
Our months are worth almost twice theirs, so it must be Dodecatember
Jesus now you made me think of the word “DOGEmber” and I’m horrified that they will mandate that as a thing.
Jamericay
Febamericay
Mameriach
Americal
Mamericay
Jamercane
Jamericaly
Americust
Septmericaber
Ocamericaber
Nomericaber
Decamericaber
No need to learn how to spell any of these new America months as the Department of Education isn’t a thingy anymores
It’s always the second Monday of October, as the majestic beaver intended
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-sfrec7c9o
Say cheese
I’ve never been there but I love that place whole heartedly.
BRIE!
! Are we doing a Brie draft? With the second overall pick I’ll take…
Good. GOD.
Well I didn’t even know there was a babepedia, although I should have guessed.
And a boobpedia! How deep is this rabbit hole?
Well… My work is done here…
Napoli plays Monday. I have disturbing news. Lately Marika has been looking too 45 on the show. Hair in a bun, more conservative with the neckline. Pray for 2Pack friends, an era may be concluding.
Discretion crushes our natural existence
-Ted K
“Fahkin’ discretion crushes ow-ah naturahl existence, NO ONE DENIES THIS.” – a different Ted K
I’m somewhat concerned that you can randomly quote the Unabomber’s manifesto. And a little turned on, too!
You should see how swarthy he is!
“We can catch Newcastle!” is not something I’m accustomed to saying.
Bronze medal is in play after Everton boat race the scabs here
Somewhere in the railyards of Northern Canadia, Scotchy’s heart grew three sizes just now.
That’s more like it!
I assume you’ve warned the Mrs. she’ll be needing to “lie back and think of England” at the final whistle?
Sex? In this economy?
Yes! Fact check:
https://youtu.be/yuTMWgOduFM
“Hey, I’ve got roaches climbing on my wall, too!” – Todd Marinovich
“To be accurate, technically that’s not your wall.” – the owner of the teardown property where Todd is currently squatting
oh, City of Men. You NEVAR go Full Rafa Benitez Everton.