WE HAVE FOUND THE WRAITH

Just there to your left, all of your worst dreams come true.

Then there is where I must go.

We will be staying on A deck.

When you look down this hall it is impossible to see it end to end.

I turn and look back. Snap.

THE LONGER I LOOK AT THIS PHOTO THE MORE IT TILTS.

This particular hallway is longer than the entire length of Titanic. Her majesty is that much more magnificent than that sunken disgrace.

I know this cool fact because the nice lady I chatted with at check-in told me.

She also said that the “B” deck is not a joke. Filled with many terrors said she and told of tales saying so from innumerable past voyagers as well.

“Teeming,” she proclaimed!

Of course I stood aghast and scoffed.

She went on to say that if no one stays in the “room” they leave a window open so you can get a peek inside. If you dare!

So I may have a chance to look into the eye of hell?

“I wanna go, I wanna go,” I whined. “I wanna wanna wanna goooo!”

She went on to inform that I needed to know 2 things. First, that there is only one cooling/heating system for the entire ship which means some rooms can be warm while others can be unseasonably cool. So open the portholes if you have a warm one or extra blankets in the colder alcoves. Second. The walls are “VERY” thin. We have a strict 10 pm policy she assured me. No excessive noise please.

I got a warm one and yes the portholes came into play.

MY ROOM IS DOWN THERE?

I’m on the right, open the door turn left and

NO WAY, HOW MUCH YOU SAY THAT COST A NIGHT?

Lets get a look around. I’ll walk to the porthole turn and look back.

ICKY ICKY FLOOR

What’s that over there?

Anybody else hear “The B-52’s” just then?

You to can put an official Queen Mary pillow between your butt cheeks. So nectarous.

More please.

Sweet phone.

Do take notice of that particular doorknob.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

YES, THAT IS A WELL HIDDEN TWO INCH STEP UP. COMING BACK OUT IS WHERE THIS DRUNK FELLER GOT TROUBLED, SOMETHING ABOUT THAT STEP DOWN.

Let’s take pause from the silliness for just a moment to ponder. How many people have stumbled over that very obstruction in the ships varied history?

I did at least 3 times myself. Ended up putting a towel down to cover and alert of the wretched thing. You’ll see.

I DON’T KNOW. I DID NOT SHOWER. YES THE HANDEL ON THE LEFT IS THE WAY YOU FLUSH AWAY THE DEBRIS.

Owning an old man’s bladder such as I do meant I will need to check out the water release systems post haste.

Mid stream I start  to hear a strange noise behind me.  A distinct “Click, click, click” then a quick shaking sound. While trying not to squirt pee on everything in the room, I yell out “Hey.”

Now how do I flush this oddity that stands before me?

When the noise starts again only more urgent this time. “Click click click” followed by a door banging.

I proceeded back out into the room to see just what’s the undertaking. As soon as I start to look about the doorknob (yes, that very one) begins dancing right before my unbelieving eyes.

But now the door is not simply rattling, it’s shaking on it’s very foundation.

Doorknob clicking like madness back and forth, back and forth like a dream. My eyes can’t make sense of what they are seeing. I hear a sound, like the laughter of a small child.

“No way” I squeak. This can’t be happening.

“Click click click,” do I dare approach the movement? Suddenly a calming fatherly like voice breaks the spell. “Honey we have neighbors, let’s try to be more quiet, okay Monkey Sex?”

I swear that’s what I heard.

The ghostly rattle stopped and never returned.

Shaking off the recent willies I blat right out loud, “Forward Drink”.

Not sure what to push? Don’t.

This is what I must traverse for liquor then this shall be my quest.

Good thing I’m this high. Glide on.

Now let’s go find out what makes this old kitten purr.

Engine room’s this way folks. Behind the giant LEGO ship.

Was patient when needed so I could get the old girl to have that “abandoned” look I desired.

You want me to go down there?

VERY DISCONCERTING

Change focal point change perspective.

Isn’t that where it lives? Are you sure we should go down there?

You can practically see her dainties from here.

HEY, IS THAT? NO COULDN’T BE.

Haunt 2: This is where that TV loser Zack something from some crummy cable show recorded (Beaver Piss, I say. Don’t know, didn’t watch) on video an apparition.

Back in the 1940’s an 18 year old worker died right there.

Smashed between  door 13 he was.

Every few moments there was a distinct banging sound. According to legend it’s the kid smacking a wrench against a door begging to be let out.

Don’t know about all that but it was super creepy.

Head now officially swirling. I need to find the bar and right quick. Back up to, which deck was it again?

Promenade for the bar. B deck for the next two spiritual embarrassments.

SLEEK AND GLAMOROUS. CHRIST I NEED A DRINK

Haunt 3: This is the “Queen’s Ballroom” where it is said that a lady in white drifts in the mist dancing to music that no one else hears.

I was listening to Bauhaus playing “Sanity Assassin” while spinning in her lost dream.

Not dancing but spinning.

Cozy up and grab a tasty beverage. Well to be honest more like 2 pints and a shot.

COOL DECOR

A BETTER LOOK AT THAT DONE FOR THIS SHIP PAINTING.

Getting late and there are fears to be had. I need my giggle stick.

Dig the different focal points.

Haunt 4: The lower class “B” Deck has a playroom. This is where you can hear a child crying on a real scary night.

ONE OF THESE DOLLS IS SAID TO FLIP UPSIDE DOWN AND THEN RIGHT ITSELF FROM TIME TO TIME

I did not, but I did hear someone flush a toilet which was pretty scary by itself.

Now turn around and go back over there.

Haunt 5: Over there is a staircase leading down. It leads to the “Privileged” pool on R deck.

IF YOU PRETEND REAL WELL

NOW THIS

Here is where wet feet prints randomly appear as a child sings you lullabies from beyond. This was closed to me. It used to be part of the haunted tour. But I didn’t pay extra for that ride.

Back to the room for more beer. Post haste.

Swaying savagely from left to right I challenge myself to find the room.

THIS IS LOVINGLY REFEREED TO AS THE “DEADLY STAIRCASE”

Hey, where does that stairway lead? That is not for you that is B deck and we all know the songs they dance to down there. Perhaps you’re right, but?

Oh there it is

Having attained a certain strange feeling all over I need to find me a ghost. You already know where I’m going don’t you?

Wig Wig

Taj the wanderer Mostly March, mostly.