Good morning all.

Welcome back.

It’s Father’s Day, I think. Not following closely because, well you know. 

Battling father’s day concerns myself. 

I’m right in the middle of one of those “They need some time to process this shit” timeouts with the youngest kiddo and it fucking sucks.

it’s fucking bloody awful but nobody said being a parent was going to all be blooming flowers and fluffernutter sandwiches and if someone did, well fuck them. They’re wrong. 

Anyway.

For years now you’ve listened to me talk about my Ma’s cooking. Good, usually bad or just your basic “mediocre,” we’ve frequently featured the inspiration she had on this young and still learning home cook.

I don’t remember EVER talking about my dad’s cooking. He didn’t cook a lot of things and apart from the Thanksgiving and Christmas turkey, there’s a goddamn good reason he didn’t cook a lot of things.

His cooking was fucking terrible.

Just take a look at that banner image. I’m sure you thought “What in the aluminum wrapped, steel toed, nickel plated fuck is that?”

We’re getting to that. 

That sounds bad and it is bad but you know what? Motherfucker tried. He did that at least. 

He made a good breakfast as any sentient human being should be able to easily do.

He made chili, granted he used that brown paper bag of seasoning mix but still. Don’t use all of the masa flour in that bag every time, Pops. 

He worked the grill of course. In fact one time at an end of season little league party he burned the absolute FUCK out of his arm. Had to go to the doctor and shit. 

I didn’t say he was great on the grill, he just manned it. 

He made lima beans and ham hocks! Which I still very much love but he either used a box mix for his cornbread or had Ma make it. 

He made “Chili Beans” which was a pot of pinto beans with some browned hamburger meat in it. 

That’s about it. 

Oh shit, he made a very tasty pork roast. He got so used to making turkey for the holidays that he decided we needed a 2nd protein for those observances. His pork roast always came out very tasty too.

He also made this here thing that we’re about to make.

Here are the ingredients such as they are.

Right. I don’t know man. Not getting my hopes real high for this shit today and neither should you.

The real recipe should start with “Two heaping cups of disappointment.”

Oh Jesus.

Fuck it let’s at least give it the old college try.

Let’s make the sauce first.

That would be tomato sauce, a little water and that “pouch” you see here. That is a frightening wet to dry ingredient ratio in that pot.

Also I should clarify that Pops used Lawry’s enchilada sauce mix not McCormick’s. Not that I think the results would be that dramatically different were I willing and able to seek the Lawry’s pouch.

Fuck this. I’m gonna try to add at least a little bit of flavor to the enchiladas.

Saute the onion and garlic in a little olive oil.

Swear to god man, the pouch said just “Brown the hamburger meat.” Nothing about seasoning or adding onion or anything. I bet this shit goes over big in the Midwest. “We’re Having Mexican food tonight kids!”

Motherfucker please.

Cook the onion until golden and toss in the garlic for just a few moments until it gets aromatic.

Lube up a baking dish.

That dish right there is authentic at least. That fucker is pretty close to the exact model my parents used.

Although if we had “company” coming over Pops would cook a big ass batch in a big disposable aluminum pan. He loved to show off his enchilada chops.

If nothing else my dad was a showman and he loved talking to everyone.

Yes, I do carry some of those traits as well, as any one of you who have met me in person will painfully attest.

Brown the meat.

For the love of Christ be sure to season this as it browns. For yourself and humanity. Salt, pepper and go ahead and toss in some cumin and chili powder while you’re at it.

Add in the garlic and onions to the browning meat.

Cook until everything is browned and incorporated. 

Set this aside for a few minutes so you don’t burn the piss out of yourself when you start rolling up your enchiladas. I scooped the meat etc out of the skillet with a slotted spoon and into a bowl while leaving the grease in the skillet.

Here’s why.

Here is an actual real-life enchilada making tip that you can use. Not just CAN use you really SHOULD use this trick. It works.

Those corn tortillas we bought for this dish, instead of simply warming them up to make them pliable, do this.

Exactly! Fry those tortillas in the leftover beef fat from the browned meat. Just like you see here.

No more than 5-7 seconds per side.

Be sure to drain on paper towels.

You know the concept here right?

The idea is by frying the tortillas in oil for just a few seconds per side we will basically “close the pores” of the tortilla. Then when you add the filling, drench them in sauce and bake them they won’t turn to fucking goo and may actually even retain some of their initial integrity. Think about it.

For scientific reasons, I also made a control group of tortillas here where all I did was wrap them in a wet paper towel then nuke them for about 30 seconds.

I’m trying to add something useful to this episode because it ain’t exactly been sexy so far.

Let’s finish this abomination. Sauce up the baking dish.

Christ, that is some thick ass sauce.

Roll them “enchiladas” up.

You can clearly see the difference in our two types of tortillas here. I had a bit of leftover meat so I just randomly scattered it over the top.

Sauce up these motherfuckers.

Woof.

Wait a second! Don’t leave! We’re wrapping things up here.

Cheese ’em up next. Pops used “Longhorn” cheese which is basically mild cheddar. Haven’t seen any longhorn cheese in a long goddamn time though.

The olives were my dads signature. Going for the full nostalgic experience here. God forbid you make these you can choose to use olives or not.

Bake until bubbly and beginning to brown around the edges.

That looks exactly right. Perfect doneness.

Yeah we always had a side of the shitty canned refried beans too.

Fucking hell.

One final touch?

Ma and Pops always used this shit as a garnish.

La Victoria Salsa Brava. Accept no substitutes. As a little kid, this may surprise you – or not, who fucking knows – I used ketchup on mine. Yes I put ketchup on my bullshit enchiladas.

God I was a fucked up kid.

Ready to “plate” this masterpiece?

Are you sure?

OK.

Yes. That’s “It” alright.

It was…not good. Like at ALL. I did get the nostalgia thing, very much but holy shit don’t ever make these, or ever make them again if you done fucked up and already have.

Do a search using that “search” feature down there at the bottom of this page and look for enchiladas. Literally any one of them will be better.

Hell, use these instead.

That’s a beauty with homemade enchilada sauce and everything.

I will say the fried tortilla trick totally worked though so that’s something.

This week’s FUN holidays, courtesy of A Bit of Good News: “June 15 is Global Wind Day, International Surfing Day, World Juggling Day, Worldwide Day of Giving, Magna Carta Day, National Dog Dad Day, National Foam Party Day, National Megalodon Day, National Nature Photography Day, National Prune Day, National Smile Power Day and Mermaid Day.”

And Father’s Day if you choose to observe.

How come everyone buys roses and shit plus takes Mom out to lunch or dinner on Mother’s Day but the fathers simply get a card, or a call and are left alone?

Because that’s exactly what the fuck we want! To be left alone! Let us watch what we want on TV, don’t count the number of beers we consume and do NOT criticize the ungodly foods we choose to shove down our gullets.

It’s all we ask!

Be well everyone. Have the best day possible and let’s reconvene again next week for more food and frivolity, alright?

Cool.

Until then…