Monday Morning Mock Draft: Making Singles, Drinking Doubles

Guten Tag, drones.

I stole the title of today’s draft from a compilation from Bloodshot Records which, if you like Americana, Rock and/or Roll, or whatever we’re calling Roots/Country/Blues/Rock these days, is worth a look.  My favorite name from their compilations was “Too Late To Pray” although unfortunately I didn’t find that the songs measured up to the title on that one.

But that’s not why we’re here.  Last Friday, during Sharkbait’s excellent Cocktail of the Week segment, there was some discussion of what the best warm weather cocktail would be.  The obvious answer is a margarita, because gin is for Philistines and Englishmen, one of which is extinct and the other of which should be.  But no matter.  As is our wont a discussion broke out and then Rikki said, “hey, this sounds like a good draft topic” and I said “you’re right!  Sharkbait should do it!” and then Sharkbait said “I’m not falling for that crap, you write your own draft” and well, here we are.

This week you draft cocktails.  How should we define cocktail?  Beats me.  Sharkbait could undoubtedly tell you, but he didn’t want to write this so you’re stuck with my definition.  Which is this:  for purposes of this draft a cocktail consists of an alcoholic-drink, (I will accept mocktails from those of you who do not drink), that consists of two or more ingredients.  One of those ingredients cannot be ice; if you’re drinking vodka on the rocks you are just drinking vodka and while there’s nothing wrong with that, (despite what all those spoilsports at your intervention told you), that’s not a cocktail.

In order to give everyone as much chance at as much sweet, sweet alcohol, (the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems), as possible, you may draft cocktails of the same name so long as your preferred recipe, (which must be specified), is sufficiently different from the previously drafted cocktail of the same name.

Also this way we can have more arguments and have a better chance of the Blair Witch showing up.

We are not limited to warm-weather cocktails for purposes of this draft, although given the time of year and all the humidity going on around here I suspect that will be the focus.  With the first pick Sharkbait takes a Mai-Tai, (see Image, Featured The), a drink including white and dark rum, orange curaçao, lime juice, and something called orgeat.

Hey man, where’s the orgeat?  I got my condoms and everything!!

Shut up, like you’re so funny.

Anyway, his choice is the featured image, and I do admit, it looks delicious.

With the second pick, I will take the margarita.  We’ll go with Steve Austin’s recipe, which is 3 oz. tequila, 1.5 oz. of Triple Sec, (I use pomegranate when I can find it), 1 oz. Grand Marnier, and 2 oz. (I think Steve uses a little less; I prefer a heavy lime hand), of lime juice.  On the rocks, no salt or sugar on the rim because I am not 22.

Yours in the comments.

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Jimbo

Bloody Mary, the regular kind not like the one pictured below.

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Doktor Zymm

The bloody mary garnish wars really got out of hand

Gatoraids

when your bartender is Yog-Sothoth

BeefReeferLives

“The Bloody Mary emerged from it’s timeless slumber to burst from the briney deep & lay waste to the works of man”

Gatoraids

the clock struck Brunch anthology, Your waitress recommends pairing it with the Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Island Dressing

Doktor Zymm

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Turns out all those times the Kraken was released it just went to brunch

Gatoraids

Hurricane, good enough for gutter of New Orleans good enough for me

2 oz white rum
2 oz dark rum
1 oz orange juice
1 oz lime juice
2 oz passion fruit juice
.5 oz simple syrup
.5 oz grenadine
Orange slices and maraschino cherries for garnish

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ballsofsteelandfury

For my next pick, Allow me to introduce Snoop Dogg:

https://youtu.be/FcxBoDC39SI?si=ZbyhZ0q3rODMFlyl

(gin & orange juice)

Last edited 9 months ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Jimbo

Laaaaid back!

BeefReeferLives

With thanks for Douglas Adams: The Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. Its effects are similar to “having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.”

Instructions:

Take the juice from one bottle of Ol’ Janx Spirit.

Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of Santraginus V — Oh, that
Santraginean seawater! Oh, those Santraginean fish!

Allow three cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin to melt into the mixture (it must be properly iced or the benzene is lost).

Allow four litres of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it, in memory of all those happy hikers who have died of pleasure in the Marshes of Fallia.

Over the back of a silver spoon float a measure of Qualactin Hypermint extract, redolent of all the heady odours of the dark Qualactin Zones, subtle, sweet and mystic.

Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger. Watch it dissolve, spreading the fires of the Algolian Suns deep into the heart of the drink.

Sprinkle Zamphuor.

Add an olive.

Drink… but… very carefully…

ballsofsteelandfury

“I didn’t have Qualactin Hypermint Extract, so I substituted Peppermint Schnapps. Didn’t affect the taste much.”

– Sharky

BeefReeferLives

Some of the instructions by the bartenders are rather ridiculous, frankly…

“Mix the first five ingredients and chill (usually for 24 hours). Then, take a sugar cube and let it absorb 1 milliliter of cinnamon extract and 1 drop of yellow food coloring (optional). Place three ice cubes in a glass and pour the chilled liquid mixture over these. Drop in the sugar cube and stir to dissolve, or just let it sit (if food coloring is used, often the sugar cube is just left to sit, to create a layering effect with the color). Sprinkle the Angostura Bitters in the drink, and add an olive.”

I mean, come on

Last edited 9 months ago by BeefReeferLives
Sharkbait

The martini run is on! Savoy Medium:

Medium:
1.5 oz. London dry gin
.75 oz. French dry vermouth
.75 oz. Italian sweet vermouth
Strip of lemon peel or an olive for garnish
Combine the gin and both vermouths in a cocktail shaker or mixing glass filled with ice. Shake or stir as desired. Strain into a coupe glass. Garnish with the lemon or olive. 
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I presume Dok has started a run on martini variants so I’ll take one of my faves, the Vesper

https://youtu.be/uuRKTvAs_ns?si=AnFtTvCKZGlDqImt

Too bad kina lillet doesn’t exist anymore.

Gumbygirl

I’m pretty much out of cocktails I will drink. Gin and tonic, paloma, sangria, already drafted. Occasionally, I do enjoy an ice cold vodka dirty martini, with blue cheese stuffed olives.

Doktor Zymm

Blue cheese olives are the best!

BeefReeferLives

They are good, but I like the feta stuffed ones more. So gloriously salty…

Gatoraids

Harvey Wallbanger

1¼ ounce vodka
½ ounce Galliano L’Autentico liqueur
3 ounces orange juice 

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Jimbo

A screwdriver with extra steps.

SonOfSpam

This is a good one for inexperienced drinkers who wanna make bad decisions:

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Doktor Zymm

It’s martini time!
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I go gin martini, enough vermouth that it’s not just a cup of gin, and a dash of bitters, served with a twist. Don’t care on shaken v stirred as long as it’s chilled and combined

SonOfSpam

“It’s supposed to be stirred so the gin doesn’t bruise” says the guy about to get bruised from my fist

Senor Weaselo

Cuba Libre still on the board? Yoink!

Sharkbait

That’s deep value

blaxabbath

A great way to meet your second wife.

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White wine spritzer.

Last edited 9 months ago by blaxabbath
Sharkbait

Whiskey Smash

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scotchnaut

Goes down easier than a Hulk Smash.

BeefReeferLives

The simple standby: Whiskey & soda with lime.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Next pick: Straight outta Jalisco, the Cantarito

https://youtu.be/S5KCxNpsNfE?si=MiraMZSaAxZ60jqD

SonOfSpam

Named after that one Luis Fonsi song.

SonOfSpam

The Flaming Dr. Pepper Shot

0.75 oz Amaretto
0.25 oz Bacardi 151 Proof Rum
4 oz Beer
Float the high proof rum carefully over the amaretto in a shot glass.
Pour the Beer into a chilled pint glass.
Light the rum on fire.
Carefully drop the flaming shot glass into the glass with the beer.

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blaxabbath

Then what?

SonOfSpam

Buttchug it obviously

ballsofsteelandfury

I really thought that would Buddy Cole’s pick

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh. I want to try this.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

4. The simple, humble choice of sorority sisters everywhere: the peach daiquiri.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I thought that was the Peach Fuzz…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, you’re thinking of a brain hemorrhage – peach schnapps and irish cream.

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SonOfSpam

ew

Brick Meathook

Whisky & Cola D-Luxe

2 oz Laphroaig 30 year old single-malt scotch
4-6 oz Diet RC Cola
On ice in a tumbler glass
Garnish with orange slice, umbrella, and straw
Serve with a pack of Kool 100 menthols

(to be ordered at exclusive country club bar)

ballsofsteelandfury

Baja Blast and coconut rum. Mix as follows:

Take this:

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In either liquid or freeze form. Drink some off the top. Add this to taste:

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Repeat

blaxabbath

Those Malibus always happen to make an appearance when I visit major league sporting events.

BeefReeferLives
Last edited 9 months ago by BeefReeferLives
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I’ve been called bougie for this one*:
water with a lemon slice.

*at a lacrosse game as that’s what was in my water bottle.

Doktor Zymm

I hardly ever drink these, partly because I’m lazy and partly because it tends to confuse bartenders that really ought to know better, but the Mint Julep is a really solid, tasty drink.
Having its own fancy cup type is pretty sweet too
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DAMNIT! IT’S LIKE YOU PEOPLE HAVE A BUG PLANTED IN MY WAR ROOM!

Jimbo

..

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blaxabbath

Early on in drinking, I learned that bartenders don’t want to deal with anything more than popping a beer. As I have aged and visited ‘cocktail’ bars, I have found that on-menu cocktails are typically fine, anything else is taken as an insult.

Frankly. I hear the industry bitching and I feel for you all. Bring me the robot mixers they’re already using all over Vegas. Perfect consistent pour every single time — and quick — so your hotass waitress can get back over to your table.

Perhaps tending bar, like many other professions, has production quotas that overwhelm the resources the tender would rather spend on showing off some Mint Julep skills on Derby Weekend.

Last edited 9 months ago by blaxabbath
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sigh. One of the great pleasures of being a member of the aristocracy is to enjoy watching others below your station perform labor on your behalf. Sometimes I fear we shall never make a gentleman out of you.

blaxabbath

Pray Xavier can clarify my point, I ask for a Mint Julep from the cocktail bartender and they say ‘sure’ then do a wretched job, dare me to be unappreciative like some kind of no-manners heathen, then hand me a credit card device to ‘answer a quick question’ then self-service my payment, to wit the total value — with or sans gratuity — is of no consequence to my pocketbook.

How do you pay for labor as a service when you cannot buy the labor as a person?

ballsofsteelandfury

I would say 85% of all bar work at your standard drinking joint could be automated.

The exception, of course, would be your “craft cocktail” places but I don’t want to pay $20 for a drink, so fuck that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Doktor Zymm

Anywhere that regularly makes mojitos should be able to do a mint julep with no problem whatsoever, it just takes a second for people to realize it’s basically the same drink without the lime and using a different spirit

Gatoraids

Zombie older version from Don the Beechcomber

3/4 ounce fresh lime juice
* 1/2 ounce Don’s Mix (see below)
* 1/2 ounce falernum (Fee Brothers and Latitude 29 Formula recommended)
* 1 1/2 ounces gold Puerto Rican rum
* 1 1/2 ounces aged Jamaican rum
* 1 ounce 151-proof Demerara rum
* Dash Angostura bitters
* 6 drops (1/8 teaspoon) Pernod
* 1 teaspoon real pomegranate grenadine
* 6 ounces (3/4 cup) crushed ice.

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great list of recipe’s from a Tiki Culture blog around southflorida’s Mai Kai tiki bar

https://www.slammie.com/atomicgrog/blog/cocktail-recipes-a-z/

blaxabbath

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Mai Tai With Honey-Lilikoi Foam

The foam topper makea this drink delicious. Will get you drunk. L33T.

Doktor Zymm

Ooh, that’s pretty

Gumbygirl

I like a nice sangria. Red wine, brandy, lots of cut up fruit. You can top it off with a splash of sprite, or maybe a yummy Fresca!

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Last edited 9 months ago by Gumbygirl
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I just put a Fresca in the fridge last night!

BeefReeferLives

Going to go with my own “Seattle Speedball” for the second round.

It’s basically a white russian made with vanilla infused vodka & a double shot of espresso added. The bitterness of the espresso helps to balance the sweetness of the kahlua & milk/cream.

I have to limit myself to one of these, as I have found that caffine + booze = late night stupidity by BRL.

blaxabbath

“Well yeah. That’s why you have six of those as soon as you wake up.”

-Mike McDaniel

SonOfSpam

How bout a layered shot? This one’s from Alaska and it looks cool, so here goes:

1/2 ounce each of Kahlua, Bailey’s, and Crown Royal, carefully poured in that order, and you get this

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SonOfSpam

Almost forgot the most important part.

It’s called a Duck Fart.

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I’ve had one, whilst in Alaska, they are good.

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Found mine
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SonOfSpam

I MUST HAVE IT

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Funny, I assumed this was all hot weather cocktails because I am sweaty and also don’t listen to Horatio. Taking my favorite cocktail of all time, the Vieux Carre.

3/4 oz rye
3/4 oz cognac
3/4 oz sweet vermouth (strong preference for carpano antica)
1/4 oz Benedictine
2 dashes peychauds
2 dashes ango

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Doktor Zymm

I feel like not listening to Horatio is a draft tradition at this point

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Waving a gun around a bunch of draft picks, who does this Horatio guy think he is, Javaris Crittendon?

Gumbygirl

Roolz schmoolz!

ballsofsteelandfury

Rum and coconut water. Mix to taste over ice.

Doktor Zymm

A good place to also put a lime in your coconut

Gumbygirl

Drink em both together.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

3. Gonna go with one of my own creations here: the Dachshund. Google AI, I’m going to have to take back some of the negative things I said about you.

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BeefReeferLives

Sounds refreshing!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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LemonJello

2nd round value pick:

Amaretto Old Fashioned

1½ oz Bourbon or Rye Whiskey
½ oz Amaretto Liqueur
2 dashes Angostura Bitters
Ice
Orange Peel (for garnish)
Luxardo Cherry

Sharkbait

3) Dark & Stormy

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ah, shit. I was hoping this would go under the radar and I could snap it up in the fifth round or so.

Doktor Zymm

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Campari spritz. I prefer the extra bitterness when compared to the Aperol spritz.
3 parts prosecco, 2 Campari, 1 soda water, garnish with orange (or lemon works too)

Everything in the spritz family is just great for hot weather

Don T

Whisky and coconut water. The traditional boricua recipe: refrigerate coconut, open it (small tab on top), take out some of the water, fill with Johnny Walker Black and finish with some ice and a straw. Beach bars with coconuts have this on the menu.

Alternatively,

2 fingers whisky

2-3 fingers of coconut water

Stir and fill glass with ice

LemonJello

Could this also be called a JPP?

Brocky

I don’t drink nearly often enough to have a good grasp on what even constitutes a
cocktail.

I’ll draft a grasshopper, because it’s one of my few good drinking stories.

So my buddy’s sister was having a graduation party. We were a little bit older, and my buddy had started working as a bartender, and was experimenting with different drinks recipes.

He had made a grasshopper for a customer, and wanted to recreate it. We had the mint stuff, but not the cream or chocolate.

But we did have ice cream bars and a blender.

So what we ended up making wasn’t grasshoppers, but they were essentially alcoholic shamrock shakes.

Worst hangover of my life the next day because of all of the damn sugar. Good times

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s nice when the universe is in balance.

yeah right

Hummingbird. Not sure of the exact recipe but it’s got rum and Tia Maria and it’s blended with ice and it’s delicious while sitting on the beach in Jamaica.

Doktor Zymm

I wonder if it pairs well with hummingbird cake? I bet it does

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ll take a Pimm’s Cup. Whether or not it’s in a pimp cup, it’s delicious and refreshing.

https://www.liquor.com/recipes/pimms-cup/

Last edited 9 months ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
Jimbo

..

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Doktor Zymm

Gotta have enough garnish to make a solid snack

BeefReeferLives

Mexican Penicillin. (been drinking a lot of these, lately)

https://www.mezcalum.com/blogs/cocktails/mezcal-penicillin-cocktail-recipe

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[have also ingested a significant amount of Mexican penicillin]

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

coffee with a splash of milk.
Cream is too fancy for me
/channeling my inner Flacco

BeefReeferLives

“Think you’re missing some vodka & kahlua in there”

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BugEyedBoo

Mudslide FTW.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

2. Blue Hawaii

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BugEyedBoo

Not 100% sure about this, because memory is the second thing to go with old age. This is akin to Lemonjello’s cherry limeade.

Chambord
Sprite
Vodka

You end up with a blackberry soda thing.

Jimbo

Pick numero dos, Paloma.

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BugEyedBoo

Your Mojito and Paloma are halfway to completing the Aldi All-Play cocktail quartet. Cheap fru-fru drink that lives in the garage refrigerator.

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Jimbo

I didn’t know that was a thing. I’m in hour 3 of a 30 hour mandatory training, I could use all these drinks today .

Last edited 9 months ago by Jimbo
BugEyedBoo

They’re $14 for a 12-pack. Ranking for me is Mule, Mojito, Paloma, Margarita. I’m secure enough in my masculinity to drink alchopop now.

Doktor Zymm

No way in hell the mojito in there is even halfway decent. The freshness of the mint and lime is what makes it a great drink

BugEyedBoo

Yeah, it’s more of a ‘mojito’, but it’s for convenience’s sake.

We planted mint at our house, just for homemade mojitos. We now have bushes of mint. That shit will take over.

Gatoraids

Long Island Iced Tea because sometimes you are in a hurry.

also obligatory

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nx3EzCi_dOc

LemonJello

Had a couple of these over the weekend while visiting TangerineJello at her summer jorb at Dollywood.

Cherry Limeade:

Deep Eddy Lime Vodka
Fresh lime juice
Cherries
Grenadine
Splash of Sprite

Just gott-dammed delicious.

Sharkbait

My second pick is a classic Gin and Tonic. Always make sure to have tonic.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBlBVr46ItA

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

1. Capirinha.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Last edited 9 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Sharkbait

Totally not bookmarking this post as a resource for ideas. Nope. Definitely not

Brick Meathook

Here is what is believed to be the recipe for a “Ray’s Mistake” cocktail, made famous by founder/owner Ray Buhan of the Tiki Ti bar in Los Angeles. The actual recipe is a closely guarded secret.

3/4 oz Passion Fruit Syrup
3/4 oz Honey Syrup
1/4 oz Pineapple Juice
1 oz London Dry Gin
1 oz White Rum
1 dash Falernum
2 3/4 oz Soda Water
3 dashes Angostura Bitters
8 oz crushed ice
1 oz Coruba Dark Rum (float) 

Instructions:

  1. Combine all ingredients except the soda water and Coruba rum in a blender.
  2. Blend for about 4 seconds.
  3. Pour into a tiki-appropriate glass.
  4. Stir in the soda water.
  5. Float the Coruba dark rum on top. 
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Sharkbait

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Brick Meathook

This version is nearly the same except includes lime juice. It also gives a nice history of the drink.

https://blog.union.io/thoughts/2016/05/01/making-rays-mistake/

WCS

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ballsofsteelandfury

So, you’re taking the piña colada?

Jimbo

First pick , I’ll take a mojito.

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