Guten Tag Drones.
I barely remembered the draft this weekend, but here we are at 11:05 pm Sunday night throwing words on a computer to avoid doing any work on Monday. Gotta love this timeline.
I’ve been noticing a lot of folk around here starting to get pretty excited about the return of football, even if it’s preseason, to which I say
Preseason football is worse than methadone.
I, uh, assume.
Bunch of no names you’ll never see outside of Canada, the XFL, or an arena within four weeks, interrupted by 4-5 play appearances by players you do recognize. All while it’s sunny and warm out and you should be outside. Or at least inside, watching baseball, as God intended!
OK, OK, look, I can pander withe the best of them. If it’s football you want, football you shall have.
Last off-season we did a few drafts taking offensive players, but I don’t think we ever did the defensive side. Could I easily check and find out if this is the case? Yes. Will I? No. Why? Because it’s 11:13 pm and I’m not getting paid for this.
This week we take NFL linebackers. 3-4, 4-3, inside, outside, middle, doesn’t matter. If they played linebacker in the NFL they are eligible.
As always when drafting professional football players, (and comedians), it’s what they do professionally that matters. What they did, allegedly or otherwise, off the field has no bearing on their value here, nor does it reflect on your complete lack of morals drafting them.
Although it should.
I’m giving the first pick to Scotchnaut, because he gives me a lot of suggestions, because as, (I think) the only and certainly long-suffering New York Football Giants fan in the clubhouse he should be making this pick, and because, much like Highlander, in this draft there can be only one for the first pick, I’m just going to assign him Lawrence Taylor.
Objections can be made in the back room, which I won’t read because I can’t get in there.
With the second pick I’m going to take Randy White, a holy terror for the Cowboys defense back when I started watching football.
Here’s Randy about to make Jim Zorn question every life decision he made to get him to that point.
The rest of you are on the clock.
#55, Lee Roy Jordan.
Not necessarily for his play, although he was good, but because his jersey was the one my aunt gave me for Xmas one year, after which I became a devoted fan of the Dallas Cowboys.
Gotta say, hasn’t been working out for me too well over the last three decades.
Since we’re drafting Lee Roys, that Selmon fella was bad ass (for a terrible team)
Lee Roy was awesome, (I have a creamsicle jersey with his name and number on it, courtesy of Vietnamese children with nimble fingers), but he was also a DE.
His brother, Dewey, did play LB for the Buccos.
Ah, well then, nevertheless…
Aw, the wrong Cosby Show guy died.
2025 isn’t even trying to hide its evilness.
Banner?
Done.
I have to go to my SIL’s for a pool party today. We’re going to drink ourselves silly, eat too much, and get massages. My back is so knotted up, I’m looking forward to it. Behave yourselves while I’m gone, or I’m coming back with The Belt!
Non-holiday Monday pool party?
The jibs, I like the cut of them.
I want to retire so bad….
I presume “The Belt” is some kind of puzzle as to your next draft pick and my guess is that you have selected Junior Galette.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbnrF57-A6U
Reggie Williams. Super Bowl starting LB who served on City Council while playing.
Im gonna take a guess and say you’re not gonna draft the guy they found coked out in a bathtub before the superbowl that one time?
Can’t. Running back.
Scrolling and seeing all the great Steelers LBs is both triggering and me understanding why the franchise has stayed relevant-at-worst for all this time.
Since all of yinz are early-rising peasants and took all of my picks, I’m just going to lurk, sulk, and throw in a few memes. Fuckers.
(psst, hey, GG!! nobody’s taken th’ Stillers current OLB phenom. You should pick him!)
Well, ok, but I’m still Grumpygirl.
Aww. Well, hope the pool party helps with the disposition!
Here is a movie for you I found on Tubi, getting ready to get rid of most of my streaming and using Tubi, watched a lot of movies from the 1930’s that have better acting, better, stories, and actual people than the movie slop that Hollywood as the lunch lady slapping that shit on the tray.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlKZ–vjUrg
Ugghhhh, it is called Frankenstein General Hospital.
Another great one snubbed by the Academy. Shame.
Shazier is still available and can kinda walk.
When you want the off field hits to match the “quality” of the on field hits only one man to call… Brian Bosworth
2. Probably gonna make some folks scratch their heads with this one, but…
(that’s Matt Millen)
Did Lloyd Bridges owe him money, or screw his wife?
He worked for the Patriots. Isn’t that enough?
In his defence, it was the Patriot’s GM.
Matt millen’s legacy is weird, he’d be this beloved player in retirement if he had never gotten too friendly with the lions owner
He has four Super Bowl rings!
That’s almost as many first round draft pick busts he has!
Just receiver selections alone!
I’ve got the US President on the phone. He says with his first pick he’ll take Mark Chmura.
[fifteen minutes later]
I attempted to explain to him that it’s a linebacker draft and Chmura was a tight end, but it didn’t work so I told him that his pick was so brlliant that Commissioner Rozelle has given him a bonus pick, which he has used to draft Karl Malone.
/he’s picking these players because they are fellow pedophiles, you see.
I would say I’m surprised that more nfl players were caught with underagers, then I remember most were cover ups.
I feel like players tend to find women at places like strip clubs and bars, so they’re either of age or have a good fake id
or have a good fake id
“Actually, it really wasn’t that good. I just didn’t care at the time.”
-Rapey McGreydick
Okay, non bears pick:
Willie Lanier
Had a ridge built into his helmet to help with hits
I’d have picked him but my Chiefs hatred overrode the impulse.
After 2+ hours with the reno contractor and electrician my mind is fried and I want to give back shit I didn’t even steal.
Whelp, Scotchy just took Levon, so I’ll have to take LaMarr.
He ate himself out of the league, but was a force before doing so.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfImk5SKxEc
Ate himself out of copyright too
Goddamn NFL and their goddamn lawyers…
https://steelersdepot.com/2020/11/lamarr-woodleys-strip-sack-of-kurt-warner-may-have-saved-the-steelers-super-bowl/
I’m surprised that our Steelers gang hasn’t gotten to Levon Kirkland yet. He’s the biggest lb I’ve ever seen, generously listed at 270 pounds. I do recall an announcer saying that he got all the way up to 290 before having to shed weight.
I like his golf balls!
But seriously, 290 and he could MOVE
I remember some interview some where, levon asked this guy, “hey man, why you cutting?”
The response: “hey man, why you three hundred pounds”
Yeah but whose balls don’t you like?
He was born a pauper to a pawn. On a Christmas Day, if memory serves.
Not only was he a great LB, he also created a great CB: Joey Porter
Peezy!! An excellent LB, and a shit-talker extraordinare.
It’s always puzzling to me when I see a father so combo play different positions.
Like I understand genetics are a crap shoot, but like there’s seemingly a decision making process here, like, hey, I have decades of experience playing this position, let’s stick you at another one.
One of the weirdest to me is Matt Hasselbeck and his worthless brother being quarterbacks while their dad was a tight end
[door flies open]
“Did somebody say ‘worthless brother?”
.
No sir, I don’t like him!
Okay, I said no more bears inside linebackers…..
But I never said anything about outside linebackers
My next is lance Briggs, who is criminally underrated and belongs in the hall of fame
As opposed to Ray Lewis, who is just criminally rated.
As opposed to Aaron Hernandez, who was an actual murderer but somehow got less infamy then Lewis did
Just don’t let him drive you anywhere.
Oh I thought “Draw the line” meant –
“Donald Trump is named in the Epstein Files. He’s withholding the files to conceal evidence that he is a child rapist.”
Kevin Greene was one of the last good memories I had of the Rams before they moved to St Louis, which now does not have a football or basketball team but has a hockey team because those Missouri kids love hockey.
Excuse me, sir, Mr. Greene was a Steeler great
Still pissed that they let him go as a salary cap casualty…
WTAF?
And a Panthers great
And a 49ers great
And a wcw great!:
Nah.
Just like with Bettis, the Steelers got the Rams’ sloppy seconds.
No you’re thinking of a Scotsman.
The Rams have made some dumb moves but those two are some of the all-time dumbest!
Yeah, back in the “let’s make the team shitty so attendance drops so we can justify moving to St Louis” days. Hope Georgia’s enjoying a nice warm eternity.
Bill Romanowski, he definitely didn’t take any steroids
The pride of Rockville High School, which I’m almost certain let him graduate just to get rid of him.
Dude you *know* he was the O’Bannion of that high school.
.
Oh absolutely
Chuck Howley. So good he won a Super Bowl MVP in a losing effort.
It was Super Bowl V and Tom Brady wasn’t born yet, which is probably the only reason Brady didn’t get it.
Howley played at 6’3″, 228. That’s big, but it’s not the “that thing isn’t human” big we see in the NFL today. Howley also apparently now has late-stage dementia, albeit at age 89, if you needed a depressing note for the day.
Let’s give credit where credit is due; NFC East teams always had a punter’s chance against Brady.
Let’s goooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Mountaineers!
Because Dick Butkus was already taken going with Brian Cox
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXfJkej9-q8
I always forget how good the defense was on those 90s dolphins teams
come playoffs wed also find a way to forget it to
Loved watching Cox (heh) because he legit had a screw loose.
I loved watching him in succession
And Super Troopers!
Shenanigans!
And the video game, Manhunt.
Settle down, Buddy Cole, not that kind of “manhunt.”
There was a time when the Giants had a knack for finding starting lb’s deep in the draft. One example was Jesse Armstead (8th round, played 11 years)-it was thought that his frame was too small (though he eventually filled out to 237) despite the fact that he had speed to burn.
Did bronko nagurski play linebacker?
Asking for a friend….
I was trying to recall that. Haven’t looked it up yet, but wouldn’t surprise me.
https://www.pro-football-reference.com/players/N/NaguBr00.htm
Having now looked him up, no indication Nagurski played anything other than FB.
Nah, I know he played DT when he came back to the team during WWII.
But as I mentioned with Bill George, they didnt have true linebackers in those days
Going to guess pro-football reference may not be as detailed oriented as baseball-reference.com.
Charles Haley.
He played linebacker during his first stint with the 49ers (1986-92), switching to end only after being traded to Dallas.
But he really gets mentioned for habitually whacking off during Cowboys defensive meetings.
Is there a run on 90s Steelers? Sure, why not!
Jason Gildon
I was having a hard time choosing between him & Greg.
Those poor QBs…
There’s another GameStop type thing going on with OpenDoor ($OPEN). It’s weird to see a positive feedback loop in action; I wonder how long this one will last.
Are a bunch of hedge fund assholes trying to short it?
Not that I know of – if they did, they already made their money when it went from $20 to $2 a few years ago. It’s just caught in this weird hype cycle right now.
Hmmm. Well, that’s a lot less fun.
It was hilarious watching GameStop stock keep going up knowing that a bunch of rich, privileged assholes were losing their shirts as it did.
Can we get some wsb traffic here for that? Or do we not want that?
Greg Lloyd. (I think he actually was kinda hired for his disposition, which was mean, and enjoyed inflicting pain upon others)
I was going to pick him next! Nice job!
Sorry, but I don’t feel too bad. After all, there are plenty of game changing Stillers LB’s left to chose from!!
Look at this dork, I mean Stork. Ted Hendricks was a gangly 6’8″, 220lbs and yes, he blocked his share of kicks.
Finally, my last bears middle linebacker:
Clyde “Bulldog” Turner
I swear, I’m done with bears inside linebackers
1. Rod Martin. Sure, he was something of a bright lights merchant and only made All-Pro (and the corresponding Pro Bowl) twice in his career, but he walked away from Super Bowl XV with an Al Bundyesque THREE INTERCEPTIONS IN ONE GAME and probably should have been voted as the MVP.
Don’t be silly, Rikki, Super Bowl MVPs are for quarterbacks.
One of the most infuriating things about Tom brady was him repeatedly being handed the award when he didnt deserve it.
Sb 36: belichicks defense holds the nfls highest scoring offense to 17 points? Let’s give it to Brady and his one touchdown.
Sb 38: I’ll admit brady deserved the award
Sb 39: they knew they couldn’t justify giving him another one, so they gave it to his receiver
Sb 49: oh Malcolm butler just saved your ass? Let’s give it to brady again!
Sb 51: oh james white has like 200 all purpose yards? Let’s give it to Brady, who threw a pick six
Ironically sb 52 was his best performance, but he didnt win that game
Sb 53 they couldn’t justify giving it to him with 13 points, but he let’s give it to his scrappy sidekick, a PED abusing WR
Then in sb 55, hey the defense holds mahomes to 9 points? Give it to Brady!
Rant over
Yeah when Vinatieri didn’t win it in that first one it became clear that a kicker was *never* going to win it.
Thank you for leaving this New Orleans idiot the greatest linebacker to ever don the Black and Gold. The legend himself, two time defensive player of the year and the leader of The Dome Patrol. Pat Swilling
Since I’m just gonna keep drafting bears players:
Hall of Famer Bill George, considered the first “true” middle linebacker
Oh my god submit this to ArtButMakeItSports.
The crew cut was everywhere back then. The only pictures I have of my great grandfather are him and his sons all having matching ones
https://ibb.co/bMBDGgtX
https://ibb.co/s9t6jyGK
James Harrison. Of “Mr. Harrison’s Opus” fame.
Something Something beats balls to the punch.
Or interception in this case
Snitches get stitches, and I get Ray Lewis.
Compared to this, every other pick looks like the kind of
evidencei mean trash you’d throw out in a dumpster behind a fast food restaurant.Isn’t it just a shame when you spill tomato soup all over your nice, new suit like that?
We know the DFO drafters are nothing but WEAKLINGS who couldn’t even rape a little kid!
James Farrior, underrated free agent signing who was the captain of the Dick Lebeau defenses
Best free agent signing the Steelers ever made.
Of course, with the Stillers being the Stillers in the Colbert era, the sample size for that is rather small.
Completing the hat trick of modern era chicago bears middle linebackers, my third pick is Brian urlacher.
The hate this guy got on the old site always pissed me off
I think it was the herpes.
I’ve enjoyed his post nfl hair tonic spokesperson career
?w=1600
In a reverse Blair Witch I pick Chuck Bednarik, pictured here the time he damn near killed Frank Gifford.
Well played Sir. Well played.
Junior Seau.
CTE is a bitch
I lost a high school teammate to CTE who wore Seau’s number, and this was after a tour in the marines.
Shit is scary
Not to be pendantic, but wasn’t randy white more frequently listed as a nose tackle than a linebacker?
I know they moved him around the defense to create as much havoc as possible, much the same way they did with dan Hampton, but I don’t see much of him in that position
I had to look that up, as I always understood him to be a linebacker. Looks like he started as a middle linebacker, then got moved up to the line. 6’4″ and 257 still screams linebacker to me.
I’m going to keep the pick, since a) he did start as a LB, b) it’s my pick and I want it, and c) I am the commissioner of this draft and I can do whatever I want.
2nd round… Chloe Butler… hey its my roster man…
(legit, look her up)
I don’t think the filters on my work computer are going to let me look her up
“This week we take NFL linebackers.”
This isn’t ‘Nam, 2Pack. There are rules.
first rule of Monday Draft is that the rules are not to be followed
-Dok, last week
I mean, it is a tradition unlike any other around here.
Hello friends.
I find that if I’m super unfamiliar with the subject matter, it’s fun to find a pick at absolutely stretches the so called rules
You can absolutely do that with the linebacker position. Hell, even LT probably did most of his damage from what would generally have been a DE position before he came along and rewrote all the rules.
Since taking the Evelyn Woodhead sped reding curse… My reding has im praved… and so has compression…
My next pick: Mike Singletary
Also obligatory:
Okay, time for the next Steeler off the board:
Andy Russell
So i decided to try to find a gif of nitscke from the longest yard, and these were the first results, interpret this how you wish
https://youtu.be/wpmUsC5-Caw?si=WybEVyrDZiYoEm-V
Somebody had to do it…
Checkmate, honey
Awesome going into linebacker history
Nitschke, Butkus, Lambert, and Mike curtis were like god decided one day: “you know what? Middle linebackers should look scary as fuck. I’ll make them all that way.”
My first pick:
The man, the myth, the legend
Dick Butkus
That’s a damn fine pick on my behalf, Horatio.
Was pretty sure you’d be OK with it.
1st Round Ray Nitschke.
and before Bogdanski gets him.
as the “actor”… I think..
Fun fact. He was in the Wisconsin Army National Guard 32nd Infantry Division, as was my Dad, both getting called up for service during the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962. The unit trained at Ft Lewis Washington for about a year before getting deactivated and sent home as the crisis calmed down. There were a couple other members of the 1962 Green Bay team, I think Paul Hourning was one of them, who were also called up. Legend has it that Vince Lombardi called President Kennedy to get the guys released for games.
Can’t draft Nitschke without a picture of the time he damn near killed Frank Gifford.
Except that’s Chuck Bednarik.
Oh goddammit.
Oh well, still got to post a picture of Gifford laying flat out in the mud.
It was a quality event.
I knew Lambert would go early.
I’ll go Jack Ham
It was coin flip, and Lambert won.
We’re just going to swap Stillers picks all morning, and leave GumbyGirl and possibly Downfield Matriculator with Jarvis Jones and Jason Worilds.
EDIT: Jason Worilds and Antonio Brown were part of the same draft class (2010), and now everyone feels fucking weird.
Yeah, those other Steelers fans need to wake up because my entire draft is all Steelers.
Dracula In Cleats, Jack Lambert
Ok, I’ll keep the NFC East going with Chris Hanburger. Only linebacker who plaed his whole career with Washington to be in the HoF so far.
He wasn’t nicknamed ‘The Hamburgler’ for some reason
