I’m doing a quick fill-in (PHRASING!) for Armed n Hammered as he is stuck dealing with random IRL crap.
As we head into more preseason games, here are a few things to note:
***
DK Metcalf says that the Steelers have the best defense he’s ever seen. Keep in mind that he arrived at Seattle right after the Legion of Boom disbanded, so he probably doesn’t really know what a really good defence looks like…
***
Everyone, including former Cowboys, are taking Micah Parsons’ side in the contract extension dispute. The consensus is, “Pay the Man!” Jerry being Jerrah, this is going to cost the Cowboys A LOT! Whether it’s in dollars or losing their best player.
***
The Bengals and Trey Hendrickson are getting closer to a deal but the main holdup is the amount of guaranteed money. Given Mike Brown’s reputation, who wants to give odds on this breaking down and Trey ending up on another team? 2-1? Even money?
***
Asante Samuel is saying that the Cleveland Browns could be trading Shadeur Sanders. To that I say:

To be fair, that would be a very Browns thing to do. Enjoy your Monday night!
They found some radioactive wasps in South Carolina. Not ominous at all
https://youtu.be/OtJmVDoY904?si=8f6UYmJ0tC1FdFPL
For anyone interested (and I know none of you are), real-life BOLOs (be on the lookout for) are far less interesting and/or thrilling than on TV.
“Did somebody say BOLO?”
BOLO!!!
So, as a long time Yankees fan, I’ve noticed a trend lately.
The star free agents they obtain come over and generally have some success, (hell, Gerrit Cole won a Cy Young), but never quite to the level they played at before, and they tend to get hurt, (Cole), or leave, (Juan Soto).
Other free agents, (looking at you Paul Goldschmidt) are basically playing out the string, were obtained on the cheap, and aren’t really doing much, but that’s what you paid for.
The players obtained through trades (Devin Williams, every reliever they just got at the deadline, Jazz Chisholm) come over and immediately forget every single thing that made them good at baseball before they got to New York.
The home grown players, with the notable exception of Aaron Judge, (and even he’s rapidly becoming just another Mike Trout, and I don’t mean that as a compliment), are at best average, (Ben Rice, and I’m being pretty generous there), or actually terrible, (Austin Wells, Anthony Volpe).
Their manager, the increasingly beleaguered Aaron Boone, has obviously been terrible at his job pretty much from the start, but can’t get fired no matter what. And quite honestly the most recent debacles can’t be blamed on him, other than that he sets the tone for the club, and that tone is that there’s no accountability for anything, so fuck fundamentals, go out there and make 6 errors and run the bases like a drunk trying to get away from the cops with his pants at half mast and his pecker in his hand, and damn the consequences because there will never be any.
Yes, Aaron Boone should be fired, and should have been fired 3-4 seasons ago. Yes, Jazz Chisholm should have been benched for general dipshittery multiple times this season. Yes, Anthony Volpe should have been sent back to AAA until he learns to field a two-hopper without acting like the ball’s made of uranium, and to throw the ball to first base on less than two hops. Yes, DJ Lemahieu should be DFA’d, and…oh wait, they actually did that, just a season too late.
The point being, the Yankees aren’t the Yankees anymore. They’re an income source, probably the only income source, for three families of Steinbrenners, and until that changes, (i.e. the Steinbrenners sell the team to some Saudi conglomerate for Eleventy Billion Dollars), and the entire current organization is ripped out, root and stem, nothing’s going to change.
Hate the Yankees all you want, but take some solace in the fact that they are unlikely to win another World Series in my lifetime. And even better news, there’s something like 13 Steinbrenner grandkids behind the three kids, so it’s probably going to be several lifetimes.
Oh well Yankees, much like American democracy, you had a good run.
You hate to see it. On the other hand, you love to see it.
Hate the Yankees all you want
If you say so.
I’m pretty sure you were gonna do that with or without my permission.
I WAS TRYING TO BE POLITE
It’s also sad that all your frontrunning teams are deflating faster than Tom Brady’s game balls.
The Yankees, the Cowboys,
the Whalers, white people…all just horrible now.UCONN losing in the Big East Tournament championship game, only getting to the Round of 32 after back-to-back national titles…
Slacking smdh
This is cool
https://youtu.be/dpDs0JlNfsE?si=Wy632bu7hp2Efwgr
It took me a while to figure out what this was a picture of. At first I thought it was some kind of elaborate frosted pastry.
It’s a rabbit, Brick.
With a very tasty liver and kidney inside. Also some legs, saddles, and belly meat. Maybe not a pastry, but still melt in your mouth yummy.
Brick is apparently sub-Of-Mice-And-Men-Lenny.
Yes, a rabbit on a bed. I get it.
I’m proud of you!
Aww, making the bed prior to sleeping….
Wait the Browns really have 6 QB’s on their roster???
Lmao
Found a funny:
BRONTOSAURUS: roar
STEGOSAURUS: roar
TYRANNOSAURUS: roar
THESAURUS: bellow
SAUL BELLOW: yes?
120 Minutes Ultimate Compilation status:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3QkDEWHFb0
Wow, the Lemonheads’ sound really changed a lot over time.
Two weeks ago me is a lazy jerk. She knew I would be getting into my condo at like 2 am last night, but she still didn’t put sheets back on the bed after breaking down the frame to clear space for the movers. Today me fixed it all up and even did some additional tidying!
Bichettes hitting HRs in Coors Field is a family tradition (Bo has 2 tonight).
Son of Dante?
Yessir. A really great way to be a pro athlete is to have a dad who was a pro athlete.
The other son, who played briefly with the Yankees, apparently has no relationship with Dante anymore, so it’s not all wine, roses, batting practice, and just which is the best way to inject Winstrol into your buttocks.
Did not know that. Also, now I feel kinda stupid. I spent my teens injecting Winstrol into my urethra, and now I understand why I didn’t get stronger, and had all those…issues.
Dante Jr. alleged his old man abused him while coaching his LL team. Not sure Bo backed this up or not.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dante_Bichette#Personal_life
Former (alleged but cmon) steroid guy has anger issues? No way. Still sucks to hear, even when it’s a rich kid. (Because that’s how you get Trump)
Bitches dig the long ball
That reminds me, I was going to make a Deanna Favre joke about Howie Long being her favorite player or something but the moment was lost, like tears in rain.
It’s never too late to make fun of Brett Favre.
I thought my Jerry Sandusky joke was absolute gold but it was so late in the day I bet nobody saw it.
EDIT: I take it back! I feel seen!
The only team dumb enough to trade for Shadeur Sanders is Cleveland.
Oh man — the Browns are going to end up giving up two seconds and a third round pick to end up with Shadeur Sanders and 2028 compensatory 5th rounder.
This is made less funny by the fact that the Yankees are now leading, but if they blow said lead it will become 2x funnier.
https://www.reddit.com/r/baseball/comments/1mhvhps/highlight_another_error_costs_the_yankees_another/
I now find this 2x funnier.
Yeah, I think this might actually qualify as 3x funnier.
I have been watching enough Supernatural reruns to feel comfortable declaring these Costco “enchiladas” to be an ABOMINATION unto the LORD.
Heavily preserved “cheese” will be the death of modern civilization.
I call my SIL’s cat that all the time. She’s clearly a demon. A six pound hellspawn. But I love her, she takes zero shit from anyone.
Ciao tutti. Looks like we got our few days to rain for the summer and now it’s getting hot again. My fading tan approves.
Reason Why Baseball is a Dying Sport # 24,742:
That was such a stupid idea to begin with. I hope it backfired so badly they never even think of doing it again, and also that Rob Manfred is fed to pigs.
It seems like a lot of shit happened during the offseason. I also have no idea what’s been going on with college football beyond my eternal hatred of Goddamn Notre Dame, so that’s not helping anything. Anyway, at least I have a team again.
https://twitter.com/NickiJhabvala/status/1952401685009310116
Re: Mike Brown
https://old.reddit.com/r/nfl/comments/1m5py4d/highlight_mike_brown_spoke_for_more_than_2/n4eh04r/
Pray for Tua.
https://www.reddit.com/r/nfl/comments/1mhbipg/highlight_mike_mcdaniel_on_why_its_not_just_a/
JFC. Lay off the Pink Floyd, Mike.
Yes, you’re going to get fired & duct-taped to a flagpole before the season’s out, but it’s not the end of the world…
That’s a shame, he was hoping to get sent to The Fletcher Memorial Home.
After the wedgie inflicted trot of shame over to the flagpole.
Depends on who is making the deal RE: Hendrickson. Mike is a stubborn son of a bitch, but Katie Blackburn and Duke Tobin have shown signs of being flexible to newer things like Guaranteed Money and feeding your players more than rainwater runoff from the bridge.
Trey wants to play but he wants to be respected. The Bengals want to pay him but they remember him getting banged up the past couple of years.
2-1: Re-Signed by the Home Preseason Game. All bets are off if it goes into the Regular Season.
For your sake, I hope that common sense prevails.
https://twitter.com/AdamSchefter/status/1952509565590782179
RIP Joe
https://twitter.com/AdamSchefter/status/1952516333024747719
JFC. Already!?!
These tweets were 27 minutes apart.
They all saw DeShawn getting a kings ransom for being “injured” and thought “well, why not me?”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qv43UsG6fhY
Only the Browns could have FIVE quarterbacks on their roster…
Somehow, four of them will start, and a fifth that isn’t on the roster right now will start Week 18.
You’re more optimistic than I am, I’m setting the line for a non-rostered QB starting at week 10
Isn’t DeShaun Watson still on the roster? That makes SIX.
You are correct, sir!!