Jesus God, I thought we were NEVAR gonna get to this day. But FITBAW is everywhere you look.
Fulham and its famoUs, hated Trespassers do battle in the early hours (7:30, USA), which is a spicy meatball to accent one’s coffee.
Black Cats chase some Bees around in the feature at 10:00 (USA), but I prefer to waste two hours of oxygen with Wolves/Toffees (Peacock). Men Untied/Burnley also streams, if you prefer to watch a really slo-mo car crash, on repeat.
Mediocre Leeds get Big Mad Newcastle in the Spotlight Dance, and fuck ’em both I’mma watch JV NFL…
Steerfuckers South (+1.5) at THE Ohio State (Noon, Fox)
Gently amused that the consensus #1 team in the country opens their season, immediately as the underdog. Tough opener for PeyPey’s nephew, indeed. Yet again, I am discomforted by the Tree Nutz playing the part of the Good Guys. Damn yew, Darkest Timeline…
SillyCuse (+13.5) v. Tennessee – LIVE from Megatron’s Butthole (Noon, ABC)
Seems like every early September/late August, the Vols play a middling ACC foe and beat the absolute tar shit out of them. Unfortinately, reality always sets in during conference play. Without an NFL-calibre quartered back, methinks the Orange will fade from our consciousness as quickly as they entered it.
Mississippi State (-13.5) at Southern Miss (Noon, ESPN)
Want a fun GAMBLOR journey? Moneyline bet the Fightin’ Farvenises here. Cowbells are the worst team in the SEC by a good margin, and really could lose here.
Roll Damn Tide (-13.5) at Florida State (3:30, ABC)
Not interested in this one? Better nap, unless you suspect South Dakota to be much better than I do. Watching the rednecks of North Floridistan will warm my cold, dark heart. Or alternatively, Kalen DeBoer signs the death warrant for his SEC career. NO PRESSURE, GUYS!
“If you’re going to use the mop to ‘clean’ the walls (i.e. swipe randomly at various places on the surface with no particular direction or design) maybe you should do it before you use that same mop on the floors that you have been complaining about being particularly filthy?” is something I would like to suggest to the Dr. Mrs. but cannot because my snide satisfaction would come at too high of a price.
This Texas/OSU isn’t a defensive struggle-IT’S A STRUGGLE TO WATCH! [tugs at tie while audience laughs]
(Rodney Dangerfield voice)
“I tell my coach that I want to get some action. He said I can’t afford him.”
Arch Manning is named for and playing like his grandfather.
Moar like Fallen Arch Manning.
Next time he gets taken out by the turf monster he should be granted the permanent nickname “Fallin’ Arch”.
And now he’ll be forced to look downfield. Probably work out like it did for Grandpa
I’ve seen this IBM ad (“Jeremy”) maybe two dozen times already and I still don’t have any idea what the people are saying. I guess they aren’t articulating clearly enough to penetrate my bubble of indifference?
Time to start using closed captioning
So I can follow an IBM ad? That’s a negatory, good buddy!
Coming up next – Australia vs USA in Women’s World Cup Rugby action!
At least TSN has their priorities straight – tennis, college footy, rugby. That’s a well-rounded Saturday afternoon.
It’s been quite the day so far.
How these two teams are two of the three best in the country is beyond me.
Marketing?
MAGA?
“You spelled ‘Magma’ wrong, smgdh…”
-Dok
SUDDEN CHANGE!
BLEERGH doesn’t feel like Safety Dancing.
I get the whole making a hard nosed statement on the goal line at 4th down… But you need the center, guards and tackles to back it up.
Or perhaps explore using some (much) of the rest of the field.
Does Texas have receivers with only hands of stone? Do they believe the forward pass is a form of sorcery?
Oh, I get it now. Their QB just sucks!
Irony of ironies. Season 11 of Sunday Gravy is in the can. Finale is tomorrow.
Made it the entire season without a serious cut. Today doing some prep for dinner tomorrow and I slice the shit out of my left index finger.
If you’re gonna get hurt, do it in the offseason.
That’s like waiting until you are in the locker room to show any hurts…
Well done Sir.
Jenny is showing them shoulders Hippo
Hippo notice and appreciate
Syracuse left the Big East for football just to get their shit pushed in by Tennessee while becoming irrelevant in basketball.
Nailed it!
Customer: “The raspberries sent to us-they’re of poor quality.”
Me: “Usually that gets caught by my guy that loads the truck. Send me a pic of the case so I can get a credit. Thanks.”
Customer: [sends 12 individual pics of each container]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtp8WSAzrGw
I’m starting to think this Arch fella isn’t very good.
The Saints are tanking to draft Arch and Arch is tanking so the Saints won’t draft him.
That sideline play shows the difference between college and pro ball. A veteran like Mahomes would have picked up an extra fifteen yards for getting violently nudged out of bounds like that.
SillyCuse Offense; [slowly creeps back into the game]
SillyCuse Defense: [every guy is faked out by a simple play, a 73-yrd TD is the result]
Modelo and State Farm can eat shit and die. I can’t decide which ad campaign I hate most.
Fightin’ Farvenises is level with the Cowbells
England is absolutely smashing SAM-oa in the Women’s Rugby World Cup. 47-0 at the half.
Did you catch Canada’s evisceration of Wales’ hopes and dreams?
Oh my, yes. ‘Twas glorious.
SillyCuse with ND’s former 3rd stringer is performing about like one would expect.
I’m going to go for a swim or slit a wrist. [flips coin]
porque no los dos??
/probably considered pollution in The Canadia tho
And attract the dreaded Northern Ontario Lake Shark? Stomping Tom Connors warned us of that dread beast back in the 70’s!
Our EP-EH? isn’t a captured government organization just yet.
Duke WCS’ first day of gymnastics was fun and all. Now, college foobawl is back. As much as I love the princess, my other duty calls.
WVU hosts Robert Morris, which is closer to Morganhole than Pitt’s campus.
Pitt hosts Duquense, the latter’s campus is closer to Heinz Field than Pitt’s campus.
I don’t know where I’m going with this. I need a nap. See yinz around, go Mountaineers, Texas can shit a brick through their collective dick, FUCK Notre Dame, and eat shit Pitt.
Love yinz.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62HeMEBhURQ
Fuck right off Spurs!
Let’s go Cherries! Beautiful win!
Both teams punting averse… I like it…
I could do without the Scarlet Dropsies…
The Pats cut Jabrill Peppers? I guess they are going to try not having any safeties on their D. Bold move
Fun Fact: Texas QB1 Arch Manning is related to NFL quarterbacks Peyton and Eli Manning. Wow!
Big, if true.
Took a LOT of digging to uncover the connection, so I hope it is true!
Did you know that some football players once played basketball too?
Only Harvard-educated people know that.
Can I quote you on that? This is the big break I’ve been looking for.
Odd that hasn’t mentioned.
Fuck, keeper guessed right, too.
kittehs get a 2nd, huzzah!
Sunderland ‘Til I Die!!!
NAWT offsides!!!
Need Burnley to get a late one here.
Here comes VAR to rescue Untied
I read an article about what kids are doing with their NIL money. It was pretty damn heartwarming, and most of em seem to have learned from the past and are being pretty smart with the cash. Although we’ll see how many get into tax trouble
Learning about investing for the long term is a map to the road of security and happiness. Address the needs, be frugal with the wants and you will get places in life.
“Or-hear me out-take a swing at this Bitcoin thing that I don’t even remotely understand!”
-Both my boys
Beware of gimmicks. Best advice a friend gave me when I picked a TSP plan, was to go with the (at the time 26 years ago) more aggressive plan tied to the S&P 500 stocks. The historical performance over the long haul, if you don’t panic during occasional rough spots, is a high percentage of return. That’s worked for me well.
Also build a decent emergency fund in an accessible account. Saves you a lot on interest and gives you enormous peace of mind.
Wifey and I switched advisors about 15 years ago and went 60% aggressive and 40% conservative-wow, what a difference in annual average returns.
One kid bought 150 acres of land that he maintains and charges hunters to use. One or two bought their mom a house (kids from middle of nowhere where houses are still under $100k). The Stanford guy was all about stonks which was very apropos. The most heartwarming was probably the guy who bought game consoles for a children’s hospital. And one guy spent a lot on food, and he isn’t even a lineman or other big dude so his metabolism must be insane
One kid bought 150 acres of land that he maintains and charges hunters to use
“Build a moat on that bitch or fuck the fuck off!”*
-Willy The Conqueror
You usually can’t go wrong with land and property investment.
It’s just dawned on me, by the time this Series A and EPL season ends I’ll be retired.
I am so ready to simply loiter.
That is awesome! (the retirement part. Although Marika is pretty awesome herself)
Christ, don’t Everton this up, Everton…
I keep forgetting that I left my phone downstairs last night. Ain’t checked it since like 6p.
Amazing how quickly things revert to quietude once the spawn leave the nest.
Slept in, saw the highlights of Mighty Whitey. Game is gone, fuck VAR and fuck the Premier league and their shady refs.
Handsome Marco was quite pissed off. Glad I slept through first half.
Just garbage. It’s fine if it was a deserved loss but that’s 2 weeks in a row against big clubs where the ref and VAR fuck us
A tradition unlike any other.
Hello, friends.
They trying to be more like FIFA?
On the downside, it’s apparently alive.
https://bsky.app/profile/justinbaragona.bsky.social/post/3lxmre6cstc2b
On the plus side, doesn’t look like by much.
/not pictured
Stephen Miller’s hand up his ass, making DT seem animated.
I try to avoid tuning in to the Trump show but I would absolutely spend a week of my life watching him die, as long as enough suffering was involved.
Also, are we sure that’s his granddaughter and not a teenage sex slave that was bequeathed to him by his late friend Jeffrey Epstein?
She can be two things
I dunno, that sounds pretty woke.
That’s what you get for wearing uniforms inspired by UPS, Brentford.
Well, I wore it better! – Ernst Rohm
Checklist
-vacuuming done!
-dishes done!
-groceries done!
Bonus Fact: Wifey and and Youngest Skull Fracture Boy are gone for the day and most of the evening
Next-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Johmlmq-dRU
GOLAZO, Dewsberry-Hall
I was thinking about my personal JV hierarchy last night (GREAT insomnia fuel, highly recommend):
1) NC State
2) not-U*NC
3) not-ND
4) SEC team (other than Texas, Okiehoma, or Florida Men)
5) Other Land Grant schools (bonus points for Mike Leach affiliation)
6) ad hoc series of hatreds and grudges
wut say YEEEEWWWWW?
I was having this discussion with a IRL friend last night. College football is built for schadenfreude.
It doesn’t really matter who wins but rather who loses and how embarrassingly.
Ain’t nothin’ a proper American enjoys MOAR than HATE
When they’re half-way compelling I’ll watch SillyCuse after that
1) Miami sometimes (really loved their teams from the late 80’s through the 90’s
2) Any non-football school that puts together a really good season that features an upset of a traditional powerhouse
3) Sometimes USC but it’s been a long while
4)hatred of all the usual dickhead programs, especially those run by preachy coaches
Maryland is the only school I went to with a Div 1 team, but other than having a couple football players in a basic math class I taught and being aware that the coach was nicknamed after a large kitchen appliance I didn’t actually follow the team. I mostly just laugh at Notre Dame fans
I used to like LSU, because of the color scheme and the bad-ass atmosphere of their home night games, but then they hired Brian Kelly and now I wish the worst for them.
There’s UConn, but, come on, seriously?
The home opener is today. I do believe we’re playing the mighty Blue Devils of
Duke, so it should be worth goCentral Connecticut State, so I’m going to the Woodstock Fair and eat greasy fried food instead.Aw man, now I want a funnel cake
Oh I am absolutely going to fuck up some funnel cake.
Coco Gauff plays at 8:30, then it’s time for JV FITBAW!
Somebody’s cuckoo for Coco Gauf.
I think that’s also the BC Dick bat signal…
This all started because some guy approached Wemby at a discotheque and asked him if he’d like to get higher than he’d ever been before.
https://streamable.com/58e5oi
Wolves are so, so bad. Delicious.
FUCK’S SAKE.
..
Early favorite for Name of the Year.
Jesus fuck we’re not dissecting the zapruder film here. Point to the fucking spot already.
Still hate Ryan Day, though.
-Totally Normal Guy
-No Player scandals
-No Personal life scandals
-Wins National Championship
Yep, makes sense that OSU fan hate him
normal…FOAR a Samsquanch….
I can’t shake the feeling that if I were a player, I would never stop talking to the child I was escorting out to the field. The tunnel must be an incredibly intimidating environment for young children without their parents. I’d be bent down jibber-jabbering like a big goober so the kids around me would all be holding back giggles the whole time.
Just took the doggy out and the air is ice cold. So bizarre. It’s like we skipped August and went straight into autumn. Oh well, who cares? My dopey parlay for the early match needs a Chelsea (-155) home win with goals from Caicedo (+1200) and Lukic (+1000) and a hearty helping of (11) corner kicks (-106). SHUT UP, IT COULD HAPPEN!
Bravo Hippo. Let’s get this most wonderful season started. Proper like… with gratuitous shoulder…
That reminds me of Joe Piscopo’s joke at the end of Dead Heat about how he wanted to be reincarnated as the seat on a woman’s bike.
(I believe it was originally written as “girl’s bike” but given the circumstances of our current society I think it’s important to update these references to make sure people don’t think I mean literal girls, ones of the same age that Jeffrey Epstein used to provide to his good friend Donald Trump so he could molest them)
That’s as Italian as you can get right there …
I mean, riding a bike with espadrille HEELS….
Ciao Bella!
Pretty girls on bikes is what I tell friends is one of the pleasures of life here.
And before you start RTD… I still call the soldiers I served with and now still serve “the boys” so don’t read into it…
Up at 5:30EST this morning. There’s an argument to be made that I’m not doing “Long Weekending” correctly.
/oh well, the Canadian women’s rugby team is playing Wales in a few minutes