Hey, best of luck to everyone in both DFO fantasy leagues except for Ayo, who can rot in hell. (why yes, he is my opponent this week) JK, Ayo-may your freezer always remain cold. Let’s get at it.
To The Games!
Fins/Colts:
Two teams on the precipice but one of them is no longer under the thumb of a pill-addled nepo man. Was that harsh? (I think that may have been harsh) There’s enough talent there for both teams to get over the hump but I think both coaches don’t survive the season. Daniel Jones will play behind a somewhat competent offensive line since, since ever? It won’t make any difference though-he’s been ruined in a way that only David Carr can truly understand.
Cards/Saints:
Wait a sec. Shouldn’t this unwatchable tilt be hidden in the late slate? Easier to hide it here? Ah, I get it now. New Orleans will be in QB hell all season, having to rely on Rattler or rookie Shough to guide them after Derek Carr’s retirement. I can’t see them getting to 4 wins.
Raiders/Pats:
Of all the second-year QB’s in the league, it seems that no one is under more pressure to succeed than Maye. Belichick is long gone but organizational malaise is still apparent with respect to the wr spot. A washed Diggs is your answer? All starters less than 6′ and under 200 pounds? The only receiver room that might be worse is TA DA! them Raiders.
Steelers/Jets:
“Revenge Game” narrative rears it’s ugly head. But, but Rodgers’ base personality is ‘petty dipshit’ though. It’s funny to me that Green Bay finally drafted a wr in the first round after Aaron left and that Pitt traded away Pickens as well. It’s as though GM’s unconsciously want The Precious One to fail.
Giants/Commies:
Welp, we’ll find out early how New York is going to fare in their division. If Daniels takes another leap forward in his progress the entire league will be on notice, never mind the NFC East. He is well-suited, given his running ability, to deal with the Giants pass rush so I can’t see Washington losing here.
Panthers/Jags:
Usually an afterthought, this is my pick for under-rated game of the day. The O/U sits at 46.5 as the defenses will struggle all year long and the respective offenses could be sneaky good.
Bengals/Browns:
Love that Cincy offense but that D will make too many games too close to call. Will Cleveland be the first team to dress 4 QB’s once Watson comes back? Make it happen, Browns.
Bucs/Falcons:
I think there’s a wild card spot available to each of the teams here so this tilt has outsized importance for the participants. Don’t sleep on that Tampa offense if Mayfield can continue on the path he forged last year.
Give me all of your good stuff.
It sounded like Aaron Rogers was audibling to the “Anne Frank” playcall.
if the clots want to honor the memory of jim irsay they should at the end of every play dive on one of the white lines on the field of play
Okay, Bengals defense takes the field.
Don’t worry, they won’t be there long.
“stop me if you’ve heard this joke before…”
If Conor Heyward’s name as Conor Davis or Conor Greene, he’d have been off this roster five years ago. Where he belongs.
Metcalf with a drop.
Brodrick Jones still looks laughably bad.
STILLERS FOOBAWL BABY
Yeah, but it’s the Jets. They got it together.
Litre and co are gonna be a while so it’s just me, a stein, and a buttload of tvs! Any LA people wanna join it’s Biergarten in K-town
Oh fun, they’re broadcasting the Jets game here!
Commies/Gigantes on Fox.
Wait, Rodgers is still playing? I thought that turd quietly retired
/Russell Wilson hands off to Tracey for no gain
“START DART! START DART! START DART!”
-chant heard from northern Ontario
START DART!
-My dad trying to start his car in the 80’s.
That Giants Coach is an idiot. I hope he stays forever. I’d rather my rookie QB make his mistakes in early in the season, not week 14 in a must win game
He needs wins fast because he’s on a very short leash. He’s not exactly entrenched like Andy Reid.
TD, ICE.
Booooooooooooo…oh wait.
at least Tua wasn’t injured on the coin toss see if we can build on that momentum
Border Patrol gon’ be everywhere in 2025!
Fascists Without Borders
…because all the Doctors Without Borders are all dead now
(wrong border patrol)
there are too many Border Patrols
It’s his year!
Giants get a stop!
/haven’t said that in forever
They did get a stop payment order of Dimes’s last check
lol greatriots
Tre Tucker, future waiver wire sensation (likely making his only tuddy of the year)
One can never have too much Penix, eh?
/Princess with the side eye
Way to get the logo colors backwards, Fox!
We did it.
Geno has learned to throw the call to Bowers already.
Wifey is out with some friends taking their dogs on a hike to be followed with a brunch back here. Can’t wait to tell them they’re a buncha losers, not watching football.*
*this will not happen
let’s see how ESPN ruined RedZone
Now hosted by Stephen A. Smith debating Stephen A. Smith, with a guest halftime interview with Stephen A. Smith.
the OctoYell
Wake up, WCS, you’re having a nightmare
More like a shoutmare if you ask me.
I have committed to re-capping this season, but if ESPN ruination is bad enough, this will be it.
Tombot deployed to Commies game, only time in favor of AI replacing someone
https://youtu.be/Rrzo_f90rmM?si=huWWTZXJK0bzsmvw
I didn’t put on Heroic RedZone Muzak until just now, in protest of the ESPN-ing of the best concept in the history of man.
EAT MY ASS, ESPN/DISNEY
really trash of them not starting it til 12:45
Fireworks Factory: 15 minutes.
/watching Vampires on Bikini Beach as an appetizer
It was filmed in the late 80’s and the feathered hair goes on for miles and miles.
Best line so far?
“Get the fuck oughta here before I rip off your tits.”
And I bet you’ve got BUSH!!!!
Here’s some Bush for you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGTydDSrw68
We would have also accepted “Everything Zen” (I don’t think so….)
Moring Folks.
You appear to have misspelled “whoring”.
Gents, and ladies.
Let’s fucking go.
https://youtu.be/aXJhDltzYVQ?si=8dVVHlq1noy8PcCM
“Let’s get nuts!” – the Dr. Mrs., every time we go to Costco
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xou_HMcIiPA
Am I doing this right?
my 1pm slate:
cbs: lolphins at clots
fox: simpsons rerun
loading up on lolphins, commies and redzone and nachos of course
That reminds me, I have Redzone! Gotta find it. This weirdass remote does not have a last channel button, what the actual fuck, LG?
nachos are also my breakfast, too
even the fucking indianapolis 500 this year was not blacked out locally by the backwards-ass fat humps, the second or third time in history
fuck you goodell
cbs stucking Nate with eating reheated sonic
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xpwg_WI-P1Y
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Z1z7oipqPc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NO2cHJmDkBg
Tonight’s shift is going to be awesome and horrible at the same time.
A brand new season, full of hope, aspirations, and dreams.
Kansas City is going to beat Philly in the Owl again, right?
KEWPIE, WHAT THE HELL?
I like your thinking but that’s not Kyler Murray!
Oh Kewpie, always getting up to hijinx!
My day is made!
Kewpie wouldnt pick on someone smaller than him
“Yes, he would.” – Kyler Murray, rearraging himself after being on the receiving end of an atomic wedgie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWI4qhDT-5w
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Haov6QUFZh0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49d4MLgfLNs
DFO ROLL CALL
ALLEGHENY COUNTY, PENNSYLTUCKY, US & A PRESENT
Peedroh up in this bitch!
Is everyone ready to just hand over your mental health to 53 strangers for the next 5 months, & be disappointed?
I am!
Go Phins!
They couldn’t do any worse than I have done myself.
DONKS WOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Already hedged my bets a bad season at least would mean we are free of McDaniels and Grier. Gators loss yesterday was cathartic to release any expectations of a good season and embrace the spoiler lifestyle.
SKOL motherfuckers!
Bear the fuck Down!
I did not win the 1.7+billion Powerball payout. Two winning tickets, one in Missouri and one in Texas, so I assume two people are splitting the $800+ million lump sum payout and then spending it on guns.
Nah, they are poor hicks. They waste the $800M on lottery tickets.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C47GV5xFkTg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJN56CuGGqE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CPdeKaqPm4
Folks. We made it.
My son, who is 13, earned a spot on a top-quality travel soccer team this year. This weekend he plays his first 2 games with the new club. Yesterday we played something called a “pre-MLS” team from Northern Virginia and soundly beat them 4-2. Today we drive 90 minutes away to Woodbridge (also Northern Virginia) for a 3:00 tilt.
I’ve never seen a coach get more out of kids, and for me, it’s like watching the old Red Army hockey team minus the joylessness. My son has already grown to six feet tall and is built like a tight end; the high school football coaches were trying to recruit him to play this year. He’s happy where he is, though, and that thrills his mom & me. Can’t believe he’s doing all this having had a clubbed right foot at birth. Fuck it, so did Mia Hamm. Can’t believe I’m already at the stage in his life where I feel my role is to just feed him to the best of my abilities, do no (further) harm, and basically step aside.
My first week bets are usually pig shit. I guess I don’t follow training camps closely enough, and thus expect every team to pick up right where they left off last season. However, some lines in the 1:00 window seemed out of whack to me:
ALL THAT BEING SAID, I am a notorious mush. I just wanted to see if anyone agreed with my thinking on these 3 games. Happy football season you bunch of palookas, and may all your GAMBLOR! be profitable!
I’m dedicating this season to my pal Matt Wray, who passed away this year of lung cancer. I met him working at the same pizza joint in1996 and immediately became football buddies with him and his crew, which he generously welcomed me into when I was new in Virginia. He kept “THE BIG BOARD” every Sunday, and his apartment was the scene of many happy Sunday afternoons. Thanks for everything, Wrayboy, ya big Jersey galoot. Dumb fun for big dopes, indeed. Miss you, kid. Kickoff is in an hour and a half, send me a sign if you need smokes.
Enjoy the road games with your kid. The time will pass much too quickly but the memories will never fade.
You’re a good footy dad, appreciative and hands-off – while being THERE. No kid can ask for better than that, Fronk!
I think all your picks are quite logical, FWIW. Also very bad at Week 1 prognostication.
You are a good egg, Fronk. As my dad used to say, you’re a Solid Citizen, not a Bad Actor!
I think the problem people see with the Giants leading to that line is the offense. That being said, you’re spot on that divisional games, especially in the NFC east, can be surprising.
Awesome about the kid, it’s still early days but sounds like he’s in a good spot for scholarships in a few years!
Take the Over on Daniel Jones’ throws that are less than 5 yards past the line of scrimmage. Trust me on this.
What’re the details on the DFO eliminator challenge on ESPN?
Asking for someone who would very much like to take the Cardinals, thereby ensuring a Saints win.
https://fantasy.espn.com/games/nfl-eliminator-challenge-2025/group?id=92e73e7b-f3a8-3b70-bbf5-908ac8d68372
Thanks. I think I’m in. Can’t see the whole group for some reason. But I did, Bidwill’s sexuality aside, just pick the Cardinals.
Me too. I figured may as well get the Cardinals pick out of the way.
¡Buenos días! Over here it’s 85 F / 28 C, clear skies, cool breeze, low tide: perfect bong-cleaning weather.
Nothing like a nice, clean bong.
I’ve found rubbing alcohol & some rock salt works quite nicely for glassware.
Rinse unril you think you’ve rinsed enough, then rinse some more.
Ah, I missed that Sunday morning routine, second-guessing every player in my starting lineup.
same place resisting urge to throw away all the backup or low tiers RBs I’ve hoarded for a flyer on Dayami Brown
I have enough shame and regret in my life without ff…
/opens Catholics Excel
//deletes row
No one on my bench is gonna be good till week 3 minimum so I have the rare easy week
For me, its impulsive bets expertly targeted towards my Limbic System causing it to overpower my Prefrontal Cortex:
“Okay, I’ve made a few small bets about the spread, over/under and Burrow Pass TDs. Now, I’m going to sit back and…a Seven-Leg Parlay suggested by the app that pays +4000? How can I lose?!”
Ah yes, because the app loves you and wants you to win
I never said I was smart and mature!
I live pretty much exclusively in Limbicland!
That feeling in Week 1 when your team takes the field and you suddenly forget all the physical, financial, emotional and psychological trauma your team has caused you:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kj20kjHCBXw&pp=ygUfY29icmEga2FpIGpvaG5ueSBmaW5hbCBlbnRyYW5jZQ%3D%3D
May all y’all be drunk, pilled-up, or somehow-content-with-life to forget how much you already hate your fantasy team and just enjoy the glory of today.
We shall do that Sir.
Grocery shopping is done (sadly not with her) and I’m planted in the taverna getting set for the prep game show.
Nice melons !
Oxtail in the slow cooker , McCaffrey still questionable and red zone music cued up alls right and ready for some fooooootbaaaawllll
Have they added commercial breaks to the Heroic RedZone Music, yet?
had to goto youtube to get it seems they are starting the music later than normal. Surprised not running infomercials for draft kings, crypto or colloidal silver.
Back when infomercials meant something
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b21MQqHthPs
Not the best photoshop-fu, but I lol’d at this snapback to the Kilgore post.
Isn’t it a double revenge game with Fields?
“Kickoff is coming, Kickoff is coming, Kickoff is coming..”
There’s less than three hours to go. Who knows what Trump can do with that time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jvGK8Z29f4&pp=ygUfZ3JvdW5kaG9nIGRheSBhbGFybSBjbG9jayBzY2VuZQ%3D%3D
…and so begins another season of Cincinnati Bengals football!
Arizona is 2-0
Arizona State is 1-1
If we’re going to have a Federal Marshall Law – Shortened season, let’s ink the record books here.
If Aaron Rodgers leads the Yinzholes to a road victory against Aaron Glenn’s Jets today, there will be unspeakable fan violence at that stadium afterwards.
Philly like… D cell batteries will be thrown…
President Stolen Valor will issue a campaign medal to the Guardsman who Kent State anyone in a Jets Rodgers jersey. It’ll be a golden life-sized silhouette of his erect penis.
And by “Kent State”, I mean Katyn Forest.
Also — if you’re just gonna the military cleaning shit up, how about stoploss Brick and get the fucking oceans clean (and Great Again!)?
They can clean up that plastic continent floating in the Pacific! (unless they accidentally murder themselves because they mistake themselves for brown foreign civilizans)
National Guard invading New Jersey? Not sure what it would do for the National Morale to have the National Guard lose a war with New Jersey.
Remember, it has been prophecied:
Noo Yawk Jets – 10-7
Yinzburgh Stillers – 7-10
Inshallah.
It’s the reason for the season. Let the games begin.