Hawking loogies seems to be a popular thing these days. Who knew?
To The Game!
Ravens/Bills:
-“Oh, Hi Mark!” Do you think Baltimorons have forgiven Andrews for his critical dropsy last time these two met? “No!” is probably the answer. What about that fumble? “NO!” once again, I’m sure.
-This is the fifth time that the last two MVP’s have met in a season opener. There’s a silly factoid for you and no, I don’t know who were the last combatants.
-The Bills are headed to their sixth straight division title this year. Has it really been that long since the Pats were relevant? Time flies when you’re having fun/not getting New England shoved down your throat.
-Allen has a 3-2 record vs the Ravens with 6 TD’s and a 91-157 completion record.
-Buffalo will be without difference-makers Tyler Bass and cb Tre’Davious White. Look for Lamar to pick on sixth round pick Dorian Strong who will likely take the latter’s place in the secondary.
-The Ravens will be lacking fullback (fullback?) Pat Ricard and their other tight end Isaiah Likely.
That’s it for me, I think this game speaks for itself.
Derrick Henry. Still good
Henry: Portrait of a Clock Killer
Scariest thought EVAR – if Tractorcito had an identical twin, and you could just give them each 20 carries a game. Especially if they insisted on playing together, on salcap-friendly wages.
Huge Holes Opening Up: The Kendra Lust Story
damn the lions for disappointing her. time and again.
Baltimore looks really good.
When they are right, they are pretty unstoppable, Question is whether they can sustain a full season.
They’re going to score again before the half and they’ll bookend it with a score to start the second half
And that will be all she wrote.
They always do during the regular season. It’s in the playoffs where they shit their pants.
Well, that’s urban renewal for you.
Chris got a little excited about the Men just pounding it seems.
https://bsky.app/profile/ronfilipkowski.bsky.social/post/3lybrsfdu7s26
I wish that instead of getting booed he had died.
Someone couldn’t get a pail of shit in there to dump on him?
Apparently a lot of people missed the first set because of all the security precautions.
Release the Epstein Files.
Instead of booing him they should have chanted “Epstein, Epstein, Epstein” until he left in a huff or stroked out.
the upcoming january disappointment for baltimore is gonna be legendary
Bill D training offseason on bumper cars not paying off
Collinsworth is usually annoying as fuck, but his little “Boop!” when Henry shoved Bishop’s dick in the dirt was hilarious…
Just had my first “Fuck off Colinsworth you cunt!” Football is back.
derrick henry murdering defensive backs like hes in a kaiju film will never, ever get old
Thanks again for letting Baltimore get Derrick Henry, Titans.
So glad he was too expensive for Dallas.
Why, if the Cowboys had signed Henry they’d never have been able to resign Micha Parsons, and then where would they be?
Yeah, right up there with the Bears giving them Roquan Smith.
Barring a 33 point performance from a Bears WR
(laughs for 45 minutes)
I should win Week One’s Lowratio League match-up, thanks in no small part to Derrick Henry
you may laugh, but you are depending on the vikings for a Good Sports Thing, even if it is against the bears
Absent a Viking disaster on the scale of The Battle of Stamford Bridge I feel like I’m in pretty good shape.
Bears. Pass. Lol. Catch. Hehe.
damn hes such a monster
Fuckin’ clickbaity horseshit got me with TRAGEDY IN BUFFALO with RIP over a picture of Bruce Smith.
Bruce Smith is very much alive.
I’m watching this on peacock. They are really trying to push people to watch ‘ The Paper’. Of which, I can only imagine It’s working title was: The Office 2: Electric Boogaloo.
It may be good, it may not, but I’m just not interested in watching another comedy about a dying industry that was once central to America.
Especially given what we’ve seen from post-newspaper Murrika
I didn’t watch/hear much of WAS/NYG after HT, but was Brady noticeably better? He did a good job (I thought) of analyzing the 1-minute/1 time out drill strategy without sounding obnoxious.
what if we combined The Brands with Jimmy Fallon?
My ex-wife is definitely a “high calorie woman,” by the way.
HCW, works for me. My ex is an HCW, not that awkward to say.
Ohhh, it can also mean the same as Human CoW.
It just occurred to me: if the Bills lose, the Dolphins will be tied for first place. If the Bills win, the Dolphins will be tied for second. Coach McD is still in the hunt for Coach of the Year, baby!
It’s really his award to lose.
Yes, boo! Boo the obvious thing that is confirmed by replay!
I hope they neglected to clean all the draft beer taps in the stadium the entire offseason and everyone at this game drinks mold and gets an itchy pee-hole.
I assume in this scenario they are fucking the glass after they drink the moldy beer.
A question for the well traveled on this site, have you ever seen a urinal where the lip was about 3 1/2 ft from the floor? I’m not short and I almost had to arc it in, hell I probably could’ve placed my junk on the lip for that matter.
As someone who is not your doctor and completely unqualified to give any medical advice whatsoever: putting your junk directly touching a urinal is probably a great way to get your picture in a medical textbook somewhere.
I would never do so believe me. My first real career type job was at a nonprofit focused on reproductive health in 3rd wo…. I mean developing countries. I have seen things which sometimes makes me wish for alzheimers. One of the clinicians was fascinated with anal warts and loved to have slide shows of his newest and best pictures he had collected. Attendance was mandatory.
As someone who sees snuff footage every day through Al -Jazeera:
What the FUCK, dude.
The things he would show, I would not eat for days afterwards.
Please tell me he would start every slide show with ” Get a load of this asshole”
No, he would be kinda giddy, it was creepy, he was creepy.
Oh, never, never, ever do an image search for STD symptoms in 3rd world countries. I had to several times for papers that were being written.
Found a funny:
[ancient egyptian standup comic] see guys from the upper kingdom, they observe funerary rites like THIS. but us guys from the lower kingdom, we observe funerary rites like THIS. See this guy knows what I’m talking about [pointing at man with the head of a bird]
Is this Bosa of the MAGA racist Bosas or is he just unfortunately named?
Pretty sure he’s the former.
He’s the Bosa who keeps his MAGA racism to himself. Compared to his SF brother, anyway.
I drafted Derrick Henry with my first pick in the Lowratio League for those exact receiving skills.
(I did not do that)
(I DID NOT!)
Mark Andrews reception!
IZZ BULLSHEET
Greatest movie ever.
https://tenor.com/view/nickkroll-krollshow-toomuchtuna-hello-gif-4906492
90 degrees, sunny, have we been in a dark bar all day? God damned right we have.
Sounds like an excellent day.
Well you don’t want to get sunburned.
I think the steins Dok has been drinking is bigger than her head.
Differently shaped, but very likely
Evening all.
next non-quarterback to win MVP should get an automatic bid to the HOF
“…And the 2025 Most Valuable Player of the National Football League is… Tyreek Hill!”
I mean, logically a half back should be twice as good
What if they went… wait for it… FULL back?
Kickoff, fixed! O-fficially
They first changed the kickoff rules to make them rarer and safer. Now that they accomplished that, they’ve changed the rules again to incentivize returns by a returner getting a 30 yard head start. Smart!
Noted 7th overall draft pick long shot Josh Allen.
-Collinsworth, “Think back to the Tom Brady days”.
All of America, NO!
*Me, wistfully to self* Ah, yes…
STILLERS ARE UNDEFEATED STAIRWAY TO SEVEN BABY HERE WE GO STILLERS HERE WE GO CRANK RENEGADE WE’RE—-
/tased again by roommate
//wakes up at work, fully dressed somehow, with lunch bag
Oh jeez. I hope you win it with Aaron because Stairway to Seven sounds better than Sixburgh.
Cris, is there a defense you can think of where the strategy would be to get them to go in the same direction as the play?
Hey NBC, wanna go into why Baltimore moved on from their long time kicker? No?
Did they actually move on? Last I saw he was suspended ten games and now he’s waiting to “get his life back”
pretty sure Balmer cut him, though he could sign with somebody else Week 11
Well if the team of two Rays cut him he probably is done. Except for maybe the Browns
Oh, Andy Reid would hire him in a minute except his placement man is (i) better; and (ii) maybe even a bigger dickweed
FITBAW is the only unquestioned good in my life, and THANK FUCK we still have it to enjoy.
Well it sure as hell isn’t cats.
ONLY because of the bathroom-related stuff.
Look, Marshall Manning didn’t do much in that commercial, but I already like him better than that Collinsworth spawn.
Oh wow, a Draft Kings ad. Didn’t see that coming.
Bet you it won’t happen again. I’ll give you 3-1 odds.
Sold American!
Bowing out of what on paper should be a good game. I just can’t.
They should sneak Jane Krakowski into the SNF theme one week just to see if anyone notices.
Carrie Magawood
20 years of hitting the mute button
SHUT THE FUCK UP COLLINSWORTH!
To give y’all a preview of the morning, I am dumb enough to go on record and predict these two FINALLY play in the AFC Title game, like the two best teams and two best QBs in the League should.
to answer the question “can it get dumber”, yes
https://bsky.app/profile/twesq.bsky.social/post/3lybuglcw722p
.
That’s Montreal Alouettes legend Marv Levy, if you please.
oh so buffalo is gonna let down marv levy one more time before he dies
Alright. Got my final speaker mounted to complete the full surround sound in my basement after 3 years of staring at it stacked in the corner… Got the wings all polished off in the dying minutes of the late game… Time to Lock. The. Fuck. In.
Scotchy, I look forward to my victory over your terrible squadron as Lamar absolutely decimates this Bills defense.
My chances of winning went from 66% to 3% because fantasy football is a bitch goddess and I love her so.