Welcome back! It was kind of a perfect football day yesterday, enough competitive games and then that great finale. It’s always interesting to me to see old faces in new places and also to see how various rookies are being worked into their lineups. We also saw Micah Parsons rub salt into one of Jerry Jones festering open wounds, that was delightful! And of course on this very site we celebrated the return of Hippo Thoughts which is always a wonderful Monday morning pick-me-up. Let’s do another regular thing now…
Fallout:
-After being destroyed in their last two season openers 80+ something to -7 or so the Giants kept it (for them) close 21-6. So baby steps for them. If Russell continues with a few more sub .500 passing completion forays we’ll see Dart before he’s ready which seems to be like a Giants thing to do. Next week they’ve got the Cowboys and after that the Chiefs. Oh gawd, it’s going to be bad.
-Miami looks to be dead in the water. And decisions like signing perpetually injured Darren Waller have most everyone flummoxed. I was going to give him two games before he was to pull up lame but he never even made it to the gate.
-If you’re ready to bail on some of your fantasy selections already you could pick up a Danny Dimes, a Dylan Sampson, maybe Jacory Croskey-Merritt or even Quentin Johnson. (I don’t trust those hands yet though)
-I was happy to see that the Canadian Medical Association journal (in the form of an editorial) said something along these lines-“Jesus Christ, enough with the non-stop blitz of fucking gambling ads. Let’s develop some guidelines, please!” I wish more organizations would jump into the fray, it’s a bit ridiculous how many we are inundated with up here.
To The Game!
Vikings/Bears:
-Tonight we begin to find out what Ben Johnson can do with Caleb Williams. One quote by the former indicated that the offense and the QB are going to “grow together” which tells me that there are pieces Caleb hasn’t fully caught on to yet.
-As a matter of fact there are many questions swirling round both signal-callers in this tilt. I noticed that early in camp some of the reporters that follow the team pushed back on the narrative that McCarthy’s arm-strength wasn’t all that. Scribes carrying water for the team-I guess there’s compliant media beyond the political realm.
-The Bears o-line which gifted Williams with a league-leading 68 sacks has been tinkered with so we’ll see if he has a fighting chance this year.
-You’ll likely see a lot of D’Andre Swift this evening because Roschon is banged up and beyond him is Kyle Monangi, a 7th round draft pick this spring.
Enjoy what’s on offer.
Pump up the jam?
“What’s this about jam?”
-Andy R.
[looks around desperately for croissants]
Saquon has really good skin, maybe he can endorse Avon
L’Occitane or gtfo
Kawhi Leonard has good advice about how you can make lots of money doing endorsements without having to do any actual work.
I’m thinking he could get something a touch more fancy that Avon .
His mom might like the pink Caddy tho?
That’s mary kay.
My mother had one
“Not as light as we’d like but not too dark either.”
-Corporations, looking to fill the quotas suggested by the outcome of that HR/Public Relations get-together that got, ‘out of hand’.
Keep your eyes on this guy!
https://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/players/41925/
Why? Does he have a list of grievances and an automatic rifle?
Flying to NYC tomorrow to meet with Goodell to present my idea: each NFL team must have one player that represents their team name. Said player must play either offense or defense and be on the field for every snap, battling their rival.
Think about it, a vikings vs bucs game would be another version of Highlander.
Lions,Tigers, and Bears, oh my!
The Packers representative oughta be interesting…
As would the Browns.
A drunk 300lb dude with a meat cleaver looking to jam flesh into a container?
Or you mean Buddy’s version?
Would certainly change the vibe when they play the Bears
Will Barkley injure himself on the Manningcast? Hopeless Tank Bigsy owners stay tuned
In following up on the conversations from earlier:
Horror movies did not prepare me for how fucking unreliable chainsaws are.
it would be great if, in the middle of some slaughter, the blade flies off and Leatherface has to stalk off to the tool bench muttering “fuck this fucking piece of fucking shit anyway”
Or a Home Depot run.
We don’t go to home depot around these parts.
We go to mernards, like all proud Midwesterners
I’d go there too, if we had them here. I spent way too much money buying HD shame boxes when I was moving. Lowe’s is just as bad, the depot at least had sturdier ones.
Save big money at Menards!
Replace leather face with my dad, and imagine the slaughter is tree limbs
that the way the actor felt at end of the first movie which is why the end dance was so effective
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxRigGcXrrI
the choice comments from various interviews think heard during the Joe bob coverage of it
“He was also just off of the 27 hour shift for the Dinner Scene, wearing a 4 week old unwashed shirt, and gojng insane
“the chainsaw was real. When filming the Bubba chase scene in the basement, Gunnar Hansen almost killed himself by tripping while holding the active chainsaw in “lock” mode (where it’s always active without user holding the trigger)’
“Gunnar said he wasn’t dancing, he was ramping up to chuck the chainsaw far away (which he did) because he was so tired of making the movie lol”
Have him curse cheap Chinese crap and then make racist comments, make him more evil.
Breaking down in a rainstorm used to be how great movies like Rocky Horror started. Now it’s a gambling ad. Sorry gambling apps, I would rather gamble on FrankNFurter’s sexuality
I’ll put $500 on him being a sweet transexual from Transylvania.
I still say 3rd down passes behind the marker are not-lose, cowardly bullshit. And young people today must expect shouting in the workplace dammit!
Shouting or shooting?
The only difference is U.
Back in the day I could understand it if your team had a dominant defense. But then I noticed Belichick/Brady teams never throwing short of the marker despite having a superior D.
Minnesota looks wretched.
Football game unrelated
TRUE HIPPO ANECDOTE! I have never, ever been to Minnesota. Wisconsin and Illinois? Yes.
I like the weather here in WI right now very much.
Believe it or not, it got nice down Cakalaky way (starting this morning)
It’s supposed to cool down for a few days, high 70’s, low 80’s . Yes please
Lowratio was disappointed because he thought it was Mini-soda
Just kick the fucking field goal Bears!
-asshole next to me at every black jack table
-Me at every Twink Night down at the Manhole
It’s a shame about the exploding Manhole cover, goddamn inflation
OH THAT IS GOOD
This is all a ploy to raise the hopes of Bears fans, right? Although I wouldn’t mind them actually being cromulent, will make the NFC North even MOAR interesting
Purdy has an injured toe and shoulder, and Kittle is out for a couple weeks most likely. I should go down to the practice facility and see if they’ll let me watch the illegal cage fights they have instead of practicing the footballing
If you wait a couple of weeks you can probably do that at the White House.
Culture 3 is going well
https://youtu.be/Mz8phJG_bmk?t=35
Or more likely McCaffrey found a way to pass around his It Follows curse.
I don’t think it’s totally out of the realm of possibility that an earlier Shanahan family ran an Inn somewhere in the 1800’s and travelers wouldn’t be killed or eaten but just maimed, seriously maimed.
/Lars Von Trier is reading my movie treatment, btw…
That would explain a lot!
Caleb Williams is kinda fun to watch!
False starts at home—I feel ya, Bers.
the last time a bears QB started 10/10 was mitch kissing 5 pairs of titties in a strip joint
I believe you’re forgetting someone
“If those chicks didn’t want to get pregnant then why were they within 75 yards of me?”
Me:/putting on a headlamp and grabbing a chainsaw to finally deal with the tree that came down in our yard today.
Mrs. Horatio: Is that a good idea.
Me: Absolutely not.
Anyway, I got it done and I have all my fingers and toes. Chainsaw blade came off and I had to finish with a handsaw, but frankly I expected that.
Now to reward myself for all that manly labor with a hot chocolate and whipped cream! As any proud lumberjack would.
The testosterone oozes 🤤
Good job not sawing one or more of your limbs off.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FshU58nI0Ts
The mighty scotch pine!!
Single barrel?
/asking for a friend
A tip, if you’re sitting on a branch don’t saw that one off
agreed to cut down 3 or 4 small trees on the neighbor fence line next weekend, queue up the
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A52p9jc-gOo
Hope you topped the whipped cream with a stem-less cherry like all of us Alpha Males.
McCarthy and/or McConnell targeting a practice squad CB was very smart.
That’s strange, I thought they would have targeted a red state Democrat.
[remember when Kevin McCarthy’s political career was obliterated because he refused to live permanently in the modern GOP’s conspiracy-fueled fantasy land?]
well, he can throw the flacco bailout ball
McCarthy has a hell of an arm. Hard to believe he’s barely 18.
Come again?
He’s never made anyone come, Horatio.
Woke up at 3am for 6 am flight, then work as soon as I got home around 8:30 am, so going for the quick microwave corn dog with chili crisp for dinner. It’s good!
Have to watch the game over air antenna. No A/C, but reception’s 👌🏼 and the couch has a developed ass groove.
Tell me more about this couch.
-JD Vance
Evening folks, I need some JJ to JJ action, that’ll be:
Since it’s not even 9 yet, I’m opening the Jameson. A fave since this Onion infographic
I think that fantasy folks that drafted TE Loveland as their backup guy are going to be sitting pretty in the 2nd half of the season.
Ate lunch at a great place Coyote Roadhouse, but again 3.5 ft from ground to urinal lip. They must really have something against short men, Lowratio could have a discrimination law suit.
3 things:
1. I had no idea Archie played till 1984
2. I had no idea he played for Minnesota
3. I had no the bears were allowed to score on their opening drive
As George Orwell said, “It’s a brave new world”.
I swear I never saw him play, but I watched SO MUCH FITBAW as a child (born 1973). I mean, FFS – I remember Charlie Morton!
It’s how all the best jokes work: setup, then payoff.
I forgot how this works, there’s more football now! Neat!
And I missed a Chicago Bears opening drive touchdown of all things? WHAT A WORLD!
JJ tackled himself. Saves time.
the chicago bears scored a touchdown on their very first offensive drive of the nfl season
things like this happened during a time before the internet was invented
and tv
And before certain people were allowed to use certain water fountains
And Walter Payton’s liver was just fine and dandy!
and when they used an enemy’s head as a football
The Long Walk movie has me massively engorged
BEARDOWN!
Maybe Ben Johnson is a genius after all??
The Bears scored?
and it WASNT the defense?!
30 more pts by them and im back in it
It’s Raining Twinks!
And I am loving it!
Hallelujhah!!!!!
[door flies open]
The Minnesota Slump Busters
Well the are high calorie men on the team.
Shit. No Manningcast?
I wish Eli tag-teamed the Brady roast because LOL
Aren’t they on Espn2?
ESPN2.
its on espn2
I don’t know if anyone has mentioned it, but its on ESPN TWO.
Eli is so happy he knows his numbers, because that 2 threw him off at first
Which channel can I find the Blair Witch Project?
I don’t know if anyone has mentioned it, but its on ESPN TWO.
I have a lethal fear of being lost in the woods from when I got lost in the woods, and that movie fucking chills me to the core.
I will admit that me and my buddy were out hunting for porno mags that older kids had supposedly left there. It was a supposed huge stash and gained legendary status in my neighborhood.
Kinda like Raiders of the Lost Ark, but with Juggs magazine instead of an ancient holy relic
WAY too much bears offense so far
burning a timeout in the first drive, now thats more bear-like
That just reinforces my thoughts about Williams trying to pick up what the new coach is putting down.
Bears being offensive is one of the reason we don’t see Buddy here much anymore. Ppl forget that
.
Could ya do one for Moose? Moose we’re sorry for whatever whoever did!
I miss Moose.
Yes, without naming names….
I miss em
via Imgflip
Oopsie, that didn’t work!
Have to say that the NFC North as a whole is on an interesting trajectory because there’s so much young talent spread across the division at the skill positions. (Goff, the oldest QB, turns 31 in October)
i like how the “vMh” patch on the bears unis reminds everyone with that big “M” that the mccaskey’s mean more than the halas family
I have been at LAX for 6 hours so far. What a shit airport. One resto in the whole place before going through security. What. A. Joke.
A glorified Greyhound Bus Station if you ask me.
It does get better after security
Just watched a vaccine commercial using Blitzkrieg Bop as background music.
You feel ancient yet?
For the past month I’ve had to take the stairs one step at a time, due to my left knee being blown out. Thank god for cortisone.
OPIUM IS BETTER JUST SAYIN
Hits off a vape get me through the day.
Herr Charlemango already has the Air Force doing Thunder Runs over Chicago?
Saw a few lads from the 101st Airborne tumbling out Normandy style
the timeline:
a halas dies, an asshole in the white house, a promising young bears qb and fairly new bears coach, and 20+ years since the bears last title of any kind
…they better not kill a teacher inside a rocket on live tv again, this time
‘What’s that smell?”, you may ask.
It’s the smell of a gas burner on the fucking stove being left open by my 11 year old who was making fucking ramen.
Every morning I should say a prayer thanking the Lord that we don’t have gas in my house.
the return of football season and the traditional question of WHAT FUCKING GODDAMN CHANNEL OR APP IS THE GAME ON?
Espn. Peypey the Embiggened and Eli Juicebox are on Espn Dos.
Chicago has Italian Beef and Chicago dogs. What Somali and/or Hmong dishes does MSP call its own?
Thank you for not mentioning deep dish pizza, because if I wanted a plate of soggy, disturbing moist glop garnished with the shittiest tomato sauce ever made, I’d have dinner at my sister in law’s house.
I can’t get behind deep dish either, and yes, I’ve had it in Chicago. It’s not my thing, but I looove Chicago dogs and Italian beeves.
I love all dogs! I hate all beehives, though.
I bought a lifetime supply of honey today at Costco, so I have no more use for bees. And I got trickfucked by the kleenex, so I have a lifetime supply of that , but the boxes don’t fit in my fucking kleenex holders. As God is my witness, I thought they were cubes!
As far as beehives are concerned you’ve gotta smoke ’em if you’ve got ’em.
I read that as “italian beavers” and thought, “Yeah, me too. Cause I married one.”
(Sorry, I’m in a shitty vindictive mood)
Here’s the thing-there are some dishes/foods that are great when you only want a few bites. I’ll never defend poutine as a dish because it is a salty, greasy, texture-less, one note flavor. I feel the same way about pancakes with maple syrup and also deep dish. They are all boring experiences with no balance at all after 5-10 minutes in.
It all just sucks
Evergreen
Surfing doesn’t suck, just ask blax.
It’ll be late (automatic 10% grade deduction!), but I will have the Stillers preview up this week. I think.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CArvKoVPs_E
I’m struggling with a theme. I know what I want to convey, but
Just do your own research.
“Independent thought causes Autism!”
-RFK Jr and his brainworm, probably
120 Minutes Playlist Project Status: Have arrived in 1989, let’s celebrate with a DOUBLE SHOT.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuxss1kBQWw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyaK3jo4Sl4
If you don’t got Mojo Nixon
Then your store could use some fixin’
She’s vibrator dependent,
Don’t want me in it,
Says I don’t make the right noise.
Gotta put that 220 on the money, honey!
All I want for Christmas (or sooner) is for Litre to write up a post about his trip to LA to see Oasis.
Everything I read says that it was an amazing show.
We prepped him by showing him an Angels game first, so he was probably flummoxed by a full stadium with happy people.
Except for Liam and Noel, of course.
Now I’m picturing Oasis doing a cover of “Shiny Happy People” by R.E.M.
They would be rolling around on the stage, slapping and biting each other, before the first chorus.