Let’s go. Where?
To The Games!
Pack/Browns:
Cleveland isn’t much to look at on O but the rush D is a beast-only allowing 92 yards on the ground so far. Look for rook rb Judkins to get a full work load this week in the hopes of keeping the team out of 3rd and long situations which has been a problem so far.
Colts/Titans:
Ward has been sacked 11 times already and even though Indy doesn’t have that much of a pass rush they are getting back a starting DT. No team has gone three straight games without punting since 1940. You knew I was going to point it out-projection-wise, QB Jones is ranked as #8. What a world.
Bengals/Vikes:
My backup qb is better than yours. As far as experience goes the winner is Carson Wence, the first at his position to start for six different teams in six years. He faces a Cincy D that has been on the field more than only three other teams and is surrendering 3rd down conversions at a non-healthy 51% rate.
Steelers/Pats:
Pitt is not playing their game-their rush game is only averaging 3 per attempt (maybe it wasn’t Najee’s fault?) and the D is giving up 30+ points per tilt on average. Some reporters have heard cries of, “Get me three gallons of chicken blood, Stat!” in the halls of Steelers headquarters.
Rams/Eagles:
Hurts doesn’t have a throwing TD yet but McVay has likened him to Magneto in that, “he can beat you with his mind”, at least that’s how I interpret it. The Rams D has a -11% pass expectation rate, which means they’re playing right into Hurts and Saquon’s strengths.
Jets/Bucs:
It’s early but NY is leaning on Garrett Wilson to an extent that his 37% target rate has only been exceeded twice over the course of a season. Someone else, Bueller?, needs to step up. Funny how a ‘shitty attitude’ suddenly morphs into a ‘confident swagger’ when you’re in the right situation and have been allowed for your talent to flourish, right Baker? Browns beat reporters that carried water for the team, I see you.
Raiders/Commies:
Washington let tight end Kraft go for 124 last week and now Bowers comes to town. One surprise from this Carroll-led team is that Geno has tossed a long ball (over 30 air yards) at the second-highest rate. With Daniels having a wonky knee (I’ve heard this before…) the O may lean on the rook rb a bit more.
Falcons/Panthers:
Bryce Young’s growth continues to be stunted and things may not get much better against an Atlanta team that registered 6 sacks last week. Bijan should have another good day-Carolina allows 2.5 to opposing ball carriers after contact, 3rd-most in the league.
Texans/Jags:
It’s the battle of the disappointing fantasy wr’s-Collins. Thomas Jr. Who ya got? Houston has a chance to fall to 0-3 for the first time since 2020 but should take care of business here. Their pass rush is something but their run game stop percentage rate is a lowly 27.5 so start Etienne without any qualms. Travis Hunter hasn’t passed Dyami Brown in the wr pecking order yet-that has to change soon.
Have at it.
Tuten Kamin into the end zone!
DUUUUUVVAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, Vikings look good against Temu Joe Burrow.
Welp…
Bananapuddings equalizer, Gooners
HOLY SHIT, YES!!!
Never a doubt in my mind.
/deletes earlier comments saying the opposite
I have a bad feeling about my Freezer Vodka team this week
Geeee-NO
It sure was nice of God to send rain last night. It means I can’t go paint until after the morning games. “But the boards are still wet, dear.”
But slightly wet wood absorbs paint and stain better
/missed the point
//ducks
Locker door flies open
Magneto controls metal/magnetism you should have gone with Professor Xavier for a telepath that can beat you with their mind.
Locker door flies shut
Love a window of missed placements, me. It’s a beautiful microcosm of the futile nature of human struggle.
Between the throwback kit and the Yinzer opposition, I really am pulling hard for the P*ts and it makes me feel awfully funny inside.
Hush, you.
only person in boston i would ever pull for
Time to see if BLEERGH is against the Bengals or just the idea of Defense in general.
The Cincy D’s “Salute To Tissue Paper” is off to a fantastic start.
Why you gotta insult Tissue Paper like that?
Yeah I wouldn’t wipe my arse with Dax Hill no ofence smgdh
Careful, expressing that exact sentiment got me kicked out of Charlie Kirk’s funeral.
Time to see how the Browns’ Brown helmet look in real…BWHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHSH1!!!!!!!!!
Predicion – Dakota Jeebus keeps the JORB
Wentz still got it.
Mariota has been practicing his Jayden impersonation!
Two plays, Three Flags the referees’ arms will be sore tonight.
Lol, I started Stevenson.
cam ward shouldve stuck to just playing hockey
FATTY PICK!!
August Redshirt: “Wow, this crowd for a Preseason contest between Carson Wentz and Jake Browning is amazing! September Redshirt, why are you crying?”
Wheeebo! Deebo!
Niiiiiiiiiiiicccccccce return, Deebo!
Patriots throwbacks are sweet.
Agreed. They were “lovable losers” back then, too.
Am liking the Rams in an upset today.
Good afternoon, fellow degenerates.
Morning Folks
cbs doing the throwback stuff should be permanent because the graphics are way, way less annoying, and most of all
that dumb nfl on cbs theme theyve been using since about 2003 is gone
Oh, that’s what they are doing? I saw the quality and thought my internet was going sideways.
fox shouldve countered with this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etiXPf1op0U
THIS GUY RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY COOKING CHORIZO I CALL HIM CHARLIE KIRK AT A SPEAKING ENGAGEMENT BECAUSE HIS SHIRT IS GETTING COVERED WITH RED STUFF.
THIS GUY RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY NOW I CALL HIM THE LATE CHARLIE KIRK’S IDEAL WOMAN BECAUSE HE IS BAREFOOT AND WEARING AN APRON.
THIS GUY RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY, I DON’T CALL HIM THE LATE CHARLIE KIRK’S IDEAL WOMAN BECAUSE HE HAS ACCESS TO INTERNET AND A FREE MIND.
ALSO HE ISN’T PREGNANT (PROBABLY)
I’ll ask ArmedandHammered if I can borrow a rabbit to check.
Wait, they what? Always? Okay, no, never mind.
In both Math Hard! and Freezer Vodka I’m exactly a 40% underdog. That’s consistent and quality underperforming!
Not sure how to handle a normal start time.
Guess I’ll get the disappointment out of my system early.
SKOL!
This will be the annual “surprise loss” game. Which will get all the media local and otherwise to shut the hell up. I am good with that. You’re welcome Pauls.
yeah that kept me away from GB in any survivoUr pool action
I’m already safe taking Buffalo in the Thursday game.
#MeToo
(took them also in money Survivor and Miami as Loser pools, so the rare trifecta)
I think the chinstrap is the best part
“I’ll take five!” – Rob Ryan, thinking that the mannequin is included
NFL football has concussions, but Premier League football has a football to the groin!
https://www.reddit.com/r/soccer/comments/1nmw97o/trossard_bernardo_silva_incident_454/
Every time I hear “Donnaruma” I think it’s a Donna Summer/Bananarama compilation project.
No, that’s titled “Cruel Donna Summer”
That’s also an extra $100/hr ppl forget that!
Or fraction thereof – nobody can handle a full hour of that.
I think silk bathrobe and hammock chair for the early games
I would object to a bathrobe being in violation of the Pants Rule, but then I remember the landmark case of Kilt v. DFO.
plus, can silk ever BE pants? It’s just too comfy/sleep reminiscent
I FELL, OK??? – Pep G., Manchester, UK
I read that as “I FEEL OK???“
(he has a boo-boo on his face, near right eye)
Not the best start for clubhouse-favoUred Water Pistols.
Hulkster!
I refuse to pay for another streaming service, but Arsenal going out and shitting the bed against Man City would be about the least surprising thing I’ve heard since learning that Tom Homan is (allegedly) dumb enough to demand his bribes be paid in bags.
Handsome Mikel still looks good, at least.
Much like werewolves in Trade Vic’s, his hair is perfect.
I really enjoy Temu ads, the crap is just so random. They really want to sell me a miniature metal smelter as well.
GAMBLOR! tunes this morning; “ZZ Top’s First Album”. Starts out as a groovy blues tune, then at 2:40 they turn into a herd of rampaging beefaloes! If I am introducing anyone to this song/record, that would please me immensely. Enjoy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVi0fhYGCUc&list=RDIVi0fhYGCUc&start_radio=1
Let’s try a different link, maybe?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64oOmUzNLvs
I am going to have the house to myself for several glorious hours today, and I shall spend them in front of the television set.
I WAS going to finally view some NFL ACTION but my kid is in here watching Goosebumps now.
There is a traveling sumo show coming to town in November I’m thinking about taking him to. I was not familiar these even existed — have you been to one in LACHINATOWN?
Nawt sumo but I saw this wrestling group a few years ago in Downtown.
Yeah, I’ve gone to the US Sumo Open for two of the last three years. They have it down at the Pyramid at Long Beach State and it’s super fun.
https://www.usasumo.com/us-sumo-open/2025-us-sumo-open-25th-annual/
I got tickets.
I bet dudes in the crowd will be bigger than the smallest competitors.
Benched Egbuka against the Jets based on his questionable status, starting Pittman against the Tits instead.
Plan accordingly and do the exact opposite, if you know what’s good for you.
Emeka Egbuka in the Tampa Bay Locker Room shortly after Horatio confirmed the benching (Artistic Interpretation)
He-Man transformation – I have the power – YouTube
Oh I would bet a considerable amount of money he goes for 85 and 2 TDs today.
And even more money that, if I start him, his knee cap falls off as he’s getting out of his car to walk into the stadium.
I probably have to leave him in in Vodka play. It’s that or guess at which Donks receiver is playable, and that feels…not WOO.
I’d take my chances in that situation, but Pittman against Tennessee seems like a viable enough option.
/Pittman breaks hand while slamming his car door closed.
Ah, yes. Well. Nevertheless
It seems my draft actually deserved the D grade AI done gave it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/nfl/comments/1nmyi6p/highlight_emeka_egbuka_makes_unreal_onehanded/
Come one. Come all. Come and see the pathetic and Burrow-less Cincinnati Bengals’ “Way-To-Go-Dumb-Dumbs-You-Really-Messed-It-Up-This-Time” Revenge Tour.
Trixie – It’s a Working Title! – YouTube
More of Beckett’s finest works:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFhvmCgs_L4
.
Survived the move. Got the bar set up in the new place, which I suppose says something about my priorities. Next step: kitchen,
“Alright, the pipe glue is curing. Now, let’s get to work on the CO2 canister.”
“Dunstan, what about the roof?”
“What? Its not supposed to rain for about a week!”
Ooh, I get Rams-Philadelphia for the first game. Perhaps I’ll start Stafford to make things a little more interesting.
That’s right, I’ve already got Devonte Smith, that should be interesting enough.
But what I did do, was pull a certain DFO favourite off the waiver wire and start him at wide receiver…
I hope you got clearance from Angie Martinez.
The Jets second option, who should be making a name for himself as a slot receiver and sucking up targets like a poor man’s Tee Higgins, was Elijah Moore from Ole Miss. We took him in the second round in 2021. Traded him to the god damned Patriots. He looked just fine against the Dolphins Thursday night. Curious, right?
I haven’t seen someone who was so stridently “just curious” about what happened with a Jet since…
Yeah, and he’s been very, *very* bad at it.
Heh, love the “growth stunted” wordplay for Wee Bryce. Behold, another nonagon!