Games Ahoy! Your NFL Football Opening Open Thread

Let’s go. Where?

To The Games!

Pack/Browns:

Cleveland isn’t much to look at on O but the rush D is a beast-only allowing 92 yards on the ground so far. Look for rook rb Judkins to get a full work load this week in the hopes of keeping the team out of 3rd and long situations which has been a problem so far.

Colts/Titans:

Ward has been sacked 11 times already and even though Indy doesn’t have that much of a pass rush they are getting back a starting DT. No team has gone three straight games without punting since 1940. You knew I was going to point it out-projection-wise, QB Jones is ranked as #8. What a world.

Bengals/Vikes:

My backup qb is better than yours. As far as experience goes the winner is Carson Wence, the first at his position to start for six different teams in six years. He faces a Cincy D that has been on the field more than only three other teams and is surrendering 3rd down conversions at a non-healthy 51% rate.

Steelers/Pats:

Pitt is not playing their game-their rush game is only averaging 3 per attempt (maybe it wasn’t Najee’s fault?) and the D is giving up 30+ points per tilt on average. Some reporters have heard cries of, “Get me three gallons of chicken blood, Stat!” in the halls of Steelers headquarters.

Rams/Eagles:

Hurts doesn’t have a throwing TD yet but McVay has likened him to Magneto in that, “he can beat you with his mind”, at least that’s how I interpret it. The Rams D has a -11% pass expectation rate, which means they’re playing right into Hurts and Saquon’s strengths.

Jets/Bucs:

It’s early but NY is leaning on Garrett Wilson to an extent that his 37% target rate has only been exceeded twice over the course of a season. Someone else, Bueller?, needs to step up. Funny how a ‘shitty attitude’ suddenly morphs into a ‘confident swagger’ when you’re in the right situation and have been allowed for your talent to flourish, right Baker? Browns beat reporters that carried water for the team, I see you.

Raiders/Commies:

Washington let tight end Kraft go for 124 last week and now Bowers comes to town. One surprise from this Carroll-led team is that Geno has tossed a long ball (over 30 air yards) at the second-highest rate. With Daniels having a wonky knee (I’ve heard this before…) the O may lean on the rook rb a bit more.

Falcons/Panthers:

Bryce Young’s growth continues to be stunted and things may not get much better against an Atlanta team that registered 6 sacks last week. Bijan should have another good day-Carolina allows 2.5 to opposing ball carriers after contact, 3rd-most in the league.

Texans/Jags:

It’s the battle of the disappointing fantasy wr’s-Collins. Thomas Jr. Who ya got? Houston has a chance to fall to 0-3 for the first time since 2020 but should take care of business here. Their pass rush is something but their run game stop percentage rate is a lowly 27.5 so start Etienne without any qualms. Travis Hunter hasn’t passed Dyami Brown in the wr pecking order yet-that has to change soon.

Have at it.

 

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LemonJello

Tuten Kamin into the end zone!

DUUUUUVVAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beerguyrob

Okay, Vikings look good against Temu Joe Burrow.

Redshirt

Welp…

King Hippo

Bananapuddings equalizer, Gooners

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

HOLY SHIT, YES!!!

Horatio Cornblower

Never a doubt in my mind.

/deletes earlier comments saying the opposite

Doktor Zymm

I have a bad feeling about my Freezer Vodka team this week

Doktor Zymm

Geeee-NO

Beerguyrob

It sure was nice of God to send rain last night. It means I can’t go paint until after the morning games. “But the boards are still wet, dear.”

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

But slightly wet wood absorbs paint and stain better
/missed the point
//ducks

LemonJello

Locker door flies open

Magneto controls metal/magnetism you should have gone with Professor Xavier for a telepath that can beat you with their mind.

Locker door flies shut

King Hippo

Love a window of missed placements, me. It’s a beautiful microcosm of the futile nature of human struggle.

King Hippo

Between the throwback kit and the Yinzer opposition, I really am pulling hard for the P*ts and it makes me feel awfully funny inside.

WCS

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Gumbygirl

Hush, you.

fleshwound_NPG

only person in boston i would ever pull for

pammy-emmy
Redshirt

Time to see if BLEERGH is against the Bengals or just the idea of Defense in general.

Redshirt

Why you gotta insult Tissue Paper like that?

King Hippo

Yeah I wouldn’t wipe my arse with Dax Hill no ofence smgdh

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Careful, expressing that exact sentiment got me kicked out of Charlie Kirk’s funeral.

Redshirt

Time to see how the Browns’ Brown helmet look in real…BWHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHSH1!!!!!!!!!

King Hippo

Predicion – Dakota Jeebus keeps the JORB

Jimbo

Wentz still got it.

Doktor Zymm

Mariota has been practicing his Jayden impersonation!

Redshirt

Two plays, Three Flags the referees’ arms will be sore tonight.

Gumbygirl

Lol, I started Stevenson.

fleshwound_NPG

cam ward shouldve stuck to just playing hockey

8b373416e41f138598d77acbd505b652ef577e3ff64304f3b0d9c42510fefc2a
King Hippo

FATTY PICK!!

Redshirt

August Redshirt: “Wow, this crowd for a Preseason contest between Carson Wentz and Jake Browning is amazing! September Redshirt, why are you crying?”

Doktor Zymm

Wheeebo! Deebo!

King Hippo

Niiiiiiiiiiiicccccccce return, Deebo!

Beerguyrob

Patriots throwbacks are sweet.

King Hippo

Agreed. They were “lovable losers” back then, too.

Spur

Am liking the Rams in an upset today.

The Maestro

Good afternoon, fellow degenerates.

Spur

Morning Folks

fleshwound_NPG

cbs doing the throwback stuff should be permanent because the graphics are way, way less annoying, and most of all

that dumb nfl on cbs theme theyve been using since about 2003 is gone

Redshirt

Oh, that’s what they are doing? I saw the quality and thought my internet was going sideways.

fleshwound_NPG

fox shouldve countered with this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etiXPf1op0U

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GUY RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY COOKING CHORIZO I CALL HIM CHARLIE KIRK AT A SPEAKING ENGAGEMENT BECAUSE HIS SHIRT IS GETTING COVERED WITH RED STUFF.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GUY RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY NOW I CALL HIM THE LATE CHARLIE KIRK’S IDEAL WOMAN BECAUSE HE IS BAREFOOT AND WEARING AN APRON.

Redshirt

THIS GUY RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY, I DON’T CALL HIM THE LATE CHARLIE KIRK’S IDEAL WOMAN BECAUSE HE HAS ACCESS TO INTERNET AND A FREE MIND.

Doktor Zymm

ALSO HE ISN’T PREGNANT (PROBABLY)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ll ask ArmedandHammered if I can borrow a rabbit to check.

Wait, they what? Always? Okay, no, never mind.

yeah right

Not sure how to handle a normal start time.

Guess I’ll get the disappointment out of my system early.

SKOL!

NotShogunButShogun

This will be the annual “surprise loss” game. Which will get all the media local and otherwise to shut the hell up. I am good with that. You’re welcome Pauls.

King Hippo

yeah that kept me away from GB in any survivoUr pool action

yeah right

I’m already safe taking Buffalo in the Thursday game.

King Hippo

#MeToo

(took them also in money Survivor and Miami as Loser pools, so the rare trifecta)

Doktor Zymm

I think the chinstrap is the best part

Screenshot_20250921-092023_1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I’ll take five!” – Rob Ryan, thinking that the mannequin is included

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

NFL football has concussions, but Premier League football has a football to the groin!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Last edited 5 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
King Hippo

Every time I hear “Donnaruma” I think it’s a Donna Summer/Bananarama compilation project.

Dunstan

No, that’s titled “Cruel Donna Summer”

King Hippo

That’s also an extra $100/hr ppl forget that!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Or fraction thereof – nobody can handle a full hour of that.

Doktor Zymm

I think silk bathrobe and hammock chair for the early games

Redshirt

I would object to a bathrobe being in violation of the Pants Rule, but then I remember the landmark case of Kilt v. DFO.

King Hippo

plus, can silk ever BE pants? It’s just too comfy/sleep reminiscent

King Hippo

I FELL, OK??? – Pep G., Manchester, UK

Redshirt

I read that as “I FEEL OK???

King Hippo

(he has a boo-boo on his face, near right eye)

King Hippo

Not the best start for clubhouse-favoUred Water Pistols.

Horatio Cornblower

I refuse to pay for another streaming service, but Arsenal going out and shitting the bed against Man City would be about the least surprising thing I’ve heard since learning that Tom Homan is (allegedly) dumb enough to demand his bribes be paid in bags.

King Hippo

Handsome Mikel still looks good, at least.

Horatio Cornblower

Much like werewolves in Trade Vic’s, his hair is perfect.

Doktor Zymm

I really enjoy Temu ads, the crap is just so random. They really want to sell me a miniature metal smelter as well.

Screenshot_20250921-081503
Fronkenshteen

GAMBLOR! tunes this morning; “ZZ Top’s First Album”. Starts out as a groovy blues tune, then at 2:40 they turn into a herd of rampaging beefaloes! If I am introducing anyone to this song/record, that would please me immensely. Enjoy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVi0fhYGCUc&list=RDIVi0fhYGCUc&start_radio=1

Last edited 5 months ago by Fronkenshteen
Fronkenshteen

Let’s try a different link, maybe?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64oOmUzNLvs

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I am going to have the house to myself for several glorious hours today, and I shall spend them in front of the television set.

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Horatio Cornblower

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blaxabbath

I WAS going to finally view some NFL ACTION but my kid is in here watching Goosebumps now.

There is a traveling sumo show coming to town in November I’m thinking about taking him to. I was not familiar these even existed — have you been to one in LACHINATOWN?

Jimbo

Nawt sumo but I saw this wrestling group a few years ago in Downtown.

Screenshot-2025-09-21-at-8.34.54-AM
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, I’ve gone to the US Sumo Open for two of the last three years. They have it down at the Pyramid at Long Beach State and it’s super fun.

https://www.usasumo.com/us-sumo-open/2025-us-sumo-open-25th-annual/

blaxabbath

I got tickets.

I bet dudes in the crowd will be bigger than the smallest competitors.

Horatio Cornblower

Benched Egbuka against the Jets based on his questionable status, starting Pittman against the Tits instead.

Plan accordingly and do the exact opposite, if you know what’s good for you.

Redshirt

Emeka Egbuka in the Tampa Bay Locker Room shortly after Horatio confirmed the benching (Artistic Interpretation)

He-Man transformation – I have the power – YouTube

Horatio Cornblower

Oh I would bet a considerable amount of money he goes for 85 and 2 TDs today.

And even more money that, if I start him, his knee cap falls off as he’s getting out of his car to walk into the stadium.

King Hippo

I probably have to leave him in in Vodka play. It’s that or guess at which Donks receiver is playable, and that feels…not WOO.

Horatio Cornblower

I’d take my chances in that situation, but Pittman against Tennessee seems like a viable enough option.

/Pittman breaks hand while slamming his car door closed.

Ah, yes. Well. Nevertheless

King Hippo

It seems my draft actually deserved the D grade AI done gave it.

Redshirt

Come one. Come all. Come and see the pathetic and Burrow-less Cincinnati Bengals’ “Way-To-Go-Dumb-Dumbs-You-Really-Messed-It-Up-This-Time” Revenge Tour.

Trixie – It’s a Working Title! – YouTube

Brick Meathook

More of Beckett’s finest works:

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Dunstan

Survived the move. Got the bar set up in the new place, which I suppose says something about my priorities. Next step: kitchen,

Redshirt

“Alright, the pipe glue is curing. Now, let’s get to work on the CO2 canister.”
“Dunstan, what about the roof?”
“What? Its not supposed to rain for about a week!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ooh, I get Rams-Philadelphia for the first game. Perhaps I’ll start Stafford to make things a little more interesting.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s right, I’ve already got Devonte Smith, that should be interesting enough.

But what I did do, was pull a certain DFO favourite off the waiver wire and start him at wide receiver…

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Horatio Cornblower

I hope you got clearance from Angie Martinez.

Fronkenshteen

The Jets second option, who should be making a name for himself as a slot receiver and sucking up targets like a poor man’s Tee Higgins, was Elijah Moore from Ole Miss. We took him in the second round in 2021. Traded him to the god damned Patriots. He looked just fine against the Dolphins Thursday night. Curious, right?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I haven’t seen someone who was so stridently “just curious” about what happened with a Jet since…

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One surprise from this Carroll-led team is that Geno has tossed a long ball (over 30 air yards) at the second-highest rate.

Yeah, and he’s been very, *very* bad at it.

King Hippo

Heh, love the “growth stunted” wordplay for Wee Bryce. Behold, another nonagon!

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