Games Ahoy! Your NFL Football Opening Open Thread

Let’s go. Where?

To The Games!

Pack/Browns:

Cleveland isn’t much to look at on O but the rush D is a beast-only allowing 92 yards on the ground so far. Look for rook rb Judkins to get a full work load this week in the hopes of keeping the team out of 3rd and long situations which has been a problem so far.

Colts/Titans:

Ward has been sacked 11 times already and even though Indy doesn’t have that much of a pass rush they are getting back a starting DT. No team has gone three straight games without punting since 1940. You knew I was going to point it out-projection-wise, QB Jones is ranked as #8. What a world.

Bengals/Vikes:

My backup qb is better than yours. As far as experience goes the winner is Carson Wence, the first at his position to start for six different teams in six years. He faces a Cincy D that has been on the field more than only three other teams and is surrendering 3rd down conversions at a non-healthy 51% rate.

Steelers/Pats:

Pitt is not playing their game-their rush game is only averaging 3 per attempt (maybe it wasn’t Najee’s fault?) and the D is giving up 30+ points per tilt on average. Some reporters have heard cries of, “Get me three gallons of chicken blood, Stat!” in the halls of Steelers headquarters.

Rams/Eagles:

Hurts doesn’t have a throwing TD yet but McVay has likened him to Magneto in that, “he can beat you with his mind”, at least that’s how I interpret it. The Rams D has a -11% pass expectation rate, which means they’re playing right into Hurts and Saquon’s strengths.

Jets/Bucs:

It’s early but NY is leaning on Garrett Wilson to an extent that his 37% target rate has only been exceeded twice over the course of a season. Someone else, Bueller?, needs to step up. Funny how a ‘shitty attitude’ suddenly morphs into a ‘confident swagger’ when you’re in the right situation and have been allowed for your talent to flourish, right Baker? Browns beat reporters that carried water for the team, I see you.

Raiders/Commies:

Washington let tight end Kraft go for 124 last week and now Bowers comes to town. One surprise from this Carroll-led team is that Geno has tossed a long ball (over 30 air yards) at the second-highest rate. With Daniels having a wonky knee (I’ve heard this before…) the O may lean on the rook rb a bit more.

Falcons/Panthers:

Bryce Young’s growth continues to be stunted and things may not get much better against an Atlanta team that registered 6 sacks last week. Bijan should have another good day-Carolina allows 2.5 to opposing ball carriers after contact, 3rd-most in the league.

Texans/Jags:

It’s the battle of the disappointing fantasy wr’s-Collins. Thomas Jr. Who ya got? Houston has a chance to fall to 0-3 for the first time since 2020 but should take care of business here. Their pass rush is something but their run game stop percentage rate is a lowly 27.5 so start Etienne without any qualms. Travis Hunter hasn’t passed Dyami Brown in the wr pecking order yet-that has to change soon.

Have at it.

 

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fleshwound_NPG

0-2 team down 20-6 and the home crowd booing like theyre 0-9 and down 30-3 at the half

job opening in tennessee pretty soon if you want it

Redshirt

Well, back to the abyss.

King Hippo

I guarantee one of my fantasy opponents has SKOL D/ST. Probably both.

Fronkenshteen

Wow, the Raiders offensive line is soft. Geno is getting hit or taken down on virtually every play.

Jimbo

Eagles fans getting the D batteries ready.

Redshirt

“What’ve done for us lately, ya bums!”

fleshwound_NPG

might be a job opening in tennessee pretty soon

King Hippo

Is it just me, or is everything especially terrible this weekend? Sure can’t wait FOAR Monday…

Horatio Cornblower

I say this too much, so naturally I’m going to say it again, but if the Jets had done what I said they should have done back when I had time to do mock drafts and taken Baker Mayfield they a) would not have been the absolute shitstorm of mediocrity they continue to be and b) Mayfield would have been a gottdamn star in the NY media market.

Or he would have exploded his heart with cocaine, I suppose.

The Maestro

Two things can both be possible here.

Senor Weaselo

Whoa, whoa, WHOA!

We would kill for mediocrity here.

The Maestro

FUCK YOU DRAKE MAYE YOU ARE RUINING MY LIFE

King Hippo

#MeToo

/is Hippo’s fault for his temporary support

Senor Weaselo

“That’s what happens.” -Kendrick Lamar

Gumbygirl

Yessss!

Horatio Cornblower

Creamsicles out for Tampa Bay and Pat the Patriot back for New England.

Goddamn, it’s junior high all over again and now I’m afraid of girls.

fleshwound_NPG

dreading going to grade school on monday, but at least i’ll have ducktales to watch when i get home

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…ducktales…

That’s a weird way to refer to watching footage of the most recent Turning Point USA rally.

Unsurprised

That’s Shouldaduckedtales

Horatio Cornblower

Dammit, that’s so much better than mine.

Horatio Cornblower

That rally could have used more ducking.

LemonJello

Flaccoception Arm-Punt!

Unsurprised

WOOOOOO! COMMIES!

Redshirt

Move your ass, Romo. I wanna see the Stripeless Helmet!

fleshwound_NPG

SHANK’LOR alive and well in clots/tits

Redshirt

Indianapolis Colts’ fans must be ICE agents, because they are freaking out seeing someone named Rigoberto Sanchez.

Last edited 5 months ago by Redshirt
Jimbo

I heard he’s a dirty player.

Last edited 5 months ago by Jimbo
King Hippo

sommet about him ah JUST DON’T TRUST u noe??

Redshirt

Taking another JOB from an AMERICAN. Do better Baltimore! Thank you for your attention to this matter. DJT.

WCS

4th and 31?

NFL BLIZ!!

Redshirt

…and a storm knocks the power out for a second and TV goes bye-bye. Yeah, I’m thinking 2025 may be a lost year.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s just a sign that it’s time to buy a bigger TV.

WCS

Drakeception

WCS

Or not

King Hippo

Mike Vrabel has taken the brown acid. THIS IS NAE A DRILL!!

fleshwound_NPG

everybody saying colts fans have never seen their punter this year (until now!) but i would assume they are actually tired of seeing their puntercomment image

Horatio Cornblower

/Nice workout at gym, gets the endorphins going
//to bookstore, gets book he ordered, feeling good about that
///chicken-bacon grinder for lunch, lip-smacking anticipation
////while waiting for grinder sees Emeka Egbuka, who he benched earlier, making a tremendous one-handed leaping catch down the sideline.

GODDAMMIT!!!!!!

Horatio Cornblower

We do have creamsicles, though, which is nice.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ooh, I would love a creamsicle but all I have is this delicious banana toffee ice cream.

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

All I have is the chicken-bacon grinder and the full attention of my dog and cat.

Jimbo

Is that like a Gruden grinder?

Horatio Cornblower

No, this is actually getting the job done.

LemonJello

Rodgers yelling at his receiver? Why, I never!!! It gives me the vapors just to imagine it!

Jimbo

.

futurama-fry
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Not in my NFL you’re not!” – national disgrace Roger Goodell, thinking you are referring to smelling salts

Gumbygirl

I started Freiermuth. He won’t see another ball today.

Horatio Cornblower

comment image

“He’s on to us. Have Rodgers killed.”

Don T

PUNT INDY PUUUUUNT

Doktor Zymm

Hopefully these Draftkings ads on RedZone are helping some people to quit gambling

NotShogunButShogun

Big head mode activated. NFL Blitz?

LemonJello

#ThePauls QB sack eliminated by a 12 men on the field penalty?

Oh, Cleveland, never change.

Unsurprised
Last edited 5 months ago by Unsurprised
Gumbygirl

Ooof!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Woo hoo nominative determinism!

Horatio Cornblower

Do that to Patrick Mahomes and it’s 15 yards and a 2-game suspension.

Also Taylor Swift makes her next passive-aggressive hate song about you.

King Hippo

LOVE the Drake!!!

(throws up in mouth a little)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

Doktor Zymm

<insert looking for Boutte joke here>

Redshirt

Tampa Bay, you go back to the Creamsicles and burn the other jerseys, no questions will be asked.

Horatio Cornblower

This guy gets it.

Gumbygirl

Ok, hot taek incoming…I LOVE THE BROWNS’ UNIS.

Don T

Agree. Helmets are stylish

Redshirt

Counterpoint:

tumblr_lv5tviX3411qc7geho1_500
Redshirt

Five Minute Virtual Measurement, Cincinnati Challenge. It may be October before the ball is snapped again.

LemonJello

FLACCO-FANNIN FLEA FLICKER!!!!

King Hippo

Flea-flicker checkdown, of course it’s #ThePauls

fleshwound_NPG

THESE UNBEATEN INDIANAPOLIS COLTS LEMME TELL YA I CALL THEM NAUGHTY AMERICA BECAUSE THE TITS ARE GETTING FUCKED, AND RIGHT NOW IN THIS SHORT 2025 NFL SEASON NOBODY DOES IT BETTER

Beerguyrob

Vivid description.

Beerguyrob

Meanwhile, if you’re wondering why the South Asians are mad at each other, India is walloping Pakistan right now.

IMG_1412
Redshirt

Virtual Measuring Time. Oh, Mighty AI. I beseech thee…

WCS

Stillers being cromulent…14-0

13:29 2nd

King Hippo

fucking piece of shit P*ts

Dunstan

Evergreen comment

WCS

BLEERGH decided on seafood this morning… five penalties for New England in a quarter.

Jimbo

Hoping the P*ts send A A ron to an early darkness retreat. No offence.

Dunstan

Officiating changes when you’re not the league darling any more

Don T

These Titans I call them first date at my house ‘cause it’s making me wanna do housework RIGHT NOW

Jimbo

Hell yeah, need all the points I can get to beat Dick.

Beerguyrob

Welp, it appears Lambeau would like to go outside RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

IMG_1414
Gumbygirl

Lambeau!

Horatio Cornblower

WHOOZA A GOOD BOY!?!?!?

Spur

RAMMITT!

King Hippo

1-1 it ends, as everything apparently has to go the goddamned Redshite’s way now.

Doktor Zymm

Romo the kicker channeling 4th quarter of a playoff game Romo the QB

Spur

unfair comparison, we haven’t seen this new guys smile yet

Beerguyrob

BTW, an outstanding morning for variety on the TSN’s right now.

IMG_1411
WCS

Nothing about the Leafs’ preseason rumblings, like what Austen Matthews had for breakfast Thursday, and potential draft picks in 2037?

Beerguyrob

That’s Monday.

Jimbo

In this America, we are against the Browning.

-TPUSA

fleshwound_NPG

the only browning you can trust to find downfield targetscomment image

Dunstan

I’d suggest taking a drink every time the phrase “tush push” is used during an Eagles game, but that might exceed even DFO-recommended levels of consumption.

Doktor Zymm

Hell, that might be dangerous even with water