On We Go-Spinning, Spinning

We’ve got a quad of games this afternoon which is nice if you can afford it. Hey, my son is out on his four-wheeler as I type. That has nothing to do with this intro.

To The Games!

Seahawks/Rams:

It’s not often you get a slobberknocker out on the westest of coasts, (what with all the people out there being doughy and soft. Tanned, mind you but squishy nontheless.) Well, that casual swipe at our three-hours-behind-the-times brethren is over and done with. It should be a fantastic duel between QB’s that are playing at a very high level but those that write the Narratives don’t seem to have caught up to this tilt. Seattle needs to correct the minus -4 turnover differential they’re saddled with, otherwise this might bite them in the testes come the postseason.

Niners/Cards:

It’s The Backup Bowl! So many teams have struggled when the starter goes down but not these squadoos. I heard somewhere that all of 7% of the betting monies is on Arizonny. It certainly looks like the Bidwells and everyone else all the way down the organization has given up on Wee Willie at the QB spot. They got to the right conclusion eventually but you know they’ll screw up the execution of how to extricate themselves-it’s in the team’s DNA.

Ravens/Browns:

What. The. Hell. are they doing in this time slate? I’m completely verklempt! I guess calls into radio stations demanding the firing of everyone in the Cleveland organization will have to wait a whole three extra hours.

Chiefs/Broncos:

Dobbins and Surtain are gone so as usual with all things regarding K.C., circumstances are leaning in their direction just waiting for them to take advantage. Still, I’d love to see them at .500. It’s been a while.

Onward!

 

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Jimbo

.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wow, that was extra-Downsy, even for Sam I Am.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait…did the “Touch of Downs” nickname come from that Sean Penn film?

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King Hippo

I wish!!

Horatio Cornblower

If you can find it, a guy named ‘Mr. Cranky’ did a review of that film that left me howling.

Unsurprised

Cum Town’s is also a banger.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gb0p2I19PS8

Horatio Cornblower

Amazon: Killing Old Ladies On Sledding Hills Since 2023

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Don’t blame Bezos; he was led to believe tha all women had replaced 90% of their bodies with durable, flexible silicone rubber by the time they turned 45.

Horatio Cornblower

Just once I want to see an offense that has scored a TD accept the defensive penalty just so they can do it again.

fleshwound_NPG

that feels like something that would happen in a saints/falcons blowout game

Mr. Ayo

Welcome to the NFL Shaduer

Mr. Ayo

Hey, he’s just like Lamar!

Redshirt

NEPOTISM PICK!

LemonJello

Parkinson scored a TD for RAMMIT! It was shaky, but he made it.

Jimbo

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Horatio Cornblower

I hate this joke.

Because I wanted to be the one to make it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Redshirt

“Well at least this year can’t get any worse.”

(turns on TV; see Shadeur Sanders in for Cleveland)

“OH, FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!”

King Hippo

Myles Garrett is just absurd.

Horatio Cornblower

“I find him irritating”

-Mason Rudolph, wanting desperately to say something else.

rockingdog

Kittle TD. 49ers are Rolling 💪

That’s Rocking!

rockingdog

Fantasy Football- Saw a note that packers RB Josh Jacob’s is out for multiple weeks likely.
Is this true? If so, I’m gonna grab packers backup RB Emmanuel Wilson.

Mr. Ayo

Correct, knee injury. He won’t run right for the rest of the year.

Mr. Ayo

Or left.

Mr. Ayo

Or straight.

LemonJello

Oof. Darnold really emphasizing his “specialness” with that pick.

Doktor Zymm

Someone tell the Ravens we found Lenore, he’s on the Niners

Horatio Cornblower

Is he also perched above a bust of Pallas?

Mr. Ayo

GOD DAMMIT DARNOLD. FUCKING HELL

Fronkenshteen

Every week as my bets explode I find it more fascinating. Looking at today’s failures, you’d think I just stumbled upon this game shortly after sunrise in a tide pool and was studying the habits of a creature completely unique to my experience on the planet instead of simply trying to follow usage patterns and matchups of a game I’ve watched religiously for 45 years.

Jimbo

Hat trick for Darnold.

rockingdog

Hahaha Mahomes pick!!!

That’s so ROCKING!!!! LFG!

Horatio Cornblower

Gotta love two three refs on screen debating how to bail Mahomes out of his second INT on the same drive.

Last edited 3 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
The Maestro

Grey Cup kicks off in about 20 mins from now.

Hope to see y’all watching with me.

Mr. Ayo

Second screen has been scheduled.

Horatio Cornblower

Is it on ESPN The Ocho?

Mr. Ayo

Worse, CBSSN.

Horatio Cornblower

I actually get that one!

Fightin’ Horatios spend a lot of time there.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

CBS Sports Network. I assume it works via the app; I’ll find out in fifteen minutes.

rockingdog

Solid 4 games in the afternoon window.

This is Rockingggg!!!! 🏈

Gatoraids

Churrasco with homemade chimichurri and saffron rice and black beans nice savory bookend to starting the day with french toast.

Doktor Zymm

How many QBs have played for the Browns this season now with Shedeur in?

Mr. Ayo

All of them.

Gumbygirl

Did Watson play?

Fronkenshteen

Shedeur is in. Sports media just became even more unlistenable, if that was possible.

blaxabbath

Trade Kyler for Shadeur STR8-UP!

Gatoraids

feel like want him to do well at this point since will make GMs look bad, and Cleveland is both harmless and ultimately guaranteed to ruin him eventually

Horatio Cornblower

This is an awkward time to find that my bye week fill-in, Keon Coleman, got himself benched for the week for missing a team meeting on Friday.

You’re welcome, RTD.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, that’s fucked up.

Not as fucked up as you carrying two kickers on your roster, though. You sick freak.

Horatio Cornblower

I wanted to keep Fairbairn but wasn’t sure he’d play this week.

Now I’m not sure he’ll play the rest of the way.

King Hippo

THIRTEEN penalties. And this is the first drive of Q3. That’s just shameful, even for the Qards.

blaxabbath

This is a locker room that has not given up on their coach.

This roster is just made up of brainfarts.

King Hippo

oh, you MUST do tonight’s show for us!!

blaxabbath

Got my weed and checked the score.

The Arizona Cardinals have as much business fielding an NFL football team as Pete Hegseth does pocketing a 24hour sobriety chip.

I’m gonna get a drink.

Horatio Cornblower

What a coincidence, so is Pete.

WCS

Checking in from Lil’ and Lil’er friend’s birthday skating party.

No, Qaron? No problems. HIGHEST PAID, HIGHEST END TALENT IN THE LEAGUE.

The Tomlin Voodoo is so very real, this team is winning the AFC North, and vomiting up a horrendous Wild Card blowout! The Standard is The Standard, STILLERS GAHNTA SUPERB OWL

blaxabbath

Mason Rudolph is the soul of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

WCS

Nah, that’s THE BEN HARF

Mason is the soul of Westmoreland and Crawford Counties. Gumbygirl knows what I mean.

Gumbygirl

Sadly, I do.

King Hippo

Also, I would 100% take a Draw against the Chefs today. DO IT, FATTY!!

King Hippo

Perhaps unpopularly, but I like this RRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! alternate kit.

fleshwound_NPG

only if it had more blue, or the black was a dark blue

Jimbo

Colours makes Fatthew look slim,

rockingdog

Dark blueeee/Black jerseys are kinda Rocking!

Last edited 3 months ago by rockingdog
Mr. Ayo

God dammit Darnold. Stop being so special!

Mr. Ayo

SUDDEN CHANGE! HOX!

blaxabbath

Oh did New York CB Kris Boyd get shot assaulting a Grubhub driver, in true Jets fashion?

fleshwound_NPG

current and former ny jets should refuse to leave the house after midnight

blaxabbath

I just went got a shave. My beard is tough but that dude hacked the shit out of me.

So I’m getting weed now.

Last edited 3 months ago by blaxabbath
fleshwound_NPG

good thinking, dont wanna set your face on fire

Unsurprised

Stab him with his own shears.

You were in the clubhouse the whole time

Gumbygirl

You deserve it! ( the weed, not the barbaric barbering)

Senor Weaselo

I told you not to go to Sweeney!

Unsurprised

I was so pissed off at myself I didn’t even get to
mention that I fucked up a phone interview because of the most astonishingly shitty time management. We had connection issues and dropped the call twice in the middle of me speaking and I folded like origami.

Woe is me. Woe is me. I need IRL friends.

Doktor Zymm

Interviews blow, it doesn’t take much to fuck up the artificial impression of how good you are at interviewing

Brocky

I was gonna post this earlier after the bears win, but I think I passed out

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Brocky

One of these days im gonna have to crudely photoshop a bears hat on him

Doktor Zymm

Special teams are almost more exciting than regular teams this season

Don T

Special teams can do it!

Unsurprised

It’s because they’re Special.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Extra chromosomes mean extra fun!

Horatio Cornblower

Coming soon, to a Venezuelan neighborhood near…uh, someplace in Venezuela, I guess:

https://theonion.com/clinton-deploys-very-special-forces-to-iraq-1819565019/

Unsurprised

Oh, right. The Ravens used to be the Browns.

Reversion to the historical mean.

King Hippo

In my head I’m always “Smith-oh-I’M-NOT-saying-it”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Tried to replace this guy; waiver wire transition didn’t go through. Left him on the bench, of course.

1000001670
Mr. Ayo

I mean it’s right there in his name. SMGDH

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I had picked him up and started him at Yahoo’s recommendation last week and he picked up all of 1 point.

Mr. Ayo

Sure, but he’s averaging 13 points a game since you picked him up.

Dunstan

I mean, his name is Gainwell! Who were you hoping to replace him with, E. Scoresalot?

Redshirt

It’s official. We have entered the Dave Shula Zone.

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Unsurprised

You could ask former President Zac Taylor about that game and get a more sensible response, and he’s been dead for 150 years.

fleshwound_NPG

THATS RACIAL PROFILING ON THE WHITE DB

Dunstan

Just went to pay my car registration renewal and, well, I think I’m a Republican now.

Redshirt

Welcome. We’ll do the swearing in, blood drinking and cookie drive sign up at a later time.

Last edited 3 months ago by Redshirt
fleshwound_NPG

i like my women over 17, tho

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m sorry it cost so much to register your Maserati.

blaxabbath

People want these riches but writing an estimated tax check that would get your parents a nice little condo is the price.

A price Wesley Snipes was unwilling to pay.

Horatio Cornblower

Hey, his family never did get those 40 acres and a mule and therefore he didn’t have to pay taxes!

(I swear I read somewhere that Snipes actually made this argument)

Fronkenshteen

Wee Bryce about to be 6-5. And up she goes for the win! Kid threw for almost 500 yards and 3 tds today.

fleshwound_NPG

i want to know the purpose of the atlanta falcons

LemonJello

They’re an example of what not to do as an NFL franchise?

Dunstan

I thought that’s why we had the Browns?

fleshwound_NPG

AND the jets?

Redshirt

Hello? Who Dey?

Gumbygirl

Television ads for the Home Depot?

Don T

Capital funneling to offset tariffs over rebar snd 2 x 4s

NotShogunButShogun

Megatron’s butthole wasn’t going to build itself

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They pass butter.

Sadly, they’re not any good at that so we stuck them in the NFL until we figure out what to do with them.

Last edited 3 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Doktor Zymm

I’m amazed they’re able to host a game in LA what with all the rain melting people and such

Dunstan

I’m in full “pretend it’s winter” mode — putting on sweaters, making soups and stews, lighting the fireplace.

Don T

Leonard Williams is wearing pearls. Pearls! Badass

Gumbygirl

Pearls mean tears.

Gumbygirl

What the fuck are the Rams wearing?

Mr. Ayo

Their loser outfits. Stupid losers do that from time to time.

Mr. Ayo

Nevermind, forgot about our very special QB.

Mr. Ayo

Scorigami for Bills-Bucs: 44-32

blaxabbath

The Arizona Cardinals will Salute to Service by wasting millions of dollars getting mired in an unwinnable contest of preparation and wits that serves only to profit the birthright leaders of their governing cartel. Many of their young men will not return home better than when they arrived at 0 Championship Way this morning.

LemonJello

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Mr. Ayo

You’d think their salute wouldn’t include a complete lack of defense on that opening kickoff.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You hadn’t heard? The military doesn’t do “defense” anymore.

Unsurprised

So, Sunday.