We’ve got a quad of games this afternoon which is nice if you can afford it. Hey, my son is out on his four-wheeler as I type. That has nothing to do with this intro.
To The Games!
Seahawks/Rams:
It’s not often you get a slobberknocker out on the westest of coasts, (what with all the people out there being doughy and soft. Tanned, mind you but squishy nontheless.) Well, that casual swipe at our three-hours-behind-the-times brethren is over and done with. It should be a fantastic duel between QB’s that are playing at a very high level but those that write the Narratives don’t seem to have caught up to this tilt. Seattle needs to correct the minus -4 turnover differential they’re saddled with, otherwise this might bite them in the testes come the postseason.
Niners/Cards:
It’s The Backup Bowl! So many teams have struggled when the starter goes down but not these squadoos. I heard somewhere that all of 7% of the betting monies is on Arizonny. It certainly looks like the Bidwells and everyone else all the way down the organization has given up on Wee Willie at the QB spot. They got to the right conclusion eventually but you know they’ll screw up the execution of how to extricate themselves-it’s in the team’s DNA.
Ravens/Browns:
What. The. Hell. are they doing in this time slate? I’m completely verklempt! I guess calls into radio stations demanding the firing of everyone in the Cleveland organization will have to wait a whole three extra hours.
Chiefs/Broncos:
Dobbins and Surtain are gone so as usual with all things regarding K.C., circumstances are leaning in their direction just waiting for them to take advantage. Still, I’d love to see them at .500. It’s been a while.
Onward!
.

Wow, that was extra-Downsy, even for Sam I Am.
Wait…did the “Touch of Downs” nickname come from that Sean Penn film?
I wish!!
If you can find it, a guy named ‘Mr. Cranky’ did a review of that film that left me howling.
Cum Town’s is also a banger.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gb0p2I19PS8
Amazon: Killing Old Ladies On Sledding Hills Since 2023
Don’t blame Bezos; he was led to believe tha all women had replaced 90% of their bodies with durable, flexible silicone rubber by the time they turned 45.
Just once I want to see an offense that has scored a TD accept the defensive penalty just so they can do it again.
that feels like something that would happen in a saints/falcons blowout game
Welcome to the NFL Shaduer
Hey, he’s just like Lamar!
NEPOTISM PICK!
Parkinson scored a TD for RAMMIT! It was shaky, but he made it.
I hate this joke.
Because I wanted to be the one to make it.
Way to go, Stafford!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFDzQD-LR80
“Well at least this year can’t get any worse.”
(turns on TV; see Shadeur Sanders in for Cleveland)
“OH, FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!”
Myles Garrett is just absurd.
“I find him irritating”
-Mason Rudolph, wanting desperately to say something else.
Kittle TD. 49ers are Rolling 💪
That’s Rocking!
Fantasy Football- Saw a note that packers RB Josh Jacob’s is out for multiple weeks likely.
Is this true? If so, I’m gonna grab packers backup RB Emmanuel Wilson.
Correct, knee injury. He won’t run right for the rest of the year.
Or left.
Or straight.
Oof. Darnold really emphasizing his “specialness” with that pick.
Someone tell the Ravens we found Lenore, he’s on the Niners
Is he also perched above a bust of Pallas?
GOD DAMMIT DARNOLD. FUCKING HELL
Every week as my bets explode I find it more fascinating. Looking at today’s failures, you’d think I just stumbled upon this game shortly after sunrise in a tide pool and was studying the habits of a creature completely unique to my experience on the planet instead of simply trying to follow usage patterns and matchups of a game I’ve watched religiously for 45 years.
Hat trick for Darnold.
Hahaha Mahomes pick!!!
That’s so ROCKING!!!! LFG!
Gotta love
twothree refs on screen debating how to bail Mahomes out of his second INT on the same drive.Grey Cup kicks off in about 20 mins from now.
Hope to see y’all watching with me.
Second screen has been scheduled.
Is it on ESPN The Ocho?
Worse, CBSSN.
I actually get that one!
Fightin’ Horatios spend a lot of time there.
CBS Sports Network. I assume it works via the app; I’ll find out in fifteen minutes.
Solid 4 games in the afternoon window.
This is Rockingggg!!!! 🏈
Churrasco with homemade chimichurri and saffron rice and black beans nice savory bookend to starting the day with french toast.
How many QBs have played for the Browns this season now with Shedeur in?
All of them.
Did Watson play?
Shedeur is in. Sports media just became even more unlistenable, if that was possible.
Trade Kyler for Shadeur STR8-UP!
feel like want him to do well at this point since will make GMs look bad, and Cleveland is both harmless and ultimately guaranteed to ruin him eventually
This is an awkward time to find that my bye week fill-in, Keon Coleman, got himself benched for the week for missing a team meeting on Friday.
You’re welcome, RTD.
Yeah, that’s fucked up.
Not as fucked up as you carrying two kickers on your roster, though. You sick freak.
I wanted to keep Fairbairn but wasn’t sure he’d play this week.
Now I’m not sure he’ll play the rest of the way.
THIRTEEN penalties. And this is the first drive of Q3. That’s just shameful, even for the Qards.
This is a locker room that has not given up on their coach.
This roster is just made up of brainfarts.
oh, you MUST do tonight’s show for us!!
Got my weed and checked the score.
The Arizona Cardinals have as much business fielding an NFL football team as Pete Hegseth does pocketing a 24hour sobriety chip.
I’m gonna get a drink.
What a coincidence, so is Pete.
https://bsky.app/profile/cjzero.bsky.social/post/3m5rrzrdskk2t
Checking in from Lil’ and Lil’er friend’s birthday skating party.
No, Qaron? No problems. HIGHEST PAID, HIGHEST END TALENT IN THE LEAGUE.
The Tomlin Voodoo is so very real, this team is winning the AFC North, and vomiting up a horrendous Wild Card blowout! The Standard is The Standard, STILLERS GAHNTA SUPERB OWL
Mason Rudolph is the soul of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
Nah, that’s THE BEN HARF
Mason is the soul of Westmoreland and Crawford Counties. Gumbygirl knows what I mean.
Sadly, I do.
Also, I would 100% take a Draw against the Chefs today. DO IT, FATTY!!
Perhaps unpopularly, but I like this RRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! alternate kit.
only if it had more blue, or the black was a dark blue
Colours makes Fatthew look slim,
Dark blueeee/Black jerseys are kinda Rocking!
God dammit Darnold. Stop being so special!
SUDDEN CHANGE! HOX!
Oh did New York CB Kris Boyd get shot assaulting a Grubhub driver, in true Jets fashion?
current and former ny jets should refuse to leave the house after midnight
I just went got a shave. My beard is tough but that dude hacked the shit out of me.
So I’m getting weed now.
good thinking, dont wanna set your face on fire
Stab him with his own shears.
You were in the clubhouse the whole time
You deserve it! ( the weed, not the barbaric barbering)
I told you not to go to Sweeney!
I was so pissed off at myself I didn’t even get to
mention that I fucked up a phone interview because of the most astonishingly shitty time management. We had connection issues and dropped the call twice in the middle of me speaking and I folded like origami.
Woe is me. Woe is me. I need IRL friends.
Interviews blow, it doesn’t take much to fuck up the artificial impression of how good you are at interviewing
I was gonna post this earlier after the bears win, but I think I passed out
One of these days im gonna have to crudely photoshop a bears hat on him
Special teams are almost more exciting than regular teams this season
Special teams can do it!
It’s because they’re Special.
Extra chromosomes mean extra fun!
Coming soon, to a Venezuelan neighborhood near…uh, someplace in Venezuela, I guess:
https://theonion.com/clinton-deploys-very-special-forces-to-iraq-1819565019/
Oh, right. The Ravens used to be the Browns.
Reversion to the historical mean.
Smith-N-Word with a great one-handed grab!
In my head I’m always “Smith-oh-I’M-NOT-saying-it”
Tried to replace this guy; waiver wire transition didn’t go through. Left him on the bench, of course.
I mean it’s right there in his name. SMGDH
I had picked him up and started him at Yahoo’s recommendation last week and he picked up all of 1 point.
Sure, but he’s averaging 13 points a game since you picked him up.
I mean, his name is Gainwell! Who were you hoping to replace him with, E. Scoresalot?
It’s official. We have entered the Dave Shula Zone.
You could ask former President Zac Taylor about that game and get a more sensible response, and he’s been dead for 150 years.
THATS RACIAL PROFILING ON THE WHITE DB
Just went to pay my car registration renewal and, well, I think I’m a Republican now.
Welcome. We’ll do the swearing in, blood drinking and cookie drive sign up at a later time.
i like my women over 17, tho
I’m sorry it cost so much to register your Maserati.
People want these riches but writing an estimated tax check that would get your parents a nice little condo is the price.
A price Wesley Snipes was unwilling to pay.
Hey, his family never did get those 40 acres and a mule and therefore he didn’t have to pay taxes!
(I swear I read somewhere that Snipes actually made this argument)
Wee Bryce about to be 6-5. And up she goes for the win! Kid threw for almost 500 yards and 3 tds today.
i want to know the purpose of the atlanta falcons
They’re an example of what not to do as an NFL franchise?
I thought that’s why we had the Browns?
AND the jets?
Hello? Who Dey?
Television ads for the Home Depot?
Capital funneling to offset tariffs over rebar snd 2 x 4s
Megatron’s butthole wasn’t going to build itself
They pass butter.
Sadly, they’re not any good at that so we stuck them in the NFL until we figure out what to do with them.
I’m amazed they’re able to host a game in LA what with all the rain melting people and such
I’m in full “pretend it’s winter” mode — putting on sweaters, making soups and stews, lighting the fireplace.
Leonard Williams is wearing pearls. Pearls! Badass
Pearls mean tears.
What the fuck are the Rams wearing?
Their loser outfits. Stupid losers do that from time to time.
Nevermind, forgot about our very special QB.
Scorigami for Bills-Bucs: 44-32
The Arizona Cardinals will Salute to Service by wasting millions of dollars getting mired in an unwinnable contest of preparation and wits that serves only to profit the birthright leaders of their governing cartel. Many of their young men will not return home better than when they arrived at 0 Championship Way this morning.
You’d think their salute wouldn’t include a complete lack of defense on that opening kickoff.
You hadn’t heard? The military doesn’t do “defense” anymore.
So, Sunday.