Upstate New York Vs. Urban Sprawl: Choose One

I don’t think the phrase “Why not both?” applies here. But it looks to be a good tilt.

Flotsam and Jetsam:

-Mixon In Action: See what I did there? OOF! A non-football boo-boo to Joe’s leg in the offseason is shrouded in mystery and now he’s out for the year with no further details being offered. Organization-wise, that’s quality secret-keeping that you don’t see very often! It’s safe to say that his days as a Texan are numbered given that releasing him prior to his age 30 season will save 8.5 mil in cap monies. His next contract will probably be for Chubb change.

Not So Many Cooks: Brandin was a smart fella that asked for his release and the Saints granted it. Now he waits around to be a nice depth piece for a playoff team and should recoup some lost cash with playoff bonuses-is where I think his head is at.

-Lost In The Funhouse: It’s not often one gets to reference a novel by John Barth but here we are. I of course am talking about Shadeur Sanders and his experience with the Browns. He gets his first start this weekend after a whole four days practicing with the first team for the first time since that brief period last summer. The contempt that Stefanski is rumored to have for him seems evident to most outsiders. This is “Being Set Up To Fail” in real time.

To The Game!

Bills/Texans:

-At 5-5 Houston currently has a 30% chance of making the playoffs. With a win tonight the odds jump to 45%.

-Davis Mills gets his third straight start-t’was thought unlikely when he took over but he has two wins under his belt and has breathed new life into the team by being competent. He may have found his niche as a Tyrod Taylor type-the backup guy with starting experience that is effective in the short term.

-This has the potential to be interesting to the neutral observer in that this is a clash between the #1 overall offense and the #2 defense. I’ll leave it to you as to who is who.

-Rock Meets Hard Place: Ok, fine-I’ll spell it out. Allen, the owner of three rush TD’s last week faces a squadoo that has yet to allow a QB to cross the goal line.

-Buffalo’s pass-catching situation hasn’t been that great this year and now Kincaid, Samuel and Hardman are all out. Btw, though desperate at the position, Keon Coleman was a healthy scratch last week. What’s going on there? If you’re in the mood to stream a deep narcoleptic maybe check out Tyrell Shaver-he’s listed as a starting wr this week.

-Or maybe Gabe Davis-lifted off the practice squad-is more your type. That’s the guy that converted a 4 TD playoff performance into the theft of at least 24 million from the Jaguars. Nice work if you can get it, er, pull it off.

As you were.

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blaxabbath

The oldest girl on the cul de sac is like 13. Her and her little friends got some sass.

That generation needs to send off anyone older than them with, “and may everyday be another wonderful secret. ”

67 is annoying. Epstein Files is honest and funny.

Senor Weaselo

Apparently no one knows what it means, but it’s provocative and gets the people going.

That’s what I’ve gotten from teaching the childrens.

WCS

16 hours to kick off the week? Why the shit not?

blaxabbath

Ain’t like they’re YOUR emergencies.

Doktor Zymm

THESE BILLS I CALL THEM THE CYCLOPS BECAUSE THEY JUST GOT BEAT UP BY NOBODY

Senor Weaselo

I am low-key stoked for the movie.

Gatoraids

kneel before

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Redshirt

Yeah, I was excepting a Roughing the Passer penalty.

Redshirt

Even BLEERGH wants this game to end.

LemonJello

OPI and a pickerception to end this? Ho Lee Fuk.

Redshirt

varsity-blues-lance-harbor
fleshwound_NPG

not a hook and lateral

double cross n lateral!

Doktor Zymm

Lateral!

Mr. Ayo

4th and 27? NFL BLITZ!

Mr. Ayo

And they convert against an imaginary defense. SHOCKING!

LemonJello

I HAVEN’T SEEN A RED DEFENSE LIKE THIS SINCE THE BATTLE OF STALINGRAD!

Redshirt

Why are the Bengals Offensive Line wearing blue and playing on Thursday?

Unsurprised

Why are the Bills trying to kill their own quarterback?

Doktor Zymm

7 sacks? What is this, a NFC East game?

Redshirt

…and my betting winning streak has ended because Allen just remembered Dawson Knox exists.

blaxabbath

Maybe Sean McDermott should get those Meta glasses so he can look like an asshole AND get some help with coaching.

Redshirt

Now the Play Clock is Injured?!

blaxabbath

Man — this is the boringest close game I’ve ever seen 1.25 quarters of.

Mr. Ayo

THIS GAME I CALL IT THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL BECAUSE IT’S A FOOTBALL BEING PLAYED THE NIGHT OF THURSDAY!

LemonJello

Pick six by Allen to seal the deal?

Mr. Ayo

Half credit. Good jerb.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS GAME I CALL IT ANY OF PRESIDENT TRUMP’S PRESS CONFERENCES BECAUSE I’M NOT WATCHING THAT SHIT

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s actually kind of a fun game.

Doktor Zymm

Easily in the top 10% of Thursday games

blaxabbath

And it involves a bunch of drunk Texans in red chanting, “Kill Kill Kill”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

All of these things sound like a regular Thursday

fleshwound_NPG

THIS GAME LEMME TELL YA I CALL IT A LINDSAY GRAHAM DAYDREAM BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY SACKS

Unsurprised

Banner

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GAME I CALL IT “THE VIEWING” FROM GUILLERMO DEL TORO’S CABINET OF CURIOSITIES BECAUSE IT FEATURES A RED MONSTROSITY SWALLOWING THE WHITE PROTAGONIST.

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Sharkbait

SWALLOWING THE WHITE PROTAGONIST

The Nina Hartley pun thread is further down the page.

jjfozz

good news!

thor has lent me molinjir for the year

i will be using it to smash the shit out of anyone who gets a new car for Xmas and has a bow on it

Doktor Zymm

The worst part? You don’t even get to keep the giant bow, you have to rent it

blaxabbath

The fuck that’s happening. My wife is making me “save that one; it’s a nice one.”

blaxabbath

Bills seem like just the team to sneak to the Super Bowl in consecutive seasons and fail.

Sharkbait

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Last edited 3 months ago by Sharkbait
Redshirt

Based on that last play, and the overall performance of the Bills, maybe the games are being fixed.

Unsurprised

Everyone who wears those Meta glasses should be boiled alive in the fat of their immediate family members

blaxabbath

Am I going to have to start wearing clothes that say “I do not consent to being recorded?”

It doesn’t even matter anymore.

That’s why I’m going to an island.

SonOfSpam

Fire?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m regret to inform that they closed down your preferred destination – do you have a second choice?

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/jeffrey-epstein-island-little-st-james-what-allegedly-happened-there/

blaxabbath

Damn it!

And I just got finished earning enough qualifications/dirty money to be an Attorney General!

LemonJello

Have you thought about becoming the next Secretary of War?

blaxabbath

I can’t be a secretary. I don’t take notes anymore.

BC Dick

Agreed.
Crushed from foot to dandy specs by the slowest road roller in creation.
Eaten alive by the laziest buzzards in the skies.
Skinned by spastic monkeys with the dullest cheese graters in the thrift shop.
Drowned in their own concentrated flatulence.

jjfozz

do you really need glasses to know the weather? stick your head out the window, you conceited, lazy fuck

jjfozz

My cause my cleats

I would pay good cash money for someoen to put The Human Fund on their cleats.

blaxabbath

Howdy all.

I assume the Houston Dragon Horn helmets have already been noticed by others?

Doktor Zymm

I scratched one off with a quarter and won an imaginary pair of Texans cowboy boots

SonOfSpam

Texans have been known for dragon…black people behind a pickup truck.

blaxabbath

That was Wyommin’.

SonOfSpam

They did the truck thing and that Shepard kid?

Lotta hate for such a desolate place.

Last edited 3 months ago by SonOfSpam
blaxabbath

Victim Shepard was also possibly his attackers’ meth dealer,

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wish Wyoming was as imaginary as the Houston Texans.

SonOfSpam
Doktor Zymm

Now, now, there’s plenty of states full of shitty, horrible, people to go around

blaxabbath

Shame on me. I thought Shep got drug.

He was just gay.

SonOfSpam

Cmon man, not all gay guys are into drag.

NotShogunButShogun

Who bought the OOOPS! All Bananas cake box?

Unsurprised

I just sat down. I recommend Josh does the same based on the 2 minutes I just saw

SonOfSpam

If I hear that “Mystical Magical” song one more time, I’m gonna burn down a Target and make sure Benson Boone is in it. Oh, and fuck you SNL for making me know the name Benson Boone.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

@Balls is there a porn star guy named “Benson Bone”? Cause if not I call dibs.

Doktor Zymm

Any relation to Daniel? or Pat?

SonOfSpam

Otter’s buddy from Animal House I think

Jimbo

Family own a farm?

Screenshot-2025-11-20-at-7.44.37-PM
Redshirt

When did this become a last man standing match?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think they were trying to be polite and waited until Governor Abbott left at halftime.

NotShogunButShogun

BLEERGH allowing one of his clergy to be destroyed is something the catholic church should take notes on.

Last edited 3 months ago by NotShogunButShogun
Sharkbait

ANOTHER injury? When did this game get moved to Met Life?

Doktor Zymm

This game is turning out to be quite a bloodbath

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I *knew* the Texans uniforms reminded me of something…

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(that’s from Hellraiser, in case anybody was wondering)

SonOfSpam

Apparently you have such sights to show us.

Sharkbait

Referee non contact injury. Super rare!

Doktor Zymm

Maybe they’re supposed to be wrestling unis
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Mr. Ayo

Stupid sexy Hippo

Sharkbait

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Unsurprised

Hank Hill non-ass

Mr. Ayo

Ded BLEEEEERGH!

jjfozz

So your wife fell and hurt her knee. Knowing she is a high level drama queen and hypochondriac, here are the answers in your brain when she’s complaining.

“I can’t believe you played D1 lacrosse, you’re acting like a complete punk.”
“So? It hurts. Ice up son.”
“Just walk it off, you’re making a big deal out of nothing.”

Turns out none of these responses will work, cause I said all three.

LemonJello

Slap her on the ass. Hard. Then send her to the showers?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, no, the romantic thing to do is to escort her to the showers…

Doktor Zymm

Did you try rubbing some dirt on it for her? In a sensuous manner of course

Gumbygirl

IcyHot in the jock. It’s the only way.

jjfozz

That happened to me once, and i drove that kid into the locker so hard it bent the frame. Coach made me run laps, but so worth it.

fleshwound_NPG

last time a chubb injured someone like that nina hartley was out for two weeks (lower body injury)

litre_cola

She plays hurt though. Wanks Walks it off.

Sharkbait

It’s admirable how well she can take a pounding and then bounce back

litre_cola

Real team player, great in the room.

LemonJello

Known for her three technique.

fleshwound_NPG

solid receiver, great at deep balls

LemonJello

Can really work the double team.

WCS

Sucks it up, never complains.

jjfozz

Will bend over backward to accomodate the team.

jjfozz

She’s always been a standout in the backfield.

WCS

Is not afraid to get down and dirty, the real nitty-gritty to get things done.

Sharkbait

She’s been known to give a licking herself too

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Great senior presence in the locker room

litre_cola

This one is is good BFC

jjfozz

Always opening up the holes

WCS

This whole thread best make GTD’s comments of the week or else we….

…sit around and do nothing

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

sigh, FINE

LemonJello

Isn’t a Chubb of that hue known colloquially as a Red Rocket?

jjfozz

“Fozz, you need a follow up shingles injection.”

“Oh, well will it make me tired, feel like shit, and I’ll wake up 3 in the morning shivering so hard that I can barely get out of bed? And the next day, will I feel like Ray Lewis used me as a tackling dummy.”

Silence.

Fuck my doctor for not telling me.

BugEyedBoo

Yeah, that shingles vaccine is no joke.

WCS

My mom? Nothing at all. Dad, whom I’ve only seen sick like three times ever? Knocked his dick in the dirt for three or four days.

Your milage may vary, indeed.

litre_cola

Getting my 1st one in the spring. Shingles suck, my mom had them on her face a couple years back

jjfozz

I’d rather have leprosy at this point. Luckily I have bourbon and Advil

Unsurprised

Don’t fuck around with that. Get the shot because shingles is so much worse than you can imagine.

jjfozz

I had it once and it was miserable, I get the side effects, but no one in the office bothered to tell me. Oh well. Life is pain.