I don’t think the phrase “Why not both?” applies here. But it looks to be a good tilt.
Flotsam and Jetsam:
-Mixon In Action: See what I did there? OOF! A non-football boo-boo to Joe’s leg in the offseason is shrouded in mystery and now he’s out for the year with no further details being offered. Organization-wise, that’s quality secret-keeping that you don’t see very often! It’s safe to say that his days as a Texan are numbered given that releasing him prior to his age 30 season will save 8.5 mil in cap monies. His next contract will probably be for Chubb change.
Not So Many Cooks: Brandin was a smart fella that asked for his release and the Saints granted it. Now he waits around to be a nice depth piece for a playoff team and should recoup some lost cash with playoff bonuses-is where I think his head is at.
-Lost In The Funhouse: It’s not often one gets to reference a novel by John Barth but here we are. I of course am talking about Shadeur Sanders and his experience with the Browns. He gets his first start this weekend after a whole four days practicing with the first team for the first time since that brief period last summer. The contempt that Stefanski is rumored to have for him seems evident to most outsiders. This is “Being Set Up To Fail” in real time.
To The Game!
Bills/Texans:
-At 5-5 Houston currently has a 30% chance of making the playoffs. With a win tonight the odds jump to 45%.
-Davis Mills gets his third straight start-t’was thought unlikely when he took over but he has two wins under his belt and has breathed new life into the team by being competent. He may have found his niche as a Tyrod Taylor type-the backup guy with starting experience that is effective in the short term.
-This has the potential to be interesting to the neutral observer in that this is a clash between the #1 overall offense and the #2 defense. I’ll leave it to you as to who is who.
-Rock Meets Hard Place: Ok, fine-I’ll spell it out. Allen, the owner of three rush TD’s last week faces a squadoo that has yet to allow a QB to cross the goal line.
-Buffalo’s pass-catching situation hasn’t been that great this year and now Kincaid, Samuel and Hardman are all out. Btw, though desperate at the position, Keon Coleman was a healthy scratch last week. What’s going on there? If you’re in the mood to stream a deep narcoleptic maybe check out Tyrell Shaver-he’s listed as a starting wr this week.
-Or maybe Gabe Davis-lifted off the practice squad-is more your type. That’s the guy that converted a 4 TD playoff performance into the theft of at least 24 million from the Jaguars. Nice work if you can get it, er, pull it off.
As you were.
The oldest girl on the cul de sac is like 13. Her and her little friends got some sass.
That generation needs to send off anyone older than them with, “and may everyday be another wonderful secret. ”
67 is annoying. Epstein Files is honest and funny.
Apparently no one knows what it means, but it’s provocative and gets the people going.
That’s what I’ve gotten from teaching the childrens.
16 hours to kick off the week? Why the shit not?
Ain’t like they’re YOUR emergencies.
THESE BILLS I CALL THEM THE CYCLOPS BECAUSE THEY JUST GOT BEAT UP BY NOBODY
I am low-key stoked for the movie.
Texans and Pats both win tonight.
kneel before
Ref with the curveball penalty. Nicely done!
Yeah, I was excepting a Roughing the Passer penalty.
Even BLEERGH wants this game to end.
OPI and a pickerception to end this? Ho Lee Fuk.
…
not a hook and lateral
double cross n lateral!
Holee Fuckballs
Lateral!
4th and 27? NFL BLITZ!
And they convert against an imaginary defense. SHOCKING!
I HAVEN’T SEEN A RED DEFENSE LIKE THIS SINCE THE BATTLE OF STALINGRAD!
A team that doesn’t exist having their way with a QB from a state that doesn’t exist. What a timeline!
Why are the Bengals Offensive Line wearing blue and playing on Thursday?
Why are the Bills trying to kill their own quarterback?
“You guys! Again?”
-Allen, getting sacked for the 6th time
7 sacks? What is this, a NFC East game?
…and my betting winning streak has ended because Allen just remembered Dawson Knox exists.
Maybe Sean McDermott should get those Meta glasses so he can look like an asshole AND get some help with coaching.
Now the Play Clock is Injured?!
Man — this is the boringest close game I’ve ever seen 1.25 quarters of.
THIS GAME I CALL IT THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL BECAUSE IT’S A FOOTBALL BEING PLAYED THE NIGHT OF THURSDAY!
Pick six by Allen to seal the deal?
“The
FinalFarve-ian Solution?”Half credit. Good jerb.
THIS GAME I CALL IT ANY OF PRESIDENT TRUMP’S PRESS CONFERENCES BECAUSE I’M NOT WATCHING THAT SHIT
It’s actually kind of a fun game.
Easily in the top 10% of Thursday games
And it involves a bunch of drunk Texans in red chanting, “Kill Kill Kill”
All of these things sound like a regular Thursday
THIS GAME LEMME TELL YA I CALL IT A LINDSAY GRAHAM DAYDREAM BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY SACKS
Banner
THIS GAME I CALL IT “THE VIEWING” FROM GUILLERMO DEL TORO’S CABINET OF CURIOSITIES BECAUSE IT FEATURES A RED MONSTROSITY SWALLOWING THE WHITE PROTAGONIST.
SWALLOWING THE WHITE PROTAGONIST
The Nina Hartley pun thread is further down the page.
good news!
thor has lent me molinjir for the year
i will be using it to smash the shit out of anyone who gets a new car for Xmas and has a bow on it
The worst part? You don’t even get to keep the giant bow, you have to rent it
The fuck that’s happening. My wife is making me “save that one; it’s a nice one.”
Bills seem like just the team to sneak to the Super Bowl in consecutive seasons and fail.
Based on that last play, and the overall performance of the Bills, maybe the games are being fixed.
THIS JOSH ALLEN HE REMINDS ME OF ROME IN 1527 BECAUSE HE’S GETTING SACKED!
Everyone who wears those Meta glasses should be boiled alive in the fat of their immediate family members
Am I going to have to start wearing clothes that say “I do not consent to being recorded?”
It doesn’t even matter anymore.
That’s why I’m going to an island.
Fire?
I’m regret to inform that they closed down your preferred destination – do you have a second choice?
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/jeffrey-epstein-island-little-st-james-what-allegedly-happened-there/
Damn it!
And I just got finished earning enough qualifications/dirty money to be an Attorney General!
Have you thought about becoming the next Secretary of War?
I can’t be a secretary. I don’t take notes anymore.
Agreed.
Crushed from foot to dandy specs by the slowest road roller in creation.
Eaten alive by the laziest buzzards in the skies.
Skinned by spastic monkeys with the dullest cheese graters in the thrift shop.
Drowned in their own concentrated flatulence.
do you really need glasses to know the weather? stick your head out the window, you conceited, lazy fuck
My cause my cleats
I would pay good cash money for someoen to put The Human Fund on their cleats.
Howdy all.
I assume the Houston Dragon Horn helmets have already been noticed by others?
I scratched one off with a quarter and won an imaginary pair of Texans cowboy boots
Texans have been known for dragon…black people behind a pickup truck.
That was Wyommin’.
They did the truck thing and that Shepard kid?
Lotta hate for such a desolate place.
Victim Shepard was also possibly his attackers’ meth dealer,
I wish Wyoming was as imaginary as the Houston Texans.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_James_Byrd_Jr.
Ackshally, it was Texas
Now, now, there’s plenty of states full of shitty, horrible, people to go around
Shame on me. I thought Shep got drug.
He was just gay.
Cmon man, not all gay guys are into drag.
Who bought the OOOPS! All Bananas cake box?
I just sat down. I recommend Josh does the same based on the 2 minutes I just saw
If I hear that “Mystical Magical” song one more time, I’m gonna burn down a Target and make sure Benson Boone is in it. Oh, and fuck you SNL for making me know the name Benson Boone.
@Balls is there a porn star guy named “Benson Bone”? Cause if not I call dibs.
Any relation to Daniel? or Pat?
Otter’s buddy from Animal House I think
Family own a farm?
When did this become a last man standing match?
I think they were trying to be polite and waited until Governor Abbott left at halftime.
BLEERGH allowing one of his clergy to be destroyed is something the catholic church should take notes on.
ANOTHER injury? When did this game get moved to Met Life?
This game is turning out to be quite a bloodbath
I *knew* the Texans uniforms reminded me of something…
(that’s from Hellraiser, in case anybody was wondering)
Apparently you have such sights to show us.
Referee non contact injury. Super rare!
Maybe they’re supposed to be wrestling unis

Stupid sexy Hippo
Hank Hill non-ass
Ded BLEEEEERGH!
So your wife fell and hurt her knee. Knowing she is a high level drama queen and hypochondriac, here are the answers in your brain when she’s complaining.
“I can’t believe you played D1 lacrosse, you’re acting like a complete punk.”
“So? It hurts. Ice up son.”
“Just walk it off, you’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
Turns out none of these responses will work, cause I said all three.
Slap her on the ass. Hard. Then send her to the showers?
No, no, the romantic thing to do is to escort her to the showers…
Did you try rubbing some dirt on it for her? In a sensuous manner of course
IcyHot in the jock. It’s the only way.
That happened to me once, and i drove that kid into the locker so hard it bent the frame. Coach made me run laps, but so worth it.
last time a chubb injured someone like that nina hartley was out for two weeks (lower body injury)
She plays hurt though.
WanksWalks it off.It’s admirable how well she can take a pounding and then bounce back
Real team player, great in the room.
Known for her three technique.
solid receiver, great at deep balls
Can really work the double team.
Sucks it up, never complains.
Will bend over backward to accomodate the team.
She’s always been a standout in the backfield.
Is not afraid to get down and dirty, the real nitty-gritty to get things done.
She’s been known to give a licking herself too
Great senior presence in the locker room
This one is is good BFC
Always opening up the holes
This whole thread best make GTD’s comments of the week or else we….
…sit around and do nothing
sigh, FINE
Isn’t a Chubb of that hue known colloquially as a Red Rocket?
Dare I say it? The Texans front 7 is fun to watch.
“Fozz, you need a follow up shingles injection.”
“Oh, well will it make me tired, feel like shit, and I’ll wake up 3 in the morning shivering so hard that I can barely get out of bed? And the next day, will I feel like Ray Lewis used me as a tackling dummy.”
Silence.
Fuck my doctor for not telling me.
Yeah, that shingles vaccine is no joke.
My mom? Nothing at all. Dad, whom I’ve only seen sick like three times ever? Knocked his dick in the dirt for three or four days.
Your milage may vary, indeed.
Getting my 1st one in the spring. Shingles suck, my mom had them on her face a couple years back
I’d rather have leprosy at this point. Luckily I have bourbon and Advil
Don’t fuck around with that. Get the shot because shingles is so much worse than you can imagine.
I had it once and it was miserable, I get the side effects, but no one in the office bothered to tell me. Oh well. Life is pain.