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Random Night Open Thread – for a rainy day Part Quatre

ballsofsteelandfury

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I’m doing a quick fill-in (PHRASING!) for Senor Weaselo as he is stuck dealing with random IRL crap.

As we head into Week 16, here are a few things to note:

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Quinn Ewers is the starting QB for the Dolphins this week as Tua has been benched for what I assume will be the rest of the year. It’s actually a smart move as this way you know what you have in the rookie you drafted. That should inform your draft strategy come spring. Milfhunter Z is the #2 as Tua is #3 and likely won’t be active on game day.

***

Puka Nacua is going to get a call from somebody telling him to STFU. He was on a podcast and decided to tell his truth about how referees in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE are all lawyers that want to get on TV and be famous and make up calls just to get screen time. Now, I’m not saying he should have done it…

***

Cam Ward has stated that he wants to be involved in the search for the new Titans coach. Does someone want to tell him that there is no transfer portal anymore? It will be interesting to see what ownership does/says. Honestly, I think it would be more productive if they asked Don T for his thoughts.

***

The Kansas City QB whose ACL got broke (is that the technical term?) has completed surgery and is starting rehab with a goal of being ready for Week 1. That seems like a bad idea. For him. The rest of the league would love it if he experienced a setback during rehab. He really should take his time and do it right instead of potentially wrecking his career. Or maybe rush it. Yeah, rush it.

Lastly, it seems like Joe Burrow is mentally checked out of Cincinnati. Redshirt, enjoy your Wednesday night!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Balls, I’m sure you’ve heard this before but you’re great at filling a hole

3
Doktor Zymm

So I know I’m crap at living in the present, but I just had the most data scientist thought ever and I want to make a heat map of where in the past, present, and future my attention is in an average week. Quite a bit will be within a few days or the same day, and there will be hotspots both ways. And when I’m horseback riding or working on certain types of things or reading I am in the moment, so there is at least some of that, maybe even more than most people. But still, heatmaps are neat

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It would be interesting to see one of those for the Dr. Mrs. Deadly. She spends a lot of time (too much, in my opinion) planning things.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I want a heat map of the Deadly household like they do for soccer games except it’s for the vacuum.

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Doktor Zymm

Don’t be silly, it’s all red

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Doktor Zymm

I spend a lot of time planning too, it’s fun for me, anticipation essentially. Good planning makes living in the moment easier and better when it’s done right. But yeah, it can’t all be planning, you have to let yourself reap the rewards

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WCS

See kids? Geography is fun!

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ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve seen quite a few Tesla vehicles around LA with a bumper sticker that says, “I bought this before I knew Elon was crazy”

That just tells me you have horrible judgement and I should stay as far away from you as possible.

He’s ALWAYS been this way. I don’t understand how this is a surprise to people.

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Doktor Zymm

Less disturbing than the one I saw that said “I’m probably not driving while you read this”

But yeah, until he got into politics tons of people didn’t reallly know or care who he was. I buy shit from lots of companies where I either don’t know or don’t agree with the politics of the owner/CEO and that’s fine up to a point. It’s everyone’s prerogative to start caring when they want to.

But also they probably have those so people will be less likely to vandalize their car.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Well, that’s the sad part. They only have them so people don’t vandalize their car…

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Doktor Zymm

Eh, not that sad. If i could put a sticker on my car that stopped people from doing any number of even mildly irritating things I absolutely would

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Doktor Zymm

https://www.independent.co.uk/asia/japan/japan-monster-wolf-bear-attacks-b2882476.html

This is the correct use of robots

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Horatio Cornblower

Considering the speech earlier this isn’t even the worst idea I’ve heard tonight:

https://bsky.app/profile/weeder.bsky.social/post/3maaeo6yrrs2c

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Doktor Zymm

That’s a no for me. I know pretty well where I’m at and would want to be safely locked indoors while everyone else is finding out

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Redshirt

Counterproposal: Every politician takes truth serum on live TV. Let’s see where they’re at.

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Doktor Zymm

Yes but also ew

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Horatio Cornblower

Delaware seems very happy to have won the (checks notes) 68 Ventures Bowl.

Sure, fine, whatever, what the hell.

Semi-related note, Hippo calling the LA Bowl ‘The Compton Swap Meet’ might be one of the funniest things I’ve ever read here, and that is saying a lot.

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Gatoraids

not the Ventures Bowl we need

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMMwq2AMgoY

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Doktor Zymm

I feel a bit prepperish, but I want to set up a totally offline, non-cloud based smart home/media server/cold storage system for myself.

Related, why would anyone ever buy a Tesla? We’re at the point where physical security is more difficult to overcome than cyber security and I don’t want a car that can have it’s breaks hacked or that can be bricked by the company.

It’s not exactly the lady who had the brain implant that prevented her from having seizures repossessed, but we all put a lot of trust nowadays in things that can aren’t freestanding and can disappear at the whim of companies and the people who run them. Connection without failsafes is scary as fuck

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Horatio Cornblower

I rode in a self-driving Tesla from near Waterbury, CT into NYC. Driver didn’t touch the wheels or pedals until it was time to park. It was also amazingly comfortable.

That said, for the reasons you already gave, and because I’ll be double-goddamned if I give a dime to the ketamine enthusiast, I’m sticking with my 15+ year-old standard shift Subaru.

Or something similar when I have to replace it, because 15+ years and 260K miles is really way more than I can expect from a car.

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Doktor Zymm

I’m going to be very upset when the day comes I have to replace my car. I have a 2011 Mazda 2 that I operate with a physical key and which does not have anti-lock brakes but does have a CD player. It is a gem with no serious problems at 138k miles and there is nothing similar on the market today

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Horatio Cornblower

I apparently would have to special order a standard-shift Outback. So that’s awesome, and I’m sure cheap.

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Doktor Zymm

Probably still cheaper than an automatic, the auto industry doesn’t change quickly

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Puka Nacua enlisting the help of his family to pull an Antonio Brown speedrun:

https://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/local/arrests-made-lakers-adou-thiero-suv-stolen/3817945/

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SonOfSpam

I guess in addition to Puka being an idiot on some podcast, his younger brother just got arrested for stealing a car from some Lakers guy.

So everything’s coming up RAMMMMMIT.

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Doktor Zymm

He just has to restrain his worst jackassery until after the NFC Championship. Then he can get Tuaed for all I care

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SonOfSpam

*Super Bowl, but yeah

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SonOfSpam

Delaware’s QB is “Mini-Coochie” and while the spelling may not be exactly right, that’s what I’m going with.

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Unsurprised

I went to high school with a family of coochies

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2Pack

Raining over here too, so it’s off to arms day I guess.

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SonOfSpam

How do you guys do arm day when you have to count your reps using your hands?

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2Pack

It does get confusing… Muscle “memory” is not always what it’s cracked up to be… Mine tend to wander often…

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One rep sets.

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Doktor Zymm

If you use your toes men can go to 11

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Doktor Zymm

Nice setup!

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Brick Meathook

It’s a much longer story, but in the wee hours of December 11 I was having severe balance issues, so the emergency room sent me off to get an MRI on my entire head. Later, the doctor said my head was fine (no tumors, bleeding, oddities, etc). Then the balance issues just went away.

i really want a copy of that MRI.

ALSO: I can’t login to DFO on my laptop. I get a terse warning that says “Not Acceptable!”

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NotShogunButShogun

I got brain MRIs for fun and profit in college. Always got the scans. Good dorm decor

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Mr. Ayo

MRIs are a cure all? Notify the HHS STAT!

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SonOfSpam

Had similar a couple years ago; self-diagnosis was an inner ear thing that generally goes away on its own (which it did). But suddenly getting spins while sober is unfun.

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Doktor Zymm

They only give you a copy of scans if you’re pregnant. So for a head MRI I guess that would be an alien baby nestled in your skull. Blink twice if you’re trapped in area 51 and they’re making you post that your head is fine and also it’s their cybersecurity that’s effing up your login

1
BugEyedBoo

I got a copy of my MRI that was done on my back. Sciatica sucks.

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Gumbygirl

Gumby was prone to heavy wax build up in his ears. It got so bad once he ended up with vertigo.

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Redshirt

Good to hear. I’m sure you got a B+ on the Trump MRI Scale.

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BugEyedBoo

Ain’t gonna look it up, but there are little stones in your inner (?) ear that help balance. Knock those out of kilter and it’s vertigo city. I found out about that when I bumped into a branch while weedeating. For about two months if I turned my head the right way I’d get dizzy. Eventually they’ll migrate back to where they belong, or your brain will start using the new location as the default. There are exercises to help nudge them back.

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Mr. Ayo

Not Tool. That’s later.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhZRwNsjrRg

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Horatio Cornblower

Holy shit. This was brilliant.

2
Mr. Ayo

Thank you. But you should also play the video as it is also quite enjoyable.

3
Redshirt

“Somehow the Strouds and the Scriptwriter returned.”

You should watch his “script” of Super Bowl 59. It was equal parts Ocean’s 11 and Animal House, plus it was way more plausible than what happened that night.

If the NFL Was Scripted: Super Bowl 59 – YouTube

Last edited 4 months ago by Redshirt
1
Horatio Cornblower

Finally done working, settled in with the (Most White Guy Ever) evening hot chocolate and puffy slippers.

HOW THE FUCK WE DOIN’ B….

/falls asleep face first into the hot chocolate
//drowns
///when they ask how I died an embarrassed Mrs. Horatio will say “Oh, uh, um, he was jerking off with a belt around his neck” rather than tell the truth.

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Unsurprised

So TACO applies to his military adventurism, too.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Bone spurs: America’s unspoken tragedy

1
WCS

I think I’m out of the LDB Challenge.
Lil’ WCS had a dance recital earlier, and while the version that was used was some bizarre hip-hop/techno version of… something… the chorus was a remixed chorus of “the song.”

3
Horatio Cornblower

I think the rules are that if you can recognize it you’re out.

I defer to the committee though, as I’ve been out a good week now.

3
Redshirt

I got out within a week. It was a snippet of a sixteenth note, and just as I was trying to rationalize it wasn’t the song despite my radio display saying it was the song, the Universe had it show up on my radio for a whole darn measure.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My 50 year-old body keeps giving me reasons why I shouldn’t go surfing tomorrow (gimpy knee, sore neck and back from swimming yesterday, the water will be cold) but all that my soul has to say on the subject is that “blax would go.”

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Horatio Cornblower

How’d that work out for Eddie, anyway?

The moral of the story, as always, is you should be like Surly Duff, and only look out for Surly.

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WCS

Shut up.

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Horatio Cornblower

Sorry, Surly.

4
Gatoraids

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blaxabbath

I gotta stay home this winter because we got a new dog.

I don’t know why the universe is so hard on MEEEEEEE.

4
Redshirt

Update: Agent Orange is doing a Greatest Hits compilation, probably because his approval numbers are down.

Also, he’s screaming into the microphone and you can hear him breathe. His breath sounds moist. How is this guy alive?

1
Redshirt

Also, his mic is right at his face. That exactly what you want to see from the President of the United States of America, a mic stand blocking his view and a black phallic shape touching his lips.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS MICROPHONE I CALL IT BUBBA…

2
NotShogunButShogun

So I was right. A long not my fault.

2
Redshirt

He stole Make America Great Again from Reagan, now he stole the Malaise Speech from Carter.

1
Horatio Cornblower

You can tell he’s a political genius, because he’s stealing things from noted motivational speaker James Earl Carter.

Great guy in later life, total dud as President.

0
Redshirt

“Great guy in later life, total dud as President.”

You literally described my personal opinion of all Democratic Presidents.

Candidates: Open-minded, reasonable.
President: Typical Democratic Bullshit. (my views may vary slightly than yours)
Ex-President: Honored Elder Statesman.

0
SonOfSpam

Please let us know if he drops during the speech. Otherwise, nah.

1
Redshirt

He’s alive. Darkest Timeline reigns.

0
Doktor Zymm

I was excited for a second because I thought you meant the band
https://youtu.be/g7B5m9W3Fn0

1
SonOfSpam

Fightin Flaccos are playing in the 68 Ventures Bowl.

68 Ventures is a company created in part by Jaromir Jagr (thus the 68), and they, um, invest and create synergy? Or something?

Buy hey, go Blue Hens. Good to see new blood in bowl games.

1
SonOfSpam

Re: Mahomes’ rehab…TO BE FAIR, my first rehab appt was the day after my ACL surgery, and I’m not a pro athlete (no, really). They want you a-movin ASAP.

I mean, he can get fucked overall, just not for that.

1
Mr. Ayo

NW Indiana Bears? ROFL!

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Such idiocy…

1
Doktor Zymm

I made a delicious thing! I got a frother, and to try it out I stuck in some cream with a bit of honey, a dash of vanilla, and some of the good rosewater I got in Iran. Smelled great. Added somebourbon after frothing and it’s like a light eggnog

5
Doktor Zymm

Although the froth is deflating fairly quickly, but still delicious

1
Gumbygirl

Hit it with the frother again!

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Seasonally appropriate!

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SonOfSpam

Favorite bit of trivia is when he was hanging off the building for his last scene, they let him go early (instead of “on three”) so his facial reaction would be more realistically “oh shit!”

Mission accomplished!

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Last edited 4 months ago by SonOfSpam
4
Doktor Zymm

I get the rose on my breath as an aftertaste and it is DELIGHTFUL

2
Gumbygirl

I always get the desserts with rosewater at Indian restaurants. It is lovely stuff!

2
SonOfSpam

I thought it was called a Santorumer.

0
NotShogunButShogun

O/U on “not my faults” in tonight’s diatribe?

1
Redshirt

If your referring to Trump’s Oval Office Address, either it’s to announce we’re going to war with Venezuela or he going to figuratively verbally masturbate to everything he’s done so far.

I’m only watching on the off chance he shits in his hands and eats it.

3
Gumbygirl

No fucking way am I watching that. He’s an instant buzzkill. But let me know if he does anything hilarious, I’m always happy to laugh at him.

Last edited 4 months ago by Gumbygirl
3
Doktor Zymm

All the good bits will be online later

4
King Hippo

True Hippo story. As a young lad, I did a pretty fair impression of Dana Carvey’s GHW Bush “Hurricane Hugo? Not my fault!”

4
Redshirt

Same here with me and Perot’s “Can I finish?” and Clinton’s “I feel your pain.”

1
Doktor Zymm

I feel like the correct response to “Can I finish?” is “you should consult with your doctor to see if you’re healthy enough for sexual activity”

1
NotShogunButShogun

Points for the Eddie Izzard!

1
King Hippo

This Cult Bowl is so bad, I think I am pulling for titty cancer?

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Would you say this Cult Bowl is so bad, you’re looking forward to the Kool-Aid?

5
Mr. Ayo

Gumbygirl is watching the Cure Bowl on her evening walk

7
King Hippo

Like a fucking Fire Woman lady!

5
NotShogunButShogun

That’s because boys don’t cry

5
Gumbygirl

I am done, 9370 steps today. I’m fine with anything over 7000, so this was a good day.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think the league is going to be even *more* interested in Nacua’s promise to some braindead streamers that if he scores a touchdown he’ll do a celebration they call “the Jew dance”.

3
Horatio Cornblower

Apparently called “The Covetous Jew” which, I’m almost certain, doesn’t make things better.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Is there any other kind?” – DeSean Jackson

1
Mr. Ayo

A most unexpected heel turn.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Not like he took a knee during the anthem.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Not to people who have followed his career. There are rumors that he was Patient Zero for the COVID outbreak in 2020 that effectively ended the Washington Huskies’ season.

1
Gumbygirl

Why can’t we have nice things?

1
King Hippo

The hardest part of this Tua saga is how many times they will have to “break the news” to him between now and Sunday.

Who was that Memento “handler” guy? Teddy??

7
Horatio Cornblower

It’ll be fine on Monday, when they tell him he played and did awesome.

7
Doktor Zymm

Until then just keep telling him it’s last Friday

4
Redshirt

“It’s the Bengals, we pulled the starters.”
“I did good?”
(sniff) “Yes, Tua. You did good.”

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