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West Meets East

scotchnaut

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Those were two doozies, weren’t they? (I’ve no idea)

To The Game!

Chargers/Pats:

-What do Mayes and Herbert have in common? The both have ZERO playoffs wins. They have two games between them but still.

-Of all teams left in the playoffs L.A. has allowed the fewest air yards. Of the QB’s left in the AFC, Mayes has the most completed passes of over 20 yards. That’s a lot of chunk plays, baby. He completed those at a 50% clip btw.

-Surprisingly, all three of the Pats losses were at home. Those games that they did win they outscored opponents by 90 points.

-The Chargers D ended the season in the top five in forcing three and outs.

-Since coming back from injury rookie running back Omarion Hampton has been averaging 14.5 rush attempts per game. Look for that number to increase today as his team looks to dictate the tempo by slowing the game to a crawl.

-Since week ten the Chargers offense is bottom three in points per drive.

It’s all you.

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fleshwound_NPG

lol just as soon as cris was starting to dig his paws deep into drake’s jock

3
Mr. Ayo

SUDDEN BOLT CHANGE!

1
Jimbo

The local ads are kind of funny, slogan is “Bolt Up”.

1
Don T

Hey hey. I’m just here to say fuck Vrabe.
And manifest trudging from couch to bed within a coupla hours.

5
Sharkbait

But counterpoint, fuck Spanos?

2
Don T

Mmm. In recomsideration, 🎶Qué será, será. Whatever will be [etc etc]🎶

2
Horatio Cornblower

I thought Tennessee ownership shitcanned Vrabel?

2
ballsofsteelandfury

I vote for showing The Mystery Spot in the next 49ers home game

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4
Doktor Zymm

Intel Museum is walking distance

635713044859030000
1
ballsofsteelandfury

At the very least, they should show Great America. It’s literally next door.

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3
Doktor Zymm

Closing after summer 2027 so only works for one season though

1
WCS

Say hi to Ozzie Smith!

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5
ThePirateSloth

Santa Cruz sucks donkey dick and The Mystery Spot is a sham

2
Petronel

Fifteen-foot gold Tahmmy.
Kinda…freaky.

0
WCS

Two seconds left in the half…

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0
ballsofsteelandfury

Vrabel seems to be the smartest coach in the playoffs

2
Horatio Cornblower

It’s been a pretty low bar so far, but Vrabel is a good coach.

1
fleshwound_NPG

the bar was exactly as low as the one belichick had to clear every year

3
Redshirt

This game is our payment for three great playoff games.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Wait until tomorrow!

1
Redshirt

“We’re kind of slow, today, Redshirt. Why don’t you take the rest of the night off so you can enjoy the football game.”
“No, I’m good.”

3
WCS

Wait till the inevitable Patriots-Steelers AFC Championship game!

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Wee maestro is now awake

2
The Maestro

Shockingly no. I think he still has a little bit more maturing to do to find the joy in watching a defensive chess match.

4
King Hippo

This game has grown tiresome. I will NOT be inviting it to touch my monkey.

6
Horatio Cornblower

Wow, the Chargers’ O-line is absolute ass.

4
King Hippo

They’re on like their 7th and 8th choice OTs, I think

1
ballsofsteelandfury

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2
Horatio Cornblower

There were two 15 yard penalties on that sack of Herbert.

3
Jimbo

Some home cooking for the Massholes.

3
fleshwound_NPG

goodell: *unfollows chiefs*

also goodell: *refollows greatriots*

8
BC Dick

All TV football commentary is pointless. You can see each play with your own eyes and all relevant information like down, distance, time, is clearly displayed on screen. What purpose do these yamokes serve?

3
SonOfSpam

It’s spelled “yarmulkes” smh

2
Brick Meathook

Jabronies

3
BC Dick

Thank you, that was the one I couldn’t think of at the time

2
Beerguyrob

I guess we were bound to get a turd sometime this weekend.

Last edited 3 months ago by Beerguyrob
1
SonOfSpam

-Quality Control workers at the Hershey plant, having a bad Saturday

3
ballsofsteelandfury

Wait until tomorrow night! !

1
WCS

Yinz meen the 53-3 beetdown da Stillers our gonna pull on dem Hooston Oiler bums?!? lol STILLERS GON TO SUPERBWL lol godbless

3
Doktor Zymm

I’m looking forward to seeing Qaaron possibly decapitated

2
Doktor Zymm

That’s one of those plays that would benefit from cartoon sound effects

0
ballsofsteelandfury

ABOUT TIME, HARBAUGH, YOU DUMB FUCK!

1
fleshwound_NPG

dunno what is gonna be lower, the 4th down conversion % this weekend or the dow tomorrow

3
Horatio Cornblower

As much as I would like to retire I hope it’s the Dow, because the only thing Americans give a fuck about is their pocketbooks.

3
fleshwound_NPG

true, even indiana went blue for an african-american democrat from chicago in 2008!

INDIANA!

3
Brick Meathook

I have never owned a pocketbook in my life.

0
Doktor Zymm

A wallet is a type of pocketbook

2
Gumbygirl

I thought that song in the Farmer’s Dog ad sounded vaguely familiar, so I looked it up. It’s by the Troggs. I am ancient.

2
Unsurprised

The annoying thing about the Spanish broadcasts is that it actually makes me have to listen to them because my Spanish isn’t what it used to be and I never listened to American football commentary before. So, I guess I’m saying, at least no one watching the English version is ESL and suffering for intently listening to these diseased assholes.

Listening also makes it harder to multitask even to mae dick jokes. Eh

Last edited 3 months ago by Unsurprised
0
ballsofsteelandfury

Showing Fenway during Pats games is akin to showing the Golden Gate Bridge during 49ers games.

5
SonOfSpam

Or literally anyplace they show during Rams’ games.

Hollywood sign?
Disneyland?
Santa Monica Pier?

Sure, all right here in Inglewood.

5
Unsurprised

At least those are in the same time zone.

0
Gumbygirl

Depends on traffic

3
Jimbo

You can easily get to all those places in 15 90 minutes.

2
Doktor Zymm

Levi’s to the Golden Gate is about 75 minutes with non-rush hour traffic

1
Brick Meathook

There’s a nice cemetery next to SoFi.

Last edited 3 months ago by Brick Meathook
3
ThePirateSloth

Ugh, I hate – so much – the ‘city landmarks everyone should identify major cities with’ that’s been overused in media for decades

1
Horatio Cornblower

They’d be more accurate showing that wreck of a ballpark in Pawtucket, RI, although they may have finally torn that thing down.

1
Doktor Zymm

They should use the Winchester Mystery House for Niners games

5
Beerguyrob

Can’t wait for all the thrown fish next Saturday in Seattle.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

FINALLY A COACH THAT REALIZES THE VALUE OF 3 POINTS!!

2
Redshirt

Kick early, go for it late! Unless its 4th & 1 and your offensive line has been good or you are on the one, but only if after you tell your offense to get you six points, you turn to your defense and tell them to get two points, if they fail.

Last edited 3 months ago by Redshirt
1
blaxabbath

Clown sports character on local Phoenix fm wrote a piece that, I assume, is echoed nation-wide. His message is: ASU can do what Indiana did. You got a good coach (Who doesn’t think they do?) So just hit the portal and get the right guys.

I said this when NIL went off — you’re not going to have places for young athletes. Why would a coach want a sophomore when he can have a senior? In any era? Now we’re taking throwaway oil money mentality to the annual “pursuit of the National Championship.”

2
ballsofsteelandfury

The real problem is that colleges act and think like Jerry Jones.

1
SonOfSpam

Nice catch by Chism. I guess Manjowder and Sploog are hurt.

7
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And Pearljam has been on IR since Week 8.

3
SonOfSpam

(really had a difficult time with that comment; there are not enough good synonyms for spunk)

2
ThePirateSloth

So if I make plays on your mom, I’m a leader!
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4
Beerguyrob

“Aww man, why do I have to be in jail?”

– Mark Sanchez

1
Horatio Cornblower

Harbaugh’s a big right-wing God boy, so I’m rooting for the Patriots to leave Harbaugh saying “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?”

5
BC Dick

But the Pats owner is too, right? And also a sex-slave abusing sleaze bag?
I think we can assume everyone is shit and leave morals out of the cheering equation.

1
Petronel

THAT PLAY DOESN’T WORK FOR THE PATS. NO ONE DENIES THIS

Last edited 3 months ago by Petronel
1
Redshirt

Pentagon Begs Shop to Stop Sending Butt Plugs to Military Personnel

Whatever you do, do not send Butt Plugs to 1400 Defense Pentagon, Washington, DC 20301!

5
ballsofsteelandfury

Such a waste….

2
jjfozz

I used to go into there 3-4x a week. Every fucking Pentagon cop deservers three of these to be shoved up his/her respective ass. Biggest fucking assholes I’ve ever dealt with.

1
jjfozz

“Think of the children!”

-Catholic priests in DC

1
Doktor Zymm

Why would anyone watch Fear Factor?

2
King Hippo

well, I know I always WISHED AND PRAYED to maybe heave even MOAR goddamned snake-based nightmares.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Snakes are awesome, control the rodent population, and are far more afraid of you than you are of them.

3
King Hippo

An outside snake is a good snake. An inside snake is a ded Hippo.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t think snakes actually feel fear. But they definitely seem to prefer to mind their own business.

0
ThePirateSloth

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Edit: now it’s snakes in gif form!

Last edited 3 months ago by ThePirateSloth
2
Unsurprised

It was clever when Last Crusade did it, but putting the creation of EVERY Indy tic and trope into one twenty minute scene of one half-day’s events was the death of franchise cinema.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Have you seen what roughly 30% on America thinks is cool?

5
BugEyedBoo

My daughter loved Fear Factor! Her 13th birthday party was Fear Factor-themed. Me? It was always, “I’m not watching that.”

2
Gumbygirl

Compared to the things a 13 year old girl has to be afraid of in the real world, Fear Factor is a big fat nothingburger.

1
Unsurprised

Most of what they have people eat or drink is arguably healthier and safer than what 90% of Americans consume.

0
jjfozz

I remember hearing an interview of Rogan about his time there and he said, “I was high as shit during every episode. I had to be.”

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That tracks, you can’t spell “high” without H-G-H.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We had friends in Orange County that watched that idiotic (and clearly magnetically rigged) Holey Moley show as a family and had lots of fun doing it. I could see Fear Factor having a similar appeal, especially since you’ve got a million clips of Jackass stuff that could fill in the gaps during commercials.

0
fleshwound_NPG

man, the 4th down conversion % and points left on the board this weekend

5
ballsofsteelandfury

This is why I say the “math” is bullshit. The playoffs are way different than the regular season.

1
Redshirt

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was inventing sabermetrics and sports analytics.

2
WCS

FIELD GOALS ARE FOR WEIRDOS AND LOSERS YOU WEIRD LOSER!! DM ME “LOSERS” TO SIGN UP FOR MY $140k PROGRAM TO LEARN MORE!

7
Unsurprised

How about enter LOSERS for a Fanduel wager boost?

3
jjfozz

Ah, the Eagles subreddit is calling for the Head of Jalen. Never change, you asswipes.

5
King Hippo

See? Classic nil-nil right here

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I guess inflation is so bad that 3 points are not worth what they used to…

3
fleshwound_NPG

inflation is bad now, but whatever you do, dont look at dow futures right now

1
Jimbo

Inflation is a libral hoax!

1
The Maestro

FUCK FUCK FUCK

0
The Maestro

NEVER MIND WE’RE CHILLIN’

0
Gumbygirl

How’s the new guy doing? Composing his first symphony?

0
The Maestro

He’s asleep on the couch! 7 weeks old tomorrow and 13 lbs already. If he keeps growing like this he’ll be a nose tackle for sure!!

8
Gumbygirl

Bruiser!

1
Petronel

Disaster averted (for now)

0
jjfozz

Please, someone, spit fire Colinsworth over a roaring fire and feed him to a pack of diseased hyenas.

4
Redshirt

Haven’t the sick hyenas suffered enough?!

5
jjfozz

Not as much as we have

3
BeefReeferLives

“Eww. No thank you. I have some standards.”
-Diseased Hyena

2
Horatio Cornblower

I have a new rule proposal for the NFL: Any time a team pretends they’re going for it on 4th and short, but instead just fucks around trying to daw the defense offsides, if the play isn’t successful the head coach gets shot in the foot.

8
The Maestro

If it happens a second time then the next one is in the dick.

6
Horatio Cornblower

I was gonna go other foot, but sure, why not?

1
ballsofsteelandfury

It still amazes me that you guys all watch the Collinsworth games with the volume on.

2
The Maestro

Well his voice got my son to fall asleep, so that’s a win.

4
King Hippo

and now your own, bellowed FACK!!! has no doubt awoken him

1
The Maestro

That’s not the point. Also HOW ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE

3
King Hippo

Like the Holy Spirit, Hippo is everywhere. Just not as well-meaning.

4
Doktor Zymm

It lets me multitask, if Collinsworth is talking I don’t have to pay attention, when it goes back to Tirico I should look up and watch the game. It’s easy enough to tune out exactly what he’s saying and sometimes his dumb shit is funny

1
The Maestro

It’s been three minutes since New England returned to the postseason, and I’m already miserable.

6
King Hippo

I feel like this game should end in a Draw, and there be a mid-week replay in Compton.

3
Horatio Cornblower

No one in their right mind is interviewing Josh McDaniels for another HC position, Cris.

So naturally he’ll be the next HC of the Dallas Cowboys.

10
WCS

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4
Beerguyrob

Oh good – I thought Collinsworth had forgotten how to properly fluff the Patriots. Patrick Mahomes probably feels like a scorned lover right now.

3
Doktor Zymm

I don’t even know what I want to happen in this game, go Boltmen I guess?

2
Unsurprised

I was tinkering and caught the Sky feed of last game for a hot second. The Brits had better ads, but more importantly, I still manage to catch myself in grudging awe of how thoroughly American culture just dominates the world.

1
fleshwound_NPG

dont you dare even suggest that pats fans are suffering a playoff win “drought”

5
Unsurprised

Next, they’re going to say the Yankees are “due”

2
fleshwound_NPG

not even kickoff and even cris has a mountain to climb to say the dumbest thing during this broadcast

2
LemonJello

I only hope the hellmouth beneath Gillette Stadium opens sometime during this game.

6
fleshwound_NPG

fuck spanos, but triple fuck boston

6
rockingdog

Whoa

The Fed Chairman makes official statement that the President is using criminal charges to threaten him over monetary policy.

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4
fleshwound_NPG

It’s Happening This Year

1
Unsurprised

After having to admit I was wrong and my friend who was bitching about inflation during the first W administration was right because the Fed has just been printing free money for banks, hedge funds, and VCs to prop up the economy so that GDP went up moving imaginary numbers around while manufacturing has stagnated for the last TWENTY FIVE years (what a coincidence, eh) and life expectancy has gone down more years than it’s gone up in the last decade and and and …

My point is that all of the Fed since Greenspan was first appointed should be in prison. So, I’m conflicted.

0
Unsurprised

BTW, if you want to know what the U.S. will look like in ten years, the government and its owners have been doing to the U.S. what the U.S. did to Russia in the 1990s. Chickens. Roost. Etc.

Except no one is coming to save the U.S. like Putin saved Russia. So we’re actually going to end up like Ukraine, which is fucking hilariously ironic.

0
BugEyedBoo

Since Greenspan? You can lay the Great Recession squarely at his feet.

1
fleshwound_NPG

sirianni is gonna be the ditka of this age, an angry meathead with one dominant run with a random ring, but ditka never really had a heathy qb.

hes one more one and done away from going 4-6 in the acc every year

4
rockingdog

Apparently this was a real event that happened!???

Lmao

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0
fleshwound_NPG

dammit not b dawk

0
Brick Meathook

“World’s #1 Motivational Speaker Nick Something or Other!”

That is really a murderers row of faith and motivation and you can get rich quick too the old fashioned way: through pure horseshit.

2
WCS

sirianni is gonna be the ditka of this age

Ditka is still Jebus-Buddha-Yehweh in Chicago.

Sirianni would be peed on by any and all Philadelphian.

There is a difference.

2
fleshwound_NPG

ditka was once hated in philly, too!

0
fleshwound_NPG

actually, hated three times!

(poor showing in philly, played for dallas, arch nemesis of buddy ryan)

1
Doktor Zymm

Technical point, if Sirianni was on fire they wouldn’t pee on him as that might put the fire out

0
scotchnaut

Chargers over the Pats doesn’t seem like the reach that it was a mere 5 hours ago.

1
Unsurprised

I’m in the tank for the Boltmen today.

0
scotchnaut

I couldn’t get a pic to post-anyone that wants to insert something-feel free.

0
LemonJello

-JD Vance unzips as he struts over to one of the Oval Office couches

3
Horatio Cornblower

Done, but now I have to undo it thanks to Getty Images.

Goddamn copyright laws.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Much better.

0
Redshirt

.

IMG_1409
7
Gumbygirl

That Bert is a bad, bad Muppet. Don’t mess with him

0
blaxabbath

The main ingredient is vegetable oil.

Good thing I had leftover lamb for dinner!

1000024733
3
Unsurprised

Someone has to subsidize all those corn and soybean farming corporations in Iowa.

1
blaxabbath

Not worth the handout to dumb fat worthless farmer.

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