I mean, who the hell would be cheering for the itinerant Rams, right? Ok, aside from his wifely choices Stafford is a good dude, right? Ok, aside from Nacua’s racist preferences, the team is cheerworthy, right? Ok, aside from the Rams ownership, the team can be admired, correct? Moving on…
To The Game!
Rams/Bears:
-Bad news (hah!) for the Rams-they’re favored and road teams of that ilk are 1-6 in the last seven games in divisional tilts.
-I’d no idea but Ben Johnson was fascinated by Mike Martz’ passing concepts.
-Last week Loveland was only the 2nd rookie tight end to go for 100+ yards in his first playoff game.
-Was disoriented to see that the all-time record between these two sits at 55-39-3 for Chicago. The Bears were really shitty thru the 60’s and 70’s and the Rams have been middling good for most of their existence.
-When the Rams are “on” they are a force to be reckoned with but there seem to be cracks in the armor. Or did the Panthers just have their number?
-Them Bears have been around for decades on end and yet if Caleb gets the W this evening he’ll be only the 4th QB to get multiple playoff wins in a single season.
-The sprain on Stafford’s index finger on his throwing hand is being undersold in my opinion. I predict a few flutterballs on tosses of 20+ yards tonight.
-Does the racist Catchin’ Samoan (shoutout to Jack Thompson’s ‘Throwin’ Samoan’ nickname) go off? The Texans secondary doesn’t feature an above-average corner.
Give me what ya got.
What the fuck was that reference?
I think it was lacrosse.
It’s Archer. It’s always lacrosse. Unless it’s anal.
People around me drive like idiots in the snow.
I was at a stop light, watched an asshole blow down the road, going way faster than was smart.
I sped up through the green light, hoping I could watch this asshole flip his car.
So, I made a dangerous move to watch someone who made a dangerous move, to hopefully watch that person die in a fiery death.
Didn’t happen to my chagrin.
It’s sunny and clear and every fucking driver in this shithole city drives like they just learned what an automobile is.
When I was learning to drive, and it snowed, my father took me to an empty parking lot and taught me how to drive. Then he let me do power slides until we almost broadsided a security person in an SUV.
“Move, bitch. Get out the way.”
“I did something stupid to watch someone do something stupid, and something even stupider happened to me”: The DFO Story.
As lame as snl is sometimes, this was pretty funny
https://bsky.app/profile/bfquinn.bsky.social/post/3mcqgsrez7c25
Big Dick Nick continues swinging away.
I hadn’t seen that one before.
I agree with Milton Williams that CJ Stroud is indeed a special quarterback, although I doubt we’re both using ‘special’ the same way.
$30 for a slice and beer but fuck it
Don’t know why they re-branded to Fuddruckers.
Politics.
Lousy Democrats.
By slice do you mean like a pie slice of that casserole they call pizza?
(Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s tasty as fuck and would justify the cost).
Just stop calling it pizza. It’s delicious, but it’s not pizza. As you say, it’s a casserole.
So is everyone happy or is no one happy?
Matt Stafford’s got that Tom Coughlin complexion going on.
Rams guy went down like an Italian soccer player, but the Bears guy has to be smarter than that.
I’m 6 beers in. This is the point where I start thinking about hard liquor, knowing it will go downhill like a rocket on rails. Seeing as how there are 7 12 year olds in the house, I”m about to make a bad decision.
They’re really going to need an escape room now, amirite?
/holds up hand for high five
//pants fall down
Goddammit
That’s a good start
Just found two voicemails from my dad and heard his voice for the first time in months, his healthy voice.
I’ll just be over in the corner emotionally destroyed. I’ll be back for the 2nd half.
My wife still has a happy birthday message from her deceased mother.
Hang in there, Redshirt.
Ugh, that’s a gut punch. As always, remember the good times.
Gotta root for the Bears on this one. I’m already rooting for Arsenal and I can’t in good conscience root for two Kroenke teams.
Where’s the football? You have one job, cameraman. One job!
wtf cameraman, have you never seen a fg before
I’m glad I’m not the only one. I just started drinking, I can’t be hallucinating already!
Can check!
Yuengling so no pictures necessary
Miller Lite, you know what’s what.
PBR and Rainier
I’ve seen nothing but H&R Block ads and promos for a Peacock series starring Emilia Clarke as a spy.
I cannot get drunk enough.
Fuck yeah snow bears!
I would rather drink boiled mop water than anything produced by Starbucks
Also, its nice to complicate the ordering process by using fancy words instead of small, medium, large, and coffee. It makes people like me with social anxiety so comfortable.
Their peppermint hot chocolate is very good.
I ordered it one when I was with my brother, (his order, somewhat grudgingly since I told him to quit being a snob: “coffee, black), and he said “I can’t believe they don’t call you a fag when you order that” never mind that the barista was obviously gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys.
I like the Patton Oswalt reference
One of the absolute funniest lines ever.
/Arabic Accent
“Enjoy your pussy drink.”
Tom Segura is funny as hell.
ben johnson would be an incredible coach if he were just 5% less insane
“Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, what did you think of the Bears playcalling?”
“We should have fired McClellan and cleaned house when we moved in.”
I also just received a lovely letter regarding a ten year old debt I literally forgot ever existed and I just hope the world burns.
If it’s from a collection agency, toss it.
It is not.
Not worth bothering you all over.
FUCK FUCKING FUCK FUCKERS FUCKING FUCK
Seven years is the limit unless you respond then the clock resets. It’s in the Bible, dude.
Since eating less isn’t working out, I think I should stock ipecac for when I overeat like I just did because that pain is less bad than this pain.
I don’t know how to be optimistic when the Bears aren’t losing in the first half.
Dude I used to work with has spent $10K so far on his cat’s health. He recently put up a bunch of collectibles on sale to fund this cost.
I like him, but he is a stupid fucking idiot moron jackass dipshit asswipe.
It’s an animal.
Does his cat have a human name? I bet it has a human name
Please don’t insult Dennis the cat.
Cat’s name is “buck” so yes, human name. This guy has been in LA for 15 years trying to make it as a writer. He and his biz partner managed to secure the comic book rights for “24”, so yeah.
I’m pretty sure he is single.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HbXgcM1xCbE&pp=ygUfbm9ybSBtYWNkb25hbGQgY2F0IGhlYXJ0IGF0dGFjaw%3D%3D
This just reminds me that college has been a scam since I was an undergraduate if you’re not exceedingly well-connected, prodigious as a student in a field that is worth a fuck, and (willing to be) an evil, selfish piece of shit.
The Keifer Sutherland show ’24’?
Who the fuck wants that in a comic book?
Yes. he has also been involved with a comic book baed on Stargate. His good friend is currently working on a title that casts Al Capone as a vampire.
And the cat hates his guts.
A few years ago I dropped two mortgage payments on our cat. He’d been attacked by some sort of animal, (my guess is his dumb ass snuck into the yard across the street, where they have two dogs), and had a broken rib and punctured lung.
I had to take him to the specialty vet in Middletown, CT, (they have an MRI!), and they wanted to keep him for four days in an oxygen tank to ensure his recovery. I was about to say “are you out of your fucking mind? gimme that cat back!” and then remembered my daughter, who’s Sun rises and sets on that cat, was sitting in the passenger seat of the car, with a trembling lip and tears in her eyes.
The cat got two days in the oxygen tank, and he’s currently curled up in the living room, sound asleep and completely oblivious to the debt he owes my daughter.
But $10K? “Sorry sweetie, Daddy will take you to the animal shelter and we’ll get another cat that looks just like this one for $50”
You could probably buy a human pet for $50 in New Haven. They can feed their own damn selves.
Cats are much cleaner than anyone I’m gonna find in New Haven.
One time I was waiting for a verdict with my client and he told me he needed $15 for bus fare to a job interview. I was pretty sure he was going to use it for heroin, but he’d showed up for trial and testified well, so I gave it to him.
Never saw it or him again. Hope he caught that dragon.
Maybe find some contacts in the Epstein files
…
I’m not drunk enough to expound on all my Epstein theories on a government line.
Good afternoon, everyone! I am ready for some football
Get the td no 4
WOOOOOOO
Oh and my daughter just got engaged, but who cares.
WOOOOOOO
(also, that’s not a joke)
May your first grandson be a masculine one.
Warm up that checkbook, daddio!
She’s already been instructed to elope.
Congratulations! I hope you got a cow and some sheep included in the dowry
Asking for a brewpub.
SonOfSpam: “His name’s Tyreek Hill!”
DFO Clubhouse: “………”
10-point swing because at some point ben johnson is going to have to be a little less insane
My 12 year old had a party in an escape room (fucking kids today) so I had to bring a few of the kids to our house (no, not to sell them into child slavery) and the kid in the front seat is fucking lucky he didn’t get his ass kicked out of the car. A complete dick.
Just remember what I always say, “Just because I’d agree to drive you somewhere doesn’t mean I’ve agreed to drive you from there as well.”
What was the little shit saying?
Talking about the expensive cars his parents drove; blaming another kid for not helping complete the escape room whatever-the-fuck-that-is message.
https://twitter.com/AstorAaron/status/2012729901955121634#m
I just realized Bo Nix is Ethan Hawke in Gattaca. “I didn’t leave enough to swim back.”
That’s a good reference, points for Hufflepuff
Goddamn that was a good movie. Eyelash sucked out of the keyboard.
And what an ending.
Suck it!
My chili is almost ready. My oldest skull fracture boy says it smells good. If you saw his bedroom you would ignore pretty much all his opinions.
I found an old bowl of cereal under my son’s dresser. The kicker, judging by how it was placed, he purposely put it there.
How did Stroud get to Chicago this quickly?!
RAMMMMMMERCEPTION
I’m surprised no one has figured out how to kick the ball to the 20 but as a spinning sideways squib-like kick to hope for a muffed catch.
If I have to choose between drinking chicken broth or freezing, I chose freezing.
¡Telemundo Deportes!
/a meeting 5 years in the future
Manager: “You screwed up the presentation!”
Employee: “I tried my best!”
Manager: “Did you? Did you really?”
Employee: “I might have messed up.”
Manager: “Messed up? We lost the account! You Strouded up!”
Employee: “Oh shit. Strouded up? There’s no coming back from this.”
THIS GAME I CALL IT TRUMP’S SEXUAL INTEREST BECAUSE IT’S IN THE TEENS
…and below.
I LOVE when the anthem is sung as a call to battle.
When I’m elected Evil Overlord of the World, all extra large field-long flags must be properly folded on the field before the contest can begin.
Obligatory:
I’m pretty sure that guy didn’t need a microphone.
.
It’d be better if Sandler’s Opera Man were doing the anthem.
WHY IS THIS MAN SCREAMING THE ANTHEM AT ME
This could be a trap game for Chicago. One week after an emotional win. Overconfident.
Shut up Collinsworth.
Seconded.
-his wife, at least three times daily
Ladies and Gentlemen, I will now present the 4 possible scenarios that can occur from tonight and tomorrow’s games, and will give my estimation on their odds:
Scenario 1:
Chicago wins and IU wins?
Odds: 0%
Scenario 2:
Chicago wins and IU loses?
Odds: 0%
Scenario 3:
Chicago loses and IU wins?
Odds: 0%
Scenario 4:
Both Chicago and IU lose?
Odds: 100%
Because we all know how much God hates me. Ultimate 24 hours of disappointment coming up.
Scenario 3 is likely, and God doesn’t hate you, He’s just not aware of your existence.
the pats dynasty, the chiefs dynasty, and the QUICK pats turnaround can only happen when an entire conference is run by dodos
relegate the whole afc to the acc
(also, mike tomlin’s 19-straight winning seasons look far more meanlingless now)
No Bears. We must RAMMIT.
Are we all prepared for the RAMMMMMMMMING of the Bears?