Well, here we are. There are few people less qualified to do rundown of tonight’s game but I’ve been winging these things for quite some time now so whatever. But first, a few wee news items and notes.
Fallout:
-Of course the first is that the Pegula’s dropped the bomb on Bills coach McDermott to some surprise. It’s always risky to move on from a leader of men that made such a difference to Buffalo’s fortunes. Since he became coach the team has scored the most points and allowed the least-their point differential is 900+ and no other team is at 600. But he didn’t beat the teams he had to beat at the expected times so he’s gone.
-GM Beane is no longer, but only because he was kicked upstairs to President of Football Operations. That’s what not being able to find a wide receiver gets you.
-The Fins pivoted to the defensive side of the ball after shedding themselves of Daniel. (funny that teams do this all the time). Jeff Hafley, DC for the Packers for two years and a losing coach (22-26) at Boston College, is the hire. That makes eight straight coaches brought on board by Miami that have no NFL head coaching whatsoever. I guess the other side of this is that they don’t go down the Retread Road.
-Zach Charbonnett threw his ACL out of whack so he’s not available anymore for the Seahawks.
To The Game!
Miami/Indiana:
-Peeking in at the La Batard show there would appear to be excitement in the air all over town. Btw, it’s pretty much the worst platform to go to for actual analysis. They do love fighting and talking over each other on that show.
-It being the feel-good story it is, 78% of the betting money is on the Hoosiers.
-Sporty types down in Florida have their own happy tale to tell and that is Cristobal resurrecting the program from the dregs of several lousy seasons. There’s also the “Immigrant from Cuba does good” angle although he was born here. Kudos to him though for giving his hard-working parents credit whenever he can.
-Has there ever been a 2-loss National Champion? My guess is no.
-As stated before it is strange to see Indiana where it is but to have them be a juggernaut? That wasn’t remotely expected.
-They’ve played only three one score games this year.
-Let’s all recall that Miami got in at the expense of Notre Dame and laugh.
Have at it.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
….wait
Yesssssssss!
Need Bobby Knight to hit Michael Irvin with a chair WWE style.
Aw, he’s busy.
Making sweet love to Idi Amin.
Welp…
Prevent Defenses Prevent Championships!
That’s not roughing.
He took two steps and put his helmet and two hands on the QBs chest and shoved him down to the ground.
It ain’t coddling.
Tell that to the guy holding a gun on the ref’s family
I feel fairly certain Ray Lewis “encouraged” that young man to win the game by “stabbing” and “slashing” his way through the defence.
Well, the game has hit the over, as apparently IU’s 4th Q Defense intended, so now what?
No Defensive Touchdown to break the cover OR rooting for a Pick-6 to save the spread?
Holy shit, between the two contests of Miami-Indiana and Brocky-God, I didn’t know I made the banner. Thanks!
There’s more than one Mendoza?
-ICE
EDIT: Yeah, I’m going to Hell.
Yep, his brother is his backup
If they get a first down here, you have to let them score. Push them into the endzone.
Well, losing at home at least means all these Miami players will be back in their dorms in more than enough time to get to class tomorrow.
Well, it’s not like Michael Irvin is gonna share any of his stash with a bunch of losers, so they better get studying for the kinesiology quiz tomorrow.
Barring a delivery of a certain fruit-based baked good, the fat lady is warming up.
Mrs. Horatio actually made banana-chocolate-chip muffins tonight.
The games been decent but it seems a wasted* effort.
*well, not the two I shoveled down my maw
Did she whip up a batch of mini-muffins for a certain someone?
Of course. We’re not savages.
Unhappy college football fans are never not hilarious.
You’re in Miami. Win or lose you’re going to party your ass off and maybe even get laid. Grow up.
and you’ll forget it the next day
Goddamn back injuries.
On the other hand, you’re in Miami. Lose this game and you make some very important people very unhappy. Very organized people of the criminal persuasion.
Speaking of Miami’s underworld, I just watched the new Damon-Affleck Inc. movie, ‘The Rip’
It’s not bad. Decent cop movie, although I saw the twist coming about 3 miles away.
Do not go gentle into the night. Rage, rage, to cover this fight.
– Draft Kings
al davis is going to be sent down to an even lower hell after the raiders ruin mendoza
To be fair, when is the last time the Raiders ruined a quarterback they drafted?
Exactly. JaMarcus Russell ruined himself.
That was the Purple Drank; Jamarcus was powerless before her siren song.
oh they gonna make up for lost time on this one
That’s a nice shot of the Mendoza family, until you realize the “security guard” behind them is an ICE agent.
Oh, sure. When you say that, its banner worthy. I say it, I get emails from the Admins using words like “timeout”, “asshole” and “ban”.
Well, I have Applebee’s money, so different rules apply.
Um, have you seen the banner?
Obviously, not. I’ve been reloading the page.
Whatever else happens at Indiana in the offseason, I assume the AD will provide the Cignetti with a new wheelbarrow to help him cart around his balls. If this were Ryan Day, the pucker in his ass would clench so hard it would tear space time and create a black hole.
I like Luke Wilson but he’s a prep school city boy from the wealthy part of Dallas, not some fucking rancher telling you how the American Heartland™ does it.
Are you suggesting he’s more fertilizer than facts?
So we land in Paris on a Wednesday in April and I just booked a food/walking tour for Thursday and probably looking at the Louvre on Friday.
Will accept recommendations.
Catacombs, Sacre Coeur, Pere Lechaise,
Sacre Coeur, Musee d’Orsay, Marche aux Puces de Saint-Ouen,
Just walk. Your entire trip, just walk.
And avoid the dog shit on the sidewalks.
We’re staying in center city Les Merais so it’s all walkable.
I’ve been tipped previously about the dog shit.
Le Troisième?
It’s a rental and it’s pretty sweet.
I heard Notre Dame is a real hotspot.
Never miss an opportunity to remind the French that we’ve bailed their asses out of two wars. They love it.
Terminus Nord: https://www.terminusnord.com/
La couple: https://www.lacoupole-paris.com/en/
Find that Emily chick and bash her face in
HI I’M MARK DAVIS WILL YOU COME BE QUARTERBACK FOR MY RAIDERS?
.
FUCK IT WOO
Wow, that took some balls!
Balls of Steel and fury
My hands are literally bleeding Eat shit Ice Stillers. Fucking asshats.
“It being the feel-good story it is, 78% of the betting money is on the Hoosiers.”
/watches Indiana WR try to run down the field while a Miami DB ties an anchor to the receiver’s waist. Refs see nothing
//Nods knowingly
Ah, Draft Kings.
I think Indiana made a huge mistake wearing their transparent uniforms because it makes it a lot harder for the refs to see blatant jersey pulls.
I mean I assume the uniforms are transparent to the refs because HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU NOT SEEING THESE DEFENSIVE HOLDS?
I mean, do I even need to say it at this point?
This is the Netflix era; you need to say it four or five times and even then I might still miss it because I’m second-screening my phone.
I do want Indiana to win, (because ‘narrative’) but I also kinda want Mendoza to lose the game with a backbreaking pick-6, just to see if he throws Jesus under the bus in the post-game interviews.
Applebees is serving up cheeseburgers that are cut in half & in a puddle of jizz.
We joke about my having Applebee’s money, but the reality is anyone with $1.89 and a complete absence of self-worth has Applebee’s money.
Human jizz or reptilian?
Yes, it matters. Idiot.
Damn straight it does.
Pure Komodo Dragon jizz will fetch a pretty penny on the black market.
They should call them quease-burgers based on the amount of physical revulsion that looking at them causes.
& Patton Oswalt thought the KFC famous bowl was the height of corporate “Eat this disgusting slop you filthy animals, EAT IT!!”, but he was wrong…
Just kick the ball! The punter ran straight into that block.
Hail blerg?
Am i doing this right?
Doink giveth.
SUDDEN CHANGE!
FUCK IT WHY NOT WOOO
BLAPPT IN THE HOUSE!
Both of these teams tackle better than the Dallas Cowboys.
I see someone got the DFO hamster back on the wheel.
Sí
/calls in guy with the Earth Destructo-Modulator Gun
Internet dad stopped by to clean up our mess
win or lose somehow this will give Rockstar the excuse to delay GTA 6 another 2 years
Trumpers gotta be pissed at the last names of the head coaches tonight.
Well, hurricanes do take time to develop, sometimes.
Carolina only took 8 years to win a cup!
You shut your whore mouth
Brass Bonanza plays faintly in the distance.
/I hum along through clenched teeth and with tears in my eyes
The Avalanche won the Cup literally the following year after leaving Quebec…
Wait, what’s the topic?
GO TO GODDAMN HELL TACO BELL YOUR FOOD SUCKS
yeah, real Italians love Sbarro
And Papa John’s, he’s a real Italian.
He sure acts Italian.
No, you go to hell. I love eating à disgusting crunch wrap supreme. With extra cheese sauce. And to that, add an Arby’s beef and cheddar, because it’s goddamned delicious too. And I’m tired of pretending otherwise.
Me too. I like fancy food, crap food, and everything in between. Except beets, they’re gross.
Miami players walked into locker room at halftime to see a bare chested Ray Lewis sharpening a knife.
No words needed to be spoken.
or, even more terrifying than bare chested, he was wearing a white suit.
Just tuning in, how many times have they showed coked out Irvin?
Damn, that Miami guy ran faster than a typhoon or cyclone or something.
Well then…
Boooooooooo
fear that God remember about Brocky
(turned TV off in case HIPPO is teh problem….but it’s probably Brocky)
/or maybe Mendoza whacks off too often??
https://giphy.com/gifs/iron-man-eye-roll-disgust-qmfpjpAT2fJRK
Yep