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Your Quick and Dirty Thursday Night Post

scotchnaut

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The lack of NFL news is disturbing and I’m running behind so this effort is low on deets, let me tell you.

Vegas/Carolina:

The road team holds a 1-0 lead and the only reason I want to see them win is that Mitch Marner would have the inside track on the Conn Smythe and would drive Leafs fans that much closer to realizing that their team is cursed. Oh, who am I kidding? They’re like MAGA folks, always have a grievance, their team’s lack of success is always due to outside forces and their solutions to existing problems are short-sighted. Somewhere in Toronto there’s a bunch of fans holding hands in a circle, swaying back and forth and repeating, “We’re Not A Cult!”

An Appeal to Simple Minds:

The last name of Canada’s keeper in the WC in Crepeau. If he doesn’t play well…oh my god.

Blessing in Disguise?:

The NBA has announced that those fans that stormed the court trying to get a selfie with Wemby have been banned for life from games.

Part-Timer Gets Full-Time Pay:

Christian Watson, who has played in 7 of every 10 times that the Packers have taken the field, is being paid 110 mil over the next 4 years.

“How ‘Bout Them Red Wings!”:

They’ve quite the rebuild going on what with their captain Dylan Larkin now requesting a trade. To be fair, that’s quality leadership, like the first rat realizing things are going south.

Good night and good luck.

 

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Mr. Ayo

You have got to be kitten me!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Take a knee

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Mr. Ayo

Or two. Oops I did it again.

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Gatoraids

ah the death of Late Night, to happier times watching at the floor of my grandparents(this one a bit early)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NHVn4QfjZQ

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Horatio Cornblower

Watching a 30-for-30 on the Celtic-Lakers series, and they just showed Pat O’Brien.

Which reminded me of the blog that got me into interacting with weirdos on the internet and, ultimately led me here. Not sure if I’ve posted it here before but my god this was sheer genius.

https://stuckinrehabwithpatobrien.blogspot.com/

Also, a surprinsgly number of people mentioned there are now dead.

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Bogdanski

The internet used to be much more fun. I bet those posts created 0 nazis. Which is what all posts should do… or not, i dont like writing an affirmative sentence containing the word “nazi” so i’ve just confused myself. it’s too late for me to properly evaluate double negatives. Point is fuck nazis

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SonOfSpam

My intro was (I think Magary’s?) tonyhomo.blogspot.com, written in the voice of a benched Drew Bledsoe.

And here we are.

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Don T

Oh my god YES. tonyhomo* was hilarious. That and ksk were my time theft faves, back when office firewalls were optional.
* it was not Magary,

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Mr. Ayo

Well, that was too quick.

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Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, what am I supposed to do with this beer I just poured?

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Do you deliver?

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Horatio Cornblower

I do.

As does Make It Snow, from whom I received 12 beers with varying stages of oddity today.

Hence knocking a couple back tonight.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

That sonuvabitch

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Mr. Ayo

What a dilemma. Even before you consider what you’re going to do with the next one.

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Horatio Cornblower

On the plus side, Carter Hart feels like shit.

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Horatio Cornblower

I’d like to complain about that call, but that’s pretty much what I imagine they use to train referees “this is what we call a trip”

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Horatio Cornblower

“All episodes of 911 now streaming on Hulu”

Me: “where’s the one where the cool guy keeps telling his invisible friends “you won’t believe what these Yinzer assholes are doing now”?

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Sharkbait

I didn’t think there was much interference on the disallowed Vegas goal. Let’s check the rule:

1) You can’t just be up there and just doin’ an interference like that.

1a. Interference is when you

1b. Okay well listen. An interference is when you interfere the

1c. Let me start over

1c-a. The skater is not allowed to do a block to the, uh, goalie, that prohibits the goalie from doing, you know, just trying to save the puck. You can’t do that.

1c-b. Once the skater is in the offensive zone, he can’t be over here and say to the goalie, like, “I’m gonna get ya! I’m gonna block your view! You better watch your butt!” and then just be like he didn’t even do that.

1c-b(1). Like, if you’re about to make a goal and then don’t leave the crease, you have to still leave the crease. You cannot not avoid the goaltender. Does that make any sense?

1c-b(2). You gotta be, skating motion out of the crease, and then, until you just leave it.

1c-b(2)-a. Okay, well, you can have your stick up here, like this, but then there’s the interference you gotta think about.

1c-b(2)-b. Fairuza Interference hasn’t been in any movies in forever. I hope she wasn’t typecast as that racist lady in American History X.

1c-b(2)-b(i). Oh wait, she was in The Waterboy too! That would be even worse.

1c-b(2)-b(ii). “get in mah bellah” — Adam Water, “The Waterboy.” Haha, classic…

1c-b(3). Okay seriously though. An interference is when the skater makes a movement that, as determined by, when you do a move involving the goalie and the crease…

2) Do not do an interference please.

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Horatio Cornblower

You’re gonna need a bigger banner.

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Horatio Cornblower

Is this goalie interference?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37hx1UCTAzY

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Bogdanski

“2026: Playoff VAR patricipant”

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Look, I don’t need more reasons not to watch hockey

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

NHL’s version of “is this a catch”

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Horatio Cornblower

That hotel ad reminded me, (for some reason), that I was pricing hotel rooms for our trip to Quebec next month and found that we didn’t have quite enough Applebee’s coupons to cover the $2,300+ (in US dollars!) for the Céline Dion Suite at the Hotel Frontenac.

I like a comfy room when I’m on vacation, but this is the kind of thing you rent when you a) have more money than brains and b) when you go to a new city with the intent of never leaving your hotel room.

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Gatoraids

was looking up some Celine Dion facts and found out all time talent singer and great name Peabo Bryson died a couple day ago. rip peabo in the age of duets

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4t0Xo3-Ga_4

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Horatio Cornblower

She has some disorder named something like “human skeleton” or something which sounded really funny until I looked it up and holy fuck, it is awful.

Good luck to her, sincerely.

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SonOfSpam

Yeah. it was a little funny, then it was not.

But even worse was how she was groomed by her manager when she was a preteen.

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Gatoraids

Stiff person disease yeah pretty insane disease for her, hard to look at things like that saw a young wrestler ALS donation drive and was tough

1
SonOfSpam

Is it one very skinny bed for you and a hospital bed for your geriatric partner?

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Horatio Cornblower

Call the helicopter service, gas up the motorcycle and call the helicopter service, we’re goin’ to OT!!

I hope they go 7 OTs and both teams drop from exhaustion and they have to cancel the series.

PK Subban’s fashion choices just scream “my parents didn’t pay attention to me”

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jjfozz

Basically my position was cut by the client – DOGE, assholes, and the government using its own resources.

I have been completely frozen out by my boss and members of the “team.” Yeah, real professional.

I texted my boss to see if we could talk – 5 minutes – just to get an idea of the situation. Texted back: “Fozz, I’ll get in touch when something happens.” That’s it? You gutless muppet. You soulless hyena.

So, I composed a goodbye email in my mind, which highlights what I hate about each of my coworkers.

Here are a few phrases:

“head so far up the client’s ass they can taste your shitty hair, at least they can’t see your bubble gut”

“get off the medicine, you have the soul and emotions of a crushed snail”

“do you realize the diarrhea of words that pour out of your mouth could make Bono punch a nun?”

“you young smirking fuckface. your tattoos make cave drawings look like the Sistine Chapel. Your bullnose ring looks like it was shit out by a claw machine.”

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DFO is probably the ideal place to express such sentiments, as opposed to sending them to your boss directly.

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Horatio Cornblower

Eh, let him cook.

/do NOT cook

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WCS

Fuuuuck…

Dude, sincerely sorry, man. There’s always bridges to murder…

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jjfozz

I know business has no heart. I get it. But man the unprofessionalism shown these past few days has been out of hand. I have no respect for any of them.

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Gatoraids

diarrhea of the mouth was one of my old teachers favorite catch phrases

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Sharkbait

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0aF9kSLpeY

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Mr. Ayo

Torts just blew his own foot off.

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Horatio Cornblower

Why, he’s never done that before!

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Horatio Cornblower

They’re never going to overturn it and allow the goal; ratings for Vegas and Carolina are already shit. They’ll be worse if Carolina goes down 2-0.

And there it is. Fuck you, Bettman.

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Horatio Cornblower

That’s a goal.

But the NHL will cover it up by claiming a whistle blew that did not.

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Horatio Cornblower

Whistle is so clearly after the puck crossed the line.

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Mr. Ayo

“Intent to whistle”

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Horatio Cornblower

Such bullshit. Automatic gimme to let the ref do whatever he wants Bettman tells him to do.

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Mr. Ayo

Turns out it was called off for goalie interference. Oh well, no matter, to OT.

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Horatio Cornblower

I question whether Andersson really ever had control of that puck, but I also hate Vegas so whatever.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Attempted Chemistry”

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why does asparagus insist on reminding us of its presence hours ago?

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Gumbygirl

Isn’t that the weirdest thing, some people can’t smell it at all, and some of us think it smells like a urinal at some old crappy stadium. Like Legion Field in Birmingham- total fucking dump, but at least it was in the worst hood in town.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

– Mrs. BFC

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Horatio Cornblower

Oh, can you feel the anxiety of the Raleigh crowd, Sean?

Good.

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herodotus450

Me and Scotchy, Predator Handshake Meme:
At least we’re not Toronto, losing a star player to Vegas only to have them win the Conn Smythe on the way to the Cup

Me whispering in Scotchy’s ear:
Oh wait, that also happened to you and Mark Stone…

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WCS

nevar fourgit

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scotchnaut

Chased out of town by another player’s girlfriend. What the ever-loving fuck.

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Doktor Zymm

Most shit I’ve gotten rid of I have nwt regerts, but when I went on a 7th grade orchestra trip to Toronto I bought a Maple Leafs t-shirt (the dude with the locker next to me was super cute and liked hockey) and I totally wish I still had it because hilarity

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wonder if bitcoin’s price is going to collapse as Space Karen’s fans pull money out of it to invest in the SpaceX IPO.

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Doktor Zymm

Nah, the venn digram ain’t THAT big, although that would be funny as fuck

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The horrifying thing is that it’s entirely possible they could make money on SpaceX, then use *that* money to buy their bitcoin back at a discount.

0
Gatoraids

love the MicroStrategy ticking time bomb as the dance around 60k continues. the buttcoin reddit always good for crypto schadenfreude

https://finbold.com/michael-saylors-strategy-sits-on-the-biggest-unrealised-losses-in-history/

1
WCS

I haven’t had a stuck/trapped elevator call in at least a year. I just took my second today. Not sure what to make about that.
Also just finished with a caller who found a nine-year-old walking home from the park alone. She decided to follow him in her call, and call until police arrived. The cops just rolled up, and are taking him home. The caller is a good person for doing that.

Anyway, it’s HAWKEY TIME.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6afmjOGL7AE&list=PLFi9V6EFsFIkxZoBU23yhzlLSQ6JFgBdR&index=14

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scotchnaut

“Somehow we got stuck in the elevator.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0ydK9vr84w&list=RDW0ydK9vr84w&start_radio=1

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King Hippo

Wait, whaaaattttt? Shit, I used to ride my bike to the pool and back, and/or walk home from school myself when I was SIX…

6
Jimbo

Huey Lewis lied to all of us, it is definitely nawt hip to be square.

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WCS

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Doktor Zymm

Totally willing to be wrong here, but nothing wrong with a 9 yo going somewhere by themselves and walking home? Obv don’t know the neighborhood or circumstances or how far and types of streets to cross and such, but I would walk to the grocery store about 20 min walk away alone at that age

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WCS

Twas not a good neighborhood, and he was three miles from home. It’s also along a very busy road without a lot of lights.

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Gatoraids

was just talking about that at work today and the powerful elevator maintenance unions

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Horatio Cornblower

I walked home alone all the time when I was 9-years-old. Played in the woods with my brother and friends without parents, walked back and forth to school, to and from friends’ houses. Shit, I used to have to walk the dog around a mile-and-a-half block by myself.

frankly it’s a wonder all of us didn’t disappear.

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Mr. Ayo

The digital ads on this broadcast is driving me nuts. Static ads during play assholes!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Happy Pride Month!

1000002041
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s about how I would expect Trump to approach basketball

1
Gatoraids

thanks by time it circulated it was deleted, have to wonder how many other ai generated pride trumps they circulated

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I try to suppress any curiosity I have about such things, but with this one I can’t help myself – did he post it and then delete it because he was getting clowned so hard? Or did something else happen? I know the image I posted is modified from the first one that I saw, but only in the inclusion of the rainbow imagery.

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scotchnaut

Inspired by Alex’s post and some of the comments thereafter, I’m going to challenge Younger Skull Fracture Boy to a 20lb weight loss challenge. I also brought a third case of hot Italian sausages into the household.

/in summation, the Scotchnaut household is a land of contrasts

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Their primary import is Italian sausage.

3
WCS

Their primary import is Italian sausage.

BAH GAWD, KING! THA’T BUDDY COLE’S MUSIC!!!

3
Doktor Zymm

Is the Leafs’ championship drought longer than the Knicks’? Either way, lol.

3
King Hippo

GO LEAFS GO!!!

1
WCS

’tis!

Knicks’ last NBA title was 1973. Actually, their other title was in 1970, so they’re BOTH since the Leafs won Lord Stanley’s Chalice in 1967.

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